The Madness That Only a Higher Power Could Quiet – Angie D.

About This Speaker Tape

Blythe, California—the place where you go when you ask for things and get exactly what you deserve. Angie D. describes a life lived as a "walking bust," a series of wrong turns starting with a childhood of emptiness and a hunger for love that felt like a pilot light waiting for fuel. She speaks of the "purple-lipped" relatives, the nuns whose skirts she raised, and the "psychosis" she once mistook for charisma in men with tattoos and shiny eyes. Her wreckage is concrete: filthy shacks with cockroach-black sinks, the terror in her daughters' eyes, and the "madness" that led her to a suicide attempt where she woke up to find herself treated like a piece of used-up meat.

She describes the "music" of the rooms—the belly laughter and the soul-reaching smiles—that first drew her in. Through a Higher Power and the grit of sponsorship, she moved from being a "visitor" to finding a dignity she didn't think she deserved.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Angie D. describes her childhood in a Mexican community and her 'purple-lipped' relatives.
• 5:12 The first drink: the feeling of sherry wine and the immediate 'yes!' in her soul.
• 10:20 The 'ugly side' of her story: admitting to the violence and blood in her relationship with her children.
• 15:45 The 'loneliest day of her life' following a failed suicide attempt.
• 20:10 First experience with AA in 1964: the 'music' of the belly laughter and the sounds of recovery.
• 25:30 The 'most hopeless' drunk and the intervention of Carson.
• 31:15 Laughter: Discussion of her 'fascist' sponsor, Mary R., and the 'rusty spoon' of eating shit.
• 36:40 Reflection on the death of her sister and the lesson that life is 'one minute at a time'.
• 42:10 Discussion of her current husband in Blythe and the nature of their friendship.
• 48:50 Mention of Step 3 and the purpose of being of maximum service to a Higher Power.