The Me That Is in You – Bob D.

About This Speaker Tape

A park bench in Vegas, a bottle of cheap wine, and a matted beard. Bob D. describes himself as a "freeze-dried alcoholic" who felt disconnected from the world long before he ever touched a drink. For Bob, alcohol wasn't just a beverage; it was the only immediate treatment for a spiritual malady that made him feel like he was always coming from behind. He chased the "magic" of those early days, eventually spiraling into a dance of death involving 151 rum, drugs, and a series of blackout runs that left him as an "urban outdoorsman" sleeping in burnout projects.

He recalls the paradox of the alcoholic ego: the more he lost—jobs, family, self-respect—the more smugly superior he felt. He describes the wreckage as being "kicked to death by rabbits." It took a hit-and-run DUI in a stolen car and a brush with a state penitentiary to force a surrender. Bob realized he wasn't fighting the bottle, but a self-centeredness that kept him shackled to a hyperactive mind. Through a Higher Power and...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Bob D. introduces himself and his sobriety date: Halloween 1978.
• 5:15 Discussion of the 'spiritual malady' and the feeling of being a 'freeze-dried alcoholic' before drinking.
• 12:40 Bob describes his 'dance of death' with drugs and the influence of 151 Rum.
• 22:10 Laughter: Bob's story about claiming to beat Bruce L. in a karate match during a blackout.
• 31:00 The 'urban outdoorsman' period and the delusion of superiority over successful peers.
• 42:15 Bob's struggle with the 'chatter of the head' and the illusion of control.
• 51:30 The bottom: A hit-and-run DUI in a stolen car and a failed suicide attempt.
• 58:20 Meeting Woody: The conflict between Bob's ego and Woody's 'do-gooder' nature.
• 1:05:10 Discussion of Step 3 and the surrender of the will and ego.
• 1:18:45 The story of the man in the fetal position and the discovery of love through service.
• 1:32:00 Bob's realization that he had to stop beating others up to stop beating himself up.
• 1:41:00 Closing thoughts on the 'first rule of plumbing' and the necessity of constant work with others.