The Physical Allergy and Mental Obsession – And Julie – Stay Sober for Keeps Workshop – Part 1 of 2 – Audrey B.

Hi guys, my name is Audrey Chapman. I'm a recovered alcoholic. Hey Audrey. Good morning. I am from Austin, Texas and this is Julie Harvey. She is from Dallas, Texas. If we didn't get to meet you last night, welcome. We are absolutely honored and delighted to be here and really kind of taken aback by the amount of effort and engagement and just wow what you guys have done to bring us out here. We are Absolutely honored. What we are going to do, the driving force of this workshop is called Sober for Keeps. So what we're looking at is what does it really look like for me to get set on a path that ensures long-term permanent sobriety, right? So that's going to be the goal and that's what we are going to keep coming back to. So we're going to take you through the book. We're goingto take you though all 12 steps. We're gonna look at from a standpoint of going through the work and then also what it looks like to take other people through the word because that's kind of the question. If you want to stay sober for good and for all, you need to learn how to sponsor. You need to learn how to carry the message because that in and of itself is what takes you to people picking up 15, 20, 25, 50 years of sobriety and having healthy sobriery, good sobrietry. So this is what we're going to do. So everybody's got a book, right? I'm going to make a big assumption and assume everybody's Got a Book. If you'll turn in your book to the title page that says Alcoholics Anonymous, it should be a fairly blank page looking like this. I'm gonna take you to the first promise and then we're gonna roll into the step work. On that title page where it says Alcoholics Anonymous, it says the story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism. If you don't have that underlined, get your pen out. Recovered, ED, past tense, which means I got well. I took some necessary action. I took necessary steps. And the obsession to drink has been removed. That is in fact what that means. That's the first promise of the big book. I've got a note in my text from Cliff Bishop, and it says protect the integrity of this message. And so that's what we're here to do. And so we may ruffle a few feathers, and that's so okay. But we're going to talk about the text and what this really looks like. So bear with us. What I want to get started talking about in step one this morning is knowing your truth. There's been a lot of people that have sat in a lot OF meetings and said, I'm Audrey, I'm an alcoholic, and don't have a clue what it means to be alcoholic. There's a lot Of people in this world that are drinking too much and need to quit. That's pretty evident. But what does it mean to be an alcoholic, to suffer from a disease of the mind and the body? What does that really look like? So we're going to delve into what it means to know you're true. So one thing I want to do is I'm going to take you into the doctor's opinion. Julie mentioned last night, if you haven't read the doctor'S opinion, my goodness, this is the synopsis. This is the snapshot. A couple pages in on XXVIII, Roman numeral 28 Why they put Roman numerals in a book for drunks, I will never know But they did We're going to look at what Dr. Stokeworth gives us And he went out on a huge limb in that day and age People weren't looking at alcoholism as a disease They were looking at it as some sort of a behavioral defect, a character And what he found through working with a number of us namely Bill Wilson, is that we suffer from a disease in the mind and the body. And he's going to go into detail. I'm not going to read the doctor's opinion to you, but I want to hit a couple highlights with you. On the top of that page, the top left-hand line should say craving for liquor. It says, we believe and so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. And what we're driving at is when it says we're powerless over alcohol, what does that really mean? So we want to get down to the causes of it. I've got an allergy of the body. It says the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. So what that looks like is there's a couple of components to alcoholism. One is choice, the other is control. What we're talking about right now is control。 Once I put it in, can I stop? No, I can't, but why? I need to understand what this is really about. So it's saying I've Got an Allergy of My Body, which means that every time that liquor gets in this system, Every time alcohol of any kind gets in the system, my body begins to do something called a phenomenon. Which means it couldn't be explained back in the day. They didn't understand why that was happening. They called it a phenomenon of craving. Right? You ever been on the floor trying to shuffle to get the next one? Right? Anybody have the experience of telling the bartender, you know what, I'm good. Thanks. I don't need another. No. Nobody in this room knows what that's about. Right? Because our bodies, once I get one shot in, I am going to have another and another and another, whether I want to or not. That's the baffling feature of alcoholism. This need to stop this desire to stop and not be able to put the brakes on can't do it. Can't do it. So it says I've got this phenomenon of craving. Um, and I have to ask myself the question, did I ever get enough? The answer is infinitely no for this alcoholic. I could never get enough in my system. Then it goes on to talk about never being able to use alcohol in any form at all and guys we got to get real clear about that you know any form at all your body will not register alcohol as medicinal right just because it's in NyQuil just because it's a pain pill just I ain't it doesn't work that way I've got to be really really careful or recreational just because they poured some bourbon on top of a really yummy dessert your body won't know the difference you're not trying to get loaded but you will and the problem is is that any form it all it gets in this bloodstream it will trip the phenomenon a craving and i'll be at the liquor store that night with with having zero intention to do so so i see a lot of you guys relapsing around prescription pads you've got to be careful if it pours read the label whose responsibility is this well the doctor prescribed it right did he know no then that's on you right i've got TO BE REAL REAL CAREFUL AND ACCEPT SOME RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS STUFF and goes down to the bottom of that page it says men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol well absolutely why else would you drink i remember my mother said to me one time i just thought you really really liked the way that it tasted said mother would you drank a beer that had a cigarette butt floating in it she said god no i said i will if it comes to it ladies i'm telling you i strain it out i've got to have more it doesn't matter i'm not a gin drinker never have been it's the most disgusting oh but you run out of what I'm drinking, I'm on it. Right? That's about an effect. This is not about a party. It's not about having fun. It's no about being social. It's about a need to get loaded. A need to. Once it starts, it's not going to stop. I've got an effect produced going on. So it says that sensation is so elusive while I admit it's injurious they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. That's a lot of big words to say this. The internal shift that happens when alcohol hits the back of my throat, the magic, the sensation where your shoulders drop and you go, oh, no matter what's going on out here in your external world, it just got right. It just got okay. That sensation is elusive, which means that I can't always catch it. It's like a delusion that I could step up. Anybody here throw darts in a bar? Yeah, I won't even get into that. But I remember stepping up to that line and being convinced I could hit the bullseye every single time. Now early on I could, right? But as you get more loaded and more loaded, it starts, you're hitting the wall, Oh, you're hitting people. But the delusion is I can hit that bullseye. It's the same thing. The obsession of my mind works in that very same manner. I'm convinced every time I pull up to the liquor store, every time i pull up at a bar, I can control it and enjoy it. That I can maintain it. That is a delusion that hadn't happened in years but I'm setting it on fire every single day. Elusive. It's like trying to catch a fish and hold on to it. You're not going to be able to and it looks silly while you're trying to do it. right? It's elusive. And it talks about it being injurious. This is a question of consequences. This is the question of things that happened as a direct result of my drinking. And this is where some people chart off the path and want to talk about unmanageability, being the drama and the consequences and the nonsense that happens in our lives. And I'm here to tell you, I know a lot of people that have drank too much in their lifetime, had a lot of consequences, had allot of drama, and they stopped because of it. That's not unmanagability. that's about being too drunk and having some bad stuff happen you know and so what we're talking about is while I admit that there's injuries I can't tell the truth from the false you want to talk about unmanageability that's it my mind tells me Audrey you got this Audrey don't drink and drive and you can manage this Audrey eat a little something beforehand you won't get so loaded Audrey only take $15 to the bar that's the delusion in my mind is that there is some avenue that I can come at this deal Clearly, you need to stay away from bourbon. Go back to drinking beer. Anybody else done the beer experiment? That is a disaster waiting to happen. But I'm trying to control it and enjoy it. And the delusion of my mind is that I can do it. That I can pull it off. Because early on in my drinking career, I could pseudo-control this thing. More often than not, I didn't. But I thought that I was. The false is every time I put liquor or alcohol in any form in this body, it triggers the phenomenon of craving. I get loaded, bad stuff happens more often than not. And this is what we're talking about, the insanity that precedes the first drink. It says to them their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. Have you ever watched those of you guys that have been around a minute and watched some of the newcomers come in and their stories are horrifying and they're completely like, oh, this is my life, this Is how it rolls, and you had forgotten momentarily what that looked like. If we'd have come to you at 7 and said, darling, here's how it's going to play out. You would have said, I don't think so. Surely not. I would never let it get that bad. Let's do this. Who's got an alcoholic in the family? Anybody? Do you ever look at people like that and say, man, if it ever got that bad, I'd quit. Then you surpass them. Or you set those barriers for yourself. If my kids ever see me loaded and I scare them, I'll stop. If I ever get in trouble at work, it becomes an issue with my coworkers and my boss, I'm going to stop. If there's a legal problem, I'd never let it get to that point. And you begin to set these bars. And every time you bust your butt on them, you lower it a little bit more. Well, that really wasn't that big of a deal. And I wasn't loaded at work. I was just hungover, so I'm going to let that one slide. And you began to make excuses and justifications for yourself before you don't know who you are anymore. Can't look myself in the mirror. That's my alcoholic life became the only normal one. Waking up saying, I'll never do this again. By lunch, I'm loaded or planning to get loaded. Set it all in motion. and the next morning I woke up remorse. Dang, I can't believe I let it happen again. That is my normal life. It's not even really about the drama because there's more pain than drama, is there not? I mean, certainly some of us step in it more than others, but you know, what they're talking about is that sickness of I want to stop so bad and so desperately, but I absolutely cannot. That's my only normal life It says, they are restless, irritable, and discontented unless they can again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks what do you like without a drink or a chemical in your body untreated are you happy joyous and free i'm sure not i'm irritable everybody and everything is on my last nerve the sound of your voice is like nails on a chalkboard right i don't really know why you're breathing so loud irritated at everything hypersensitive hyper aware of everything everything's being done at me y'all with me right people are looking at you and You're going, what? They're looking past you. They're not even looking at you. Restless. Anybody here have sleep problems? Right? Absolutely. And when you do sleep, you don't wake up rested. The mind's always racing. Discontent. Nothing and nobody's good enough. I'll be happy when. I'll Be Okay If. Wow. Wow. What a darkness. Sense of ease and comfort. That's why I drink. See, I want to connect the dots to make it about an external deal. I drink because of him. I drink because that job is so much pressure. I drink because of the childhood stuff. If you had my life, you'd drink too. It's false information. Absolute delusion. I drink because I sense some ease and comfort in the bottle and even when it's gone, I'm drinking it anyway. Are you? Welcome. You are in the right room. Okay? This is what we're talking about. The control piece is probably the easiest one to get your mind around. Once I start, I can't stop. That's obvious to everybody else in the world as they watch us, but it can become fairly obvious to you. The hard thing to wrap your mind around is this choice piece because it looks like a choice, doesn't it? Who drove to the liquor store? Who bought the booze? Who went home and immediately poured it down their throat, sometimes on the way, without somebody holding the gun to their head? Right? Me. It looks like it's choice. Who said they were never going to do it again? me. Welcome to drinking against your will. That's what that looks like, and that is the major component of step one, because see, if the allergy is the problem, if I can't drink without getting drunk, what's the obvious solution? Don't pick up the first one. Thank you very much, Nancy Reagan, right? If I could get with that, if i could wrap my hand around going, you know what? No. I'll just say no. Then I'd be perfect. I'd Be Golden. And the problem is, you can do that from time to time. You can do dat. Let's flip to page 24 and talk about what that looks like. So on the preceding page, they're talking about this idea of people waiting on us to kind of pull it together. This idea of them waiting on use to pull ourselves up and go, enough is enough. I choose not to drink anymore and now I'm going to kind of get it together right and at the bottom it says the tragic truth that if the man be a real alcoholic the happy day may not arrive he has lost control we're at the top of 24 at a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail stop for a moment did you catch it? the most power the most wonderful desire to stop means nothing how many times have you heard that in a meeting guys, you just really got to want to. You got to really want to My book just said it doesn't matter how much you want to you're going to. You will drink again. That's the truth and that's the death sentence for the real alcoholic and you're gonna hear Julie and I refer to that all day long the real alcoholic not the hard drinker not the moderate drinker not the guy who got in trouble and his wife suggested he come sit in a meeting no, I'm talking about the real alcoholic don't spit, Dr. Pepper it says the tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it's suspected if you haven't read bill's story my goodness go get you some bill wilson right go back and read that story there's a line in there that reads this alcohol let me not misquote it let me not do that alcohol well i can't find it alcohol ceased to be a luxury and it became a necessity Liquor. Liquor ceased to be a luxury and became a necessity. Can you guys get with that? This isn't fun. This isn' t a party. This isn''t about anything. This is about I have to drink to live, and it's killing me. Quite the paradox, is it not? Right? It happens long before it's suspected in every situation. Now, it goes into some italics, and it looks like this. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. You want a good definition of unmanageability there, you go. No matter what, no matter what looms behind me in the past, I don't want that to repeat itself. No mater what dreams and aspirations I've got ahead of me that I can't seem to connect with because liquor's in the way, I can choose not to do it. That in and of itself is alcoholism. I can stop no matter what. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent in this area. There are some The men and women in this room that I know have some strong willpower. You don't believe me? Try to get them to do something they don't want to do. It won't happen. We'll not do it just to spite you, right? We have willpower, but when it comes to combating alcoholism, it's diminished, right. The loss of choice and control around this is taking me to a point where willpower is no longer sufficient in this area. So it says we are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of his suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink, and that's it. At certain times, I can't recall the drama, the pain, the sickness of hours, days, weeks, months ago with enough force to keep me from pulling in front of the liquor store, to keep out of the beer store, keep me out of bar, to keep from drinking alone at home. I can not recall that. Now here is the funny thing. The day it happens, sometimes it is enough. You ever had one of those moments? Think about this. Let's play this game. Nobody say it out loud, but think about it and get dicey. Think about what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you as a direct result of alcohol? The absolute worst thing, and a lot of times it will turn your own stomach just to think about it. The moment where you said to yourself, I can't believe it got this bad. I swore I would never be this person. How long was it when you made that resolve, that firm resolution, how long was it before you picked up a drink again day some of us hours some of us a week some of it's a couple months kind of held it together and it finally broke right sometimes it's sufficient for short periods of time but the truth is the further away I get away from the pain the easier it is for my mind to go well that was then that won't happen again I need to not be in that part of town with those people at that hour I need you not drink alone that's that's not a good deal let's make this a social thing right but it goes to work on you the main problem of the alcoholic centers in the mind not the body we're all trying to stay away from the first one but the problem is we can't we're All Trying Not To Trigger The Allergy But We Can't That That's What The Deal Is I Can't Not Do It At Certain Times It Says We Are Without Defense Against The First Drink Let Me Tell You What If You're If You'RE Looking For Some Solidified Truth In This Textbook That'S It We Are With Out Defense Against The First Drink I Hear A Lot Of People in the treatment centers, when we go to carry the message, you go, well, you know what? I've got some babies at home and I'm not going to do this anymore because I want to be a mom. How commendable. How cool. I get that. Guess what? Not going to work. Were your babies not important enough six months ago for you to stop? It's not about that. It's nicht über sie. Es nicht über das Liebe, das du für dein Kind hast. It's about an utter inability to cease what you're doing no matter how great the necessity or the wish. Can y'all get with that? No matter what. No matter whatever. Has anybody ever had the experience of having a consequence put in place before it happened? If you get loaded again, dot, dot. It's from a judge, from an employer, from your spouse. I'm out the door. And you think that's what I've been waiting on. I've be waiting on the reason, the good one. And then you find yourself picking up a drink going, am I crazy? And you begin to wonder. Bill Wilson used to contemplate that. Am I crazy, am i have weak will? Is this a character issue? Is this low moral? And the answer is absolutely not. Absolutely not. I'm diseased in my mind and my body, and I can't stop no matter what. And that's the truth. That's the true. Now, a lot of times, if we want to look at this from sort of a sponsorship perspective, trying to drive somebody into the first step, trying to get them to see facts and see truth, you can only present the book. You can only share your experience around the step. You can only, that's when war stories are appropriate. When you're one-on-one with another drunk trying to draw a connection. Bill called that language of the heart. So important, it's so necessary to identify. That's when it's appropriate. But you can't get somebody to see their truth. They're either willing, they're open to say, oh my God, I did that. I drank like that. I felt like that。 I'm desperate like you were. What did you do? You can take them to certain places in the book and outline it. But let me show you something on 48. because this is when people begin to balk. On 48, about seven lines down from the top, it says, Faced with alcoholic destruction, meaning step one, the truth, the reality, the facts. Faced avecalic destruction, we soon became as open-minded on spiritual matters and we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect, alcohol was the great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness. Now in this context, They're speaking about some prejudgments towards spiritual matters. But I'm telling you, you can fill in the blank with anything. I don't really know if I'm like you because I'm a beer drinker and you're a liquor drinker. They'll balk at all kinds of ways. But here's the driving truth. Alcohol is the great persuader. Not your sponsor. Not your home group. Not somebody branding you an alcoholic. Think about your own experience. How long did people tell you you were a drunk and you were resistant? Or how long did you sit in the meetings and go, I'm an Audrey, I'm alcoholic, having no connection to what that meant. Because see, when I talk about you've got to find your truth, I have to know that when I sit in this room with you guys this morning and say, I'm Audrey Chapman and I'm a alcoholic, I am utterly convinced on a gut, visceral level that that's my truth. And that's what drives me to continue with the work. There's a great handout that we'll have up here later for you. And it talks about this idea of finding the truth in the first step will propel me into doing the rest of the work. And if I don't find my truth in step one, my goodness, nothing's going to happen. This is where you feel like you're dragging protégés through the work and it will become exhausting. If they know their truth... I don' t want to say that on tape, but Cliff has a great thing. I'll say it. Is it okay? All right. Our Julie sponsor, Cliff, who I think hung the moon, FYI, but he says that, you know, If they want it, if they absolutely want it You can't beat them off of the stick You just can't get rid of them They are chasing you, they're following you And if they don't want it You can give it to them with an enema I've never seen something more simplistic be more true If you can get a new guy Get a new girl to see the reality and the facts Because here's what you're doing They're taking their experience You're taking the knowledge that you have of the text Armed with the facts You're matching them so that the big book comes alive for them because otherwise it reads like a novel to people that can't connect with it. It becomes boring. They don't connect. The meeting is ugh. It's a drudgery, right? So we're looking for some sort of a connection. I'm going to flip back to page 25 real quick. I'm totally not understanding the schedule. Okay. All right. so then there becomes once I can kind of see and identify with this choice and control piece and I can kinda look at it then I've gotta look at what are my other options this will become vitally important not only in your own experience but in the experience of the men and women that you're gonna be sponsoring as you go out from here at the bottom of page 25 it says this if you were as seriously alcoholic as we were we believe there is no middle of the road solution Let's pause and get clear on what middle-of-the-road solution looks like. Self-sponsorship. Some of you guys have embarked on that fun little journey where you sponsor you. You make you call all the shots. That's middle-off-the road solution. Going to meetings and not working the steps, that's middle of the road solution, working part of the program and leaving the rest of it to rest because it's not comfortable. That's the middle of road solution I don't know about you, but when I got loaded, I got all the way loaded. I didn't do any half measures when it came to getting drunk, right? So what makes me think that I'm going to be able to shift gears and do it differently in recovery? You either want to get all the way free or you don't. Was a little ever enough for y'all? Me neither. Me neither, no middle of the road solution if you're the real McCoy. It says we were in a position where life was becoming impossible, which means we're living in that first step. Can't live with it, can't live without it. Jumping off point. And if we had passed in the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had two alternatives. I circled that word if in my book because it's important. I've got to know, am I without human reliance? Have I burned all that up? Or do I have a back pocket plan? You want to be mystified by somebody doing really well in the program and then burning off? That was about a back bucket plan. That was a back packet plan. That was not about a reservation. That was like, I'm going to do this for a minute while I get my marriage in order and once I'm good with him or good with her, then I'll be good to go and I won't have to drink this. That's about a misunderstanding of the first step, right? So if I've passed into the region from which there's no return, meaning I can't get sober for the man, the woman, the parent, the job, the judge, the babies, nothing. If nothing stands between you and the alcohol, then Iím faced with a decision. And, you know, I was told very early in sobriety by some phenomenal people, If there is a job or a man that will fix you, go get him. Run at it 100 miles an hour like your life depends upon it because obviously it does. If you're out of options and you're not desperate, you're at a perfect place. It doesn't feel that way. It feels absolutely hopeless because there's no hope in step one. If you are absolutely hopeless and you are in a position to accept something better. It says, One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could and the other to accept spiritual help. So it's kind of like being at a fork in the road. I've got a couple different avenues. That's an easier sell when I'm convinced of the truth. When I know that left to my own devices, I'll drink until I die, facing some spiritual bumps in the roadmap became a very easy choice when I am out of options and I have nowhere else to go. Now it says this we did because we honestly wanted to and we were willing to make the effort. That's conditional. See, a lot of people want to tell you you can kind of breeze your way through Alcoholics Anonymous. You absolutely cannot. There are musts in the text. There are conditions. There are suggestions. Do you ever want to find out what a suggestion meant in 1939? Look it up. It's a subtle command. It's very different than that. We're going to skip through this and it's just no big deal. That's not the truth. So I'm going to take some time as a sponsor to go through. I'm gonna read this text with you. not page by page I'm going to ask you to read it and then we're going to get together and we're gonna hit the highlights and see is this you is this not we talked a little bit last night about the principle of honesty right this is the point in which I'm gonna learn to be honest maybe for the very first time right is this me or is it not now none of us know how to come in here being honest I was telling people in treatment I was an author right dumbest thing I mean thank God they didn't ask me what I wrote I mean I had nothing nothing to go on But I did not understand what it meant to be honest. But this is why, as a sponsor, you must be armed with the facts. You have to know to ask the questions. You haveto know where to drive them back to in the textbook. Sharing experience, strength, and hope is a phenomenal deal, but if it's not backed with the fact from the big book, you're in a lot of trouble because what it will do is set you up to give this drunk a lot oopinions. And from what I heard last night, a lotof you were in and out for 7 years, 9 years, 13 years, Couldn't get sober. Couldn't hear a message. That's about being surrounded by a fellowship that is driven by opinions. What a detriment. I won't get off on that tangent too much, but if you ever go look at the success rates back in 39, go clock what they were doing. They weren't chatting. They weren'T sharing experience, strength, and hope. They actually knew what that meant back then. And it wasn't about talking about where you're at today. Experience is what happened. Where does your experience line up with the text? The facts about alcoholism, the disease of the body and the mind. That's experience. Strength. What did you do? Worked the steps. Solidified with a sponsor. Made some decisions. Understood this textbook. Hope. What does your life look like today? Where are you on a spiritual plane, right? Not how did you pull yourself out of your own problems. So not impressed. Self-reliance causes fear. Fear causes self-re... We won't even go on that tangent. That's for inventory. But I've got to understand the truth about this text. I've gotta understand this. Okay, so I'm Julie Harvey, alcoholic. Hey, Julie Harvey. Recovered, thank God. Okay, so here's the deal. We're not looking to get anybody sober to watch them pick up a 30-day or a 60-day or a 90-day chip and then leave. Like, we're here to get you sober for good and all. And if you look through the text, you will see where it asks you again and again, are you willing to go to any extremes? Are you willing to go at any lengths? Are you ready to quit for good and all? It asks you over and over and over. So why is it that we come in here and we sit around, and I will say something about that. Because you know what? I sat in meetings for 13 years, and i raised my hand and i said, hey i'm julie and i'm an alcoholic. And i had no idea what that meant. I had no idea what that means because what i heard was a lot of BS and sharing in meetings and sharing people's experiences and people's strengths and hopes of their marriage and their job and the clouds and the traffic and their gas. Seriously? Not a joke? So what can we do differently? What can we doing to help somebody get sober for good and all? See, here's the deal. Like, we come in here absolutely dying. And it's one thing. We've got to see the truth in step one. And Andre laid that out really well. And I'm not going to keep rehashing it. But we've gotto understand that when it comes to alcohol, we don't have a choice whether we're going to put it in our body. And once we start, we can't control it. And if you can fix those little issues and not do it, our hat's off to ya. Like, oh my gosh. Hallelujah. For you. Leave. leave. But if you can't, please listen to what we have to offer because we have something more than just not drinking to offer. And I didn't know that about Alcoholics Anonymous. See, I didn' t know that. And the coolest thing is we do. So we broke down step one, right? No choice, no control. So, so okay. So then we get in this step two thing and it talks about, um, we're insane. God, no, what does it say? Higher power, right? Came to believe that a higher power could restore us to sanity. First of all, I'm like, I's not crazy. Y'all are because at step two, I'M STILL ARROGANT AS HECK, RIGHT? I still have all the ideas. I still have the plans. I still know what's better for me, and you don't. I mean, clearly, that's it. Bill had a huge problem with the whole God idea, right? I mean when Ebby showed up, Ebby was like going da-da-da, da-de-da. He laid out this great program of action, and then Bill's like, errr, you're talking about God. Errr, breaks on, right. There's a lot of us like that. I always say there's two types of people who come in here. One with God, one without God. Not much in the middle. That's it. I'm all over here. I am all tight with God. Right? Like I am in the church. I Am starting a whole ministry. I AM volunteering. In fact, I am on a committee that tells a pastor if he can get his pastoral license. That is how smart I am. Then you have the guy over here, so actually when you talk to me about spiritual matters, my mind snaps shut. See, you don't know more than I do, right? And then you have the guy over here who bristles with antagonism when you mention the word God, right? Why? Because he's so darn smart, he sits in his garage philosophizing about life, knowing the solutions of the world, and he's so darn smart that he does it while drinking. And I'm over here making all my calls to my church ladies, drinking. See, if we all had it, why are we still drinking? That's why I love how the big book lays it out. They lay it out and they ask us a couple simple questions. Let's go to page 44. It says, in the preceding chapters you've learned something about alcoholism, so we're hoping that you've actually read those chapters and we made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic like Audrey was talking about. Now, here's your questions. If you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely. Look, aren't we quitters? We're great quitters. The problem is we can't stay quit. I was like, how do you stay quit? I quit all the time. Quit every morning. Just can't stay it. Or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take. I keep drinking too darn much and I'm drunk every time and it's getting annoying. So here you're probably alcoholic. Now, if that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. That's the difference between me and that hard drinker that's the difference I have to have a spiritual experience I have to or I will die of this disease or live through it which is even uglier so you have to ask yourself this question have you placed yourself beyond human aid Have you done everything you can to quit? Have you marshaled up with your own will? Listen, I love at the bottom, it says, if a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. We're not bad people. We're no good people. We're all not ill-intentioned people, right? We all have morals and our own conduct that we'd like to live up to. But it's saying the needed power isn't there. our human resources marshaled by the will were insufficient. It's kind of like I wake up in the morning and I say, I wish not to drink today. And it says I can wish and I can will with all my might, but the power isn't there. Just like I used to wake up and say, I wish to be good. I wish to be the best mom ever today. The needed power isn't there it fails utterly right i'm not saying we're bad people we're not lack of power that's our dilemma it doesn't say booze is your dilemma it says lack of Power is your Dilemma you better find another Power so if we have two types of people who come in here one with and one without Right? And we're both thinking, I know, I know, and ourselves right to the liquor store. So what do we need to do differently? What did Audrey say? What is the greatest persuader? Alcohol. Alcohol is the biggest persuader. That's going to beat me into a state of reasonableness where I might be able to lay aside some prejudice. That's not where I'm going to be here, guys. At step two, I still think I'm smarter than you. I don't know how to say it any more than that. It's plain and simple. I came in here knowing I'm better than you, I'm smarter than you, might be drunk, but still. If you look at Bill, right? Bill had the huge problem with the whole God idea, but go to page 11 because this is one of my favorite things. I love Bill's story. he said but my friend sat before me and he made the point blank declaration that god had done for him what he could not do for himself his human will had failed that's what you need to be asking your protégés has your human will failed where it comes to what alcohol because if your human will has failed around people places or things go to elenon see my human will has failed where it comes to alcohol. I guarantee you, I can still control my husband. Very well. Shh, don't tell him that. Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up. Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead. The spiritually dead. Suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known. Had this power originated in him, obviously it had not. There had been no more power in him than there was in me at that minute and that was none at all. How cool is that? This power is absolutely real and it's available to everyone. We don't get hand-picked. It is available to anyone. It is available to everyone. We just have to be willing to believe that there is a power greater than ourself. That's it. Here's the cool thing. If you notice that Ebby came to Bill, right? He didn't wait for Bill to call him. He actually went out to Bill and carried a simple little program of action. And Bill, by seeing him, it was quite self-evident to Bill that he was like, Oh my gosh, there's something different about him. He's not keeping himself sober because it's not like he's like white knuckling it. Guys, don't white knuckle it. This isn't about white knucking it. This isn' t about keeping ourselves sober. This is about getting tapped into this power so this power can do it for us. You don' t have to understand that at this point. There's a step two question in here and it's pretty simple. on page 47 it says we needed to ask ourselves but one short question do I now believe or circle or am I even willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself as soon as a man can say that he does believe or circle it, highlight it, box it in is willing to believe we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation Point. How cool is that? You mean I don't have to have God figured out? You mean, I don' t have to know anything? No, because if you go over to page 55 it says we're fooling ourselves because really deep down in every one of us is the fundamental idea of God I love what my sponsor says and he always says um God's kind of sense of humor is funny he puts himself um in the last place that will look in us right we're always searching have you ever heard this like I'm looking for God I went to the mountaintops looking for God. I went through the seas looking for God. I went into the sweat lodge looking for God, right? And it's kind of funny because he's inside of us, each and every one of us. Go down here a little bit. Where's my time? Did I owe you I'm good? He says we finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our makeup just as much as a feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, right? So there's a little bit of searching. That's an action word, by the way. But he was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the great reality deep down within us in the last analysis. I love that. In the last analysis, meaning the last place you're going to look, it is only there that he may be found. It was so with us. Here's the deal, guys. That's our experience. That's their experience. It may not be everyone's experience. I am not saying that AA has a monopoly on God. It doesn't. But the deal is if you've exhausted all other measures, if you're exhausted everything else at your human disposal and it didn't help get you sober, we have a way out which we absolutely agree upon. Not my words. My experience. We can only clear the ground a bit if our testimony helps sweep away prejudice. See, like when Ebi came to Bill, right? His testimony helped him sweep away prejudice. How long? For a minute. For a hot minute. He's like, okay, okay. I think there might be a God. But, right, by Ebi coming to Bill. Bill came to believe just enough to make a beginning. Just enough to take a step forward. To make an approach. He didn't say, hallelujah. That's it. I got it. I'm good. A sobo. Right? That's not what he said. He made an approach. But what happened without the action behind that approach, what's going to happen? We're going to go back and go back to our old thinking and our old ways and rely on our old drunkenness again. It says, Enables you to think honestly Encourages you to search diligently within yourself Then if you wish, you can join us on the broad highway With this attitude, you cannot fail With this gratitude, you are not alone With this magnitude, you do not fail Takes a right attitude But I'm going to tell you In spite of you in spite of me, right? I still got it. I still worked it. The question was, do you now believe or are you even willing to believe that there's a power greater than you? That's it. That's all I needed to make an approach, to make it a beginning. And see, I found somebody that was actually sober and happy and not talking sideways. I found someone somebody sitting across the table from me that absolutely understood what was wrong with them and understood what the solution was. And by that, I was able to go, well... Scratching my head going, I'm not quite sure. I still think I'm smarter than you. I really don't think this is going to work because I've done all that. But had I really... See, when I came in, I thought, I don't need step two and three. I've got God. And I love how my friend Chris Hamer told me one time, he said, Julie, some of us come in here spiritual, absolutely, but we're not connected. We're not awake. I can get down with that, right? Because if you go up on that page just a little bit where it says, it may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, in some form or other, it is there. See, we may be spiritual, but the problem is it's usually obscured by worship of other things. The car, the job, the this, the that, right? And if I place all that stuff and my dependence on that, then really am I relying on God? No. See, my prayers would be waking up in the morning saying, Hey God, here's the plan. Bless it. That is not a joke. We laugh. We laugh, and it's not a joke. I really thought I was that great. I did. I thought I had it all figured out. Like, I'm so smart, you should listen to me. And we're going to get a little bit into that after we take a break and come back. So let's go take a breath, and then we'll come on back. So now we're gonna get into step three. We've kind of rolled off of step one and step two, And the thing that we need to remember is that we're trying to get sober for good and all. We're not trying to gets sober for a minute. And so I had an experience recently where, and you guys can't be afraid to say, You know what? I'm not sure you're really getting this. Why don't you go home and think about it before we get on with that third step. I worked with a girl recently, and she got that physical piece. She understood that every time she drank, she got drunk and she so got down with that. But when I started talking about the mental piece, she was like, no, I think I can control it. And that's what she said. I think i can control It and so there was no point in moving on with the rest of the steps Because if I move on with the Rest of the step then i'm denying her the chance of her finding her own truth She's got to see her own truth. I can't make her see her own truth, does that make sense? Because it's kind of like if I don't see my own truth I'm going to look at the rest of the steps and I'm gonna go oh my gosh that's good for her or him they need that, I don'T have to do that or that's where we start really balking and balkING and bALKING later on and we relapse and we wonder why we fell so I told her to leave and go try that controlled drinking or Go try to control it on your own. Just don't do it. It's clearly a problem. Just go home and don't doing it. Two weeks later, I get a phone call. Get a phone called two weeks later. I can't do this on my own. She's sober today. Yeah, I mean that's the coolest thing. She had never been introduced to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Ever. This is her first time in AA. How cool is that? that she gets a true experience in Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm digging it. I'm diggin' it. All right. So, I go to this little wind-up joint in Dallas and we call them wind-ups because that's where you wind up. But, I used to go there every Wednesday night and every Wednesday morning. We would do the IOP Wednesday morning when we would do the inpatient on Wednesday night for the women, and the IOP was a mixed group. And I have to tell you, the coolest thing looking out in this room is how many women are in this ring. I can't tell you. It makes me cry because it's not the norm. It's just not. And I'm not saying it's hard for men to get sober and bless you men that are here. I love you guys. But what we find a lot of times is that the woman gets home and they need to what? Take care of the kid. Take careof the husband. Take careo f this. Take care o f that. We're the caretakers. That's just who we are. And all of a sudden, the big book, the book, the program, what we've been taught is pushed aside and we start thinking we need to do dot, dot, die. And then we find we relapse. And so what I would see is I would see these 25 women inpatient and when I would do outpatient, I would see one, two women. And so I'm like, where are you guys? Where are you guys? So thank you for being here. Besides the fact that all of y'all are so freaking beautiful. California. California California, looking good. I love the California time too. I like to roll into that. All right, on page 60, let's get into this. On page 60 it says being convinced we're at step three. All right. So what are we convinced of? If you go right back up, it says A, that we're alcoholic and cannot manage our own lives. B, that no human power can relieve our alcoholism and that God could and would if he were sought. Here's the deal. are you screwed? And do you have a little hope? I mean, that's the question. Are you convinced of step one and do you believe that this might work for you? Being convinced of that. But you have to be convinced before I'm going to move on. See, here's my question to you if I'm working with you. Are You Done? Are You done? Are you done for good? Because if you're not, I'm not wasting my time and I'm not wasting your time. See, if you have a better plan and if you are convinced that you can do this another way, adios, there's the door. See ya. I don't mind saying it because I want you sober and I want to be sober. I want you on the firing line with me because I want more women out here doing this. The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. So here's the deal. Everybody gets on step three and they're like, I'm on step three. I'm figuring God out. It doesn't say figure God out, that's not what it says. Here's your requirements. Are you convinced that your life run on your own self-will is not successful? Yes? Alright, there you go, be convinced of that, right? So we have a few little requirements here. And then it's going to lay out a perfect example of what that looks like, right? Like everybody wants to be the actor, the director, the setting up this, setting up that. Hey listen, that's everybody in this world, not just you. You don't get that character. See my husband is great. My husband is, I love my husband death. Y'all know how much I love him. But when it comes to him driving, I look out the window and say, today, today I look out the window. Most of the time, let's get honest. I most of the, sometimes I'd tell him how to drive, but, um, I'd look out the window because what he does is he sits there and he's like, Oh, that person cut me off. And Oh, right. Right. He's like trying to tell everybody else how they should be driving while he's doing the same thing. All right. He can do that. See everybody in this world lives by self-propulsion everybody wants their way to some extent and thinks that they have a good idea of what it should look like everybody wants to manage and control things right and so you get to the next page there we're going to start talking about the alcoholic alright he says selfish self-centeredness I love that exclamation point that we think is the root of our troubles meaning the alcoholic driven by a hundred forms of fear self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate or in my case they go away sometimes they hurt us seemingly without provocation but we find that sometime in our past We've made decisions based on self, which later placed us in a position to be hurt. Now, the first time I read that, I thought, you can take that page out. Just mark it out because that's not me. I'm a giver. I give, give, Give. I'm so sweet and kind, right? So delusional. But let's look at this because it's as simple as this. And I love, when I go to the treatment centers, I love to give this example. Let's say I'm sitting in a meeting, right? I'm standing in a room and I'm talking to someone. I'm just sitting in the middle of a meeting and let's say Audrey looks at me and I don't like the way she looks at my face. Like, she just, hmm. So now my mind is starting to turn, starting to churn, starting to churrn, and then I start replaying every conversation that we've had And in the past three months, I can't come up with anything that I've done. Because it's always, I'm going to do something. And so what do I think? That bitch. That's really what I think. It is what I thing. So what am I going to go? What am I not going to leave there? And I'm not going call Kimberly. I'm just going to call my friend Kimberly. Oh my God, Kimberly. You won't believe what Audrey did. and Kimberly is so sweet and she loves us and she wants us to be good and she's the fixer of the group so she's going to call Audrey and she is going to say Audrey why are you mad at Julie because Julie is awesome thank you thank you thank you and Audrey is going to say what now driven by when I'm sitting in that meeting what was I driven by Fear. Fear she doesn't like me? Self-seeking. I need her to like me to be okay? Right? Self-delusion. She's not thinking about me. The world does not revolve around me, although I think it does. Probably wasn't even looking at you. Probably weren't. So I stepped on her toes. What do they do in my life? They quit calling. They don't retaliate. They just quit calling, right? But who set the ball rolling?