The More Things I Can Be Wrong About the Happier My Life Gets – Keith L.

About This Speaker Tape

Keith L. from Carolina Beach, North Carolina shares his story at the Jacksons Mill conference in West Virginia. Growing up in Martins Ferry, Ohio in a large Irish Catholic family with ten siblings, Keith describes a childhood dominated by fear — from the thing under his bed to a crippling speech impediment that left him feeling profoundly alone. He recounts his first drink at age five, watching his brother Denny get drunk while nothing seemed to happen to him, and then joining the Marine Corps at seventeen, where his first real night of drinking in a Pittsburgh bar changed everything. That night, alcohol made him feel like a giant — fearless, powerful, all-knowing — and he spent the next twelve years chasing that feeling.

His drinking destroyed his marriage and separated him from his two young daughters, Kelly and Kimberly. He ended up on Harvard Street in the skid row section of Washington, D.C., and on May 13, 1973, he went into his bathroom intending to kill himself with pills. A woman's voice told him not to do it, and he called a treatment center number his wife had given him. He poured out a fifth of scotch and smashed the bottle in the sink — knowing that if it had bounced intact, he would have drunk it, because knowing alcohol would kill him could never keep him from drinking.

Keith's early sobriety stories are rich with the wisdom of old-timers and his sponsor Dan. An old-timer told him to write "Keith, you were wrong" on his mirror with lipstick — and at 3:30 a.m., sleepless and desperate, he looked at those words and felt relief for the first time. Dan walked him through everything: forgetting where he worked, a disastrous 12-step call at D.C. Jail, and most memorably, climbing to the top of Chartres Cathedral despite a lifelong fear of heights by taking Dan's hand when the fear hit. Keith's central teaching is that being wrong about everything is the greatest gift — because if you're wrong, everything can change.

He describes making amends to his brother Denny and discovering they had each envied the other's life, and amends to his father, who revealed he had never felt he had the right to offer Keith advice after watching his twelve-year-old son get on a bus alone and never look back. Keith committed to celibacy after years of using women, and that very night met Julia, who became his wife. With his sponsor Tom guiding every step of the courtship, Keith learned to do relationships right for the first time. He closes by saying that being a sober member of AA means that next year you will be more the person you want to be than you are today.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and greetings to Jacksons Mill conference; mentions photos of former speakers on the walls
• 3:00 Growing up in Martins Ferry, Ohio with ten siblings; the old-timer's lipstick-on-the-mirror assignment and the revelation that being wrong is the key to happiness
• 7:00 Childhood fear — the thing under his bed, leaping into darkness at four years old; first drink at age five alongside brother Denny
• 12:00 Denny's contrasting normal life; Keith joins the Marine Corps at seventeen; first real night of drinking in a Pittsburgh bar transforms him completely
• 18:00 Marriage falls apart — the starting over routine, the negligee vs. the buffalo robe, manipulating the police when they arrive
• 25:00 Hitting bottom on Harvard Street in Washington D.C.; May 13, 1973 suicide attempt stopped by a woman's voice; smashing the bottle of scotch in the sink
• 30:00 First AA meeting — the greeter who said he never had to drink again and the old woman who said he never had to be alone again
• 35:00 Sponsor Dan stories — forgetting where he worked, the parking permit on the bumper, the 12-step call at D.C. Jail that went sideways
• 42:00 Studying genetics in Paris at 90 days sober; climbing Chartres Cathedral with Dan despite fear of heights — taking his sponsor's hand when the fear hit
• 50:00 Amends to brother Denny and father; committing to celibacy, meeting wife Julia that same night; sponsor Tom guiding the courtship; closing message that being wrong means everything can change