The Old Ideas That Kept Him from the Sunlight – Jimmy A.

About This Speaker Tape

Northern New Jersey, 1960s. A neighborhood of five-kid households and union workers where the only idols were the local bookies with wads of cash and beautiful women. Jimmy A. grew up in the shadow of a father who was a Korean War vet and a butcher—a man who came home smelling of blood and unpredictable rage, transforming from a Dr. Jekyll to a Mr. Hyde after a few martinis. Jimmy learned early to hide under the covers and wait for the storm to pass, internalizing a belly full of fear and secrets.

By thirteen, he was drinking Colt 45 in cemeteries and puking purple. He spent years as a runner, fleeing marriages and reality, eventually hitting the pavement as a homeless man in Manhattan. He describes his life as a glass basketball that finally shattered. He found a Higher Power through the kindness of strangers who drove him to a meeting in his old grammar school. Even after five years sober, he was "dying in the rooms," realizing that abstinence isn't recovery. He had to stop blami...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Jimmy A. opens with his sobriety date: March 28, 1987.
• 3:15 Discussion on the 'thinking mind' and the delusion that nothing is ever his fault.
• 7:40 Childhood memories of his father's unpredictable rage and the 'Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde' effect of alcohol.
• 12:10 The 'sharp turn to the left' in 5th grade and the first bottle of Colt 45.
• 17:50 The moment he 'became his father' after knocking out a priest in high school.
• 24:15 The dehumanizing experience of living homeless on the streets of New Jersey and Manhattan.
• 28:30 Meeting the stranger at Newark Airport who leads him to his first AA meeting.
• 33:40 Laughter: The story of being assigned as the ashtray cleaner to build responsibility.
• 37:10 The realization that abstinence is not the same as recovery; feeling 'dying in the rooms' at five years sober.
• 43:20 Detailed account of working the 12 Steps and the spiritual experience at Liberty State Park.
• 48:10 The 'trap' of double-digit sobriety and the relapse at 13 years.
• 55:40 Reflecting on the loss of his mother to COVID and the promise of the 90-day pin.