The Long Road to Not Hating Herself – June G.

About This Speaker Tape

Venice, California. Barefoot on the boardwalk, putting out cigarettes with bare skin to prove she was a "tough broad." For June G., the first addiction wasn't alcohol—it was suicide. By age nine, she had found the perfect chemical cocktail of barbiturates and booze to get "out," using the bottle not to feel good, but to stop feeling the knives of childhood trauma and the hate she carried for herself.

She entered the rooms of AA not for help, but because her mother feared June would get her evicted. She stayed because she saw a man named Paul—a biker with a knife in the meeting—and realized that even the "tough" ones were broken. June describes a wreckage of motorcycle chains, offensive T-shirts, and a seventh-grade education. Through a secret sponsorship with a woman she initially despised for wearing pink, June moved from the streets to a life she never would have wanted, but one where she finally stopped wanting to die.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 June G. opens with her sobriety date: July 13, 1972.
• 10:20 June describes her childhood suicide attempts and early use of barbiturates.
• 18:45 The 'tough broad' years in Venice Beach and the logic of fighting groups of five.
• 26:10 Meeting Paul, the 'tough' alcoholic who cleared rooms and tables.
• 34:30 The overdose that led to her first real commitment to sobriety.
• 42:15 Laughter: June describes her early days as a barefoot greeter with motorcycle chains.
• 51:00 The secret sponsorship relationship with Gail W.
• 58:20 Amends: Returning stolen library books to the Culver City library.
• 1:12:00 The 'brown dress' moment at the Palm Springs Roundup: accepting herself.
• 1:25:00 Gail W.'s final days and the power of the program over the individual.
• 1:38:00 The story of the 'Gandhi sandals' and her daughter Jessica's shoe in the storm drain.