The Monkey Is Off Her Back but the Circus Is Still Going On – Liz B.

Wow! You light up my life. You gave me the hope that I didn't know there was any hope for me. I want to thank you. My name is Liz Bailey, my anonymity's been shut the hell for a long time. And I am convinced that I'm an alcoholic. I'm convinced that i'm an alcoholic. I'm one of the many grateful alcoholics. to thank this group for the honor and privilege that you bestowed upon me this evening. It's always an honor and a privilege when I'm asked to share in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'd like you all to give Ron one of the grandest round of applause, because he listened to my mouth from the time I left home. He is a thought. Don't you all take him from me though. He is so wonderful. I have so many of my friends here this evening that I got emotional there for a few minutes because I have said to Ron in the car I know I'm going to have a reunion when I get to this meeting tonight because many years ago I used to come to Bridge to speak many years before and in fact I've covered all of Jersey and they used to say when are you going to move over here I was over here so much but God is in charge and knowing that he's in charge he's had me go many different points of my journey in fact i just came back from alaska and i heard this one up there and i'm really bringing it back to you i got the monkey off my back but the circus is still going on think about it it's true you got the money off your back you're not I'm not cranking or drugging, but the circus out here is still going on. Think about it. And I love that. It hit me with a blow. I used to tell you too, the one about the minister. The minister was preaching and he says if you drink alcohol, you're doomed to die, the little old lady down in front. She said, hey men! He said now if you smoke those cigarettes, you're doom to die. And she said, Hey men! I said, chew tobacco. She said, look at that. He done stopped preaching and gone to meddling. So I'm going to go to meddling. You know we hate the truth, don't we? We hate the true. But if you can face the truth it will set you free. It certainly will. Just facing it. I drank for a period of 19 years before I came here. And I've got to tell you one. Nobody out there had ever told me anything about alcoholism or sobriety, I never heard that. I came into AA knowing two things. What are we chipping in for and what are we drinking tonight or today? Those were the only two things I knew. And I kept watching myself go down. I picked up my first drink at the age of 12 years old. Stoned alcoholic at 12 years-old. My mom made my first drink, rice wine. Little girl with me married and she sipped and sipped two drinks and she went on home. Not me, I sipped-and-sipped. Honey, I kept sipping and sipping. I'm 12 years old and I'm sipping-and sipping! I put on a drunk that was a drunk, and my mom lectured to me all night long. I went out in the street the next day and shook my little self and told my friends. Whoo! What a ball I had. I don't even remember what the hell happened. But that began to be the pattern of my life. And don't you dare take a drink like that and sip it for 20 minutes on me. You got on my nerves. I got away from you. from you. You didn't have to get away from me because you had to drink like I drank. At the age of 14, and you know there's a stand in this room and so many of you can tell my story because I haven't gone out and gotten you a new one. Don't plan to either. But you're going to bear with me tonight because there's new people in here who need to hear me. But I do thank you guys for really coming. But you see at the ageof14 I was selling King Kong booze. The man made it in the bathtub next door, and I was selling it for 40 cents a cream pitcher. Now someone suggested that I take mayonnaise, olive oil, butter, cream, line yourself up. Then if you line yourself you can drink plenty and make good money. Well that King Kong was so powerful, it went all through the mayonnaise, the olive oil oil, the butter, the cream. So I stopped taking that sick stuff. I drank plenty of booze, made good money, put a better table for my brothers and sisters. I happened to be the oldest of five. And here we go again. I'm laying out the window one night, and I see this sharp dude. Lord, girls, he was so sharp, almost fell out the windows. And he had a There's a lot. When I go and look for a live one, Charlie, I say, I'll look for the live ones in AA, too. I don't deal with deadheads. I'm going to be very honest with you. I don' t deal with death head people in AA. I deal with the people that are going and doing and giving. Like that lawn. See? I told you I'm not going to let them go or run. Here it is. Here again. I ran down and latched on to this cute dude and found out it was a $5 bill around $1,000. I said, well, you know what? I'll give it to you. I said no. He said, no. He said no? I said yes. He said yes! And he said no! I said okay. He said okay! And there again, I ran down and latched on to this cute dude and found out it was a five-dollar bill around a lot of women. But he's so cute, who cared? So I started from uptown Manhattan. I went all down to the Lower East Side to give them a play so they'd come up and give me a play. At the age of 14, you could not tell me I wasn't a woman. I'm drinking, I'm partying, I'M hanging out. And I asked my mother, I said, would you please sign for me to marry him? He's ten years older than me. Oh, no dear. Oh my dead body. She should have shut him up because I'm an alcoholic and the very thing you tell me I can't do, I'm going to do it if I die doing it. And so of course I left New York with Mr. Bailey. On January 3rd, 1939 I was standing up in the courthouse in Baltimore. I was crying my heart out and the minister said to me, my dear young lady, what are you crying about? I said, at last I got him. I'm going to be honest with every one of you in this room tonight. That was the sorriest day of Mr. Bailey's life. And who did I do to this old man? Mr. Bailey never stopped crying from January 3rd, 1939 until he went home with the Lord August 12th, 1986. That was a sorry day for that man because I came home with a marriage license. Woo! No more mama, no more neighbors. Nobody's going to tell me how to drink or how to live. Now I'm meeting Mr. Bailey coming out from the house he's coming in from work. Where you going, Liz? Get a quart of milk, a loaf of bread. I'd show up a week later, maybe two weeks later, whenever I could get back. Okay, I'm watching me go down. I have to have a drink to wash, to iron, to cook, to talk. I began to take the bottle out on the front stool. Now you didn't do that in my neighborhood up there. I lived across from Mother Cabrinha up there Okay now, I am going down and everybody is pulling me up on the carpet. Why do you drink the way you do? Why do not the way we do? And I could rattle off excuses of well a minute. My main excuse was loneliness. I cried all my life, looking for someone to love me, to understand me, to do something with me. And I couldn't find it in the streets of New York. No, I couldn' and I tried, but I couldn'. And I'm going down. I said to Mr. Bailey, who's not an alcoholic, maybe if you drank with me, I wouldn't want to drink so much in Rome. So we get over into New York where my sister had three bars at the time. I used to hang out on the one on 144th and 8th Avenue. He got drunk, we came home, he fell in the radiator, busted his head open. I guarantee you he never went drinking with me again. And you know another thing? I would have hit the radiator ten times because I'd keep going back busting my head open but he never did it again. There's a difference. So we kept on trying to live with each other, and it was so hard. One morning I woke up with my head coming off my body. Everybody's been there. I took out the seltzer, Addison, BC. I put a raw egg in a beer. I used to call that a meal because I didn't eat. And I'm trying to straighten my head out. So I reach over and I grab the bottle off my night table. And I said, maybe I'll find the answer in the Bible How to straighten this rotten filthy life of mine up As I did that, Mr. Bailey passed my room Now I used to tell Mr. Billy When I'm on a drunk, shut up And when I'm coming off a drunk Shut up He couldn't win either way, you know I didn't let him win either And I had told him many times When I want a drunk like this Because my head is bad And I remember this particular morning, he's screaming, put that Bible down, you hypocrite. Put it down. 20 minutes to an hour, you'll be so drunk, you'd be slapping a kid down, hopping a cab, swinging a corner. How did he know me that well? I didn't know he knew me that way. But he knew him. And I didn't want to hear his mouth. I literally ran and jumped up into the second floor window, and there's a lady over here. I hope she's in this room tonight. She wrote me a letter because when she heard me say I was going to throw my body down into the yard, little Nana Bakker saw me standing up in this window. Mr. Bailey, Mr. Billy, you better get her. She's gonna jump. He comes out the next window. I see his hand. He says, Nana, and you all excuse me, I don't talk like this no more. I had to clean up my acne. When I got here, I was like off the ship, I'll tell you the truth. But see, here, he said, Nana will you let that bitch jump? He said, I'm going to be rid of all my problems. All my troubles. Please let that b***h jump. Well, I wanted to know who the hell did he think he was. I guarantee you, I got down out of that window, got back into bed, pulled the sheet over me and slapped that one off. So I kept doing insane things. Girls don't ever fry a frozen chicken trunk. Don't do that. Don't. Because now I'm drinking with some people in the back of me and when I'm drunk coming home, she says, you know you ate up my husband's dinner. I said, well, I'll hand you your dinner over the back fence. I go in and try to fry this frozen chicken, knock the grease down, burn up both of my legs, have third-degree burns, and as long as I drank, these legs stayed like raw meat. I came into AA and got sober. You would never believe that I'd ever been burned. Never. They heal so beautifully. These rooms are healing rooms. A lousy hour that you sit here can save your life and maybe somebody else's. A lousey hour. And I get so upset when I hear you. I don't want to make that means. What do you mean? Look at the hours I wasted in the bar. Look at their hours in the house. Told a girl the other day, I'm so happy to see my ceilings. What do they mean? I wasn't always waking up looking at my ceilings. I was just a little thing like that, happy to see my own ceiling. And I had made it home. But half the time, I couldn't make it home, and I didn't lie about that. And don't let me throw a birthday party. I'd take it by all the food, cook, clean, leave the dust until last, but I'm tired now that I shopped and did all this. I've got to go relax. So I go to Sutton's Bar and Grill where I lived And here I'm sitting up there And the guy said, Liz, when are you going home to your party? Oh, after this drink I said, you know, I'm so sick of giving people cheese and crackers He said, mash some liverwish with hot sauce and mayonnaise And put it on slices of bread Well, the man must have beat me to death all night When are you gonna do that, Liz? Oh, I have to have the next drink Well, everybody would be to the party but me I never made the parties Because see, I had to have that next drink It's just sickness It's so sad and you don't know about it I was ignorant when I got here What do you mean really ignorant? About life and people Places and things I didn't know nothing 31 I was But 13 up here Really 13 up there And so again, Mr. Bailey came to me one day And he said You're the nicest wife when you're sober Why don't you try this AA? God, I lay my soul to rest. Don't you bother me with no AA. You know what I told him to do with AA. See, I told you I had to clean this stuff up. I'm a sweetheart, believe me. And Mr. Bailey did the best thing in the world. He walked away from me because I told it to each his own. Who's drinking this stuff? You don't want for nothing. You know what you can do with that AA. Walked away, and he never, never mentioned AA again. Now, till this moment, I am so grateful that he did not beat me with AA. We don't beat you with AA, we attract you to AA. I know about five months ago, I was in Brooklyn talking, and I stand up there saying, if you see what I got, you want what I've got, and I was shaking my little self, And the man winked at me. I said, man, I ain't talking about that stuff. Let me rephrase this thing. And every one of us are seed planters. Carry the message to the drunk and let that drunk and his higher power or higher power work it out. You and I can't work it out. We don't have that power. We're seed planters. I was just telling them about me planting a seed with a young man of 24 years old. The other day he celebrated 50 years here, and Friday he made 74 years old So see I planted a seed. I didn't sew him up, he sewed himself up. I've never sewed up anybody but me and I'm a full-time job on me. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. Keeping me totally into the one person. You let any one of them three departments down, you're down. But I love the big book because it says find a higher power now. Not next week, next year. Get a higher power in your life as you understand it, not as somebody else understands it. And so I drank for 8-10 months later and I'm going to tell you about my last drunk. I'm drinking with hard two fist drinkers in the BFW Hall on 110th and Merrick Road. I just told you I couldn't stand anybody who took a drink and sipped it for hours. See, I couldn''t stand that. And he had to drink like I did. And I remember this lady, Miss Lindbaum, she was coming to sell insurance for the house. I'd never called this a home. And yet still I had every material thing any woman on this earth would want. Mr. Bailey happened to be a furrier by trade and when I'd have periods of dryness make me another fur coat. And I hated them and I gave them away. And this one year, here I go, Stan, you made this leopard coat, the most gorgeous coat you ever laid your eyes on, threw a party for the job, 305 7th Avenue, brought the coat home, threw it out on the bed. I looked down at that leopard coat and I hated it. I gave it away. I said he made so he could spot me anywhere. Got sober and wanted my coat. It was too late then. But you see, I got to say this. You will never know how sick you are or were until you get sober. If you stay in the source, it never lets you see. Never lets you be sober. Never lets us see. So you've got to get sober to see how sick you are. And when I got sober, I wanted my leopard coat and it was too late because I didn't realize how sick I was to give that coat away and things like that. And of course now, I'm waiting for Ms. Lindbaum to come to sell some insurance for the house. And I get up and again I clean up, straighten up, leave the dust until last. Made all the salads because it's in July. And the phone rang and it was one of the guys from The Post. I heard his voice and I banged the phone. He called me back the second time. He said, Liz do me a favor, hire me a cab. I'll introduce you to the people. I'll put you in a cab and I'll send you home to your company. I figured, oh, let me do this. He's going to drive me up a wall. I got a cab and I went over to the post. The booze started lining up and the jukebox was going and I'm singing, you always fight the one you love and one you don't want to hurt. You know, give me another drink. Smile if you're happy. Give me another dream. I'm 83 and I haven't seen Miss Winmonton yet. And I forgot what the poor woman looked like. Believe me, I forgot it. I woke up in one of my son's twin beds. And at the foot of his bed stood my mom and Mr. Bailey. And my mom had her head just going. And she was screaming to the rooftops. I can see them right now. Somebody done done something wrong. Somebody done don't something wrong Look over at Mr. Billy. He got his head going. And he said, no mom. No mom. Nobody's done anything to her. She happens to be a very sick girl. All I know is bitch. My name was bitch before I got there. You know that? The bitch is drunk again and the bitch is gone again. And I thought, oh, she's off again, that bitch. And when he said I was a sick girl, something went off through my body. I got up out of the bed. I went to the basement of the house. And I stayed in the basement for two days praying to die. I wanted out. I wanted it out. And my oldest son was 12 years old at the time. This past May, he just made 64 years old. I don't even like to tell you that because I feel 64 he was sitting there and I said to him Richard, I can't live this life this is not the life I want to live I'm going to go up on the Long Island Railroad I'm gonna jump in front of a train and I'm just gonna end it all I have never never in my entire life cried out to God so strong and that's what the big book teaches us too he could, he would if he saw it and I started oh God, oh God please help me and something spoke to me just as clear as I'm speaking to you try this AA that your father has told me about and took the telephone looked down off the cabinet and I called the AA they didn't have anyone to send me There were very few women in AA when I came. Very few. I loved the women for many years that come out of the woodwork and the closets and the drawers. Come, stay in your STAY and you'll be like this barely standing tall with dignity today. Never did I dream that I could ever say that. But my head laying in vomit and I didn't know who I was or where I was half the time. being beaten to a pulp so many times where I couldn't come out for weeks at a time. And to come into this beautiful fellowship and to find that I'm alive again, and I'm not ashamed to say I'm in AA. A few weeks ago, I was sitting in a restaurant with my granddaughter having dinner. A young man came in and I happened to say, oh, he's in the fellowship. She said, why didn't you speak to him? I said, I can't speak to him. She said, what are you, an occult or an underground thing? But we just don't do that as one of our traditions. And it's nice if you learn the traditions and save you and your sobriety and your group even, AA as a whole. So again, I went into Manhattan. I'm not taking up your time with that but I had a hard time getting up into group steps. And finally as I turned to go down into a bar The girl looked from the top of the stairs down and she says, Are you having trouble? I said, Yes, ma'am. And I went running up to her. She escorted me into front part of the office and she sat me down and she started to tell me about herself. Oh my God, I got chills starting to fall off the chair. Who talks about themselves like that? My mother said, Don't you dare go out of your house and tell nobody about the fights and the black eyes and all the stuff that goes on in your house. Oh, you mean clear. Thank you. Thank you Just to say to me, don't do that and here this woman is telling me about herself and I'm saying to her myself, my God, why don't you put that in a garbage can make sure she got a lid on it because I would never tell you about myself before AA, I didn't have time anyway. But here again, I'm watching this lady tell me about the first drink. I said, oh come on sweetie, I've been drinking for 19 years. She said, Liz, when you pick up one drink of any type of alcohol, it's only a matter of time that a compulsion sets up into you that you have to go all the way. I'm seeing myself take a couple of drinks on a Monday, good. A few drinks on a Tuesday, wonderful. Wednesday I drink a fifth. Thursday I drink a fifth, Friday I'm knitting without needles. Have any of you knit without needles? I've got to go get that drink to get me back in focus. And she said we do it one five minutes 110 minutes one day at a time and if you can get that data time concept is beautiful give us this day the Lord's Prayer tells us that back in New York I heard recently they want to take the Lord to prayer out of AA it's been in here for going on 70 years leave it to hell alone it's for all those who care to say it if you don't care to stand don't say it but But don't start changing that, not for Liz Bailey, don't. Because it's worked for me ever since I've been here. And so what did I do? I went to my first AA meeting. I got my hair done, I put on a little two-piece blue suit. And let me tell you one thing. I used to go to the beauty parlor and when I'd get drunk, the booze went through my hair. I had afro way before afro came into town. I sure did from that booze. So I'm going to AA now, so I get it just together, and I walk into my first AA meeting. And there's two girls behind the coffee counter, and they look up at me, and they said, you don't look like an animal. I said, what the hell did I get myself into? And let me get the hell out of here. And I started running. They always kept two people at the door. What you got in you did not get out Not like this today, in and out There was none of that stuff back there And when this man hit me on the shoulder on my way out He says, where are you going and what's the matter with you? I said, those girls said that I don't look like an alcoholic I don' t know what an alcoholic looks like But I'm about to lose my mind, my home, my children And everything through drinking He said, have a seat, sweetie. You're in the right place. And that was July the 11th, 1952. I am 52 years going into 53 now without picking up that first drink. And I can honestly tell you, when you really stop to think of it, what excuse have any of us got to go back out there? There's none. Not a one. I have never seen alcohol help anybody. And I listen to you guys who are coming back, and in 52 years, not one of you is coming back and telling me it's so great out there. No, I listen for you. It's not that great. Ron told me today it's not great. No, I know it. And I'm no different than you. I know I'm living with a granddaughter today. Where are you going nanny? To a meeting. Over 50 years and you're still making meetings? Bye. And out the door I go. Because I can't explain to her which I can explain to you that I'm an alcoholic. I'm not cured. The progression is still going on inside of me And I'll never be able to pick up one drink safely for no God I'm gonna run through this real fast They told me not to get sober for anybody, but for myself now if I had to get over For my mother. I'd be drunk drunk drunk My mother did not like me telling you I was an alcoholic alcoholic. She'd say, good morning Reverend Bailey, where are you speaking at next? And it would go over my head. I'm not a reverend, I'm an alcoholic. Mr. Bailey couldn't stand me sober. Oh, he worked hard for ten years to get me back into the streets of New York. But I didn't get sober from Mr. Bayley. I got sober from this. And so I had to go to After I spoke for Bill Wilson, I had the honor and privilege of speaking for Bill's 28th anniversary Hotel Commodore to 2,700 people that night. Bill gave me my big book, and he said, Liz, you're a magnificent demonstration of all that is Alcoholics Anonymous affectionately yours, Bill. I have that book till today, and its pages are turning brown, but it's still my book. Here again, Mr. Bailey heard me speak from Bill And he asked me to please leave him Then he couldn't tolerate me in his sobriety another minute Because see every time I started out to the meeting Mr. Billy would curse me And I said to him one time Why don't you come and go to the meetings with me Maybe you'll learn about me Maybe we could get some sort of life together But if you're Jewish You know what we shouldn't come Here goes the crazy one And so the crazy one kept going out to do it because I wasn't sober for Mr. Bailey. And so I left Mr. Bailey for 27 years, I believe. I stayed away from him. But I did go back in 1986 to take care of him in his last days. And he said to me one day in Sloan-Kindren's Hospital, he said, take my hand, Liz. And I took his hand. He says, you know, I'd have been dead a long time ago if it wasn't for you. He says, I really love you Well, I screamed I have been married to Mr. Bailey for 47 years And I never heard it The girls, I got it before he left here I sure did get it before Before he left me I have an oldest son I told you about the 12-year-old son Who's 64 And he lets you know he hates my living guts and he will never forgive me or forget me. And his children who are in their 30s now can't stand it that their father doesn't talk to me. I have to console these girls all the time that it's alright if he ever talks to me because I found a God in AA. Oh, yes, I did. It took me five years but I found him. Greater is he that is in me than he that out there in this world. and also to know that the God that I found here has forgiven me 70 times 7 so any man, woman or child want to hold my past over my head has to be their problem it's not mine and I keep on keeping on I have a son named Dennis handsome dude he just made 28 years old alcoholic and addict Dennis, that's why I love the young guys Dennis, the right road may be hard, but you'll be the winner. The easy road, the price is heavy. And Dennis was shot and killed June 25th at 2 o'clock in the morning. And he left a beautiful wife and two children. I have a daughter, Judy, who was five when I stopped drinking. And just a few years ago, Judy got Lou Gehrig disease. And that was the hardest thing for me to see. my beautiful daughter go down to a skeleton because the lip garrick does that it eats you up alive and I happened to be in Colorado Springs getting ready to speak when the girl came to the car and she said your daughter just passed at 1.20 and so they rushed me right back to New York and they mailed my things from the hotel I have a beautiful AA baby I named her after AA she's 48 years old Her name is Adrian Anita, after A.A. But 30 years ago she changed into Aisha. She's a Muslim. She wears the shroud and she covers her beautiful face. And she says to me, Mother, are you accepting me as a Muslim? Well, I'm not raising no more children. After 14 years old, you don't raise them. No, you know. I said, you can be who does them, who does him. I really don't care who does it. As long as it's helping you be a better person I have nothing to do with that She gave me 12 grandchildren Six are living and six are dead I have 17 grandchildren That I see by appointment only I'm not babysitting I'm telling you right now Even the one I live with has to mark it on my calendar and see what I'm doing before she asked me to take care of her mother. No, this is too busy moving. I've gone up and had nine operations in 41 years. I've been cut to pieces, drunk, and sober. Went up and Had three operations in six weeks. The doctor said, you've got cancer. I'm going to give you six months to live. I said, You're not going to get me nothing because I live one day at a time. I'm now 36 years, an arrested cancer patient. The doctor's dead, I'm not. And he'd been dead. I'm still hoppin' trains. Never had a car in my whole sobriety. And every night a different white dude picks me up. me up. They're going to be talking about what I knew about this. And they say, oh my God, from a drunk to this, what are you putting down? Well, I thank God for many years I know what I'm putting down, but I must never forget the days that I did not know what I was putting down. I must ever forget that and just think it's still out there waiting for me anytime Anytime I choose, anytime. But I don't choose to go back out there. I will go to any lengths to keep this gift. AA and sobriety is a gift. If you've got it, treasure it, love it, take care of it. Because it's your gift. And I'm on a terrific journey, not a destination. I've been on the journey. I've covered every state in this United States but one. I used to say, too, with Alaska. But recently I just came back from Alaska. So I got Mexico City is the next one. And a girl from Staten Island told me she put my name in for next year. But that's in God's hands, not mine. You know, I've never asked anybody in my whole sobriety to let me speak anywhere. I don't believe in that because that's my will. And my will was no good, never will be any good. And I'm the one that hangs on to that third step. Relieve me of bondage of self that I may do thy will. And I've been serving a good God. He's let me do so much. And he'll do the same for you if you let him. If you let it, get yourself out of the way and let him work. And you'll see, it'll blow your mind. Just like tonight, my mind was almost blown in here. I said, Donna, good thing I got a foundation. Because if Donna walked up on me like she did tonight, I'd have been on the floor. I'd Have been passed out. Because I've had many a good day with Donna and Stan and most of these ladies sitting here. They have been with Liz Bailey all the way. All the way! And where do you find that? That we can do together what I could never do alone. I could have never come this far alone. I had my first sponsor for 28 years. You all knew her, Flo Melody. I used to whine and complain to Flo. And let me tell you what Flo would tell me. Listen, Liz Bailey, AA don't need you. Uh-uh, but you need AA. And then I'd go back and whine some more. And she'd tell me, sit on the pot! Oh, she didn't say it that nice. 52 years ago they didn't talk much to you. No, they felt it too. None of this whammy-pammy stuff you all do today. And she told me to sit on the pot or get up off it. And our big book even says halfway measures avail us what? You ain't about to do it or you're not gonna do it. That's just how simple it is to live this beautiful life. And I'm going to tell you, no pain, no gain. No fight, no victory. And I know I said to my doctor one day when she said to me, Ms. Bailey, do you go to senior citizens? I said, oh, no. She said, why do you do that? I said because I can't take the moaning and the groaning. I hang on to the young dudes in AA. And these young dudes, I can be so down. You let me get around Charlie Brown and them people, I come alive. Come alive. So you see, I run to some meetings. I stay close to meetings. I go to a meeting every Wednesday at Intergroup in Nassau. And if I'm not there, they miss me. And ifI don't see them, I miss them. So it works two ways. I hope we all can keep coming back and keep AA alive. Please, give something back in here. It's given you so much and will give you so much. Put something. Get into action just like you heard. And when I came in, I couldn't get into big book and things. My mind wasn't there. But I did run around picking up drunks. And that guy told me in family group one night, because when you went back to drinking after I 12-stepped you, I'd almost go to pieces. I wouldn't get drunk, but I'd cry and carry on. He said, Liz, you've got to get hard. And I didn't know what he meant. But over the years, I know what it means. I cannot let you get to me Because you want to go back out A week, three weeks ago I hugged a guy who was homeless And I started to cry And I said Why do you want He says I know you I said I know You know me And I say Why do I know Why do we want To go out there And leave me Don't leave me He said well I'm not through drinking yet I said come on dad Jim let's go eat Because I'm hungry I went to eat Because I can't stop him From drinking But I could pray for him Just like you're praying that can For the drunk and the sick And the suffering And prayer is powerful Prayer is very powerful So I thank God for each one of you Coming out tonight to be part Of my sobriety Because without you baby I can't make it I can not make it without you And I don't want to make it And I do go to any lengths I went to Hawaii And I got off the plane There was a banner on there. They had, we love you Liz, welcome. And they put gardenias around my neck and a crown of flowers. And I'm telling her, be careful. Because see, drunks can't take good either. They don't know how to handle good. they're used to so much pain. So I said, be careful. So when I go to meetings, they put laser flowers around my neck. I'd go to the stores, they put lazer beads around my necks. I came back to New York and I said I've never been laid so much in my life. I have a lot of something. And so when you go to Hawaii, look to get laid. because they will put them flowers around your neck. You'll get yourself on the sidewalk. Not out in the street. Stay on the sidewalk, be good. But we keep coming. And isn't it wonderful we can laugh? We must never forget the days that we cried. Never forget those days. And thank God that we're alive again. A.A. Alive again. And do it for yourself, nobody else Because I've been I have a new doctor now And he cursed at me when he first met me And they straightened him out about that So he said, but I never drank I said, shut up, I drank enough for you So don't worry about You ever drinking I drank plenty for 19 years So happy New Year And I won't tell you happy New year Happy New Year Because the year will take care of itself And again, try not to make holidays an issue in your life. I trained myself like that from the beginning. Every day is Thanksgiving when I can eat and have a roof over my head and a dollar in my pocket to put in this basket. That's Thanksgiving. Because I used to be sleeping on a park bench three blocks from my house. There was something wrong with that picture. You see, three books on the Liberty Park bench. And thank God I don't have to do that today. Again, every day is Christmas because God is in every day. And I don' t say Happy New Year. I say Happy new you. I hope our paths will cross again on my beautiful journey and your journey. Love each other. Please love each other Go out and find another trunk, baby. Always look for another drunk. Talk to another drunk I can talk to an earthly person and she'll look at me just like I'm crazy But I'll talk to another drunken, another drunk will say, I've been there done that and got the t-shirt See? Another drunk will understand where I'm coming from And that's where it's at You know girls, I love you I want to see you as I go along my journey and just know that you're gonna be good to yourself. Don't do it for anybody but for yourself. I fell in love three years ago, and I mean I fellin' in love, but nothin' ever came of it, which is okay. But I had to go through the pain and I know today why I had to go though the pain so that I could understand another person who would come to me with that same situation because if I haven't been there I don't know what you're talking about. So there's so many things we have to G-R-O-W through to understand another person. Remember guys, I love you. Remember Liz Bailey loves you and you didn't take a trip for nothing because you've added to my life tonight. You've added it to me so that I want to keep on keeping on. Keep on keeping through it all, through it on. It's like that little thing I just said at June 1st. I got the monkey off my back, but the circus is still going on and it's so true. So true. Because we're gonna go through trials and tribulations and he said they're overcomers and live for someone else beside yourself. To this group again, thank you. Keep the doors open. You were here two years, I believe, before I even came into AA. that you were here for me to come over here and visit you over the years. Thank you again and again. Have a good one.