The Non-AA Approved Spiritual Books She Reads Anyway 🤣 – Polly P.

My name is Polly Pistol and I'm an alcoholic. By God's grace in a program called Alcoholics Anonymous, I haven't had a drink since April the 11th of 1977 and for that I am eternally grateful. i have a home group and that's the west connect group in jacksonville florida and we we meet on monday night at seven o'clock and if you're ever in jackсонville floridah just give us a call and come to our home group i havea sponsor and that beautiful woman reena is my sponsor I have a sponsor I get to sponsor and I'm an active member of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and I am so so honored not just grateful Dick I'm honored this has been I didn't get here the first speaker I got to hear was Clancy Friday night but this has been there's a magic here this weekend there's an absolute magic and I don't know if God's going to let us stay but there's certainly a magic that's happened this weekend and I'm so honored that I've got to be a part of it and I thank you so much and I am just so grateful that I got to me here big prayers big prayers Because it's going to keep going somewhere, but it would really be nice if it were here. But it's gonna keep going somewhere and thank you, thank you thank you. I didn't get to hear the speakers on Thursday and Friday, but I know a couple of them really well and Bob and Linda have been mentors in my life and friends for a long, long time. We kind of got together and did a family vacation in Bermuda a long time ago and our families have kind of hung together since then and that's been a blessing and my grandkids were really little and your kids were really low and it's been so exciting and Denny, I'm so sorry I didn't get to hear you because I've hung out in Southern California with you for a long time listening to you. But I never got to meet Monica. So always saw him at an AA meeting in Southern California, so it's been grateful, just really grateful. And the speakers that we heard Sharon and Sheldon, and watch me forget somebody, Mari, and who am I forgetting? Michael! Michael and it's Michael that's the first time I've heard you I know you I've seen you down there in South Dakota but I did that's a first time and you're just hot honey you're great you're great so that was that was a pleasure so I'm just so grateful to be a part of this And I'm going to share a little bit, because God works in mysterious ways. And the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about, in the fear inventory, it talks about how self-reliance fails us. And so much in this program, I have allowed self-reliance to fail me. and I haven't been speaking much because my husband has been very ill and I'm his caregiver so I haven' t been speaking much and there's a few people in this program who will mentor me and tell me the truth whether I want to hear it or not and I am really grateful that they are there and they do that and they're going to tell me the truth whether I want to hear it or not. And I started, I got a call from Sharon and she said you're goingto be at that conference because I had already called Dick and canceled and said I just can't come, Dave's just too sick. And Sharon says you'll find a way, you get somebody to stay with him and I mean I hadn't hung the phone up from her then Linda and Bob called me on the phone And Sharon said, you just come for 24 hours. You just get there for 24 horas. You be there. And Linda says, no, you can't go 24 horas, that's not long enough, you have to go two days. And my sponsor, Rena, and I'm telling you, they were pushing me. And I am so glad because I'm tellin' you, I don't know about any of you, But God intervenes in my life a lot without my permission. And God intervened in my life without my commission. I did not ask any of them to do that. And I'm here to tell you that I talked to the caregiver that's with my husband and he's fine. He's fine and this morning. And I wouldn't take anything for being here this weekend. And Clancy, celebrating your birthday, because you were 60 and it was your celebrations what's made this such a big deal this weekend? So thanks for staying around and being who you are. I love you. Oh, so I just wanted to just let you know that in Alcoholics Anonymous we come in here and one of the things that you've heard all weekend is that Alcoholics Anonymous and sobriety is to me the greatest gift I have ever, ever received. But let me tell you, life happens. Life's in session and life happens. And sometimes it's really, really painful. And that's just life. It's just painful. And there's a, you know, and you think, I read one of these non-AA approved spiritual readings and on Thursday, I think it was Thursday or Friday, that reading was talking about how I, that God is asking me to stop fixing things. Stop fixing things when you keep trying to fix things, you distance yourself from me and I'm always trying to organize and fix things and find out, you know, what's the best thing for Dave. And then I got this ego that says nobody can take care of him as good as I can. And he sort of feels that way too, so he makes that known. So I've got to hand it. That made me feel a little guilty, so we'll put that on him. But he's doing fine. And so these are the things that I let fear and self-reliance get in the way of almost losing probably one of the most beautiful weekends in Alcoholics Anonymous I have ever, ever experienced. Ever experienced. So thank you. And I hope you feel the same way. And as I'm getting into that, I forgot something that's really, really important. Deborah Whitting-Wells, stand up. This has been going on for a lot of years. She's 27. Thank you, baby. We've been doing this a lot. A lot of year at Lake Rainier. And she threw a big breakfast for our AA family this morning. So that was amazing. I have Step 12, and I'm here to tell you I love it that I got to have Step 12. And I've done it in a whole lot of different ways when I've done these Woodstock formats. And I just was praying this morning about step 12. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to break it up into three parts. And I'm want to start with having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. And on page 20, I think it's page 20 in the big book, It says our job is to give you a message of how I formed a relationship with God. And so I'm going to talk about having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps and how I've formed a relation with God in my life. A relationship with god. uh i'm going to start by just telling you a story that's very very very recent in my life and uh i've 41 years sober and i'm still having aha moments just these aha moments that we get in Alcoholics Anonymous and also this same non-approved AA literature spiritual book I read talks about as and a few days ago maybe a week ago said when seemingly bad things happen to us and how they're not bad that God uses everything for good. I may not understand it while all this is happening to me while these things are happening but it will all come out for good and i've experienced a lot of that in the past year the stuff with my husband some other personal stuff where uh i i felt like i lost something that was very precious to me and that it was taken away from me and as the days go by I see the good that's coming from all of that so sometimes I have to pause or I have to wait to find out what all of that good is going to be but God is good God is good so no matter what it looks like to my human eyes or my human experience it's going to be good. And that's the experience that I've experienced. I have been standing from this podium for a lot of years talking about being raised a Southern Baptist and telling you my experience by being raised Southern Baptist. And because of the abuse that I did to my children. I'm a child abuser. I come from a beautiful home that I was loved and cherished, but I'm Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde. You put alcohol and drugs in me and I become somebody else. I am a different person and this person who loves people and loves the world will take a child that is the most precious thing to me in the world and hurt him, hurt my two children and come to and see that what I have done and the only way I can live with it because I'm so devastated is to take another drink that starts the nightmare over and over again. and then I had this God that I had and I don't know if they said it but it's what I heard in that Baptist church and they'd say things like you're born a sinner you're going to burn in hell and I felt like if there's any reason anybody would burn in Hell it's the Lord it's that I have done to my two sons that that's a guaranteed trip to hell. And that's the kind of God I had. I had the kind OF God that punishes. And what happened is, is that my husband has been very sick and he spent nearly the entire month of October in the hospital. and I have a friend I have several friends who happen to attend this church in Jacksonville, Florida it's called Southside Baptist Church and Vicki comes to me and she said I asked Gary and he's the pastor to come visit Dave and Gary came and he visited Dave and Dave's never had any problems with the Baptist church, just me Gary came to visit Dave and I got to have one more of those spiritual experiences and I want you to know today I'm a member of a Baptist church It only took me 41 years from saying that to come full circle. So we can have these aha moments, and I watched this man bring my husband so much comfort. So these are things that you say these things and you think, oh, my God, how can this happen? And again, God interfered in my life without my permission. I entered a treatment center on April the 11th because I was court committed by a Fort Worth judge. I didn't ask to go to treatment. I'd gone to detox twice before, and I didn' t ask to do there either. So God continues to interfere in my life without my permission, bringing me the most amazing gifts. Because I entered that treatment center on April the 11th of 1977 after being court committed to that treatment Center, and I've been sober ever since. The greatest, greatest gift. A lot has been said this weekend about, especially when we were doing eight and nine, where we ask, we make amends and we ask for forgiveness. And that's what we do. And by God's grace, most of us get forgiven. And I am a person who has been so forgiven. My children have so forgiven me. And they love me. They think I'm, they just love me and I am so grateful for this program. And there is no way I should be treated the way I'm being treated by my children after what I did. But see, God is about forgiveness. And one of the things that I know today is that God does not love me one iota more than he loved Ted Bundy. We are all loved the same. He loved my children, even though they were suffering from my hand, he loved my children. And because of a program called Alcoholics Anonymous and a step called Step 9 that Sheldon did an absolutely amazing job with, my children have forgiven me. And Thanksgiving my son and his wife had divorced and they separated in 2010 and that's been 8 years ago and there's been like huge conflict with the kids and it was just one of those divorces and he was sober and she was sober but it's just one of those divorces that just really went sideways and uh i haven't had an opportunity to spend christmas with our thanksgiving with either of his three children until this year for eight years and you know just don't give up five minutes before the miracle because sometimes these healings take a long time but one of the things i have become i have come to believe is that they do happen it's just sometimes I just tell God, boy, when I, you know, sometimes you just take too long. You are just really slow. I have been given the gift of forgiveness. I have also been given the giftof grace. And one of the things that I believe is that anybody, especially those of us who find the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous are given the gift of grace because we're people who cannot stop drinking no matter what. We can't stop drinking. But something happens when we make that surrender, that magic that happens that there was a speaker in Alcoholics Anonymous and I remember him saying, I could not quit no matter what. And then I just surrendered. I didn't even know for sure I was surrendered and God just reached in there and pulled it out and made me sober. And I don't know how that happened. Today I know it's grace. It's grace. Webster's Dictionary says that grace is a gift unearned. I don't deserve to be sober any more than anybody else deserves to be sober. I am just so grateful that I have been gifted with the grace. And one of the things that I hope anybody here has got, and a long time ago I was told it's also, you know, a lot of times when we have trouble with God, we can use good orderly direction. We can use a lot different, a group of drunks. One of my sponsors, Dottie, used to say, I hope that God talks to you, and I hope that you are desperate, that you are so desperate. The gift of desperation. Because the gift of desperation is what brought me the surrender, was the gift of desperation. And I truly believe that that's God. By working these steps, I have been able to have many spiritual awakenings and different kinds. All kinds of spiritual awakenies. And I love what Chuck Chamberlain used to say. He used to saying that life is just a sequence of surrenders. But we have to have the first one before we can have the second one or the third one. So life continues to be a sequence of surrenders. I just surrendered to the Baptist church. And, you know, I walk in there, and, of course, that's like no Baptist church I ever remember. But Keith Lewis used to say, take a lipstick right on the mirror, Keith, you're wrong. And I walked in there when I walked into that church, and it was, Polly, you'RE wrong. this is what it's like that continual having those sequence of surrenders that Chuck Chamberlain used to talk about but we have to have that very first one and that very first one brings us to work in these steps and we get to work the steps for the first time and many things for me I had a lot of surrendering and things were my life was full of all the things that i could never dream possible i you know i was able when i came into the rooms of alcoholics anonymous the facts of my life were that my husband was a hundred percent disabled from the air force my daddy was dying of colon cancer in abilene texas and my kids were a mess. That was the facts of my life. Today, the gifts of my life that sobriety has done is I am my husband's caregiver and I could never do that for my first husband. I could never take care of him. As an out practicing alcoholic and selfish and self-centered I was incapable of taking care of him. I abused my children and gave them... I had a beautiful childhood. My parents loved me. They never abused me, but alcohol, I abused my children. But what has happened is in Alcoholics Anonymous we get do-overs. So today I get to be Dave's caregiver and honored to be his caregiver and grateful that I can do it and that I have good health. And I thank God every day for my good health so I can take care of him. And I have five grandchildren that I haven't been a dynamite grandma. We get to do do-overs. So just hang around. If something's eating your lunch and it's been really bothering, you know, you think, oh, I'll never be forgiven for this. this will never work out i promise you no bad no matter how bad it is everything's in order it happened just as it was supposed to happen and the spiritual awakening for me is is to start to be able to see the good i'm going to see i'm gonna go as i love the way mildred talks about the third and the fourth dimension i always go to the third dimension oh my god this is going to be terrible and I always see the worst in everything but what I'm just trying really hard to do and usually I'm with the help of the people who matter a lot in my life is I get to go to the fourth dimension and see the hand of God as he works things out and there's no doubt in my mind that you having this vision to do this conference was the handofGod and making it continue to come off when you think it's not. At the last minute, I didn't even know we were having it in, I think, September, and here we are, and we're all here. It's amazing. It's absolutely amazing. So being able to have a spiritual awakening and for me to be able to tell you by working these steps, I have been able to have a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. And then I try to carry this message to other alcoholics. We're supposed to carry this message. For the first time this past about 18 months maybe a little bit more I had a lesson in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I grew up, I got sober in Texas, but most of my sobriety was in Southern California. And I had a lot of beautiful mentors around me. My sponsor was a woman by the name of Dottie Harris, and she was my sponsor for 33 years. And she was co-sponsored. but he was dave's sponsor by a man by the name of frank honeycutt and i'm telling you i followed that man to the ends of the earth i loved him so much he was i loved his work and i loved him i followed we just kind of just chucked around and followed frank everywhere he went and uh i want i loved this program and frank was one of these kind of guys who reminds me a lot of clancy and he just did it he just did did he went to the va all the time visiting people went to meetings all the time he was just had an endless amount of strength and i just love that there's people like you and him around and that did those things and frank would never say no and he had this little thing that if it's an AA request, you never say no. And I lived by that for a long time, and I still do today. But one of the things I've learned, thanks to some mentors in my life, is I've earned some discernment. And some of that discernment is that later on, as my husband started to get ill, I realize that I also have an obligation to Alcoholics Anonymous to always be there to help in AA, but I also Have an Obligation to My Family. And my family has become right now, AA has ever been as important to me, but my family is ever so important to me and my husband. And I'm so grateful that I'm able to be there for him because I'm here to tell you, Dave and I met in Alcoholics Anonymous and we have had a love affair for 38 years and we've shared this program together and it is my honor to be able to care for him and to give him what he needs and to be there for him. And if it were not for AA, I wouldn't be able to do that because I'm too selfish. I'm two selfish and self-centered to be that kind of person. And I am so grateful that I get to do that. So I'm still totally really active. I go to four meetings a week. I have two treatment center commitments, but I'm just not traveling as much. That's the biggest one. I'm juste not hopping on an airplane and going somewhere because it's just sometimes you hop on an aeroplane or you make an aerplane reservation and you have to cancel it. And so I haven't done that. But I tell you, I have been given such a gift in this program that I have gotten, because of Alcoholics Anonymous and being able to say yes, I've been able to travel the world. I have bene listening to people talk about that. We've just been able travel, and I'm telling ya, I don't have any money, I do not have a window or a pot, and I have ben able to see the world! I got to spend a vacation in Bermuda, for God's sakes, with Linda and Bob. You just get to do all sorts of things. So hang around in here and go out there and help as many alcoholics as you can help. One time somebody asked you a question. I never will forget it. It was in Cocoa Beach. We were doing a Woodstock Clancy. And somebody stood up and asked you, how many people do you sponsor? And your answer was, I'm one short. I stole that from you. I'm One Short. That's what I say. I'm ONE Short. So the gift that I have had in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm relying on almost totally now, is that I have the gift of sponsorship. I have an amazing sponsor in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I was one week without a sponsor but in my heart of hearts I knew who it was going to be and I am so grateful that I have been sponsored all my sobriety and that I know how to take sponsor direction I'm so grateful that I now know how do that maybe I don't like it at first but i usually always do it that i have learned to do that and i have been able to have the gift of sponsoring other women so i get to carry this message to other alcoholics now right now i have a commitment two treatment commitments and one of them is a very low bottom treatment center in Jacksonville and I'm taking a meeting into the women in that treatment center and it's very heartbreaking because not very many of those women stay sober and it's they repeat and they repeat. And I'm telling you they're street people, it's just very low bottom. You think oh my gosh but you get to see the alcoholic ego at its finest. And I know that so many people who work with that, I know Clancy's with the mission, you can watch the ego repair in 30 minutes. They get in there, oh my God, I'll do anything. Help me. Help Me. I'll Do Anything You Say. And they've been sleeping on the street and two days later they're saying, I can't get to the washing machine. My sheets are dirty, complaining, griping, dissatisfied, restless, irritable, and discontent. The ego repairs just like that. The other commitment I have is to a bunch of teenage girls in another treatment center. And the youngest one we have in there right now is 14. And I mean she's been around the world on a pogo stick and she's 14. And it is amazing what these teenagers have done. And, it's really opened my eyes because my son hasn't really ever told me, and he was a teenage alcoholic, a lot of the stuff he did. The only thing is One of his sons had a little bit of trouble with the law, and James told Chris one day, Chris, you've got to stop being a criminal. You're no good at it. He said, I did ten times worse than you did, and I've never been caught, so you just need to stop. And so I have really no idea what he really was up to as a teenage alcoholic, but I know that it probably wasn't very good and I'm watching these teenage alcoholics and I am telling you it is just unbelievable what these girls say they have been doing so I am grateful that I get to sponsor people I am thankful that I can be of service and these two treatment center commitments. I'm grateful that I get to be of service in my home group. I'm one of these people that has to have a job in my home group, I'm Southern California trained, that means you have to have job, whatever it is and I have a Job in my Home Group and if I don't have one of the elected jobs then I'm a greeter, it's always a job It's always a job. So get a job in your home group. It will make you feel a part of your home group. Get a job and so I have a job in my home group and I try to make that meeting no matter what to be at my Monday night home group in Jacksonville, Florida to be of service to other alcoholics and try to carry this message and try to work with people and share my experience, strength, and hope as we were taught being fit. My spiritual, just fit myself so I can be of maximum service to God and my fellows. And I need to be in meetings. I needto be working this program. I needtobetraying to God. I needdobedoing these steps. That's how I'm going to fit myself to be of maximum service for God and those about me. The other one is I'm going to practice these principles in all my affairs. Like in my little clock. And sometimes that's kind of hard because sometimes practicing these principles and all my affairs causes me maybe to lose things because I feel like it's the principled thing to do. It's the right thing to be doing. And maybe something I feel like gets taken away from me and I'll say things like that. I try to do the right thing and then it doesn't work. I don't know if any of you have ever been mad at God You know, I'm doing the right thing, but here it is. It's getting taken away from me. And that happened to me. Something that I was passionate about, that I just gave my heart and soul to, that I Was so passionate about. But I thought a wrong was done to another person. And I could not cosign that wrong. I couldn't co-sign it and so consequently I no longer get to be a part of that but you know that sometimes I remember and Frank Honeycutt used to say this all the time and I bet Clancy says it too and I know that Rena practices it that if I don't stand for something I'll fall for anything And I have to stand for what I believe is right. I haveと stand for that. Now, I didn't cockily stand for that. I talked with my sponsor about it. I stood for what I believed was right for a fellow alcoholic. I believed it was right. So sometimes life doesn't always work out like we think it ought to work out because we're doing the principle thing and in case some of you are new and don't know practice these principles and all my affairs and know what those principles are it's the steps it's their traditions and it's the concepts. We have 36 principles that we are asked to work in our lives and to practice these principles in all our affairs, and that doesn't mean that I just get to come in here and be nice, act right, and then go out and try to run over somebody on the highway. That doesn't mean that. Now, I don't know about any of you, but for a lot of years, I commuted in Southern California. I had a three-hour-a-day commute. And that will test, it will really test your serenity. They're cutting you off and you're waiting. I mean, it's such a joy. It is such a joy to commute on a Southern California freeway. And you can be out there and you can just watch people be so nasty. And I used to have so much fun because there'd be people that want to cut you off and they'll start cutting you off and they're honking at you and they've given you the bird. And it's so much fun to just smile and throw them a kiss. Just pisses them off to be nice. And it is one of those things that I have learned. Sometimes it is really just that thing that we learn in Alcoholics Anonymous, just act better than you feel. just act better than you feel so something happens to you it breaks your heart it hurts and sometimes you just want to just tell everybody about it and gossip about it put people down and do all this stuff that that's going to make you feel better Well, I promise you it doesn't. It's very hard to do what I've been taught in Alcoholics Anonymous, and that is to take the high road. And we've heard that all day. In fact, all weekend. In fact Sharon, you probably told it better than anybody else. I mean, I can't imagine going to meetings with your ex-husband and all the stuff you did. I mean, how hard those things are to do. And not to gossip. And not to talk about how wrong you've been. And I knew that about you. I knew you did that. Just go in there and hold your head high. And act better than you feel. Just yell you're hurting like a lot. feels doesn't feel good it's hurting a lot but you just take a deep breath and grab your sponsor's hand and just do it and try to act better than you feel and that's not always easy and sometimes you can have a slip i don't know if you had any slips sometimes you can have a slip I had a slip and what I try to do is promptly make amends for having that slip because sometimes that what happens is I think it's you that talked about it or no it was Mari that rage will just come up and grab you before you know it and it's out of your mouth it seems like you're just powerless over it but to be able to go and practice these principles in all my affairs which is go practice the ninth step and make amends for my behavior I've been given so much in Alcoholics Anonymous My life is beyond my greatest expectation. I have a wonderful, wonderful relationship with my children. My youngest son is 34 years sober, and he just remarried to a dynamite woman named Jane, and I'm just so excited about their relationship. I can just barely stand it. And a lot of you, if some of you have ever heard an old tape or knew when I was talking about it a lot when it kind of first happened and through the years is I have a deaf grandson and he is our firstborn grandchild and Ryan was born deaf and we found out that Ryan was profoundly deaf when he was about 18 months old and I'm telling you I was furious with God absolutely furious it's kind of one of those things look how much I do it's all about me of course look at how much I do in AA look at this blah blah blah and we've got a deaf grandson it's just not fair it's not fair and Ryan's 25 and I had to tell you about Ryan Ryan is handicapped in no way Ryan has traveled the world and he's deaf Ryan went to Rochester Institute of Technology and they have a deaf community there and they also have a deaf school. Now he was in the regular college but hung out in the deaf community and he graduated from college and he graduated as a civil engineer and today there's a bridge they're putting in in Washington D.C. and Ryan is a civil engineer on that bridge That's what happens but parents are in Alcoholics Anonymous and they can take a child and be able to make themselves selfless and it doesn't cost too much it doesn' t take too much they're there I watched my daughter-in-law and my son be selfless to this young man and he is an absolute success and I can remember when they used to have these people in LAX airport and they come around selling pencils and stuff you remember that when they use to do that and they were deaf and I used to look at them and say get a job because I knew my grandson was that that's what was happening he was going to school and one of the things that I always say is he was my hero He went to Evanston High School. He was mainstreamed in school. He went into Evanston high school. It was a high school of 4,000 students and he was the only deaf child. And he walked around with an interpreter so everybody knew he was deaf. And I can remember when I used to go around saying, I feel so different, and be so sorry about it. And I watched my grandson suit up and show up every day to school, and he was different. He absolutely was different, so what I saw was a thing that I thought was the worst thing that God could do, is what he did to Ryan. I thought it was the worse thing, and today I see it's one of the greatest things that he could do I asked Ryan I'm going to get off him right now what do you do when you have corporate meetings and stuff and he says he has a cochlear implant but he was born deaf so it works only to a point and he said well I read lips really well but if it's a really big meeting I'll hire an interpreter He says, but I do great in the field because it's really noisy out there. And my co-workers can't hear and I read lips. So, you know, it's just God works it out. Out of old saying, God's got it. I have been blessed with a life beyond my greatest expectation. God has given me a marriage and has given me the willingness and the love and the want to to be able to suit up and show up. And I always, somebody says well how do you do that? And one of the things is like I said, Dave and I have had a love affair for 38 years and you know I take commitments pretty seriously. I made a contract 38 years ago that I'd be there no matter what. And one thing I'm sure of is if it were me, he'd be there for me. And I know for sure that I'm the most luckiest woman in the world because I get to be a member of the greatest group of people in all the world. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.