The Magic of Alcohol and the Radio Station in His Head – Tom S.

Main speaker for tonight, Tom from San Fernando Valley. My name is Tom. I'm an alcoholic. Hi. Well, it's a special treat to be here tonight. Happy birthday to all the birthday people and especially to my old friend Ski. I've known him for probably as long as I've been sober. Maybe even before I got sober. I'm not sure. I was first in AA in January 1967, and I didn't stay sober that time. Matter of fact, I was forced in by family and stuff like that. You know, I just wanted to get people off my back. And, you know, the truth is that I desperately needed AA 10 years before that in 1957. I mean, I was drinking over a quart of vodka a day working on Wall Street, and I couldn't stop. That was in 1957. So my first actual meeting was 1967 out here in Los Angeles. My sponsor Bob came with me tonight, and it's always great to have him. You know, Bob is my seventh sponsor. Can you believe this? And what happens is nobody fired me. I didn't fire anybody. But if you hang around long enough, your sponsors might die on you, see? And as soon as one does, you've got to get another one. So he's my seventh sponsor. You want to add that up? June 14th, 1969, I came back and stayed sober. So last June, I took a cake for 44 years. and if I keep doing this if I keep doing this, I'll take a cake for 45 years. Down at the Royal Palms where I got sober, it's an old old hotel down on Skid Row in Los Angeles and you know when I first looked at that, my first sponsor Fred Ellis took me there he remembers Fred Ellis we were all good friends way back and so I think Fred was taking me to meetings in 67, 68, and I was just bouncing in and out and in and out. And I think I heard ski one time then, it was before I got sober. And in case you didn't know it, that's when he was down in Los Angeles as much as he was here, speaking at Brentwood and Malibu and Ohio Street and all over the place. Pacific Palisades, he probably had a bigger book or as big as Chuck Chamberlain back then in those days. So it was always great to see him. I guess you guys miss him because he doesn't live here in the area anymore. Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life and it took me a long time to actually realize that. This all started back in Brooklyn, New York. I was born in 1935 and in 1953 I turned 18. I was legally allowed to drink in New York City. But it started just a little before that. I was 16, 15 or 16 years old. We played a lot of sports, football, baseball, basketball. I played high school, you know, an American Legion and Catholic Youth Organization. Just active in sports, real crazy about all of them. And so we had a lot OF friends in our neighborhood and some of them were 18, 19 and 20. And I called them like the big guys. To me they were men, 19-20 years old, Well, I thought to a 16- or 15-year-old, these guys are men. A couple of them were in the Air Force, and some of them were in Marine Corps and the Navy, and they were in that bar, that neighborhood bar. And me and my friend were outside just looking in and saying, hey, there's Rocky, you know, there'S Jamesy. And they came out one day with a big cardboard container of tap beer, Ballantyne beer. And they said, hey, Sully, have a slug of this. So I had had up to that point a sip of my dad's beer at Christmas or Thanksgiving, just sip. Not enough to feel the effects, but just enough that I didn't even like the taste. Yeah, it's okay. But when they came out, I wanted to fit in with these big guys. And so we had a few sips and passed it around. They told a joke, a risque joke, dirty joke. We laughed. And then this other guy told a story about when he was in boot camp And then they got out on leave, and they went to these wild towns in Texas and Mexico and the ladies of the night and all these escapades. And I'm like, God, when I get to be 18, I'm going to join the Navy. I'm gonna be out there, you know? So they went and I got another container of this tap beer, and they passed it around again. I started to really feel comfortable. So after a few more jokes were told, I said, hey, I got a joke to tell you. I was just relaxed enough to be wanting to tell a joke that I remember. Prior to this, without any alcohol in me, I wouldn't have told a joke. I knew I would mess it up. I'd forget the punchline. I'd really just screw up the joke. So here's the joke, I heard this when I was about 11 years old and my cousin and I were going to Catholic school, Catholic church and he told me this joke, he says, you ever hear this, the lady went in to get five pounds of potatoes and the green grocer said, I'm sorry lady, we don't have any potatoes. She said, that's odd. So she went back a few hours later and said, can I have five pounds of potatoes, please? And he says, didn't you, the lady I told you, said we don't have any potatoes. So she comes back even later thinking that the next guy, the swing shift guy will be there, but it's him. And she asked him, five pounds or potatoes? He says, lady, I don't know how to make any clearer to you. Then let me give you an example. If you take the T-O out of tomatoes, what do you got? She says, matoes. Right. You take the B-A out of bananas, and what do you got? Bananas. Now you take the F out of potatoes, and what do we got? She said, there's no F in potatoes. He says, that's what I've been trying to tell you. So you know what? I pulled it off. I didn't forget any of the lines. Everybody laughed, and I thought, wow, this beer really helped me out a lot, you know. They're so smooth. And, you know, then I started singing, you know, like in front of like about seven or eight guys singing. I sang in a choir. I love you. Ridiculous. But, you know, I would not really sing in, you know, in front of a big crowd all solo or anything like that. But with the alcohol, that's what it did for me. So right after that, it was like six-pack time in the old jalopy car that a friend of mine had or at the schoolyard or at the beach or at the ballpark, you know. And before you know it, I'm 18. I have a draft card. I Have a job on Wall Street and I'm sitting at this same bar that I'm talking about, the same bar right in the middle. And I'm looking up at the top shelf. I was really interested in that because the Thanksgiving before I was 18, somebody dared me to drink a shot of his booze and just drink it down. Turned out that it was something called a ten high, something kind of cheap that I, you know, I gagged, I choked, I almost threw it up, my eyes were watering, and yeah, it's good stuff. And I thought, there must be better stuff than this. So I'm 18, I'm old enough now. I put up some money, and I looked up, and there's something called courvoisier, top shelf. And I said, hey, Harry, let me have a shot of that courvoiser. So he says, Tom, that's top shelf. I said, don't worry about it. So I drank it. I said wow. It's just so much smoother than the other stuff. So then over here on this side there was something called Hennessy's Cognac. Still like the ring of that one. Cognak. He says let me have a shot of that. And then I had a shot and I had another one called Paddy's Irish Whiskey and I was sampling all these top shelf right in the middle. There was something call Ambassador 25. It was like a very mild scotch. I never did like scotch, but this – I had a shot of that. It was right in the middle, right inthe middle, and it was likea white label with gold-embossed English-style lettering. You know, fancy. Very impressive. And so I hada shot ofthat. Wow. Putit back up. And every time Harry putthe bottle back up on the shelf, the liquid in there would jiggle, and these colored lights would sparkle and dance offof these bottles, and I was mesmerized. absolutely mesmerized by this. And you know what? It seemed to me that I thought I was going to be able to drink like this until I was 95 years old and I would live happily ever after. Everything would be just wonderful. And, you know, we heard those stories when you're a kid and they lived happily ever. I believed it up until there was a time when I looked at the headlines and would go to the movies, you would see two movies, a cartoon and the newsreel. And in the news reel I would see over and over again what he went through. The bombings, the World War II, the massacres, the killing, the blitzkrieg and stuff. And I'm thinking who the hell is running this world? I was scared the hell out of you when you see the Nazis go marching in like robots and stuff, it terrified me. And i'm thinking I guess there's no happily ever after. And then you're reading the newspapers about this, kids getting murdered and dying of all kinds of illnesses. And there's a serial killer out there and terrible things. So you get kind of jaded and you think, I guess that's not the real world. But after I found alcohol, it seemed like everything got loosened up and I was able to enjoy life. You know, I can enjoy music better. I could talk to girls. I knew I could drive a car much better when I had, like, about a half a pint of vodka in me. And so that's the way this all started. I started drinking more and more and More. Well, you know, by the time I'm 19, I'm also in the shuffleboard league that we have. Every week on a Tuesday, I believe it was, we would go on to different neighborhood bars and play their teams. And we had standings just like baseball, National League, the American League standings. Who's better? And after our teams all met, four teams playing their four teams, we would match our two best players against their best two players and bet for money. And I found out that when I had, let's say, about three double vodka screwdrivers, I was better than anybody else on that court. Left-handed, right-handed. just up to the very end, knock him off and, you know, just have him don't even move or hide behind. I was just like, it was just really, really good, but it was alcohol. And I just planned it that way. Well, you Know, I'll have a few drinks ahead of time, and then I'll just have a few more, and by the time the money games come, I will be ready. So this same thing happened when they said, You know, we are starting up a bowling league, and we are going to start having the bowling teams play on Thursdays. Well, hell, we already had Friday, Saturday, and Sunday covered. Now we've got Tuesday and Thursday. And after a while, I'm starting to drink at lunchtime. And, you know, you drink from 12 to 1, and then you come back. Well, with all this drinking, by the time I'm 22, I'M HAVING WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS. You know, it seems as though that in the morning I've got the whips and jingles, I've GOT THESE INNER TREMORS, LITTLE SHAKES, AND IF I HEAR A LOUD NOISE, IT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME. And the guy said, hey, you know what? You know what will help that? Have a drink in the morning. He called it the hair of the dog that bit you or something. And so I thought, man, you've got to be kidding me. In the morning? No. It was less than a year I started doing that. I'm at my desk. It's a Monday morning. I had a heavy weekend of drinking. And this guy came from behind me and we're checking purchase and sales. He goes, okay, Tom, let's get that work out. I was like, Jesus Christ, what's the matter with that guy? And so my inner tremors were shaken outwardly. And I said, hey, I'll be right back. Take these. I finished these. So I went downstairs to this cabaret. It's early Monday morning. And I ordered a double screwdriver. And I downed it the minute he put it there in front of me. And then when he put my change back, I said do it again. So he gave me a second one. And then I said doing it again, And I had three doubles all in a row. I needed the effect that alcohol had on me to just calm down a little, settle down and relax. You know, you're falling apart here. And then I realized, God, this bar is crowded. Look at all these people here. I don't want to give anybody the wrong impression, you know, that I might be an alcoholic or something drinking like this. So I waited. I waited a little while. He's waiting on other people. Finally, I says, oh, bartender, may I have another one, please? Try to be casual, you know. And I had a fourth double and I had fifth double. This all was in 15 minutes easily, easily within 15 minutes. Five doubles and so finally it kicks in. You know, I think you would know what I'm talking about. It kicks in out to my limbs and the shaking just subsides, solid as a rock. Up to my brain and the fear just diminished and subsided. and I could take the deep breath, you know, the... And I thought, God, what happened to me upstairs? Was that an anxiety attack or what? I don't know. But thank God for alcohol then. Alcohol is the only thing that's ever made me feel normal. It's the only things that ever made my life normal. It's always the only one that ever makes me feel like life was worth living. And it's the one thing that brings out the best in me. You know, that's the way I really, really felt about it. I felt sane when I drank. And without it, I didn't. I felt weird, out of place. I was a terrible student as a kid. I couldn't concentrate. Then I tried to force myself. Listen to that teacher, man. Listen to him. And my mind would just drift away. And I felt like I had two or three radio stations on in my head all at the same time. And it wasn't until I found alcohol that it was like turning that radio to hear one clear, to just tune it in perfectly so I could hear one Clear Station. That's what alcohol did for me. And I thought it was magic, absolutely magic. And I never thought there'd be any repercussions. I could just drink like that forever and ever, period. But now it's beginning to turn on me. But I can't imagine giving it up or, you know, that it's not good for me anymore. My mother came to me. See, I left the job on Wall Street because they were going to fire me because of the way I was drinking. And I came out here to California where they moved in 1955. Now this is 1959. And so finally she says, Tom, you have to leave. We can't live with you in our lives. And she said, You're just going to have to live. We can take it anymore. I would knock over her antique lamps. One time I knocked over the parakeet's cage, and we crashed through a window in the kitchen nook. Of course, this is 3.30 in the morning when this stuff happens. It was splintering glass, breaking and everything. I called up my real dad back in New York, and finally they must have gotten together. Somebody from Al-Anon might have said, you know, cut him loose. Just cut him lose. So this is what happened. My father said, Tom, whenever you call me, you always, always call collect and you always have bad news. So I got a new rule for you, pal. If you ever call me again, you better pay for the call and you better have good news. Otherwise, adios, pal, I don't want to hear from you anymore. He hung up. Wow, I better pay för de kål och jag bättre hava goð. I haven't had good news in a very long time. Now, I met a girl who was from England, and she had a little child. It was a one-year-old baby. I said, whatever happened to – this woman liked me, you know. And after all these problems I've been having and getting fired a couple of times, so I said what happened to her dad? She says, oh, that bloody bastard was an alcoholic, and I just had to leave him. And then she gets me right from behind after leaving that guy. And here I am, the replacement. So we moved in together, and then we eventually had our child. My daughter Diane, I know a lot of some people know her. Diane's in AA now too. As a matter of fact, so is Christine, the both of them. No wonder with the type of life that they were living. I would have violent arguments with their mother just because I spent the whole check and I didn't come home one or two nights, and I crashed up the car. So what it was is that the cops would come in, and they would yank me out of the thing because we were screaming and fighting and breaking windows. And my wife was chasing me with a butcher knife, like these great big carving knives you use. And I could always get the knife away from her because I was fast and agile, lifted weights. I did a lot of football. I could run. I could lift weights strong. I could swim. And so even at that stage, as much as I was drinking, I was still pretty athletic and strong, agile. I got the knife away from her all the time by twisting it. And the two little girls are over here in the corner saying, don't hurt Mommy, please don't harm Mommy. Mommy had the knife, see? And so I have to twist her arm like this. She was a big woman and crazy as hell, worse than me. and I've got to dig this in until she let go of the knife. And then the cops came in, arrested me, I have to spend the night in jail. They said, we're not going to book you this time, but you're going to kill her one night or she's going to kill you, we can't. Look at these beautiful children. What the hell's the matter with you? Mr. Sullivan, what the hell is wrong with you?" I've been hearing that since I was like this high, from my father, from my mother, from school teachers, from the priest, from the cops, from everybody. what the hell's wrong with you? What's the matter with you I don't know, what's the matter with YOU? I'm not doing anything but you know I was always an oddball somewhere out over here when I should be right in the middle of things, never, never I remember one time, I'll give you my personality I made 31 consecutive foul shots in a row, basketball right 31 in a roll and I missed the 32nd one, I wanted to kill myself I wantedto commit suicide because I should not miss that shot. If I could make 31, I can make 131 or maybe 1,000 in a row. But even if I made 2,000 and a row and I missed the 2,001st one, I still want to commit suicide. It just was crazy, just an insane outlook on life. People would laugh at me. And you see, so I kind of gave up the idea of why try to be good and to be accountable for, because if I mess up once, that screws everything up. So what the hell with it all? And that's the way I felt, just ridiculous, but that was me. So my wife, that one time after I got the knife, this is after three or four or five, it's happened over and over again. When she got mad, her English accent came out even more pronounced. So she said, you bloody bastard. I'm going to run this freaking knife through your heart tonight when you're sleeping. Nothing ever scared me before that, but that scared me. I think she's just crazy enough to do it, you know. And I'll wake up and there it is. It's too late, buddy. Push, push, push. You're dead. And so I started sleeping in my car. You know, maybe crazy, but I'm not stupid. So sleeping in my car. And, you know, so there was another time when, let's say, I was missing a lot of work. I had gotten a job at Douglas Aircraft. And we were doing – first we were dealing some military things. And then I got a clearance, secret clearance. And we're working on a fighter plane for the Vietnam conflict, I think it was. And so I was making a lot of money and a lot of overtime, and one day I couldn't go to work. And I started missing work a little too often. And then I told her, I said, look, I'm too sick. It was a Monday, and I said I can't make it. She says, you're going to work, I don't care. I'm going to force you to get in that car. I said well look, you can force me to get into the car, and tell you I'm gonna work. But I'll go towards work, and just have to stop off somewhere to get a couple of drinks and calm down, settle down. And then here's what happens. I might go to work and I might not go to work. I don't know what I'll do. She says, what do you want us to do? I said, let me stay home today, make a big pot of chicken soup and I'll lay on the couch, watch TV and have a couple of naps here and there and relax and I'll go to work tomorrow. Simple. She said, I got a better idea. She says, here's what we'll do. I'm going to make a big lunch for us. You know, we'll get some egg salad and some vegetables and some other stuff and some tomatoes and fruit. We'll get the girls ready with pails and shovels and coloring books. We're going to Muscle Beach, which is Santa Monica. Muscle Beach right by the pier there. She goes, I know you love to swim. I'll bring my radio and, you know, some reading material. And then you can just relax on the beach in the summer, nice and warm. And I thought, that's a good idea. That sounds really good. Well, I knew enough that she was going to get my wallet and just clean me out. So I had planned for that. I took a tent, and I put it in, you knows, that little bathing suit pocket where all us guys wore those speedo things like then in those days, like you were in the Riviera or something. I never see that anymore, but anyway. So I had the 10 right in there all folded up, prepared for anything. So we're at the beach and I'm planning, thinking ahead and thinking, what am I going to do? God, I'm nervous and I sure could use a drink. So I go, well, I am going for a swim. I went out and I could swim very, very good. I swam out close to 100 yards. I look around. They're like little dots dottering around. They're not even paying attention to me. I swam over about three bays. This is like three lifeguard stations, and I knew, so I'm halfway to Venice by now, that there was a bar on the promenade just beyond the sand, and that's where I headed, all the way over, alltheway in, and I was completely out of sight from where they were. I went in this bar, and I said, Let me have a hams beer, please. I drank it down like coming out of the desert let me have another one so I had another one and I drank half of that in one swoop and then I waited and then another one see that package there of Clorette's gum is that what you got there it's green gum disguises your breath and so I figured I better use that And I had a third bottle of hams beer. I finished that, and I figured, well, this is enough. I've got a long swim ahead of me, so I've Got to really cool it now and take it easy. And I belch, and belch. And I get all of that out. And then I swallow about seven of these chiclets in my mouth of the Clorets gum. It makes your lips and your tongue, everything all green. I'm thinking, what am I going to do for this? So I figured here's a good idea. I'll swallow a little bit of salt water gargle with salt water I'll swallow some of it so to dilute even more any alcohol breath maybe coming up from my stomach I'll gargle good get rid of that green and then I'll go out I'll come back in you know what, that's what I did she never, never knew the difference and I thought this proves that the alcoholic is so intelligent that he could dream up these things You know, to fool people. And I thought that was... And for 20 years of being sober, after I got sober, I never thought about that much. But one day it occurred to me, you know what? That's crazy, man. That's insane that you did that. But all the time before that, I would think, hey, you now, these are the hoops that people make me jump through. I have to think two steps ahead of them all the times. And they forced me to do this, so I have to do it. So it's not my fault. But I realized how crazy that a guy would go to any length, willing to go to anything to get a drink. And I did many episodes like that that you could say also. Well, let me tell you one time I was on Wall Street. My drinking was so bad that I started to withdraw like it was 8 o'clock at night. We didn't have computers in those days, So if you had a very heavy volume, you'd be stuck there for like late at night. And this is what's trying to clear up the work. And so I'm in the subway waiting for my train. I had drink at lunchtime and I went down around 3.30. Now this is 8.30 and my body's crying out for more alcohol. And so, um, I hear my train coming into the station. I feel like I'm coming unglued. My train is getting closer and louder and closer and loud. and soon these tons of steel start screeching and screeching to a halt. Something in my head says, jump, jump. Well, I never had contemplated suicide before, never, ever. But that thought popped into my head. And I thought, God, from now on, you know, I caught myself, but from now On, I'm going to stay as far away from that edge as possible so that I have a chance to catch myself. And I figured, I've got even a better idea. You get off work at 8.30, you just go over to the cabaret again and have a couple of more doubles. I said, brilliant, brilliant thinking, right? And that's what I started to do. And so that is why all of that type of drinking forced me to come back out here to California. So the last – I've got to get sober pretty quick here. i was i was in a in 1960 uh 67 in and out in and out in and it was like pathetic really pathetic they wanted me to read i didn't want to read i didn't want to do steps four and five i was afraid to look at myself afraid that i'd find out i was a coward that i wasn't really a man that i wasn't really a hero that i was just a scared to shitless little kid and that's that that was it and I didn't want to see that. I didn' t want to admit that. But drinking Red Mountain wine from 1967 to 1969 out in the streets and like being a transient and not having a car, a job, or a place to live, you're a bum. What do you call it? You're a bump. You're walking the streets. And I don't have any more friends anymore. They see me coming. They said, That guy, you know, he's a loser, a complete loser. So it was Father's Day 1969. I called up my sponsor. There was nothing in my wallet except his phone number, nothing else. And I said, Fred, you were right. You said that I'd probably have to lose everything before I'd be willing to try A again. So I said that's where I am now. You know, I don't have a place to live. My mother let me make the phone call. She wasn't going to let me in, but she let me take the call. He came, picked me up, went to the meeting on Ohio Street Sunday. noon, and then went to the Royal Palms, which is downtown. I tell you before, a big old, old, old hotel, four stories, was built in 1908. When I looked up at it, you know, I'm living in the streets, all night laundromats, abandoned cars, people's backyards. And I look up at this old hotel and I said, what a jump this place is. You know? Well, you know,I stayed there ten and a half months. It was the best thing that ever happened to I had a warm bed, three meals a day. And they said, here's your job, friend. You notice there's a lot of guys here in wheelchairs and crutches and canes, can't go to the lunch, 10 minutes, can't get through the line to get their own food. So you're the waiter. And what you're going to do is you go up to the guys you might see who can't get to the line. You say, can I get you your breakfast? What do you want? Okay, two eggs, some toast, maybe some cereal or some orange juice. And that was my job. Two hours breakfast, two hours lunch, two hour dinner. six days a week, and they gave me $5 a week spending money. Oh, by the way, when I got there, the guy said to me, throw away those clothes, man, you stink. And here's a Salvation Army goodwill thing. Pick out some pants, pick out some shirt, my shoes had holes in them, and that's the condition I arrived there. Fred had a sponsor who worked there as a counselor, alcoholism counselor, took me to meetings every single night. And after I left there ten and a half months later, I was thoroughly entrenched into AA, and I could see. I had worked a fourth step, a fourth and fifth. I got rid of the wreckage of the presence. I didn't take a good look at everything, but everything that was bugging me that I could see, I took to a Catholic church, and it was a Portuguese church, and I thought they couldn't understand English, but they did. That guy knew better English than me. I thought I would put it over, fast one over. I got so embarrassed about some garbage that I had done. And so I went back to that guy actually two years later, and I said, do you remember me? I said you absolved me of all of those sins, whatever. And I didn't want to go into the confessional booth, but we were in your office. He says, yeah, I do remember you. He says I want to tell you AA works, and if you ever run into any parishioners that might have a drinking problem, send them there, okay? He saysI will, I will, thanks. Well, I got a job at Lockheed Aircraft. And I wound up working there for 29 years, almost 30. And I retired in the last day of 1999. So I've retired almost 14 years now. But in those 29 years I was sober. I was accountable. They relied on me. They depended on me They could count on me They promoted me I got seven promotions throughout all these years. And I worked my way up to – I got a license to be an FCC electronic technician in engineering, too. And so they kept saying, anybody here want to take up any type of aviation? They said we have – how about radar? I said, yeah, I'll do it. I'll doing it. So we had a course and I got certificate for that. And then there was another course of different forms of navigation. I said, I'll do that too. And so then they had anti-skid brakes. Then it was autopilot. That was the L-1011. We built 240 of them, I think it was. In 15 years, in 16th year, they said, we're going to put you in military now. But you need a top secret clearance. What are we working on? We're working on something called the U-2 spy plane. This is a plane that Gary Powers got shot down over Russia. Well, I'm in the cockpit running functional tests on that for a couple of years then. He said, now we're putting you on this other one. It was called the SR-71 Blackbird, and that's the one that took the place of the U-2. It flies faster and it flies higher. It still holds a speed record. I ran functional tests in that. And I was always there. I was Always Learning. You know, I was alway willing. And so the last job we held, we said we're putting you on another one now and you go a level higher, but you have to, you know, we have to investigate you. So this was called the 117th Stealth Fight Obama. And that was the one that was a big star in the first Persian Gulf crisis, you know. So I worked on that and I was running functional tests, quality assurance engineering, and they put me on this computer-augmented test equipment. And I did really, really good. It was always there. They needed me for overtime. And like about five years into that, they said, come into the office. We want to talk to you. So I thought I did something wrong. They said, we present you with this plaque. You're the employee of the month. I thought, oh my God. I couldn't even hold a job before this. The employer, Glocky's a big company. big company. You're the employee of the month. I said, wow, that's great. Thank you very much. And before I retired, the last year, I won it a second time. You know, you can win awards here. If you stay sober, anybody can win an award here. You are of maximum service to God and to your fellow man. That's what happens here. I want to tell you, the first time I spoke, and I'm going to shut up. I'm sober a year and a half, and a guy wants me to be the speaker at a meeting. I He said, you mean what, the 10-minute speaker or the lead to the meeting? He said no, you're the main speaker. The main speaker? God. Well I thought Chuck Chamberlain better move over. Eddie Cochran, all these guys. So the main speak. I said where is this? It's a place called Harmony Hall. And it sounded like an important big place to me. Harmony hall, wow. Okay. And I'm thinking Harmony Hill sounds a little like Carnegie Hall, right? Big time. I'm envisioning like there's going to be 600 people there and I'm going to have people just laughing in the aisles and reduce the tears at the very end and I'll walk off to this thunderous standing ovation and that's goingto be people, this downtown Los Angeles people will be coming in by the bus by the train they'll be coming from Phoenix they'll come from Albuquerque they'll coming all over to hear me anyway, I get down there and there's Manny he's talking to this guy Carlos Carlos was drunk. It's obvious he was drunk even before I parked the car. So, he says, Tom, come on, come on, let's go inside. We go inside and the meeting was in a hallway like three tables and there was a 60 watt bulb with a string hanging down there and nobody else is in the meeting. Nobody. I said, hey, where's everybody else? He says, well, some people may show up later, Tom, but so far this is it. Manny, me and Carlos. Carlos was drunken. So, just before the meeting started, he says, Tom, would you read chapter five for us? I said, I'm the speaker. He says, well, we can't ask him to read how it works. He's drunk. Look at him. Drunk. Okay. I read chapter 5 and he says that now a coffee break. We're like six minutes old, the meeting's in a coffee breaker. Nobody else to share. And And so finally, he says, all right. And now our main speaker tonight from San Fernando Valley is Thomas. And let's give him a nice big hand. And so they're clapping. And then I get up there. I'm into about two or three minutes of my talk. This guy Carlos gets up and leaves. He just disappeared. He left. And I gave my whole talk to Manny, the secretary. And actually, at the time, that night, I didn't think it was very funny at all. I felt embarrassed, humiliated. How could I ever tell anybody this story? It's ridiculous. Just, it's a dirty trick that God played on me. It was something. But I'll tell you, on the way home, in the silence of my car, I finally started to laugh. And I thought, God has a pretty good sense of humor, you know. This is my lesson I had to learn as far as ego goes, you see. I've had lots of lessons to learn about ego throughout my sobriety. I hope I have a whole lot more. AA is the best thing that ever happened to me. Happy birthday, Skeet. Thank you. Thank you very much.