The Original Manuscript of the Big Book – Big Book Study – Westfield Big Book Study – Part 1 of 2 – Dave P.

All right. Good evening, everybody. My name is Chris. I am an alcoholic. Hi, Chris. Really good to be here tonight. You know, something very strange happened on the way walking in here. Anybody that was in here earlier saw that there was somebody out on the stoop, drunk out of their mind, a young girl. So it reminds me, I was probably her age or even maybe a little bit younger when I first got really drunk and passed out and vomiting and just a real mess. And one of two things is going to happen with her. One of them is she's going to be a non-alcoholic and she's gonna realize that she made a grave error putting that much alcohol in her system and she'll know not to do that next time. the other is that she could be alcoholic and if that's the case, that's not going to do nothing that's just going to wake up the beast and it's going to be a matter of trying to hold on to that beast for the next 20 or 30 years of her life or whatever it's going to take so my prayers go out because alcoholism is an aggressive illness it takes no prisoners it kills people that don't even have it you know drunk driving accidents burning down the house I burnt down a couple of houses had a couple car accidents in my day how about you Dave burnt the house down twice if you can imagine so alcoholism is aggressive it's unorthodox because the people that have it don't really usually understand what's going on If someone tells them they're an alcoholic, they'll think an alcoholic is somebody that drinks too much. I mean, that's about all they'll be able to figure out. And most of us catch alcoholism after we've been in AA a while and we start to go over some of the foundational literature and we get a sponsor who takes us through it and gets us to ask the right questions. You know, recovery really is more about asking the right questions than it is trying to track down the right answers. And I was maybe sober four or five months before I even understood what an alcoholic was. You know I knew I had to get away from alcohol but I didn't know the enormity of the problem. I thought okay I'll just stop drinking and everything will be fine. Well if you're an alcoholic and you stop drinking, everything is not going to be fine That's what an alcoholic is, someone who, when they quit drinking, everything is not fine. That's What an Alcoholic Is. If you quit drinking and everything's fine, then you're a problem drinker and just don't drink anymore and leave us all alone, please. But the alcoholic, forget about it. We're 15 ways from Sunday messed up when we don't have our alcohol to be able to take those vacations from the enormity of our personal bondage to self. That's really what goes on. Now, a little bit about this workshop. I mentioned this to Dave. I've done a couple of these and I really, really like doing them. The original manuscript study. I do big book studies all the time, but the original manuscript studies are really cool because the original manuscript that we're going to be going over was Bill and the first 100's basic first shot at putting together the book Alcoholics Anonymous. And there's a whole different perspective that's involved in the original manuscripts. There's a number of things that are different about it, but what will hit you right away is where the book alcoholics anonymous says, you know we did this the original manuscript says you better do this or you'll die it's like a complete different perspective on the material and why I like it why I Like It is because I believe it's as close to Bill Wilson's true intent for this literature that we have I'm not going to say that it wasn't a good idea to change the big book into what we have today it probably was That's not going to be something I'm going to debate. But when you do historical studies, one of the things that you try to do with historical studies is you try and get back to the first layer of tradition. You try to get back to the earliest textual examples of something if you want to really know what's going on. If you're doing biblical studies, you'll want to go back to the earliest manuscripts that you can find to get as close to the truth as possible. So what we have is we have an original manuscript. After Bill wrote this, he wanted to be sure that it wasn't going to piss anybody off. So what he did was he passed this original manuscript around to medical doctors, to priests, to ministers, to psychiatrists. He handed it all around, and he said, please read this. You know, we don't want to make any enemies here. If you have any suggestions, you know, please give them to me. And certainly he got back a lot of suggestions, and Dave and I will try to change our inflection while we're reading the original manuscript. We'll try to changing our voice a little bit to show you that it's different than the book Alcoholics Anonymous. You know we know the book alcoholics anonymous enough to be able to do that. So when our voice changes, that means it's different than what they decided on after the finalized edits happened. Bill wanted to be sure he wasn't going to piss off religion. He wanted to make sure he was not going to pissed off psychiatrists or medical doctors. And they did a really good job with this. And he took a lot of the suggestions and he made the changes. But again, I love the original manuscript. It leaves absolutely no room for doubt that you need an experience with the 12 steps or you're going to die. Somewhere in modern Alcoholics Anonymous, that point gets missed in a lot of groups. That point gets missing with a lot sponsorship. That point get's miss with a lots of people and our relapse rate in AlcoholicsAnonymous shows it. we have a terrible relapse rate compared to the early days of AA early days at the very least 50% of the people who walked through the door stayed sober today I don't know what it is but I'm sure it's directly proportional to thinking that we don't actually have to take the steps as long as we agree with them in theory everything's fine and I think the original manuscript is going to blow holes in that and I know that it is Anyway, I'm going to start with the foreword. Now what I'm reading out of is, I don't know how many of these copies are over there, but this is an anonymous press edition which I would be using an Alcoholics Anonymous version if I had one, but this was a copy of the book and this is a fine example of the original manuscript. Foreword. We of AlcoholicsAnonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how they can recover is the main purpose of this book. So right there, in the first sentence, I'm sorry, the second sentence, it's basically saying the book Alcoholics Anonymous was written to show you precisely how to recover, not be a slowly recovering alcoholic, how to recover from alcoholism. That's the purpose of this text. For them, we think these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We hope this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not yet comprehend that he is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our new way of living has its advantages for all. It is important that we remain anonymous because we are too few at present to handle the overwhelming number of personal appeals which will result from this publication. They were really thinking that when this book hit the shelves, they were going to be inundated. That's not exactly what happened. They sent out cards, postcards, to every doctor they could find in America with an announcement that this book has a cure for alcoholism and it's being published and please send $6 or whatever it was to the Anonymous Foundation or whatever. And they got back, and they actually went to the post office with big satchels expecting that there was going to be so many letters that they were going to have to carry them out of that post office with satchel. And they went in there, and there was three postcards. And they were calling to the Postmaster, hey, check again, this can't be possible. and the three postcards were so unlegible they were like the drunken doctors you couldn't even read the addresses and they were humiliated now did this book become popular yes, I believe it sold I don't know I'm really bad with numbers but I think they gave away the 10 millionth big book at the San Antonio convention or something like that not long ago. I think it was 25th. 25 million? 25 million, yeah. So 25 million copies of this book has been sold. And when you look at things like this, the anonymous press versions and the online versions, probably 40 or 50 million of these are around. So it happened. It just didn't happen the way they wanted it to. Being mostly business or professional folk, we could not well carry on our occupations in such an event. We would like it clearly understood that our alcoholic work is an avocation only so that when writing or speaking publicly about alcoholism, we urge each of our fellowship to omit his personal name, designating himself instead a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's very strange. Bill Wilson was a visionary. He could see problems ten years before we had them. He was already working on the twelve traditions which weren't ratified until the fifties I think. In 1938 when he's writing this book he was already thinking that we were going to be traditions. And there wasn't even any Alcoholics Anonymous groups yet. There were two groups of drunks that were affiliated with the Oxford group that were staying sober and they named themselves AlcoholicsAnonymous after this book was published. So we weren't even AlcoholicsAnalymous until this book was posted. We very earnestly very earnestly we ask the press also to observe this request or otherwise we shall be greatly handicapped we are not an organization in the conventional sense of the word there are no fees or dues whatever the only requirement for membership is an honest desire to stop drinking we are now allied with any particular faith sect or domination nor do we oppose anyone we simply wish to be helpful to those who are afflicted we shall be interested to hear from those who are getting results from this book particularly from those who have commenced work with other alcoholics we shall try to contact such cases. Inquiry by scientific, medical, and religious societies will be welcome. This multi-lyth volume will be sent upon receipt of $3.50 and the printed book will be mailed at no additional cost as soon as it's published. So that's funny. Some of these very, very early original manuscripts are still around. One of them sold for like a million dollars or something. 1.47 million dollars so if you see one of these in a garage sale or something nab that sumbitch you know absolutely do you want to pick it up at the doctor's opinion sure my name is David Palmer I'm a grateful recovered alcoholic you know just briefly bill wilson had a very big failure in his first six months after having gotten sober in town's town's hospital because he was going out and preaching to people and he came home to lois and said you know lois i'm not getting anybody sober and she said to him well you're keeping yourself sober and he had never thought of it that way and it was only in speaking to a man that he was with Dr. Silkworth who worked at the hospital did Dr. silkworth make the suggestion why don't you just tell people what happened to you and it shortly thereafter that he went to Akron and met Dr. Bob and he just simply told what had happened to him And that was the genesis of what we were going through, what we've been given. You know, in 1937, they sat around in Dr. Bob's house, Bill Wilson and a couple fellows from Alcoholics Anonymous, and they counted the noses of the people who were sober. They hadn't had a lot of success in the first year, except for Bill Dotson and one or two other people. But by 1937 they had about 40 people who are staying sober who had six months or more of sobriety. And Bill came up with the idea that he was going to send missionaries out into the world, open hospitals, and write a book. And when he mentioned this to the group, they looked at him with a blank stare. Like, how are you going to do that? You know, how is that going to happen? And they shot him down in a group photo and everything but the book. And that's why he focused so earnestly on the book in the early days. And it's the reason that we were given... He was desperate. Bill had been a writer of research reports on Wall Street so he had an idea of how to coalesce ideas and to bring out the truth in what was happening in companies so he took a very long hard look at what had been successful and the original manuscript really reflects what he had seen as the truth as being successful it talks about with Dr. Bob later in the book about how he sponsored 5,000 people Now, Dr. Bob was sober just under 15 years, I think, when he died, or just over 15 years when he die. And if you think about it, A, he didn't really have a lot of successes in the first few years. So he had 13 years to sponsor 5,000 people. And he was a practicing doctor. That's not a lot at times. So what Bill was relating to us in 1938 as he started to write this was what he had seen work, which was you'd show up with Dr. Rob, he'd go, are you ready to get with God? Hit your knees. Write down the people you've harmed. Now go out and make amends. And you'd be done in a day. You'd be gone in a year. And this is what they saw working with people. And if you say that at a meeting today, they're going to really look at you strange. They're going wonder where you got this from. Now, is that the right way to do it? I have no idea. I'm not Dr. Bob. but the truth is that in presenting this work I have found that sugarcoating it or trying to impose my will on it is never successful I do not have a better answer and I think the manuscript reflects what Bill had seen in the early days you know he wanted to impart to us with this one shot he knew we probably only had one shot because people were not throwing money his way to produce this book. And they barely were able to get the book out the door in the end. They couldn't pay the printer, so the printer held on to the book. But he knew he had one shot, so he wanted to tell the truth as it has actually happened. And Chris told a great description of how this manuscript went out and went out to people who Bill knew cared about the alcohol. We have to realize that in 1938 and 1939, if you were an alcoholic, you were destined to die unless you found Alcoholics Anonymous. There was no two doubts about it. If you were an alcoholic of that type, you were destined to die. And that's just the fact of it. There was No Dr. Phil Show. There was NO webpages that we go to. There wasノ Anonymous Press. There was just no AA World Service. There was n0 place to turn except for these guys who were writing this monolith. And Bill, in an absolute moment of clarity, knew that he had to apply himself to this wholeheartedly. He'd already lost his house and he was living in, I think it was in Montclair or at friends' houses if I'm not mistaken at that point, right? Working above in Newark with Hank Parkhurst, right. Ruth Hock had just joined him and he wasn't desperate to get this right. Ruth Hocke would get paid in shares of the works. In fictitious shares. Yeah. Ruth Hockey was his secretary for many years would assiduously type up the pages as Bill would dictate them or through the handwritten notes and... You fraudulent scum. And get worthless script from the... Worthless script for, here you go Ruth, go feed your family, have a nice day. But they were desperate. They were desperate to make this as a complete and accurate reflection of how people who had never been exposed to a spiritual experience previously could actually have a spiritual life and have a spiritual experience. it's an amazing thing I don't suffer from alcohol I suffer from a soul sickness which manifests as alcoholism and it was killing me in 2004 even though I hadn't had a drink in two years and I wanted to stick a gun in my mouth alcoholism will find me no matter where I go, what I do but it doesn't have to it doesn' t have to be I don' t need to be a slave to alcoholism anymore because I've been given this gift so that's all I want to say on that matter so we have Bill's story oh wait, the doctor's opinion I'm sorry we of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the reader will be interested in the medical estimate of the plan of recovery described in this book a convincing testimony must surely come from medical men who had experience with the sufferings of our members and have witnessed our return to health a well-known doctor, chief physician at a nationally prominent hospital specializing in alcoholic and drug addiction gave Alcoholics Anonymous this letter. To whom it may concern, I have specialized in the treatment of alcoholism for many years. About four years ago, I attended a patient who, though he had been a competent businessman of good earning capacity, was an alcoholic of a type I had come to regard as hopeless. In the course of his third treatment, he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery. As part of his rehabilitation, he commenced to present his conceptions to other alcoholics. Impressing upon them that they must do likewise with still others. This has become the basis of a rapidly going fellowship of these men and their families. This man and over 100 others appear to have recovered. I personally know 30 of these cases who were of the type with whom other methods had failed completely. These facts appear to be of extreme medical importance because of the extraordinary possibilities of rapid growth inherent in this group. They mark a new epoch in the annals of alcoholism. These men may well have a remedy for thousands of such situations. You may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves, virtually yours. And in the first incarnation, certainly in the manuscript, Dr. Silbert did not put his name in the letter. They did not include his actual name in there because if you read that first letter, he'll go on to write a second one, but if you reading that first level, he's a little cautious about what he's saying about us. I wonder why you know, why did he feel a little reluctant in delivering this letter he talks about how you may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves right, but he's not assigning any sort of medical perfection to these early alcoholics and he also talks about these this may be a treatment Dr. Silkworth had And Dr. Silkworth, in working with Bill, had come to believe that what was happening to Bill and happening to the others was something he had never seen. He had attended to thousands of alcoholics and drug addicts throughout the 20s and the 30s at Towns Hospital to never have any success. And being an incredibly intelligent man, he was able to define what he saw being wrong with him, but not being an alcoholic and not being a drug addict. He was incapable of understanding the spiritual nature of the disease. He just didn't get that part. He talked about how the alcohol could not stop once they started, and for some reason, when separated from alcohol, could not stay separated of their own power. And he saw that, and he observed it like a good scientist, and he recorded that. He was one of the great benefactors of our fellowship. He was able to give Bill enough information that he was ableto put the pieces together for us and to go out from there. the physician who at our request gave us this letter has been kind enough to enlarge upon his views in another statement which follows in this statement he confers what anyone who has suffered alcoholic torture must believe that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind it does not satisfy us to be told that we cannot control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life that we were in full flight from reality or were outright mental defectives these things were true to some extent in fact to a considerable extent with some of us, but we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete. So he's already giving us the introduction to the first step. The doctor's theory that a kind of allergy to alcohol interests us as laymen our opinion as to its soundness may of course mean little. But as ex-alcoholics we can say that his explanation makes good sense. It explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account. Though we work out our solution on the spiritual plane, we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is very jittery or befogged. More often than not, it is imperative that a man's brain be cleared before he is approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer. So, have you ever worked with an alcoholic who was still a little mocus, a little coming off of the... I got one smile in the audience. You know, I have found that when I am physically impaired, it is impossible for me to be receptive to anything. It's impossible for my body to be available to any message that is presented to me. And in fact, with Bill Dotson, they showed up at the hospital that night after Dr. Bob had called the nurse and asked, you know, right after Dr., Bob had come home from making his amends, they went out to find another alcoholic to help. and the nurse says we have a real corker here and they went over to meet Bill Dotson who was an attorney in town but couldn't stay sober in fact had drank on his way home for the last three times or two times that he had been locked up in the hospital and they presented their story and they had a good little laugh but they went home after that and Bill Datson woke up the next morning not sure whether or not people had actually been in his room or not he was pretty sure that somebody had been there and when his wife showed up He says, I think there were these guys here last night and they were telling me all about their alcoholism. And I finally understood and could relate to it. You know, the power of us sharing our experience with another alcoholic. And then Dr. Bob and Bill showed up that same day and Bill Dotson turned to his wife and says, yeah, there they are. Those are the guys that were here last time. But being B5, he was incapable of hearing it. It was the appropriate response of Bill and Dr. Rob to go home after making an initial presentation. Do you want to pick up with the next letter? Sure. The doctor writes, The subject presented in this book seems to me to be of paramount importance to those afflicted with alcoholic addiction. I say this after many years of experience as the medical director of one of the oldest hospitals in the country treating alcoholic and drug addiction. There was, therefore, a real sense of satisfaction when I was asked to contribute a few words on a subject which is covered and such masterly detail in these pages. You know, I am always just really, really impressed with Dr. Silkworth's humility. You have to understand he's probably the town's hospital was probably the most premium drug and alcohol treatment center in the country at that time. There were very, very few of them that were medically supervised and Towns Hospital had a decent reputation. Now, Silkworth treated tens of thousands of alcoholics in his tenure there as chief psychiatrists. And he's been doing it as a profession and he's been doing with a medical and psychiatric degree. And all of the sudden in comes Bill Wilson and some of his buddies and they get sober And they're basically coming from the Oxford Group, a religious organization. And they start coming in and working with alcoholics in Towns Hospital and they start helping them to get sober. Alcoholics that Silkworth figured were hopeless. Silkworth thought, you know, these guys are goners. They're going to have to be locked up or, you Know, they're going to die. and he's like the one of the most prominent uh treatment specialists in the country at that period of time and here comes bill wilson now uh instead of seeing bill as a wacko or competition or whatever dr silkworth was interested in one thing results he was interested in outcomes these guys that bill and the boys were working with were getting sober and that's what was important to him he did not sign this letter in the first edition of the book alcoholic synonymous or in the original manuscript because it would have been career suicide he was in effect saying we in the medical establishment can't help these guys but the people in the religious organizations, the evangelical religious organizations can. That's career suicide for a psychiatrist. But he thought it needed to be said. We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholism, but its application presented difficulties beyond our conception. What with our ultra-modern standards and our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well equipped to apply the powers of good that lie outside our synthetic knowledge. Let me take a stab at interpreting this in what I believe this guy was saying, but because he was a professional, he just couldn't say it. We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of spiritual awakening was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application presented difficulty beyond our conception. What with our ultra-modern standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well equipped to apply the powers of God that lie outside our synthetic knowledge. That's basically what he's saying. And I'm telling you, it's still true today. It's still truth today. If you're really an alcoholic or you're a drug addict, I'm not talking about a disco drunk and I'm talking about a drug abuser. If you are in real trouble with alcoholism or drug addiction, you are going to need the power of God or you're not going to survive it you're just not because that's what alcoholism is we're going to go through this book and there's plenty of descriptions of the alcoholic there's no specific definition but there's many descriptions and every single one of those descriptions is saying if you don't do these steps and get the power of God working in you and through you to recover from alcoholism you're not going to make it that was absolutely true, these were low bottom, pull them out of the asylum drugs the people that were involved with the first printing of this book they were the hopeless of the hopeless today we get people who have not gone down the scale that far and that is all to the good but if you happen to be somebody who's in real trouble with alcoholism, meeting-based sobriety ain't going to get it for you. You're going to shake yourself to pieces emotionally and the time and the place will come where you'll take a drink, you'll put a bullet through your head or you'll end up in a psychiatric ward. Those are the three things that happens to alcoholics when they stay sober without a spiritual program. About four years ago, one of the leading contributors to this book came under our care in this hospital and while here he acquired some ideas which he put into practical application at once of course that's Bill Wilson later he requested the privilege of being allowed to tell his story to other patients here and perhaps with some misgiving we can send it I love that, that's beautiful listen, I had the wind of the spirit just blew through me yesterday Doc, and I need the witness to some of these guys you know, can I go through the ward well I don't know ok I guess if you think it will help you the cases that we have followed through have been most interesting in fact many of them are amazing the unselfishness of these men as we have come to know them the entire absence of profit motive and their community spirit is indeed inspiring to one who has labored long and wearily in this alcoholic field they believe in themselves and still more in the power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the gates of death. Of course, an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor and this often requires a definite hospital procedure before psychological measures can be of maximum benefit. And as we move into the book, it will also say we favor hospitalization for the befogged. The chronic critical alcoholic goes into delirium tremens when they stop drinking and 15% of the time you experience delirium tremens you die from them so it's very, very important if you're working with an alcoholic whose heart rate has gone up they're hallucinating they've stopped drinking and they're shaking themselves out of their skin get them to an emergency room they need Librium they need Ativan they need something and they need it fast because what happens is we stroke out or we blow our aorta, you know, we pop it like a garden hose and there goes the warranty. And that happens with a lot of us. So again, please know that sometimes part of our 12-step work is the medical supervision of the alcoholic. We believe and so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol in these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. That the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all, and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve. It's a beautiful description of what happened to me. I don't know that allergy is the best terminology to use in this day and age. We've come a long way since the 30s with medical terminology and everything. But I understand what he was saying. Here's what an allergy was defined at in the late 30s. An unusual reaction to a food or a beverage or an insect bite or whatever, an unusual reaction. Now, the unusual reaction that an alcoholic has to alcohol is this. If you are an alcoholic, this is what you experience. The first drink will always do one thing. Ask for the second drink. The second drink will insist on the third, and the third will demand the fourth. What happens is as alcohol goes into our body, it creates a physical craving for more alcohol. The more alcohol in our body the more the physical craving. I used to come to on the floor in the morning after I passed out the night before and I would get up and I'd look and I had just poured like a 36 ounce glass of bourbon and coke You know, with like 12 shots of bourbon in it. And you could see the froth from the ice where it had melted. You know what I mean? Like, I had passed out, but I had just made a gigantic drink. Like, how is that possible? I never would have been able to finish that drink. I was knee-walking, tongue-chewing, not able to operate my own pants zipper by that time. You know What I Mean? and still I poured a gigantic bourbon. That's that physical craving. You know, I need that. I need more alcohol. Now what it says here, the alcoholic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. Why? Because of that allergy. You know we can't become social drinkers later on. Anybody that's been around long enough has seen the commercials on TV or the new things, you know. What was the name of that program that is supposed to teach you how to drink responsibly? Like responsible alcoholism? I don't know what it was. It was something. And I had a sponsor who went to it, you Know What? He's back in AA 20 years now. It didn't go real well. But every once in a while there's like a pill. You know, if you take this pill you'll be able to drink two drinks socially, you Now. And there's a lot of these craving drugs, okay? But the problem is when I see a pill that if I take this pill, I can drink two drinks socially. I'm going to take 10 pills and then I can Drink 20 Drinks socially because that's just how I'm programmed, you know? Those things aren't going to work for me. They'll work for heavy drinkers. They'll Work for, you Know, Problem Drinkers. They're not going to Work for the alcoholic because the alcoholic, that alcohol just triggers something and it's game on. I used to go drinking with people and every once in a while they'd be like, well, had enough, going home. Are you crazy? What do you mean? It's only 11 o'clock. Dave, come on, let's go to the city. Let's get this thing done. Let's do it right. I wanted to drink with people that would get the job done. And every once a while I'd drink with somebody that did not have that craving and would have three or four and go home to wifey for prime time TV or something. I'd be like, what are you talking about? We've got to finish this thing off. So I understand that craving. Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves if they are to recreate their lives. this is a psychiatrist saying that it's beautiful frothy emotional appeal will you please just not drink so much what's wrong with you has anybody been asked that question what's long with you and you're like I don't know I don' t know but the message that can get through to us is an alcoholic who has experienced alcoholism, who's going to be sitting right across from you and is going to tell you their story and they're going to identify with you. That's why one alcoholic identifying with another is the most powerful thing in the war against active alcoholism. I really believe that. If any feel that a psychiatrist directing a hospital for alcoholics we appear somewhat sentimental let them stand with us a while on the firing line see the tragedies the despairing wives the little children let the solving of these problems become a very part of their daily work and even their sleeping moments and the most cynical will not wonder why we have accepted and encouraged this movement so Silkworth is basically saying yeah I'm a psychiatrist but I'm seeing something that's working here with these guys and damn it if you saw the tragedy The warped lives of blameless children. I mean, if you've seen this stuff and you wake up in the middle of the night dreaming about it, you'll understand why I'm recommending this particular group of religious fanatics because that's basically what they were during this period of time. They were Oxford groupers witnessing. We feel after many years of experience that we have found nothing which has contributed more to the rehabilitation of these men than the community movement now growing up among them. Which is interesting because in what got published, it was the altruistic movement now growingup among them and I find that interesting that they changed it to altruism, right? I have not met a lot of alcoholics who have not had a spiritual liking who describe themselves as altruistically, honestly, right, the idea of altruisme is that I'm going to do for others without expectation of reward for myself. And that was never my story. I only did it for you if I could get something from you. There was absolutely no chance, in fact, I'd even talk to you unless I could get something for me. That followed me into Alcoholics Anonymous too. That was not something that I would be free of overnight. But these guys had gotten it early because they had to. They had to be the guys who could get this stuff early. Men and women drink essentially because of the likely effect produced by alcohol. Don't forget, this is Silkworth describing what he's seen with us. And he doesn't understand it because he can't, he doesn'T understand that that fixes my problem. Alcohol fixes what I think is wrong with me. It doesn'T do a great job of fixing it and it doesn'T fix it forever. But for seven minutes, I'm going to feel better. And it doesn't matter what happens after that seven minutes because I need that seven months. And I will chase those seven minutes with more alcohol trying to get that new seven minutes. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to work as well as the first seven minutes. The sensation is so elusive that while they admit it's injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. So what happens for me is that the delusion starts to take hold and I don't understand why it's not a successful idea to drink. What happens is that you guys become wrong. You guys become the problem in my life. It's not the alcohol. Well, it's not the bartender who cuts me off. It's not the trip to the asylum. It's her. It's him. It' them. And I can no longer tell what the truth is that I see around me because I am mired in my own delusion. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable, and discontented unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks. Drinks they often see which they see others taking with impunity after they have succumbed to the desire again as so many do and the phenomenon of craving develops they pass through the well-known stages of a spree repeated over and over and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery what are they talking about with a psychic change is that I need to have a better understanding of my alcoholism? Do I need to have more knowledge? Or do I need to have a fundamental shift in my view? An entire cycle of change means that the things that I've held on to forever apparently are wrong. The way that I've seen the world, the way that I've treated others apparently doesn't seem to work very well. on the other hand as strange as this may seem those who do not understand once a psychic change has occurred the very same person who seemed doomed who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them actually finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol and the only effort necessarily being that required to follow a few simple rules men have cried out to me in sincere and despairing appeal doctor I cannot go on like this I have everything to live for I must stop, but I cannot. You must help me. Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he sometimes feels his own inadequacy. Although he gives all that he is to him, it is often not enough. One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change. Though the aggregate of recoveries resulting from psychiatric effort is perhaps considerable, we physicians must admit we have made little impression upon this problem as a whole. Many types do not respond to the ordinary psychological approach. I do not hold with those who believe that alcoholism is entirely a mental condition. I've had many men who had, for example, worked a period of months in some problem or business deal which was to be settled on a certain date favorably to them. They took a drink a day or so prior to the date and the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all their interests so that the important appointment was not met. these men were not drinking to escape they were drinking to overcome a craving beyond their mental control you know I had I had the experience prior to 1985 of working with a few career criminals being a career criminal myself it's not really an elite club it's kind of a tough club actually and what you don't want to do is you don'T want to say to a guy who's Italian from Staten Island that you're going to meet him with a bunch of his money and then not show up, right? It is really bad business practice to lie to a guy like that. And I found myself, in the end, incapable of knowing for a fact whether I would be there or not. And that got to be a scary situation. And that Got to Be a Scary Situation because I didn't plan that. What I knew was I was incapable of having any reality, any knowledge of what was going to unfold on that day when I was supposed to be there. The effect that alcohol had upon me was so great that it solved such an immense problem that it was impossible for me to say no to it when the mental obsession was upon me. I just had no power, choice, or control at that point. And Silkworth is telling us that he's seen this time and time again with competent businessmen. You didn't tend to end up in town's hospital if you were living under a bridge. You had to have some money because town's household was not free. And what Silk Rush saw come through the door was a lot of guys who were other doctors, lawyers, businessmen of competent earning capability. Guys who were watching their careers, their family life, and their businesses go down the drain in a time where it was a very bad time in this nation to be unemployed or to be losing your career. In the Great Depression, if you had a job because the government mandated it, you were guaranteed a raise every year. And that's one of the reasons that we had 25% unemployment. So if you hade a job, you had an desperate desire to keep that job during this period. And yet an alcoholic of my type finds it impossible. and Silkworth is observing this and seeing this time and time again the classification of alcohol seems most difficult in as much detail it's out of the scope of this book there are of course the constitutional psychopaths who are emotionally unstable well I don't know I was sure that was me for years we are all familiar with this type because you've got to go into the five types of alcoholics here. They're always going on the wagon for keeps. They are over-remorseful and make many resolutions, but never a decision. Do you have any trouble making a decision, Chris? I don't know. Then there are those who are never properly adjusted to life or so-called neurotics. Now this is slightly different than the book, isn't it? The prognosis of this type is unfavorable. The neurotic is in trouble. That's not good news. That is not good news. There is a type of man who is unwilling to admit that he cannot take a drink. He plans various ways of drinking. He changes his brand or his environment. There is the type who always believes that after being entirely free from alcohol for a period of time, he can take a drunk without danger. I've been, I think all these people at one point. There is the manic depressive type who is perhaps the least understood by his friends and about whom a whole chapter could be written. And this is where I find myself today. There are types entirely normal and ever respected except in the effect that alcohol has upon them. They're often able, intelligent, friendly people and I never expected myself to be there and I see people come into the rooms and I seen people just absolutely devastated by alcoholism in their life and I've seen people wondering if the voices in their head will ever go away and I remember those days. I absolutely know for a fact that I was one of those constitutionally incapable people who would suffer some ignominious end, that you would find me in a hotel on Route 109, bloated four days after I expired, wearing high heels and... I got that from you, Chris. No, anyway. But the amazing thing is that this body of work has brought me through the five different types of alcohol into a place where I realized that the only shortcoming, the only thing that was ever truly affected me and caused me these ills was this separation from God. The book asks me to trust God, clean house and help others. And in the manuscript they're very direct about it. They're very direct. It is about getting with God. And I never understood that I thought maybe I could just hang out with you guys and attach myself to your immense spiritual aura and, you know, just kind of tag along and see how it all worked out for you before I took any sort of step over the bridge. I really didn't think that this was going to work for me, but I'd hang out for as long as I possibly could. In the end, after doing this work, and in the end I've watched countless guys come into these rooms broken, countless guys present at fifth step, countless guys who just knew that their life was over. She was leaving, he was firing, right? The blood work didn't come back well, you know. They were on the front page of the post and in the end find themselves moving into a situation where they understand that the only true separation, the only real true problem that they've ever had is a separation from God. And it's the most amazing thing. That they're entirely capable, ready, and able in all other aspects of their life. It is an absolutely amazing thing all these and many others have one symptom in common they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving this phenomenon as we have suggested may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people sets them apart as a distinct entity so if you've experienced the phenomenon of craving, you know, you're probably in big trouble. You probably have alcoholism. It has never been by any treatment with which we are familiar permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence. And again, I talked about some of the new modern ways that they think that they can offer you some kind of a hope from that phenomenon of craving but I've never really seen it work. Certainly nothing ever worked with me. I need to stay abstinent because I'll tell you a quick story I had signed myself into rehab in 1989 I got out of rehab I was going to outpatient and I was going to AA meetings because that's what they told me in rehab I should do, I should be able to do those two things so four nights a week I'm going somewhere I've told everybody I'm not going to drink anymore I was really serious about this not drinking thing I was done, told my boss, my family I'm done. I'm never drinking again. I'm finished. And on the way to an AA meeting one night, you know, the thought crossed my mind that I hadn't been really doing that great with this AA stuff and it's been months since I've been drunk. I don't even really remember what it's like to be drunk. I know if I buy a gallon of vodka and I drink it, it'll remind me what it is and what it looks like to me drunk and it will make me feel so bad I'll rush back to Alcoholics Anonymous and really do this thing right. So I bought a gallon or vodka and drank it to improve my sobriety. Now, it didn't go that way, by the way. First drink, it's a good idea. I'm glad I thought of this. Second drink, you know, I'm all about this, figuring this stuff out and reminding myself. By the time I had the third drink, I started to get drunk and I went, oh my God, what have I just done? I'm drunk. Oh my God. And Bill talks about it in his story. we end up slamming our fist on the bar asking ourselves how can we have been so stupid to have done this again and I think we've all experienced that after we've made a firm decision not to be a horse's ass anymore all of a sudden we're a horse'S ass and what is that when I started drinking I was in the third drink and I recognized the enormity of my mistake oh my god I'm drinking again do you think I stopped drinking I finished off the bottle knowing how stupid it was to do so and that's because of the phenomenon of craving you know what I mean, you can't help it this immediately precipitates us into a seething corner of debate, much has been written pro and con but among physicians the general opinion seems to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed are doomed what is the solution perhaps I can best answer this by relating an experience of two years ago. About one year prior to this experience, a man was brought in to be treated for chronic alcoholism. He had but partially recovered from a gastric hemorrhage and seemed to be a case of pathological mental deterioration. He lost everything worthwhile in life and was only living what might say the drink. He frankly admitted and believed that for him there was no hope. Following the elimination of alcohol detoxing, there was found to be no permanent brain injury. He was not a wet drunk like a lot of the people that went through there he accepted the plan outlined in this book the aas came to him and said we've got a we've Got A Way Out and he accepted The Steps one year later he called to see me and I experienced a very strange sensation I knew the man by name and partly recognized his features but their all resemblance ended from a trembling despairing nervous wreck had emerged a man brimming over with self-reliance and contentment I talked with him for some time but was not able to bring myself to feel that I had known him before. To me, he was a stranger and so he left me. More than three years have now passed with no return to alcohol. I spent two years, the last two years of my drinking, I worked for an electrical contractor and it was not pretty. Oh my God, I blew things up and drilled into people's suit closets with big auger bits. and oh my god I wired a kitchen one time to a timer meter so it was a hot water timer meter so the kitchen would come on at 8 at night and go off at 6 in the morning I mean I was just I was a total screw up and I went back I went to make amends to my boss about a year and a half after I was sober and I looked back there and he looked at me and he goes Chris you're a young man I mean that's exactly what he said to me I look 10 years younger after I had started to get healthy in sobriety. And he just kept looking at me funny like, you can't be you! So I know this feeling. When I need a mental uplift, I often think of another case brought in by a physician prominent in New York City. The patient had made his own diagnosis and decided his situation hopeless, had hidden in a deserted barn determined to die. He was rescued by a searching party and in a desperate condition brought to me. Following his physical rehabilitation, he had a talk with me in which he frankly stated that though the treatment was a waste of effort, unless I could assure him, which no one ever had, that in the future he would have the willpower to resist the impulse to drink. His alcoholic problem was so complex, his depression so great, that we felt his only hope would be through what we called moral psychology, basically a spiritual conversion experience and we doubted if even that would have any effect however he did become sold on the ideas contained in this book he has not had a drink for more than three years I see him now and then and he is as fine a specimen of manhood as one could wish to meet I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book through and though perhaps he came to scoff he may remain to pray That's a really powerful way for Dr. Silkworth to end his letter. He hopes that we may remain to pray. You know, Alcoholics Anonymous, even in this day and age, AlcoholicsAnonymous is unapologetically about accessing the power of God to overcome your alcoholism. That's what it's about. That's where the foundational literature states. That's with the steps are all about. And, again, it may not be the most popular thing to hear in Alcoholics Anonymous, but I believe that AA is two things. I believethat you gain two things from consistent meeting attendance, practicing the principles in all your affairs, taking the steps and then being of service. I believethat you gain three things. You gain freedom and you gain power. the power that you get works in you and through you but it's not you it's a power greater than yourself and we each have our own experience with this we have our old relationship with this and that is as it should be it's kind of rude to get too involved in that with somebody like your God needs to look like this that's really not what we do in AA what we what we DO do is we say if you don't get a relationship with a higher power, you're going to die. We'll tell you that, but we're not going to tell you what kind of higher power to have. The other thing that you get from Alcoholics Anonymous is freedom. There's a remarkable amount of freedom that is possible in AA. Freedom from your own worst instincts, your own worst character defects. Freedom from anxiety and fear. Freedom from resentment and the hatred that we carry around. Freedom from the guilt, the shame and the remorse of the past and how we've let ourselves down and let the people down that we care about the most. Freedom, freedom to overcome what they call in this book the bondage of self. And that's really what alcoholism is. We drink. I used to think that I was an alcoholic because I drank too much. Today, I believe I drank too much because I'm an alcoholic. I had the cart before the horse. The alcohol was a solution to my alcoholism. My alcoholism was a separation from God and man. It was a spiritual vacancy within myself where I just could not be comfortable with myself and my environment, and I needed to put something in me to feel connected, to feel comfortable. And Alcoholics Anonymous is about that freedom, that freedom that you don't have to experience that. You can get that comfort spiritually through a relationship with God and renewed relationships with our fellow man and other alcoholics, if that makes any sense. No? No. So I have an assignment for everybody who is considering coming back next week. one of the things that I did when Chris so abruptly asked me if I wanted to do a big book workshop many years ago when I showed up at the home group and he was sponsoring me and I was fairly certain I was going insane and I walked over to ask him whether or not he thought I was too old to be going insane he rudely interrupted me and said would you like to do a big books workshop but one of things that I never asked him the question in fact but one of the things that I did early on was I said to myself because I have this kind of process that I go through at work where it's kind of a I drill down and try to find out every aspect of whatever I'm looking at is if I'm going to take this book if I're going to talk about if I want to take the experience as being presented to me and being held out to be a solution to all my problems then I should understand the genesis of it and where it came from now we're in a manuscript workshop guys let's talk about where did this come from right and you know Bill Wilson got hooked up with and dr. Bob was a was a two-year member of the Oxford group and it wasn't working for dr. bob you know he was coming home drunken and pass out under the table and but the amazing thing about early alcoholist novice is just how much we took from the Oxford and how much were you learned from the Oxford group and it shows up in our traditions also so I would urge everybody to spend a little time between now and next week finding out going out and reading a little bit about the Oxford group to find out about their history and their influence upon alcoholics knowledge you will have a hard time finding the Oxford Group today because the Oxford no longer exists as the Oxford it does exist as the initiatives of change is their new name they had changed her name to moral rearmament and then to initiative of change in the 40s and the 50s. Actually, initiative of exchange may have happened in the 60s or even the 70s. And the reason for that is because in the 30s... Was it Buckman who went overseas? Buckman made the big mistake of saying, thank God for Hitler. Oops! He had had dinner with Goebbels, and Goebbeels was the disinformation king of the Nazi party. He was about spreading lies and misperceptions about what they were trying to accomplish. Buckman has dinner with Goebbels. Goebbeels convinces Buckman, we are a great Christian organization. We're doing great things over here. And this was like in 37, I think it was or 38. He ends up coming back to New York and going, those Nazis are okay. Oops. Because a big thing happened later on after that. On the front page of the New York Times, Buckman says, Buckman loves Hitler. That was it for the Oxford group. You want to see meeting attendants drop off? AA loves Saddam Hussein, you know, would be the modern corollary. But the truth is they were doing great things. And if it wasn't for them, I don't know that I'd be here today. So it doesn't matter what my religious leanings or beliefs are. It doesn't mater what my higher power or my God looks like today. It is an incredibly interesting story about how Bill Wilson got sober and how Ebi Thatcher got sober because they came and rescued his ass out of jail. Two guys from the after group, Merlin Hazard, right? And how Dr. Bob was already a member. And how much we actually absorbed out of that group. And they didn't meet in churches. They met in homes because they were a first century Christianity organization. organization. They wanted to do away with the, I want to use the word pomp and circumstance, but that's probably not the correct way of describing it. They want to be pure and simple. And one of the great gifts that we got was a very pure and simple program. So I think we have about two minutes. So open it up to any serious concerns.