The Only Thing He’s Good At Is Plagiarizing – Russell S.

I want to welcome everybody to the regular step meeting of the West Miami group of Alcoholics Anonymous. My name is Russell, I'm an alcoholic. I'm a member of the Paul Gables group of Alpholics Anonymous, would you help me join, would you join me in a moment of sound meditation while we follow that with a serenity prayer? God, grant me the strength and serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom of no other difference. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, make an oath with each other that they may solve their common problem, help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. For no dues or fees for any membership, we're self-supporting through our own contributions. Today is not alive with any sex, denomination, politics, organization, or institution. It does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. Please turn off your beepers and cell phones during the meeting. Please refrain from conversations during the meet so that others may hear the message. And who did I ask? Lindsay, did I asked you to do how it works? Hi, my name is Lindsay. I'm an alcoholic. This is how it works. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed a path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunate people that they are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable while grasping and developing a manner of living which demands reverse honesty, their chances are less than average. There are those too who suffer from brave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happens, and what we're like now. If you've decided you want what you have and are willing to go to any length to get it, than who are ready to take certain steps. As some of you have walked, we thought we could find an easier, softer way, but we could not. With all the earnestness of our commanders, we gave it to you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and result with nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, fast-flowing power-balls. Without help, it is too much for us. but there is one who has all power that one is God may he find him now half measures availed us nothing we stood at the turning point he asked his protection and care with complete abandon here are the steps we took which are suggested in the program of recovery 1. He admitted through the palace over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable 2. Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity 3. May the decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him 4. May this searching, fearless, moral inventory of ourselves 5. It leads to God, to ourselves, and to another human being in the exact nature of our lives 6. We're entirely ready to have God in all these defects of character 7. Come what may ask, He returns with more shortcomings 8. May the list of all persons we have mocked and if you are willing to make amends to them all 9. May direct amends to such people wherever possible accepting to do so in age of them or others 10. Continue to take personal inventory and when we are long confident in it 11. Talk through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. And twelve, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Many of us experience what an order and can't go through with it. Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything but a perfect adherence to this principle. We are not faint. The point is that we are willing to grow along the spiritual line. The principles we have set down are guided to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to be adopted, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas. A. That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own mind. D. That probably no human power could have reduced alcoholism and C. That God could and would be to our side And see, thanks a lot and if you can hand that over to Jerry over here he's going to do the Twelve Traditions Thank you Hello everybody I'm Jerry, an alcoholic I'm grateful to be here tonight The Twelve Tradition Number one One, our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon AA unity. Two, for our group purposes, there is but one ultimate authority, a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not go. 3. The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking 4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole 5. Each Group has the one primary purpose to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers 6. An AHA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the AHA name to any related facility or outside enterprise lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose 7. Every AHA Group ought to be fully self-supporting in finding outside contributions 8. Alcoholic Anonymous should remain forever non-professional so that our service centers may employ special workers 9. AA as such ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve 10. Alcoholic Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the AA name ought to never be drawn into public controversy. 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and family. well anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions and we're reminding us by principles the four personalities thanks a lot Jerry let me see in Lindsay are there any out-of-town visitors here who would like to introduce themselves anybody here for their first day aiming first time at this meeting yes sir You know, if you're not a member of a group, this is a good group to join. It's been around for many, many years. Just see the bartender after the meeting. If you're a new member, stay after the meet and get to know us better. This is a closed meeting of alcoholics anonymous in support of a singleness of purpose. Attendance at closed meetings is limited to persons who have a desire to stop drinking. If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you're welcome to attend this meeting. We ask that when discussing our problems we confine ourselves to those problems. as it relates to alcoholism. And this is step 12, the swan song, and then I'm off. So it's been a real privilege to – I'm real grateful that I've gotten to come here. I love this group. You know, I love being – it's always good for me to be at an AA meeting. It's always privileged when they ask me to share at an AAA meeting and fulfill whatever purpose I think God had me put on the planet for. This is the real deal. And so I'm real grateful that, you know, the group allowed me to come here. I'm grateful that you all put up with me for 12 weeks. And I now go on to some other place on the other side of the planet up in Hollandale. And some people have asked me, you knows, where I'm going to be. It's going to Friday nights at 830 starting on May 19th. And it's going be, I think it's called the Hollandales 12 and 12 group. It's in a Lutheran church. And if you want more information on that, just email me. My email, email me and I'll send it out to you, the information. So I'm really looking. That's why my old sponsor's group, he's deceased now, Joe Snyder's group. I'm glad to go up there. I have a lot of good friends. I've got a bunch of people I sponsor up there, and they don't come down today. But I like to see them. It's good to see them when I go up there, so it'll be a pleasure going up there. It would be nice to get to a meeting somewhere like within a couple of blocks of my house, but I don't know if that's possible. One of these days you might actually. I think you said that maybe I'll do something at the South Bay that would be interesting. But in any event, it's good. I want to talk about 12-step. I was telling somebody, as I've mentioned here before on something like this, at one time during the week I found myself thinking, which is always dangerous, about what I was going to say at the 12th step. And it was just at a particular time I was driving in my car and I started thinking about something having to do with the 12nd step. I can't remember what part I was thinking of, spiritual awakening or practicing principles or discipling people or whatever it was. But I started cogitating about it, and I just had a great meeting in my car in my head. And I'm going to tell you, it was so profound, even I can't believe how great it was. But unfortunately, unfortunately, it wasn't until a few days ago, and I forgot everything that I was thinking. At best, you guys are getting sloppy seconds. You're going to get whatever I can come up with. and you missed the best meeting that happened in my head a few days ago. But anyway, there's a book that came out called Seven. Anybody ever read the book Seven? It's like it's out of print. You've probably read the books. It just has a seven on it. I think it has a blue cover. I don't know if you guys have it. It's an AA deal. What happened was a guy wrote this book when he was seven years sober. He wrote about the steps when he was 7 years sober. And he wrote about his steps when he was 14 years sober, and then he wrote about this perspective of the steps when he 21 years sober." So it was like a real interesting read. you know, my whole life talking at meetings is built on plagiarizing and stealing stuff from other people. You know, you say stuff enough times, you don't even know whether you got it from somebody else or it's your own original thoughts. Sometimes I spend half the meeting reading the big book and people say I really appreciate what you said oh I'm doing three in the big book but this thing one of the things that it showed me is the obvious I mean the obvious is so ridiculous we sit here and go aha to things that are so obvious and that is as time goes by your thoughts about this stuff change my thoughts about the 12th step and you know talking about the 12th step and you and these steps and all these steps are different now 25 years than when I had 25 days or 25 weeks or 25 months and you know the way you think about these things are going to change too you know based upon what's going on in your life and your experience with them and your spiritual development and your spiritual maturity I think there's a maturation process that happens in AA that you get more mature with your spirituality and you just look at things differently and I've likened it to looking through a prism you know you look through a prisma or a kaleidoscope and you change the kaleidoscopes or you go one foot to the left an inch here, an inch there and all of a sudden there's different colors there's a different aura it looks different it's all beautiful but it's a difference it's not a different deal and you know when I first came in I was confused about all these things I mean totally absolutely confused now I'm still confused but you know I mean I know a little bit but I mean you're still confused about certain things nobody knows it all or understands it all or anything coming close to it but I think things sort of take you differently and when I'll tell you what there's the difference between reading about these things and hearing about these things and thinking about these things and doing these things and not only doing these things, doing these things over a period of time while you're experiencing life. I mean it's one thing to sit in a room and talk about carrying the message to other people. And it's another thing to be going through something really tough and going out on a 12-step call and coming out the other end of that. I mean, there's something about actually taking this thing on the road. You know, isn't that what they do with Broadway plays? There's a big difference between doing it in the classroom and taking it on the Road as far as character building and what happens to you and the things you learn. And some of the things your learn by talking to another drunk or by doing 12-set work or, you know, discipling people or sponsoring people on the road are things that you know they just sort of I can't even put them in words they just sort of change your DNA you know one day you're like this and you take it on the rode and two years later you're like that you know you're like this one day two years later you're like that and if you try to explain it somebody says well how do you change you can't even explain how you changed you can't even explain all the intricacies of where the changes happened because some of them happened while you were sleeping, late at night. You know, God did the whole thing. You can't sort of like... All you know is one day you were like this and the next... One day you're blind, next day you saw. One day, you were lame, next day, walk. One day... You know... You put your death, next day here. You just see things differently. Things happen to you. And, you know, that's what AA is about. It's about transformation. I mean, that what the promises are about. Everything in AA is really about transformation, it's about becoming transformed. I mean nobody's drinking in AA. and really nobody's drinking I mean there's a few people drinking and everything but really for the most part people in A meetings aren't drinking you're not here because you're drinking I mean if you're drinking you need to go detox you know but I mean people in AA aren't thinking they're in the process of being transformed spiritually and you know you really have to take this thing on the road and put it into practice I want to read a few things from the big book that I sort of like picked out some stuff sort of liked the Pulp Fiction deal you know I sortof picked out some stuf that's sort of like, first of all, whenever I'm talking about a step, and I'm going to just use the 12 steps because that's what I'm on right now. There's so many different areas you can talk about in the 12 Steps. You can talk About the 12 Steps in terms of sponsoring people and helping people and carrying the message to people and that kind of stuff, which I love, which is great. And then you could talk about the 12 Steps in terms of practicing principles in all your affairs, which is a whole other section that's a whole other deal you know and then you can talk about the spiritual awakening that's another thing you can try to hit them all certainly there's enough here to keep you in meetings you can tell about this for the rest of your life and we do so I want to read a few things in here which sort of like touch on different parts of the 12 steps and then discuss them briefly about how it's affected my life Now, this thing is really amazing. I got sober in January of 1981, and my mother, who had been sober three years before that, gave me a tape of Clancy, and a lot of you people may know who Clancy is. He's a very good circuit speaker, still alive, has been around for many years now. He may have like 45 years now or something. I'm not even sure. But she gave me this tape in 1981, and it was the greatest and I put this tape in and I was like captivated by it I mean it was like one of these things I listened to this tape and it wasn't I'm telling you it was heroin it was whatever it is whatever the most addictive drug it was opium I listened to this take I plugged it in then I listened to it again I used to do that with songs there'd be certain songs that came on the radio only the lonely you know what I mean then I paid that sucker over and over again you know that was good that was good drinking and not drinking that was good you know a pirate looks at 40 Jimmy Buffett over and over again but I used to play this Clancy tape now what happened was he made this tape at a function that he spoke at like about five years before so like in 1975 he went to the Tar Heel maybe 1979 I'm not sure he went to the Tar Heels convention in North Carolina and he produced they caked them you know I was still drinking when he made this tape. And so in 1981, my mom gives me this tape and I listen to this thing. And I listened to it over and over and over and over. I mean, I'll tell you, I used to drive from my house in the southwest section to downtown Miami for like five years, you know, I did this deal. And the drive was like about an hour and I would listen to his tape and the tape was about an hours and I'd listen to it all the way over on the drive and then on the way back I didn't listen to it on the way back. And I did this with several tapes that I fell in love with in AA. I did these with some Railkeep tapes and Bob B. tapes and different guys, Sandy Beach tapes, different people that are good speakers. And I just fell in Love with these. But I fell In Love With This Clancy Cope. And I got to the point where I knew the exact inflection, everything they said, how they said it, the words and everything it was just like in my DNA I mean I could repeat the thing I could do their story better than they could do theirs and I'd be going through rough times and listen to this tape and I would be going through good times and listen to this take and this tape would pick me up and something would happen to me in my life that would be bad and I remember something he said on the tape I'd been in a room sharing stuff from this tape you know I probably gave him credit sometimes you know what I mean I think once in a while I gave him credit and then when I felt comfortable with it it was all mine you know what I mean so God half the stuff you guys are hearing is probably Clancy you know I mean it's probably not even me you know because it sort of melds in and all sorts of and you know what's funny when I was about four or five years sober for two years in a row I did the you know they have the intergroup banquet here and I was the intergroup blanket chairman so I could bring down whoever I wanted to bring down and who do you think the first guy that brought it down Clancy well actually the first time with Johnny Harris and then I brought down Clancy you know who was sponsoring him and you want to he gave his talk it was a marvelous talk it was one I couldn't wait for everybody to hear the Clancy that Clancy that thing I fell in love with and he gave this talk and it was a typical Clancy you know so it was a great talk I'm sure and everybody went up after me told the greatest talk oh that was the most fantastic talk and I was sitting there and I said that was so bad that was so bad I hated it it was horrible you know why because for five years I had been listening to that one tape it wasn't even Clancy Clancy wasn't good it was that tape that did something it just sort of like melded with me that tape and what happened was the only talk I would have been satisfied with was that talk you know I mean what I really wanted is I just wanted to play the tape forget Clancy. I should have just, he, I should have played the tape and he should have lip synced it. You know what I mean? And since he didn't play that tape, I was disappointed. Everybody else loved it and they bought copies of it and all. I said, but it wasn't that tape. It wasn't the tape I fell in love with. You know, and that tape I will always remember. I have that tape on my computer. You know? I tried to put that tape on CD, but he spoke for like an hour and a half. I'll figure out how to do it so I can give it out so other people will hear that tape." But here's the deal. He did that tape in like 1979 I got sober in 1981 and that tape is part and parcel of my staying sober and I've shared that tape with a lot of people and I have spoken about that tape I wonder when he gave that tape in 1979 he realized how important it would be in my life and what about the people I share it with once you let something out in an A room once you bump into somebody, once you talk to somebody once you say something it's like a link in a chain you never know where that thing is going to go you just never know you plant the seed, you don't have it because it's all in God's hands I mean the most incredible story really in the big book when you think about it is the 12 step call that is responsible for all of us being here and that is the, what's the 12th step call responsible for us being here the 12 th step call that's responsible for us being there is the twelve step call that happened before the twelve steps before the steps were even written from when the big book was even written. The thing that got us here is ultimately the thing that got Bill Wilson here, which is ultimately the thing to get us here and the thing that got Evie Thatcher to speak to Bill Wilson was that call. What was that all about? That was about Evie Thatcher coming over to visit Bill Wilson and sharing him a simple religious idea wherever that came from. We know where that came from. And Bill Wilson was drinking and getting drunk while he was listening to it and continued to drink afterwards. So by human standards, as if he was walking away, you've got to look at that deal and say, man, that was a flop. That was a failure. You know, what was the good of that? And then it was six months later, Bill gets sober, and all of a sudden he has that spiritual awakening and that kind of deal. And then he sponsors back. He talks to a gazillion people, none of whom get sober. None of whom yet sober. And then finally winds up in Akron, Ohio. Akron, Ohio I mean I don't want to be in Akron Ohio drunk or sober you know I mean nothing against that it's probably a nice place I mean that's what Dr. Bob Dr. Bobs home is and everything like that and you know he's sitting in the Mayflower Hotel and he's sitting there you talk about this reminds me of the Leo story which I'm not going to you talk about a guy who wants to stay sober he's sitting there dialing preachers churches you know the church on the thing to try to find another alcoholic talking of reason. You've got an alcoholic, you've got a... And, you know, we didn't find it until the ninth preacher. Do you understand? The ninth church he called up, a guy knew Henrietta Seidling and hooked him up with Seidlin and hooked him up. Do you realize that on the eighth call, he said, well, screw this, this ain't working. He'd still be drunk? I mean, I don't know. But he'd still been drunk, but he kept on going. It was finally the ninth call where he finally hooked up with somebody and they went over and the rest is basically AA history. So I want to read a couple of things from the big book which to me, look they have to do with, there's nothing I can read in here that wouldn't have to do probably every step but there's some things about the 12th step in here and I won't necessarily read them in any order but I just want to get the ideas out there and then just talk a little bit more about them and first of all he sold himself short you know I just love reading this deal one of the things One of the things about the 12-step is it's not only sharing like this right now or just showing up at a meeting or even being in the audience. It's all 12-stepped stuff. It's also, you know, it's all every time you're interacting with somebody, who you are, that's about the twelfth step. I mean, I don't believe the big book says. I'm just one of these guys. I don' t believe the book says that you've got to get from the twelveth step to the tweldeth step. I don't believe in this stuff that you gotta you know I have people say they raise their hand and they say well I can't sponsor because my sponsor says I haven't done this stuff yet I don' t believe in that you know I mean that's just me that doesn't mean I'm right that doesn' t mean you're wrong if you believe I don''t believe in it you know because I don ''t know we would have been Bill Wilson started sponsoring and doing stuff you know like right out of the shoot you know I mean I think it was six months when he met Dr. Bob I mean if he had some sponsor saying you can't talk to that guy he moved into the guy's house they started going around hospitals together you know, I mean who knows where he was like as wacky as a loon, Bill Wilson you know? Dr. Bob was right not far behind him, if somebody had said look you're breaking the rules, you know you haven't done the 12 step, you haven'T done the formula we'd be drunk, they'd be drunK you know what I mean? I mean, you knOw the truth is if somebody comes up to you and you've got 3 months you know or I mean it is probably you know there's probably degrees on this deal but if somebody goes up to somebody and You know, they're into the steps and they're sober and they've got six months, eight months and they say, will you sponsor me? Or something like that. Or whatever it is. I guess it's okay. You know they wouldn't ask you if they didn't see something in you that you have that they want. You know and most people say no and you know why they say no? Why do you think they say not? Because they're scared. Because they are scared. They're going to screw up as if as if something you can do to get can get somebody to drink. I'm telling you, if there's something that, if you think, this ain't brain surgery. If you think you're going to say something to an alcoholic that's going to get them to drink, good luck. Okay? My theory is do whatever you can to try to get him to drink. Okay? And they won't drink. Beg them not to drink but go out and drink them and go drink on them. You know what I mean? I don't know. I don' t think there's anything anybody could have said that would have gotten me. You know, you're either, you know, and you know if you're not a good sponsor, if you ain't working for them, they'll fire your ass. most of these people ain't going to call you back anyway that's the bottom they ain't gonna call you back anyway 10 guys asking their sponsor maybe one call but the bottom line is I believe that I'll tell somebody they'll come up to me and say so-and-so asked me to sponsor anything one of the things sponsorship does and working with people does is get your brain off of you man I'll take it some guy will tell me he'll start whining about something that's going on in his life and I'll ask him I'll say how many people do you sponsor and you know one or two and I will say you need to sponsor about six or seven he says why he says you obviously have a spare ten seconds to think about yourself anything that gets you on the phone talking about somebody else with their problems I don't believe in this stuff but there's limits people ask me how many people do I sponsor I say I didn't know I was supposed to keep count I remember Johnny Harris once said to me can I call you is your telephone unlisted, he says, I don't know what fellowship you're in. I'm an outlaw synonymous. I'm available. I'm able. Somebody asks me, I say yes. You know, I've been saying yes all my life to everybody. I never say no. I always say yes. You know? If somebody is willing to come up to me, I say yes, you know? They live in Taiwan. I say, yes. I say you may want to get somebody who's in Taiwan but you want to call me, I'm a bailiff. You know why? Because I have the ability if somebody calls to say, I can't speak to you now. See, I know how to do that. I know how to say I can speak to you now. I can't talk to you now, and somebody says I'll say this to someone, and this is just my opinion, and I could be wrong, somebody will come and he says well what if he asked me this or what if I said how about this I'm going to teach you something somebody comes up to him and asks you something he says I'm in love with a cocaine dealer and she's stashing three kilos of coke underneath the rug and I think it's going to I think I may drink, what do I do? And you don't know what to say you know what I mean? Because you know because she's pregnant and you know I don't want to leave her, okay? And you're like, and, you know, it's sort of like throwing you, you know, and so this is what you say. Now, this is where you, I say, now listen to me. This is what he said. He said, who, first of all, he says, this isn't what he says. Well, I don' t know. But maybe my sponsor knows. Why don' we ask him? I said, now repeat that. You do that? And they said, well, I don' , I said sometimes as a sponsor, the only thing you do is, or wise enough to point them to somebody else who may know the answer. Can you point? Can you say, I don't know, what about that guy? What about that girl? Sometimes the job of a sponsor is just to point to somebody. You know, because I've got to tell you something. To me sponsorship and being sponsored is the number one deal next to the willingness. It's the number 1 deal and I want to really, really get into why I think sponsorship is so unbelievably important. I can basically tell what's happening with some what the deal is going to be based upon that deal based upon the sponsorship sponsee relationship for 25 years I've been watching this happen in front of my face I've seen people that really in a sense make it have quality sobriety have their feet on the ground are stable and I watch what they're doing. I watch where they hang out and who they have with and what their deal is. And then I see people that have problems. And it is possible to have 20 years and 25 years and be a loner. It is possible to be a loaner in an egg. It's a sad deal. It's sad deal, you know? It's said this is a group thing. And I'm going to talk a little bit more about that. Let me read these things. Okay, first one, he sold himself short. These last 18 years have been the happiest of my life. Try to know that statement may seem. Fifteen of those years I would not have enjoyed had I continued drinking. Doctors told me before I stopped that I'd only three years be outside and live. This latest part of my wife has had a purpose, not in the great things accomplished but in daily living. Courage to face each day has replaced the fears and uncertainties of earlier years. acceptance of things as they are has replaced the old impatient chomping at the bit to conquer the world I have stopped tilting at windmills and instead have tried to accomplish the little daily tasks unimportant in themselves but tasks that are an integral part of living fully where derision, contempt and pity were once shown me I now enjoy the respect of many people where once I had casual acquaintances all of whom were fair-weather friends I now have a host of friends who accept me for what I am and over my 80 years I have made many real honest sincere friendships that I shall always cherish. I'm rated as a modestly successful man. My stock of mature goods isn't great, but I have a fortune in friendships, courage, self-assurance, and an honest appraisal of my own ability. Above all, I have gained the greatest thing according to any man, the love and understanding of a gracious God who has lifted me from an alcoholic scrappy to a position of trust where I have been able to reap the rich rewards, the rich awards, the rich... Now listen. You either want rich rewards or you don't. You either want what this thing has to offer. AA is not going to offer you money. It's not going even offer you a job. You know, that's not the reward you're going to get in AA. The rich reward is going to be that comes from showing the little love for others and from serving them as I can. It's all about service. It's always about serving. It's also about service and you can't serve people. You can't be a servant when your head is up your ass and you're wrapped up in yourself. When you're wrapping up in your own life. And let me tell you something. That's from a guy whose head is up his ass and wrapped up in itself. There ain't nobody in here, let me tell you something, I'll put my self-centeredness against any one of you sons of bitches. You know what I mean? Let me tell ya something. I am a foreign self-pideoholic. You don't know what I mean. You give me the least little, just give me an inch, I am constantly, there's a whole part of my brain let me say to them, there are 50 million neurons in my brain that are saying, me, me me, money money, job, security white, me, me and there's like one lonely neuron saying help another guy like one lonely neuron going the opposite direction I got like one gene in my entire body that's like good the rest is evil really, you better link up with some shit in here you better have some health because I'm telling you this is a serious disease I'm just not well enough I'm really not to go it alone somebody says you're a nice guy you're good guy no I'm not listen I know who I am what is it that I'm a nice guy I know my story maybe you forgot your story I know exactly what I am I know everything decent I've ever done in my life everything decent was somebody else trust me it was somebody else's idea and not only with somebody else everything I've ever done decent in AA. Anything that's done decent in AA, not only was it somebody else's idea, but initially I did it under heavy coercion. It wasn't like, okay, I'll do that. Okay, I'm going to do that now. I'll go. It was like, I don't have time. You don't understand. It was a heavy guilt trip on me. Put a gun to my head. Were you better or something? And force me in the car. And then only after doing it 20 or 30 thousand times where I built up some sort of relationship where I actually saw it working in my life and I said hey this shit really does work and I started getting the goodies from it that all of a sudden became a way of life and now it's like oh man this is what I do because I'm good I mean forget it this is a thing you don't get into it and I'll tell you no this is just me I am convinced and I don't know how you quantify this that I did AA the way, hey, I think it's supposed to be done. I did it not for me. I certainly didn't do it for my wife who was on the side of the 50 million other neurons. You know what I mean? What, are you going on another meeting? You know, I didn't doing it for myself. I didn�t do it with my kids. I did for my sponsor and for the other guys that I was hanging out with. I mean, I'm telling you, I joined a group. I'm not only talking about like the call room or the Killian Pines group. I'm talking about the relationships I made with people this is all about relationships it says see to it that your relationship with God God is right and great events will come to pass but when you first come in here and you have no idea what a God is you don't even want to hear about God you're all warped about God you're confused about God and you don' t even see God the closest thing you've got to God is the guy who's sitting next to you who has one week more than you do the closest thing you have to God or a power greater than you is the guy who's speaking from the podium I mean they're as screwed up as you are but it's the closest things you have to latch on to because you certainly can't latch on to anything out there and the bottom line is that you may not have a relationship with God but I'll tell you something you, the guys that build up a relationship with another person and I'm going to say a sponsor at this point a sponsor or even older members of Outlaws and Ons because I had a sponsor, Bob Sullivan was my first sponsor but he had, guess what guys who have long term serious sobriety, you know what I learned about them they're not loners they hang around other guys that have long term serious sobriery so very often if you're in the company of like a Bob Sullivan you're also in the country of a Joe Snyder you're the company above Dunbar you know look, you hang around me you go to dinner with me you're going to meet John it's like in groups we're like in groups here it doesn't matter if I'm not doing well one day he's doing okay you've got a father, you've Got a grandfather you've GOT a great-grandfather you're in the family this is like the mafia nobody gets out alive this is not designed for this deal this is just like the sopranos you take the blood oath you're IN THE FAMILY and the bottom line is I needed that and what happens is you start doing stuff you start you know why you go to meetings when you feel like going to meetings you go to meetings because it goes up to you that night and you're not feeling well you're a little tired you wouldn't go to the meeting trust me because I've been there I'm not feeling well I don't feel like going to meetings you go to meetings because your sponsor gets on the phone and says you need to be at this meeting now listen to me if you don't have a relationship with your sponsor or if you don't give a shit about your sponsor or if you're one of these wise guys, smart Alex hip-slipping cool guys that look down on people that follow people around you know, that are disciples and follow people round. Let me tell you something the people that are the greatest people in the world today I guarantee you if you sit down, the greatest people people that look up to, I guarantee you, I don't care if they're presidents of the United States if you just sit down with them they'll start talking you about their heroes. There'll be somebody that they followed around that they learned from and they just are dying to tell you about. You know what I mean? I'm sure Abraham Lincoln if you sat down with him, you'd say, what's the deal? He'd start talking about other people in his lives. It may be a teacher. It may me a pastor. If you sat down with, who's the gal? Mother Teresa. She wouldn't say, well, I just hung out by myself and this is the idea I came up with. She'd talk about other people in her lives that she was close to. You know, the people that really go somewhere have somebody you know, Tiger Woods, who was his mentor, his father. You know? Let me tell you something. Most of the guys that come here have no relationship with any father. They don't even know what a father is. Most guys that come in here have had no decent relation. I don't know about the women. I do know a little bit about the men, but I know the women can talk to themselves, but there's not a guy. I shouldn't say there's probably one. Most of those guys I meet in here had no relationship, a decent relationship with another man that was a role matter in their entire sorry lives. And they're just dying for that and everything else. So if you're one of these guys that look down on that crap because you're so cool, you ain't going to make it. You ain't going to make it and of course you're not going to believe in God because you don't believe in anything. You don't belief in people you don'T believe in trusting people, you DON'T believe in being a servant, you donT believe in how can you even feign humility and I'm not even close to humble, but how can you claim humility if you can't put yourself under the tutelage of another human being? If you can look somebody in the eyes and say, you know what's great about it? You see, if you don't give a crap about a sponsor, and if you do not care that it is all bullshit to you, then nobody can ever have any effect on you. Do you understand that? Nobody can ever have an effect on me. The greatest A.A.er, you know, whoever you think the greatest is, can come into your life and love you like crazy and say why don't you do this and if you don't give a crap if you have no relationship with that person no feeling of tutelage or respect or anything or any relationship you'll say well yeah I thanks but you don' t understand and you'll go your own way anyway and you're a dead turtle you ain't going to make it you're dead because I developed a respect and a relationship with these people where I did not want to disappoint them I didn't want to disappoint them this may sound crazy I can't tell you how many times when I didn't drink or I felt like drinking I was going to drink or do something crazy a thought would wish across my mind you know what the thought would be? Oh, what will my friends think? Now that what will I friends think even though it's like a pee pleaser that's probably a good a healthy what will you friends think because I was thinking I used to think if I don't drink what will your friends think I used it you know what do you say when you come in here if somebody asks you to drink you know what do I say what do i say because I've got to say something so they won't think bad of me or something like that, you know? How many people drink because of peer pressure? You think we're leaders in here? Alcoholics are followers. We are so pressured. We feel so much pressure. Let me tell you something. Next to alcoholism with the booze, the greatest addiction we have is belongism. You know, let me tell你 something. The absolute insidious desire to belong and be accepted that almost killed me on the street saved my ass in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, I would do anything. I would prostitute myself. I would prosecute my morals. I would say things about people that were nasty behind their back. I would look horrible at people. I would live a horrible life. Just do anything just so you would not reject me. Just so you would allow me to belong and hang out with you. You know? Really. that's how bad it was so I come in here all of a sudden I find myself doing stuff that I would never do in a million years going to meetings, doing stuff maybe because I want you to like me maybe because i don't want to disappoint you maybe because I don't wanna disappoint my sponsor whatever the heck it is but I'm doing it and you only do that if you have a relationship with somebody now you may think everybody has this thing going and you would be wrong trust me you would be wrong I mean I've sponsored enough people I watch it happen I watch there are people in here and maybe they're just the fortunate ones they take to this thing you know they can't wait when's the next meeting where are we going we're in a meeting for dinner you know some of them you need a knife and a blowtorch to get them off you you know they're calling you every five minutes every three hours where are you going where are your meetings where are this that and the other thing and then you've got others that are like you know like a run around trying to avoid you you know we're going to this and that well I don't have time and I can tell you this the guys that don't have time the guys that are always busy the guys that whenever they're in a group of guys they're looking to get out they say I gotta leave or something the guys that really are just they just don't have the time for this stuff or for whatever reason it makes them feel uncomfortable and there are some people not everybody like that have a rough go of it I mean this is just what I've seen they have a rough go of it they have a difficult time you know even the women I see around here that seem to do well, man they're always hanging around in groups of women and they know other women and you know it's like a one big happy family and they're going out for lunch together and they are doing stuff together they are socializing together so fellowship I think is like real important, let me read a couple of other things and one thing I'd like to read in the vision for you Where is it? It's the first part of vision field. It says, now within a serious drink of being dry at the moment says I don't miss it at all. Feel better, work better, having a better time. Feel better. Work better. Having a better job. Don't miss at all how many times you heard people say hey, I ain't never going to drink again I'm feeling great, no problem everything's great. This is what the big book says. We smile at the cell we know our friend the cell like a boy with some dark people experience he fools himself he wouldn't believe he would give anything like a half dozen drinks and get away with them He will presently try the old game again because he isn't happy about his sobriety. How do they know? They put this in the book. They say, feel better, look better, have a great time, no problems, everything's cool, see you around, thanks a lot. You know, I appreciate the book, God bless you, I'm sorry I don't have time, you don't understand, I'll see you later. He's going to have to leave because he ain't happy with his sobrietty. Because the people that are going to make this thing don't talk like that. they don't talk like that he cannot fix your life without alcohol someday you will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it then he will know half loneliness as few do he will be at the jumping off place he will wish for the end we have shown how to get out from under you say yes I'm willing but I am consigned to a life where I might be stupid, boring and glum like some righteous people I see I know I must get along with liquor but how can I? have you a sufficient substitute what do you think the substitute is? Parcheesi I mean what do you think the substitute is yes there is a substitute it's vastly more than it is it is a fellowship of alcoholics anonymous it is the fellowship it is this this is the deal this is the fellowship you come to me in a meeting and I say to him I'll say this to everybody I'll tell you so what's the deal what's going on I said this is it I said if you're looking if you are an AA and you are looking for something You see right now this group, this deal right here? If you're in A and you're saying, man, if you're looking for something better than this, you're going to be certainly disappointed. This is like about as good as it gets in A. I mean, here's the good news and the bad news. Here's the goodness and the madness. This is it. It really is. No, I know. Do you think there's probably something better coming along? No. This is a hit. You know what I mean? I've been going to A&E for 25 years. This is about as good as it gets. You know What I Mean? On a bad day, this is it. You know, maybe 5% better here and there. This is it, you know? If you ain't geeked out about this, you're going to have a real problem. You know WHAT I MEAN? Well, some of you will get it in about 25 years, some of them won't. It won't matter, you know. This is Ed, you know, if you ainít enjoying this, you're gonna have some real problems. It is a fellowship without false anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom, and worry. Your imagination will be fired life will mean something last the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead thus we'll find a fellowship and so will you I want to read there's so much stuff in here to go through but there was one thing I wanted to let me see what I can find that no alcohol states cannot recover unless he has his family back this just as a note so in some cases the wife will never come back for one reason or another remind the prophet that his recovery does not depend upon people it depends upon his relationship with God that's your relationship thing again burn the idea in the conscience of every man they can get well regardless of anyone the only condition is that he trusts in God and clean house now where do you think the person if that's the deal if that has to be burned into your mind that no matter what wife or no wife, job or no job money or no money health or no health it can all be wonderful if you just trust in God if that is the deal you need to buy into where do you think you're going to get that from like your boss maybe your wife will say that to you I mean I've been married for 25 years but you know I like my wife she's okay you know I remember her saying I remember him saying wife or no wife job or no job don't worry about me don't worried about money just trust I remember that stuff I remember things like what are you crazy you're called to another meeting what's all this God stuff I don't remember that crap you know she's on the side of the 50 million other neurotics you know I'll tell you where to get that stuff you're going to get it in here hanging around old timers you're not going to get it here hanging around some guy saying this is bullshit let's get out of here you don't think those guys are in here what do you think there's some sort of screening committee at the door saying you know you don' t think there aren't guys here tonight they're planning their next drunk and they don't even know it and they're sitting right next to you and they' re talking to you saying I've got an idea you don''t think we let them all in We let them all in. If only one half or 1% stays home for 20 years, the other 99%, you know where they are? They're here. They're sitting next to you. They're saying, this is what I think you ought to do. Listen, I don't know. It don't matter anyway. You won't figure it out. You're not. Working with others. Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from alcohol as intensive work with other alcohols. You know, it'll work when nothing else fails. It goes on to all this other stuff. It says, it goes on. This isn't the part I want to try. Well, maybe it is. Life will take on a new meaning. To watch people recover, to see you help, and watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow about you, you have a host of friends. This is the experience you must not miss. This is an experience you MUST NOT MISS! You MUST not miss this! You can't miss this deal! We know you will not want to miss... We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. You're looking for the bright spotlight? The bright spot in your life? I'm it! That's how bad it is. That's what it got into, you know what I mean? That's it. What are you looking for? This is it. Now listen, perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals. They will all be too glad to assist you. Now this is something I've got to point out to you. I know we live in the world of Domino's Pizza where everything has got to be delivered. And this is Something that people just don't understand when they come to Alphonse and Anderson. This is Something I don't even understand. If you want to stay sober, you're going to have to get off your ass and do something. You're going To have to look for the drugs. you're going to have to go to the hospitals you're gonna have to go to the detox places you're gonna have to go up to the sponsors and the people that you want help from or want more and say will you sponsor me where are you hanging out what are you doing you're gonna have to do it it's not gonna come to you if you rely on a win to come to you you wanna know what that means that means you just don't want it enough so you don't deserve it anyway the big problem the people that make it have always been people who ultimately learned a lesson that they gotta get off their ass and go for it themselves. You know, the people that make this thing are the people that go for it. You know? I'm sick and tired. I'm not sick and tired because that's the name of what I say to people. Man, I'll tell you. You've got to be sponsoring people in this deal. You know when people come and he says well, you know nobody asked me to sponsor I say that's your fault. That's your fault. Go to a lot of meetings raise your hands go up to newcomers and say I'm going to be your sponsor. Lie to them cheat steal I don't care what it is it's your life and it depends upon it. You know, what's going to happen? He ain't going to break anything. What's the big deal? You know? Go for it. I mean, if somebody told you, if I told you tonight you would be dead tomorrow and you knew it. It was absolutely true. You're going to be dead tomorrow unless you had three people you were sponsoring. How hard would it be for you to get three people to sponsor? And you knew you were going to die tomorrow. You absolutely knew that by 6 a.m. in the morning you'd be waking up their ass in their sleep. you'd have your hands right on your throat saying, say I want you to sponsor me or you're dead no but there's really no big deal we're just sort of coasting along waiting for the next check and you know listen I didn't want to do this deal I didn'y want to deal with it that way I didn''t want this deal until my sponsor would drive me to the car and say get in the car I'd say where are we going? We're going to South Miami Hospital Get in the Car, where are you going? We're Going To Detox We're going to what? That's not an A&E. He says, get in the car. We're doing a detox. Where are we going? Get in the carro. We're moving to this, you know, whatever it is, this thing, this retreat. Get inthe carro. We're rolling here. Get in a car. They just got a call. What are you doing? It's time for you to make coffee for the room. It's times for you do this. What do you mean? I said to my sponsor, I'd run and I'd cry and all this sort of stuff. What's the answer? He says. Oh, I've been thinking about the answer for you. I think you ought to start making coffee. No, I'm talking about money. I said, I know. I think it's time to make a coffee. You know? I mean, I can't tell you the times my sponsor, you know, he says, you know what the relay is? I say, no. He says, that's when you got from 11 o'clock at night to 6 o' clock at night. No, really? That's what it is? He says yeah, I think you're ready to do that. I said, well, I don't think so. I only have like whatever, a year, two years, five, whatever the heck it is. He says no, you're already ready to do this. You need to do that. So I call up and I do it. Eight years I'm doing that stupid thing, because I couldn't get off it. None of it was my idea. None of It was My idea. Now after A while, after a while Of this sort of gentle, sometimes heavy Pressure to do this stuff, because i was hanging Around guys that were doing it. If you're hanging around guys that are doing it, If that's the standard, you do it. Because nobody blends better than alcoholics. Nobody said, let me tell you something, here's the way it is. I'm in a country western bar, I'm drinking beer. You know, I mean Key West, I'm drinking margaritas. I'm going to swank Manhattan deal, I'll drink a martini. Right? I never get them mixed up. I never walk in the country west of the bar and say, give me a martinis. You know what I mean? Why is that? Because I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to get along, to meld with the deal. Trust me, if you're not off your DNA screams, be like them. You are who you hang out with. When I said in five years, the person you're gonna be is gonna be great dependent on you, you are who you hang out with. If you hang out with yourself that's who you hang out in five years and you ain't happy it's because you've been hanging out with you. You know? Why don't you look and see who you're hanging out with? I'm not talking about look who your friends are. You don't have any friends? You don' have any people you're hanging out with? That tells me something else about you. That tells me you're not doing this. You're just going through the motions. It's all bullshit. You're just going through the motions You're satisfied with mere sobriety mere physical sobrietry you're not interested in anything else because if you hang out with anybody else you might have to change or grow or do something more different and you just want to get complacent my first boss used to talk all the time about complacency and elation you know just being complacent instead of growing and moving on that's what this deal is about let me see when I yeah, finally I'll do this this is on page 15 my wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm the idea of pumping other alcohols this is Bill's story to a solution to that problem it was fortunate for my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half a year in a half 18 months over Bill Wilson is sucking on the barrel of a gun anybody knows anything about Bill Wilson here's what he says for the first year and half during which I found little work he wasn't working I was not too well at the time and I was plagued by waves of self pity and resentment but I soon found that when all of the measures failed work with another out-talk would save the day many times I had gone to my old hospital in despair on talking to a man there I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet it is the design for living that works and rocks going you know we're in this book we'll tell you what happened to that guy he spoke to as a matter of fact because it's not important it's not important what happens to the guy I'm not saying that means spiritedly we hope he gets over and all this stuff what's important is that he would go down there he would make the effort he would be amazingly lifted up on his feet as a design for living that works so the interesting thing is by helping other people and by being a servant it really puts you on a spiritual plane where worldly clamors can't get to you it helps protect you but I've got to understand my nature is I just won't do this stuff I won't do it unless somehow I'm forced how are you going to be forced to do this ain't nobody in AA going to follow you home put a leash on you be checking up on you calling up on you after a while they're going to get tired of that and you're going to get tired of them now listen to this if your tendency and you know what your tendency is is to not do this stuff is to slack off on this stuff especially when times are getting better here's the terrible thing my spouse would say the problem is they get too well too fast we walk and unemployable you know two months later we're underpaid you know as soon as things get better what's the best thing to do just slack off everything's okay I'm not drinking everything like that so if you know you're not going to do this stuff or eventually you're going to slack off and you know there's nobody around you you can sit you know why do treatment centers work they got you locked up they got a guy following you around what happens when you get you ever see what happens at treatment centers, they get out like 85% of the people that died the first month. They're not being found. So if nobody's going to follow you around and nobody's gonna watch you and nobody'S gonna have you on a leash when you're a grown person, how the hell are you gonna make it in here? The only way you're gonna make this is if you leash yourself. You're gonna have to leash yourself! You're going to have to get out those handcuffs, find somebody and say, I don't trust myself, let me handcuff myself to you. okay well you may think that's extreme you know I'm an extreme kind of crazy guy you know what I'm talking about I just see that stuff working now it's not physical handcuffs but you know it's a matter of linking up with somebody you know and there are people in here that will never do that trust me there are People in there that will think they'll think it's corny they'll thing it's goofy they'll have such great umbrage pride will kill your ass in this field pride will kill your ass in this deal pride I'm better than you I'm a better than that all that sort of stuff the inability to say you know I need help I really do need help will you help me and then and then say let me tell you something my sponsors are allowed to tell me I'm full of shit I gotta listen to them I mean I just gotta listen to them you know I just got to listen to them I gotta have people in my life that can tell me stuff about myself and suggest things that I've got to listen to. You've got to do that. You've got to do that deal. If you're not close enough with somebody, if you don't have a real good friend, a real good buddy, a real good sponsor, maybe two or three people that can't say to you listen you're full of shit, you know you're going to drink, you know something like that, you've got a problem. Because you'll never know it because it will hit you one day you'll be drinking and you won't see it before you start drinking or doing something else it's all about the 12 step it's a it's all about 12 step work 12 step stepping people and we've run out of time obviously there's not more to say about the 12 step I really appreciate being here and talking to you all and I lied about one thing there are meetings that are a lot better than this one so if you're new here and you're saying my god this is actually one of the worst ones it actually gets much better from here okay thank you very much Thank you for watching.