The Mental Reservation That He Wasn’t a Bad Fella – 1969 – Eddie C.

About This Speaker Tape

Burbank, California, with a "duck's butt hairdo" and pants that puffed at the knees. Eddie C. was a "hip cat" chasing a feeling of confidence he couldn't find in the mirror.

He spent his life swallowing "drugstore attitudes," rolling up marijuana to convince himself he was handsome, and treating the world like a show he had a ticket to but couldn't actually join. He describes the insanity of the bar stool—the dimly lit mirrors where booze makes the drinker and the girl next to him look gorgeous, while in reality, they are just "two quivering masses of flesh" dreaming of a happily-ever-after. He recalls the terror of "dying" every night, walking around holding his own pulse and looking for a soft place to fall.

Now, he trades the synthetic shield for a Higher Power and a raw, selfish gratitude. He no longer has to act every scene of his life; he just has to be an alcoholic who doesn't drink.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction by the chairperson; Eddie S. takes the podium.
• 5:12 Laughter: Eddie S. discusses his 'nutty' personality and the privilege of talking about himself in AA.
• 12:45 Eddie S. describes his 'hip cat' attire, including the duck's butt hairdo and green glasses.
• 18:20 Story about being pulled over by 'the fuzz' with 40 marijuana cigarettes in the glove box.
• 25:10 Discussion of the 'great obsession' and the mental obsession of the abnormal drinker.
• 32:15 Eddie S. describes the 'mental duality' of the bar scene and his search for the girl of his dreams.
• 38:40 Laughter: The 'professional dyer' segment; Eddie S. describes his nightly fear of death.
• 45:10 The miracle of sobriety: realizing his wife and children love him.
• 52:30 The bumblebee metaphor: how the mind believes it can fly despite the odds.
• 58:15 Reflection on the 'inner kingdom' and the spiritual principles of the program.