The Master Plan for Permanent Sobriety – Eddie E.

Obviously we're going to start tonight as John said on step one and go right through. I double up on six and seven, I double up on eight and nine simply because the two although they are separate exercises can be discussed and talked about in one session. I want to at the outset make a couple of remarks. One is that I am NOT a spokesman for AA. We don't have such a thing. The minute we get one, we're in deep trouble. I'm here to share my experience, my strength, my hope, my knowledge, my wisdom, all as a result of other people like you that went ahead of me and a lot of you that came after me, that has given me uninterrupted sobriety for about 23 and a half years, a day at a time, of course. and the reason it has is because we have within the framework of our program these 200 words that we're going to be discussing in the next 10 weeks we have a master plan or if you choose the master's plan that guarantees sobriety and makes a lot of other promises that have and are, and will continue to come true in my life and in your life, provided you're willing to fulfill the conditions that I just read to you out of chapter 5. The simplicity of our program is absolutely incredible, astounding. Now, the disease of alcoholism, on the other hand, is literally filled with complexities. And as we attempt to move from the world of unreality, darkness, drunkenness, the world that I call the wilderness, into the world reality, truth, we find and are faced with many perplexities. And the program is designed in the order in which it is for a purpose, and I'll talk just briefly on that. When I say design, I think that's probably a wrong word. You see, AA was not invented. AA was born, conceived of prayer, meditation, and experience. AA, and when I say AA, I'm talking about our program of recovery the 12 steps. The plan is made up of spiritual principles. In the foreword of the 12 and 12. There's a paragraph that very clearly states that AA's 12 steps are a group of principles, spiritual in their nature, which if practiced as a way of life can remove the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer, and that's you and me, to become happily and usefully whole. In our big book it says we are, I believe they use the figure 100 or something like that, men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And that is the purpose of our big book. Now just for the benefit of the newcomers, the 12 and 12 is what I'm going to be quote, and I use the word loosely, teaching unquote front, simply because it came 13 years after our big book had been published, they had many, many more bodies and they had tons more of experience. And so they elaborated and wrote the twelve and twelve at great length much more about each of our steps. Unfortunately as I travel around the country which I have been privileged to do speaking, I find that there are many many many alcoholics that are confusing the program with of recovery with a fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and many times as a result of this confusion I believe they die now let me qualify that our fellowship is second to none. But it is not the program of recovery. The program of recovery is in this master plan of universal truths, and I defy any alcoholic to work this program as is outlined in chapter 5 and take a drink. It cannot be done! You must deviate from the plan of recovery in order to drink. this I believe well I have never found anybody that took a drink they could tell me that the but that the program failed them because the program has never failed an alcoholic we have failed it I was a total failure for ten years around a so I can speak on both sides of the coin I paid my dues believe me because I came into AA in the early stages of alcoholism, and we do have stages all the way from potential to chronic. We have a variety of types of alcoholics. In this room tonight, every stage of alcoholismo is represented and every type of alcoholic is represented, I am sure. So you see, I came in AA, or let me rephrase, that came around AA when I was 22 years old, and I didn't take my last drink until I was 32 years old. And I consider myself the most fortunate alcoholic on the face of this earth because there aren't many around that made it after being a total failure such as I was for so long. I mean, I was around AA on a regular basis, and everything that I heard from the podium that I hadn't done, I did. Many of you have heard me say, the only two things I've never done is kill somebody and fall in love with another man. But I'm only 56. And the way some of these men are wearing their hair these days, they look pretty good, to be honest with you. But, I happen to believe bald is beautiful. Back in an old issue of The Grapevine, John Norris, he was then the director of the Nebraska Division of Alcoholism, wrote this editorial reprinted from perspective in one of our grapevine issues. And he explains what I've just been trying to say. It will only take a moment. I always start my step classes with this article. As we witness the emergence of a whole host of new programs and activities aimed at alcoholic persons, there are many who shake their heads in dismay as they proclaim and protest the only successful way to recover from alcoholism is the AA way. And they're right. There is only one way, and that is the AAA way. Hold on, friends, he says. Hear me out. Let me explain what I mean when I say the AA way. Tragically for all of us, the AA way has suffered the same fate as many other great contributions to mankind. It has been stereotyped, stigmatized, misinterpreted, and misrepresented. In fact, it has been so grossly distorted means so many different things to so many different people that the issues which people fight about in the name of aaa are not relevant at all to the aa way the aaa way is not is not going to meetings learning a new set of cliches and slogans drinking coffee with a friend reading a guidebook in the morning and praying at night sitting through the night with a drunken friend. Certainly, these are all things that persons identifying themselves as alcoholics may do. But we all know from painful experience that there is little likelihood of any lasting or comfortable sobriety if the above activities are the sum total of the AA way. What then is the AA Way? It would be presumptuous of me to even attempt to interpret what AA means to the many hundreds of thousands who have found a new avenue of living, the AA way. But we would dare to make some general observations. The AA way means taking 12 suggested steps and using them as one's personal guide for living each day. It has its origin in surrender and its fulfillment in making the changes in oneself that enables one to learn to love himself and to share that love with his fellow man. The AA way has been successful because it is a sound therapeutic process, a basic process that any person must go through to overcome any difficulty or solve any problem. The process may be called many different names by many different persons representing an assortment of disciplines but for the alcoholic it is the AA way and regardless of the intra point of the alcoholic to sobriety he must shape his life by following through on the 12-step programs and that ladies and gentlemen is the AA Way now this does not diminish at all the importance of meetings the fellowship the meetings before the meetings the meetings after the meeting the telephone therapy all of these other things that go with it but these are all helpful hints from halloween the program of recovery is embraced in those 200 words and there is a divinely inspired plan and hopefully if you have not experienced that some of you will in the next 10 weeks i am one of those privileged ones as are many of you who it now one of the promises it is crystal clear they use phrases a different way but but the program is so crystal clear to me. Does that mean that simply because I have a few 24 hours that I can sit back now and relax? No, not at all. I need this program tonight more than I needed it when I came. Why? I have so much more to lose. And just as surely as I'm standing in front of you tonight, being an alcoholic if I take a drink ladies and gentlemen I am going to die I have seen it happen in this room here tonight no one ever has to take another drink as long as they live but the sad commentary to that statement is some of us in this room are going to die drunk and if that frightens you it does me because you know who that somebody could be it could be me unless i continue to do what i've been taught what i'm practicing that has kept me from having to take that next drink all these minutes 24 hour period now i learned many many years ago that Sobriety in and of itself is not a destination, but a destiny. And they tell us that in our literature, that it's a journey. And without this journey I would never experience the destiny that the book and our program promises. You see sobriety is only the beginning. Now in our first step, and you can break our programmed down into four parts the first step being the admission step steps two through seven are submission steps where we learn to submit our lives to God as each of us understands God and certainly each of us understands guys differently and I respect the way you understand him and I'm sure you respect them the way I understand then 89 or our restitution steps. And then we have our foundation, and these first nine steps deal primarily with our past. And then, we get on with the business of living sober successfully, serenely, happy, happily, constructively with our daily maintenance steps, 10, 11, and 12. Does that mean I can toss away the first nine? No, indeed, because I don't know of anybody that can walk through the first nine and throw them away and never have to return to it. Because we are human. Simply because we join AA does not eliminate us from the human race, and I'm subject to all of the human fallacies. There isn't, I'm amused again when I hear people say, I do it to the best of my ability. Well, you're looking at one that hasn't. If there's a shortcut, an easy way, I'M a promoter, I'm a manipulator, I'm an alcoholic, and I'm going to find it. There hasn't been one day in those 23 and a half years when I couldn't have done a little better if I'd have tried a little harder. And if I tell myself anything other than that, I am just playing games with myself. And I can play games with you, but I can't afford to play games with me because here is where I live. Now, when we talk about the different types of alcoholics, You have, obviously, the daily drinker. You have the daily drunker with periodic drugs. Then you have the periodic drunk. You havethe neurotic alcoholic. You have a psychotic alcoholic, the pathological alcoholic. And you can go on and on and on. I happen to wind up in all of these categories at one time or another, you see. Then the stages of alcoholism, and And I think it's vitally important that we recognize the stages and are recognizing them. And that's why so many youngsters are getting sober and staying sober now frequently because even though they're still in the early stages of alcoholism, because due to the success of Alcoholics Anonymous, and it's not successful because of us, but it's successful in spite of us because it is a divinely inspired, God-given plan. And there is no doubt in my mind. How come all of a sudden, you know, alcoholism was not just happened to come around about 1934. I looked at their little research, and when they crushed the first grape, there was an alcoholic there with a cup. So as far as I can tell, all the way back we've had the problem. And how come all of a sudden, never could medicine do it? No. Could religion do it ? No. Could psychiatry do it , no. All of a sudden two drunks get together and they are given a plan, a perfect plan mind you for imperfect people that has literally saved the lives of well over a million people and changed the course of existence for probably 20 million more. I've been told that each alcoholic touches the lives of 20 other people. If we do that drunk, then obviously we must touch that many sober. And if you didn't touch that many, don't worry about it. There were people like me that caught up and made up for it because I touched the lives everybody I came in contact with negatively unfortunately for a long time. Hopefully I've made up some of that. Now there are different stages of alcoholism as i said all the way from potential to chronic and many of you have heard this jesuit priest and for those of you that have not heard me speak uh let me identify myself and that really is what the first devil is all about not what i'm about to say but it's an identification step but i identify myself as a renegade southern baptist that looks jewish with the catholic disease and i do sponsor a priest in fact we share an apartment in kindle when i'm there uh father al myself he's he'll have 17 years pretty soon and i'll try that on boy that's going to interlinks believe me and he's a he's not only a priest he's a clinical psychologist he has all these degrees and you've heard me talk about his degrees he has a bs and you know what that is and you know he has ms that's just more of the same and a phd that's piled higher and deeper i mean he's over credentialized and he reminds me when i make that statement that a rectal thermometer has degrees too and you know what you do with that he couldn't find it with all of his doctorate in theology his doctorated in psychology in philosophy he had to come to alcoholics anonymous literally to find god to find sobriety to find how to live and manage his life and that's what we're going to be talking about if I ever get around to that part of it, which I might or might not. But we got 10 weeks to do it in and nobody going into the place, I hope. So there are different stages of alcoholism and he labels them. And I subscribe to this theory. The first stage is the unusual interest state. Non-alcoholics simply do not have that experience. And God, I know we have some non-alcoholics here, I feel so sorry for you that you never had the experience of what alcohol does for you and to you and how great it is when it's all over. You know, Marty Mann from this very podium some years ago made this statement before she passed away. Of course, she passed away last year. But many years ago, she said, a non- alcoholic does not have the right to use word hangover and i agree with her that's reserved only for alcoholics now the unusual interest stage most of us go through it it meant alcohol in the early days meant more to me than it did to my friends that were not alcoholic i can in retrospect and we have nothing on the ifcom this is not a crap game everything we have is as a result of and as i look back over of my life, the ones that turned out to be alcoholics were the ones I drank with. The ones that I sought out and sought me out. There is no love like the love that one drunken bum has for another. Not even the love a mother has for her child, really. And you have that here upstairs, I believe, a caption on the picture of two bums, two drunken bums. Now the early stages is when you take that drink and you're in that world of fantasy. Well I was there before I ever took the drink, really. You see, I was born that way. I really was. I was raised that way, I had nine brothers and one sister. If we had been a Catholic family, we would have been a good Catholic family. It turned out we were just oversexed Protestants. There were ten boys, and my old man got a girl, she was the baby, and when he got her, he either ran out of gas or quit, I don't know, but she's the baby. And I'm the only alcoholic, so I didn't inherit, although I do believe heredity plays a role in alcoholism. There are many things that involve habit, many, many things, environment. But basically we have to have all of these ingredients in order to become what the book calls a real alcoholic. In the early stages of alcoholism, when I would take a drink, for example, it would make pimples fall right off my face. Now, I defy anybody to take a drank and it'd do that for them and then watch them quit. I mean, you're going to go back time and time. I was Clark Gable. I had a mustache when there was nothing to fuzz there. When I was sworn in at 17 years old in Raleigh, North Carolina, and this would point out a little bit of mental illness. There was a war and I joined the Navy. And before I was swore in, I was Admiral Edwards, you see, as I stood there. I was in Washington, D.C. while I was enrolling. My head was in Washington. And Mr. Roosevelt was decorating me until I walked with a list in it. I have so many the stars and ribbons. And it didn't work out that way at all. I became a drunken sailor, you know. But you see, I'm from that world of fantasy and make-believe. And I think that's the early stages of alcoholism. We go through those. The second stage he labels as preoccupational stage. We're becoming more and more preoccupied with our drinking. Now remember, There are four classifications, I believe. There's a social drinker. There are social drinkers. They're terribly nauseating, but they do exist. Have you ever watched one? They order a drink and don't touch it. It just goes bad. Well, now that's a sin regardless of what religion you have. You know, my wife, we haven't, I don't know, I never know what to call her. We're not divorced, but we've been separated five years. Finally. But she's non-alcoholic. As non- alcoholic as I am alcoholic. She could take an ounce of booze and 30 pounds of ice and take a vacation. I mean, that's pukey. Ain't no other way to say it. Now, that, that is the early stages of alcoholism. The preoccupational stage is where you are looking in the paper to see what is on sale. You know, you are becoming more and more preoccupied with booze. What is the first thing that goes in your suitcase when you are going to take a trip? Like five miles away, you know, a bottle of boozy. You're more, you're more and more, social drinkers don't do these things, you know. You don't take, you don't accept dinner engagements unless you check it out ahead of time and see if they're going to serve drinks, you see. You don'T eat in restaurants unless they have a bar, a cocktail lounge. And this is all in the, I think, in the preoccupational stage. And we've worked gradually and insidiously because of the absolute denial system that's built in the alcoholic, we slide or slip right into the third stage of what we call dependency. Unknowingly, we become more and more dependent upon alcohol. For example, you have an appointment with a dentist for a job, and you stop off at your favorite saloon to get a couple of hookers, and that's what you wind up with. Three days later, a hooker, you know, maybe, if you get lucky. But you never make the appointment. You never get there. We're becoming more and more dependent on alcohol to do for us what we are totally unable to do for ourselves. And finally, we're at the edge of the cliff. And one more step and we're going to go over. And then we've reached the final stage, I think, of alcoholism, as long as you're alive, that is. and that's total addiction or acute alcoholism. And I had to go that far. And I can tell you if you didn't, there is nothing sophisticated or glamorous about becoming a bum. I didn't go to my high school counselor and tell him, that's what I want to be, an alcoholic either. It just came very naturally, and I fully believe that I was born with the makeup. And by adding alcohol, And I'm telling you, I am here, and if you're new, you will understand this statement. I am hier to tell you that I am glad that I'm an alcoholic, and I'm glad I had alcohol for this release and relief from these inner emotions, the fears, the anxieties, the futilities, the insecurity, the frustration. I was at war inside from the very beginning of my life until I began to recover in this marvelous fellowship of Alex and I. Now, alcohol in the early days was not a problem. It was a solution. And it saved my life, I want you to know, because I'm one of those that you pick up the paper practically every day and you read the obituaries and somebody has taken their life. And if you check it out, there's something roughly around, I believe, 70%. Alcohol is involved in it. You're looking at one of Those that probably would have taken that way out Had I not had alcohol to become addicted to. So in the early days, I survived because of the alcohol. Now, later it almost took my life, and AA, of course, came in and saved it. Then when we reach that stage of complete or total addiction, we then either accept the fact, admit that we're perilous over alcohol, until our lives will become unmanageable. Come to AA. You only have three ways to go. You can be incarcerated, and that can be in an institution, a penal institution or a psychiatric institution. You can being incarcerated indefinitely, or you can die, or you join AA and do what is suggested. And those that don't do what it's suggested that are not drinking, and I'm not knocking not drinking. But when the crisis is on them, the insane urge to drink returns, and they find themselves coming up short with the AA stuff that is needed in order not to drink, they are the ones that have shortchanged themselves. They are the one's that my friend Johnny Harris from out in California says are just undrunk. They are not sober. and I believe they exist. And again, they're just losers themselves, and I've seen it all, and it breaks my heart as it would yours, and does you yours, I'm sure when you see somebody a good friend of mine not long ago had a slip after 24 years of sobriety, and the chances of him ever making it back are practically non-existent. Many years ago There was a doctor in AA, he's passed on now, and he gave two chalk talks down in Miami at the old, one of our old high schools down there. And he said the degree of damage in a slip is in direct proportion to the length of sobriety that you have. Now, of all the audiences and people that I've talked to that are alcoholic, I have only met three. I know there are more, but I only have met three that ever had 10 years that took a drink that was ever able to make 10 years again. Believe me, I know a lot of alcoholics in this program, and I've asked that question from coast to coast. You see, something happens, and the chances of me now coming back with my ego and losing my confidence and living not in the now but in the past I would never make it I am absolutely convinced of that so regardless of all the ramifications of this insidious illness we know that it's a physiological thing that physiologically our metabolism it's different it does not metabolize alcohol the way the non-alcoholics body does now I'm no medical person and I won't even try to to define that. But I understand what I'm saying, and I hope you do. We're different physiologically. Coupled with that is a mental obsession that non-alcoholics do not possess. And between these two, they're eventually, and it doesn't take too long, affects the spiritual being. So it's a threefold illness, and i like to add the fourth fold, it is a social problem that we know in terms of any, whether it's material terms or human lives. It is a socioproblem. Now, but regardless of what type of an alcoholic you may be, what stage of alcoholism you may be in, whether you're here window shopping, and if you are, I say, hallelujah. Welcome. Amen. You never know. I hear people say, well, he's not ready. I want you to know, you're looking at a man that hasn't had a drink in, as I said, over 23 years, that when I took my last drink on March the 3rd, 1958, I was not ready, and for three weeks, I planned my next drink, and when I got my act together, you see, I I was going to kill my mother-in-law four or five times. I was gonna kill my wife. I was gon' kill my children. Then I was go'n commit suicide, then get drunk. I never figured out how I was goin' do that. And that's the state of mind I was in. I had absolutely nothing left. I had exhausted everything. I tried religion and I'm not puttin' it down. I had been sprinkled and dunked down to the creek on several occasions. And I couldn't stop drinking. I tried psychiatry, and I drove them nuts. A classic example of the alcoholic, up in Lake Wales, a doctor told me that I had what he called a slight heart attack. If I drank any more, I would die. I changed doctors. Now, a drunk doesn't do that. You see, that's the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk. A drunk, just a common drunk or a heavy drinker, a doctor tells them that, they go home and quit. An alcoholic changes doctors. And I do believe there are these four classes. There's unusual interest stage, okay, then there's the types of alcoholics. There's the alcoholic that is in such early stages that they really don't think the alcoholic. But let me assure you if you're here and you're not sure whether you belong or not, we get a few but not very many by mistake. As a matter of fact, all that I know that are in AA were at least five years late when they got here. I don't know anybody that got here too early. Now, occasionally we get a nut, you know. We get somebody, you Know, all you got to do is come in AA and you don't even have to give your right name. You don't have to have references, you No. I'll just say you're anybody and everybody opens their arms to you. So obviously, occasionally, we're going to get somebody that alcohol is not their number one problem. And this is a true story. Up in Norfolk, Virginia, some years ago, we had a man up there that was speaking convention speaking that was on a top 10 wanted list. Never drank in his life. And they nailed him at a convention. Yeah, that's the true story and so but but you see these are isolated cases. If you're here, chances are overwhelming that you belong here. So, you know, and if you've got to do any research, just think of the research that I did. Believe me, I didn't leave a stone unturned. I tried everything. I tried every time of day. I tried square bottles, round bottles, you knows, short bottles. You know, I tried beer. You can't get drunk on it. You can be an alcoholic on beer, right? So one of my last drunks at the Gables there, I had been sober three months, and I had a job, which was rare. And I got paid and I bought $125 worth of beer on Friday. That's the truth. And stored it next door to my club room in another drunk, my buddy's apartment. It never got in the refrigerator. All I know is I laid there for six days and every time I'd hear that can go pop, my hand would go out. And he'd put another one in it. I never got out of bed. That's what kind of a drunk I was until they carried me to Jackson Memorial Hospital. Now, they put me in the old Miami retreat. Dick went to jail, and the other guy that was with us went home and committed suicide. And Dick died in 1970 drunk. Now, I'm the only one that made it. And I don't question why me. I just thank God it was me. But you see, I had already reached that bottomless pit of being a chronic alcoholic. And when you reach that point, there's no place else to go except get sober or die or be institutionalized. Now, in order to do that, we come to AA. And it doesn't matter whether you came in through Al-Anon or whether you come in through the window or whether your boss sent you, the judge sent you. I don't give a damn because in this room, we came... I don' t know anybody that voluntarily said, God, I think... Jesus, I'll quit drinking today and join Alcoholics Anonymous. Man, the alcoholic fights it right to the end. and so it doesn't matter these things are totally irrelevant what is relevant is that you can accept what i am saying and others like me that have already experienced this and get in on this program and work through these steps in the order in which they appear and that's highly significant because they didn't as i said they were the program was not invented and bill didn't throw a Webster dictionary up and they happen to come out this way. A lot of prayer, a lot of experience went into this thing. And it has never failed in alcoholics. So it's in the order in which they appear because one conditions us to go on to the next one. And then once we work our way through the first nine we've laid the concrete lifestyle for the rest of our life. Now I had to come to grips with something else where it says we in the book I had to say, I. Because I learned that you cannot. I cannot. I can lead you. I can counsel you. I can help you. I can direct you. But I cannot do it for you. Nor can you for me. Each of us must chisel out and hammer out our own understanding of this program. And there's only one way that I've ever found that is successful, and that's through application. You can read it. You can memorize it. and stay drunk and go to meetings 10 nights a week. I did it 10 times a week I did it and stayed drunk. Now I don't recommend that way. I don' t know of anybody but me that survived our craft but that is not the way. That happens to be my story but as everything I chose the hard way obviously and there's a reason for it in what I read to you out of chapter 5 there's one paragraph that says if you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it then you're ready to take certain steps. These are those certain steps, there are no others. Now obviously for a long time, truly I wanted what you had but I did not want to go to interlinks because that meant giving up drinking I mean let's don't get that bad that's the way I felt then because I was still in the early stages of alcoholism I didn't want the trouble that it was causing me but to give up drinking i mean that that's kind of pushing things a little far in as long as you're in the early stages little did i know that everything that they said would happen happened and i was just that stupid i guess sick whatever you want to call it that i had to go ahead and try everything until i wound up down in miami on skid row with with it was absolutely bankrupt and a hate machine as i just described myself in every conceivable way i was bankrupt and it was only through the grace of almighty god and alcoholics anonymous that they that i was able to make it back and we have always in south florida had step meetings and thank god we have because i travel through the country and and there are parts of the country that are far less fortunate i believe and less progressive in our program of recovery than we are here i am blowing south florida's own horn and i think rightly so we've got the best quality of a.a that exists and i don't believe anybody will take issue with me on that maybe a few but i'll argue with them on that because we have it we are big book oriented we're 12 and 12 oriented with traditions oriented with service oriented and we are program of recovery oriented now once we get here all the things that i've said tonight they're really totally irrelevant the fact remains that once we get here, we're willing to go to any lengths. That means start with step one. Now I'm going to make one more statement very quickly here. I've been doing this type of meeting for 21 years, usually one or two a week. Now that doesn't make me any soberer or smarter or anything. It's just that I chose this field to work in service in AA. And I've learned something that is highly significant to me. Those people, and I've worked all over these three counties in many groups with step classes, 10 weeks at a time. And the people that make a sincere effort to make all 10 weeks, when I go back to that group a year, year and a half or two years later, 95% of them are still sober and still around. Those that, by the same token those that take it cafeteria style and pick and choose which steps they're going to come to when i go back to that same group the same percentage prevails in the other direction they are no longer here at all or they've been had a slip or two in their back and that's a true statement because i've kept these records and watched and observed and it's been through my experience and observation that this is a fact not fiction that those that try to make a sincere effort to make all of them, they stay sober. And that's not a tribute to me, ladies and gentlemen. It's a tribute to the validity of our program of recovery. Once we can take the first step and that's the only step that the book says can be worked with 100% perfection and I've worked at 100% and many around here have worked it long enough. We admit it, we're powerless over alcohol. We admit the fact that alcohol per se has reached disease proportions and must be dealt with now but even though it's not our basic problem it for the for the now we have to stop drinking and we do that very simply by joining aa and getting on this one day at a time plan and asking for help in the morning and using the cliches going to a lot of meetings all this is vital but we don't dare stop there we admit we're perilous of alcohol alcohol has us enslaved in its grips and that our lives have become unmanageable and all any alcoholic has to do is look back over his shoulder at his life or her life and find out and see the truth and obviously our lives were unmanable now the purpose of the following steps are to make our lives manageable so that we don't have to drink anymore and of course that all comes in the other 11 steps now once we can do that and get and and we've accepted this and the book says acceptance and these are the two basic spiritual principles in the first step honesty and acceptance the book said on the first up about acceptance we know that little good can come to any alcoholic who joins AA unless he has first accepted his devastating weakness and all its consequences, all that that implies, whether it's drunk driving, losing your wife, going broke, whatever, going to prison, all its consequence. Until he so humbles himself, his sobriety, if any, will be precarious. Of real happiness, he will find none. Proved beyond doubt by an immense experience, this is one of the facts of AA life, the principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole society has sprung and flowered now the late dr sam shoemaker was uh headed up the the uh oxford movement uh before it as you many of you know preceded aa uh before dr sam died in 1963 uh... sixty-three he had written this article in the grapevine and it's been reprinted a short summary of all the steps it's the twelve steps as i understand it by sam shoemaker who gave us most of our spiritual principles and i would like to close each step with what he had to say in a paragraph or two about that particular step he says of step one the reason so many people in AA give thanks that they are alcoholics is that the problems of living of failure to meet life successfully, are single-danced for them to the problem of alcohol. It's definite and it is specific. This is exactly what Christianity has taught from the beginning, not only about the problem like alcoholism, but about the whole range of human defeat, that the old clichés like exerting more willpower are utterly impractical. We are just as powerless by ourselves over temper or bad tongue or moody disposition or hard habit of lust our heart and critical spirit. It is only pride and lack of insight into ourselves that would keep anyone from saying no matter what their problems or lack of problems, our lives have become unmanageable. This is the first step not only towards sobriety but towards self-understanding and the knowledge of life. And I think I can summarize everything in step one is that this This is one battle that every alcoholic has to lose if they're going to win the war. I hope you'll come back next week when we talk about step two. Thank you. Eddie Edwards We are on step two tonight, and my name is Eddie Edwards, and I'm an alcoholic, and my home group is Carl Gables. Hi, everybody. I failed to say last week, actually it was, I haven't taped them in some time and to coordinate these things on a 43, 44-minute accuracy. It's not the easiest thing in the world to do. And I won't mention this probably anymore. I hope not. But I would like to dedicate this set of step classes to the lady that many of you knew that just passed away that I was so close to, and that's Pat Slaback. I don't think anything would make her any happier than that. and we talked last week at great length about all the ramifications of this complex malady, illness, disease that we know as alcoholism about the various stages of alcoholism that many of us go through about all the different types of alcoholics. So when we talk about alcoholism, we are talking about a very complex issue. And many perplexities arise when we attempt to stop drinking and get well. But the program of recovery, as Dave mentioned that I would probably say something rather than I did last week, is different from the fellowship. It's part of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and they are totally relevant, but the fellowship itself will simply not get you sober and keep you sober and give you the quality sobriety that's promised in the promises. It takes the 12 steps. There is a master plan or the master's plan that is embraced in these 200 words that guarantees sobriety provided, and this is a provision, provided you're willing to fulfill the conditions that I just read to you that are outlined in chapter 5. And if you are not willing to fulfill these conditions In all probability, you are going to have to drink some more and you may or may not make it back. One of the clichés that I just simply do not like is the door swings both ways because, excuse me, I'm catching a cold or something. Many of us were fortunate enough to have their door swing back in for us. I happen to be one of those. but I have seen far too many, ladies and gentlemen, that the door did not swing back when they went out. They never returned. So I just don't subscribe to the theory that the doors swings both ways. I know what we mean when we off the cuff make that statement, but I think it's an invitation for an alcoholic to go out and die when you suggest that go drink some more because it may be the last junk that they ever have, truly. Now in order to get well and to experience what Bill said is available in the little reader by Bill on page one, paragraph one, he talks about a profound personality change and about permanent sobriety. As a matter of fact, he says that anyone that knows anything at all about the alcoholic personality or about the disease of alcoholism knows full well that the alcoholic must undergo a profound personality change if he is to find permanent, contented sobriety. Many years ago Dr. Silkworth in The Doctor's Opinion and our big book said the very same thing in another language using other words. He said that alcoholic must experience a deep psychic change. That That psychic change or the profound personality change can only come about as we work our way through these steps, experiencing them, putting them into our lives, attempting to live by them. Not to any degree of perfection, I just read that. No one among us has been able to do that. trying, using them as one's personal guide for living daily. There is such a thing as permanent sobriety. Now, if you're new, you may say, well, that's deviating from the simplicity of the one day at a time. No, it isn't. Not when you think about it. I still implement that statement one day at a time. I execute that statement. One day at the time. I still stay sober one day at a time. But I had to come to grips, and I think every alcoholic has to come into grips with this eventually. And I came to grips eventually with the fact that being an alcoholic, having this incurable illness, I can never drink again safely. Now in order to not drink, Obviously, I'm going to do that a day at a time. Tomorrow isn't here yet, and that takes a great deal of the pressure off, you see. But I know full well that I can't say that someday tell myself that I am going to learn how to drink. If you're here to learn How to Drink, and you're an alcoholic, you're in for some real shockers. I've seen too many, and I tried it for too long a time, I tried everything I'd ever heard from this podium. And we're going to be talking about sanity tonight, and lack of. Because the second step is the beginning of this profound personality change. It's a launching pad. Step two is where we launch off toward permanent sobriety in the submission steps. and then we complete that of course and I don't like the word but for the lack of a better word complete it with steps eight and nine then we have laid the foundation for permanent sobriety on a daily basis but the first nine steps deal primarily with the past to get us into the position that we now can take up get on with the problem of living and not drinking, but still alcoholics. Getting our lives in a situation where they can be managed. We admitted in the first step that we're powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable. Now, look at the logic in these first two steps. We admitted we're without power. The second step says we came to believe there is a power. that simple third grade logic would tell me if I admit that I'm without power then the very next step for me would be to seek a source of power and in the ABC's it said God could and would if he were sought so in step two we begin to seek and this as we undergo do these next few steps we will, just as the arms of a windmill move like this, as we experience, I don't mean just memorize or intellectualize, but experience these first nine steps. This profound personality change does take place and attitudes and value systems are all totally turned about, full circle. and step two is just the beginning of that you see simply the beginning of this profound personality change and as we do and i defy anybody alcoholic or not to do what is suggested and not have a change a profound change in their attitude, in their values, in their life. Because we're dealing in universal truths. Now, in order to do that, we had to come to grips with that first step that we talked about last week. We had to accept the fact, not just admit, but accept the facts that we were powerless over alcohol. That's number one. I've never heard anybody say you can skip step one. I've heard them say, I don't agree with them, but I've heard them say you can skip step two and so skip step none. The steps are in the order in which they appear for a reason. That's the plan. One step conditions us to go on to the next step. But step one is the only step that can be worked with 100% accuracy. I've worked it for many, many 24 hours now, 100%. And if I continue to do what I've been doing, that first step will take care of itself. I will never have to take another drink. Now once I can accept that and get on this one day at a time plan, and unfortunately, let me say here right at this moment, unfortunately many alcoholics stop here. Once they stop drinking that's the end of the program of recovery. And obviously they drink again because that is not the end of the program of recovery. It's only the beginning. Think back through your own life. How many times did you quit? How many pledges did you take? How Many times did you go in the wagon? And I tried everything and I tapered off when I was tapering off, I taper back on while I was tapering off, you know. I used to put my hand on the Bible with big tears running down my cheek and swear to my dear old gray-headed mother I'll never take another drink as long as I live and hit three door jams, get into the kitchen. And of course that's alcoholic insanity. And that's a little bit about what we're going to talk about tonight. Now, step two, we're launching ourselves off into this journey of sobriety or personality change. It says that we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves, they don't identify the power. They don't name it. And so remember, we're taking this a step at a time, this program. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Now obviously, in this room tonight, we have every conceivable background when it comes to attitudes and values and value systems. We have alcoholics that come to AA that are belligerent, that won't believe in a state of mind can be described as only savage. We have Alcoholics that Come to AA that Can't Believe. We have Alcoholics that Came to AA that Did Believe but No Longer Believe. we have people like me that have been sprinkled and dunked down to the creek on several occasions came out far drunk when i started all that jazz and that's not putting down organized religion i think they're all great for for the individual that happens to subscribe to a special one but they did not work for me and they don't work for most alcoholics you see not organized religion although our program is spiritual made up of spiritual values and the overriding spiritual value in step two is hope this is where we find hope when we come to believe and I believe along with that the obsession to drink usually is removed when the person can accept all that step two implies. The obsession to drink usually is removed at that point. When I came to believe that there was a power here available to me that could restore me to sanity. I believe that's when the obsession to drink and the compulsion to drink, that daily fighting of drinking...I don't have to fight not drinking anymore. I don't want to think with this great intensity that I did as a newcomer. Does that mean that I can afford to relax? No, no. But it has become second nature. If you practice long enough continue to practice, that makes up my life now. It comes kind of as second nature. I don't have to do it with all that much effort. Oh, there are times, yes, when I slack off, become complacent. Why? Because I'm like all of the rest of mankind. I'm human, subject to all the human fallacies and failures. Now, how do we come to believe when we got every conceivable background represented right here in this room tonight. Dr. Sam Shoemaker, who was so helpful in the early days of AA and the formation of our program of recovery and helped us with the spiritual values. I believe it's in his book called Extraordinary Living for Ordinary People. There's a whole chapter in there about faith and about coming to believe. And he says there are four things involved in finding faith. First, he says that you have to want it. And that's what we tell alcoholics. Before you can get well, somehow you're going to have to reach that moment of truth. Now that can be, I think it can happen at any given moment in an alcoholic's life. where they want sobriety. You've got to want it. That's the first thing, and the same thing in faith. The second thing he suggests is just what we're doing here, and this is where the fellowship comes in. Exposure, he calls it, exposing yourself to where this power is, just as we are here tonight. We are exposing ourselves through the fellowship of Alcox Anonymous to a meeting where all the power is. Now think about this for a moment. I don't know how many people in here. Let's just say there are a hundred for the sake of argument. Each of us came in this room tonight with two hands full of power. As I leave tonight, if I choose, I am going to take the totality of all the power that you brought in with me when I walk out of here tonight, and so are you. If you want to, it's yours for the taking because you've exposed yourself to where this power is and it's available to alcoholics and anybody else that wants it. It's here. The third thing that he suggests is reading and anything that's gso approved or conference approved is littered with spiritual truths if they're not obvious they're implied just as they are in the steps they aren't obvious in the steps but they're employed such as honesty and acceptance in the first step and hope in the second step and faith in the third step but they are not obvious. They don't use the word, but they imply. They're there. And anything else that's just, that's conference approved literature about AA is of us they have spiritual principles behind them. And we have to, I believe, have a spiritual experience with each of these steps as we work our way through them. And I do mean work because that's what the book says we have to do. Work our way through them There are no free lunches There are no shortcuts, there are no bargain basement prices in AA. And you might as well learn it now. It might save your life. It took me a while to learn that. There simply are no short cuts here in AA Now obviously the more meetings you get to and the more reading you do, the more knowledgeable you're going to become. But I have found nobody that can put two days in one, yet. And I don't think I ever will. Now the last thing that he suggests, the fourth thing, is try it. And many of you heard me when I speak. If you're contemplating a slip, and I hope you are not, ask God's permission, and if If you get it, I'll join you." I have never met an alcoholic yet that got permission to have a slip. So these are the four ingredients in finding faith. First, you've got to want it, secondly, exposure, third, you read about it, and fourth, you try it. I dare you to try it. And if you don't believe it, you believe that I believe it and that will carry you far away." Now many people find great difficulty with this spirituality of the program. Not the spiritual side. They took that out. In Appendix 2 in their big book, it's crystal clear. take me a moment. The terms spiritual experience and spiritual awakening are used many times in this book, which upon careful reading shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms. Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes or religious experiences must be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. Happily for everyone, this conclusion is erroneous. In the first few chapters, a number of sudden revolutionary changes are described. Though it was not our intention to create such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover, they must acquire an immediate and overwhelming God consciousness followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook. Among our rapidly growing membership of thousands of alcoholics, such transformations, though frequent, are by no means the rule. Most of our experiences are what the psychologist William James calls the educational variety, because they develop slowly over a period of time. Quite often, friends of the newcomer are aware of their difference long before he is himself. He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life, and that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self-discipline. With few exceptions, our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a power greater than themselves. Most of us think this awareness of a pair greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it God-consciousness. Most emphatically, we wish to say that any alcoholic, any alcoholic it says, capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial. We find that no one need have difficulty with his spirituality. Now they don't say the spiritual side, this simply is not a spiritual side of the program of recovery. It's a spiritual program of recovery. We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty, and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery, but these are indispensable. Now in the later books there's a footnote by Herbert Spencer. There's a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and when which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance. That principle is contempt prior to investigation." And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason for many, many alcoholic deaths. That last statement that I just read to you. So you You see, really, no one needs to have a problem with the spirituality of the program. Now, many of us run around and are doing today probably what I was doing. I was looking for, and this was obviously due to my upbringing, I was look for a tangible Jesus. Well, you know, beards were not fashionable 23 years ago. So I didn't find my higher power right away. Today, hell, they're all over the place. You know, beards are fashionable. So no one needs to have a problem finding their higher power now. I can remember, I really do, I remember wrestling with this problem of coming to believe that there was such a power. My God, I had prayed. I knew all about prayer. I mean, God and I had this thing going for a long time except it was a one-way thing you see but I didn't recognize it as such and then I heard and this is again where the fellowship and the meetings are important we have I think it's 11 meetings at my group a week and on Thursday night back in those days was the men's night meeting meeting. And Phil Payne, many of you old-timers remember Phil, God rest his soul, he probably did more to help the low-bottom alcoholic than any 15 of us in this room. He was a big guy. He was an ex-Cargable City judge with a walrus mustache, and you're talking about you could eat that much in hot dogs. Believe me, he could eat 14 times that. He showed up at all the eatin' meetings, and he had one tooth. Maybe two, I'm not sure now. But Phil just used to point, you know, everybody thought he was crack, you know, he was a nut. He had 16 years, I believe, when Phil died. He had a meeting every day at noon down at the mission. If he ever had a law practice after that, I never, I don't remember it, never having 15 cents in his pocket. But Phil had this program, and Phil was happy. And I was at a meeting one Thursday night, and he was in the chair, and I was wrestling with this problem of trying to identify my own higher power, or trying to locate him, trying to find it, trying feel it, trying to see it, trying to do something. And I heard Phil say, I looked all over for God and that's where I found him, all over. And I want you to know that was a long time ago, and I have never, never, I want to know, doubted the existence of God in my life since then. now i have been i have drifted away he never moved i have drifted but i've never always knew that he was out there that i was the one that was doing the drifting since that time so you see if i hadn't been at that meeting and heard phil payne say that make that statement i may not be here tonight you never know what you're going to hear said at a meeting that's it the the very thing that you need to hear that's going to throw off a 300-watt light bulb in your head that's absolutely profound. It's so simple on one hand and yet so profound on the other hand. Now, remember, there are a lot of incidents in my sobriety that I can mention, but that stands out as it always has. And I was looking and searching desperately because by then Then I truly, my God, I wanted what I saw others having in this program. And I didn't have it yet. This was within the first two years of my sobriety, I'm sure. But I never had a problem with that since then. So I started to do these four things. I read everything I could get my hands on that was conference approved and even went outside. And it's okay to read outside material as long as you use it as a supplement to your program, not instead of. This program cannot be improved on. There are some of us that can get help from other books, the Sermon on the Mount, a great one, And I could go on and on. There are many. This one I brought tonight for somebody that Pat wanted me to see that she got it. God's Psychiatry by Charles Allen. He wrote several. There are a lot of spiritual books that are available. As long as you use them as a supplementary material to your program of recovery, not instead of. And this is how I came to believe. Very slowly, gradually, I came to believe. And eventually that mustard seed of faith, and that's all it was then, that mustard seeds of faith that I, and I believe probably 90% of us in this room, learned about at our mother's knee, that I later ridiculed. I used to challenge God, come down and fight me man to man. Scared to death, he was going to show up in a minute. you see but and you know it was so ludicrous to mustard seed move mountains well i want you to know that i'm looking at a bunch of those mountains right now that that mustard seed of faith moved and changed and you're looking at the hell of a mountain too that that must have seen because that mustard scene as we work our way through this program and experience this profound personality change It's like a snowball going downhill. It gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And that mustard seed that was at one time just mere blind faith eventually becomes as it has in many in this room. I happen to know many of you. It becomes a conviction, a trust. I trust God implicitly, but we'll talk more about that. That comes later. But this is the beginning. And this is how we come to believe that there is a power. Don't ask me to define it, describe it. Words are not adequate. It's an experience. doesn't have to be emotional. It frequently can be and is. Many alcoholists confuse emotionalism and spirituality. They can be the same thing, but not necessarily so. They don't have to. An emotional feeling does not have to a spiritual feeling, not necessarily. And we need to learn this difference and we do as we work our way through so i very gradually came to believe that there was a power here an awesome power because things began to change my life began to change my attitude began to change. I stopped having to fight and think with such desperation not to drink. I stop having to sit on my hands, they stopped shaking. I went back to a quote normal unquote way of life but very gradual and haven't attained in any degree of normalcy yet when you speak of it as an absolute, but I've made progress. And that's how I came to believe that there was a power here, if I could believe it, that I could tie into and bring into my life that could do what for me? Could restore me to sanity. Now like some of you, I'm sure you resented that word sanity. accepted the fact that you were crazy? Not me. When I saw that word sanity, my mind closed and it took a crowbar to get it open. Because I knew I was not like my cousin Pusey. And that's true. I had this cousin Pasey that was in Dixie Hill in North Carolina, and he was crazy. He'd been there all his life, and he died there. And I knew I wasn't like him. And I wasnít. I was worse. But I didn't know it then. He didn't drink, you see. And here's where sponsorship is so vital. Bud Partridge, my then-sponsor, came to my rescue. And he pointed out that I might have a few problems, such as, he said to me one time, he says, I don't know social drinkers that try to cook bacon and eggs on the stove without benefit of a pan. I had just done that when he came in, and then proceeded to pass out while that smoke was filling the kitchen. I kicked the window of a liquor store in on Southwest 8th Street. I stole a half a pint. Now, I was a half-piner. Now I know what a drunk means when they say, I gotta have a drink. There's a certain stage where you gotta have a drink. You don't really, but you see, I didn't know that. So I just kicked the window in and all I stole was a half pint. I had to have a drink, you know, while you're there, you might as well at least get a case. I was walking down the same Southwest, Dave knows where it is, right down Southwest 8th Street. I lived right off of Lejeune and 8th for a while. And then I knew it was the middle of the night, and on one side of the street is the Gables. On the other side of the street, it's Miami. And I was going to the Swanee. It's no longer the Swanée, but I was gone to the Swanny Bar. And Carl Gable's police pulled up beside me, and they said, you don't have any clothes on. And, I said, no shit. What else are you going to say? I didn't know I didn' t have any clothes on and I couldn't see where it was relevant at all. I knew one thing, it was dark and they closed at five. And I had to get down there to get me a sack full of rabbits. We call half pints rabbits. So they put me in the car and they took me down and got them and took me back home. If you've got to get in trouble with the law, I highly recommend Carl Gables. They'll let your friends bring in one half a pint. At least they did 25 years ago. I don't know whether they still do or not. I've taken a lot of half pints over there, believe me. And it was okay with them for some drunk, getting off of a drunk. But my sponsor came to my rescue and he pointed out these things. And he pointed that we just were not insane when we were drinking. but you know this I can quit anytime I want to and so we quit for one day and that proves that theory we go and join AA and get a white chip and we run around our bread right and I showed it to every customer and they laugh like hell because they knew I'd be drunk the next day and I never let them down so we do these things insane things insane behavior when we're not drinking. Anybody that would go through what an alcoholic goes through and finally gets sober and then starts again and says, this time it's going to be different. Every time for 40 damn years they've been getting in the same trouble except it's been getting worse. This time it'll be different I'm going to just stop here and have two beers. I don't know an alcoholic on earth that would even bother with two beers. Or two bottles of whiskey. Give me a bathtub full or don't bother me, you know. And this is why you're sober. Not under the influence. So it's not just alcoholics. Social drinkers are nuts when they drink. Have you ever seen some of them? They really make asses out of themselves. You know, when you get to drinking this free whiskey, whether you're an alcoholic or not, at these cocktail parties, you can get pretty wrong. People see you, they put you away for life. You're nuts. You don't have to be an alcoholic to be nuts under the influence. So the sanity we're talking about is not clinical sanity. We're talking About Alcoholic Sanity. Thinking, insane thinking, you see. John Park Lee, I was privileged to hear John, I think John's still alive, I'm not sure, but he talks on the steps and has worked them for many, many years in his life and he says take the word sanity and its root meaning what does it mean? It means wholesome. Now let me tell you if you're an alcoholic and if you've crossed the thresholds of Alcoholics Anonymous then you are not a whole person but the good news is you can be whole. You can be made whole provided you're willing to follow the path and fulfill the conditions you can be made whole your life can be Made Manageable there are many ways of saying it that's sanity and insanity but I didn't see it that way when I first got here I saw that word insanity and as I said my mind totally closed until my sponsor got a crowbar and opened it again and pointed out that my thinking, my behavior, even when I wasn't drinking, was not that of a sane, healthy person. That I was not a whole person, but I could be made whole. But step two is the launching pad into this profound personality change and it takes all the way up through step nine to perform this complete miracle, this complete turnaround to where we've been made whole again. We're laying the foundation now by clearing away the wreckage of our past. Dr. Sam Schumacher said of this second step, he says, how come? By standing in the middle of a field calling out to some nameless power? By reading long books of philosophy or theology? No, that's not the way we come to believe. We come to belief by, again, going to meetings, by seeing scores and maybe hundreds and then thousands of individual men and women whose lives have been defeated and wretched. Making thousands more wretched with them. Transformed into new men and new women. Each one of these lives is a kind of a miracle. and clergymen, as helpful as they've been to some alcoholics, have no opportunity to report such a high percentage of victories as does AA. How wise AA was not to attempt too specific a theological definition. Two fine-spun words were bound to offend some and put off others, but nobody can fight against the rather vague term, a power greater than ourselves. Forged in the crystal of laymen working it out among themselves sharing experience with one another and that's what step two is all about we come to believe that there is a power it's in this room here tonight is a unique method we call it the language of the heart and we call it sharing that we can be made whole again our lives can be made manageable and we've now prepared ourselves through reflection in the first two steps to go right on into the third step and make that crucial decision that has to be made according to the book. And we'll talk about that decision next week and I hope you'll come back. Thank you very much. We have a secretary report.