The Persistence of the Illusion of Control – Clancy

About This Speaker Tape

The Texas State Insane Asylum at Big Spring was a relief, if only to take the pressure off. Clancy describes a life spent comparing his "raw meat" insides against the polished defense mechanisms of others, feeling a loneliness that persists even in the middle of crowds. A former advertising writer and opera director, he navigated a fragmented existence of high-intellect and low-bottoms, from playing piano in San Francisco whorehouses to waking up in a Phoenix drunk tank with his teeth being kicked out.

He views the world through a gritty lens: sobriety as a "painful end" and the "porcelain altar" of the toilet bowl as the great American detox. He warns that the most successful suicides happen shortly after getting sober, during a state of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. For Clancy, alcohol wasn't just a drink; it was a way to plug the holes and add "pizzazz" to a sepia-tone reality, until the illusion of control led him to a Higher Power.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Clancy C. opens with the internal struggle of comparing his 'raw meat' to others' defense mechanisms.
• 5:15 Discussion on the limitations of psychiatry and the 'hooks' used to blame childhood trauma.
• 8:30 Laughter: Story about the Catholic rhythm system and his marriage to Charlotte C.
• 12:10 Account of his suicide attempt in the garage and commitment to the Texas State Insane Asylum.
• 16:45 Mention of Step 4 and the process of getting 'garbage' out on paper while in the hospital.
• 22:10 The Phoenix drunk tank experience and the realization that intellectual insight doesn't stop a boot to the teeth.
• 28:30 Critique of the 12 Steps for 'thinkers' and the absurdity of reading an inventory to a plumber.
• 35:10 The 'invisible boat' analogy and the necessity of rowing before the boat appears.
• 41:00 Discussion on the nature of the illness and the 'three-letter suffix' of alcoholism.
• 46:20 Observations on death and suicide on Skid Row versus the 'pretending' of the middle class.