The Loneliness That Alcohol Could Bridge – Larry K.

About This Speaker Tape

A priest who cannot tell his ass from a hole in the ground. Larry K. opens with a crude, sprawling joke about donkeys in England to mask a lifetime of absolute loneliness. He describes his pre-sobriety existence as standing on a cliff, watching the rest of the world have a picnic on a distant ledge, separated by a chasm too deep to leap. For Larry, alcohol was the bridge. It was the only chemical that could dull the image of his own perceived ugliness and the guilt of stealing from the poor fund.

He spent years as a "nomad" in his own home and a failure by priestly standards, eventually ending up in the rural wreckage of Sterling, Oklahoma. He details the psychic cost of pretending to be 5'11" when he is 5'10 1/2", fighting the "schizophrenia" of a religious life that demanded he hide his lust and greed. Through the steps and a Higher Power, he stopped trying to be a saint and started being a man, plank by plank, building a bridge back to fellowship.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Laughter: Larry opens with an extended, comedic metaphor about donkeys in England.
• 4:30 Larry identifies as an alcoholic and a priest; mentions his sobriety date of May 21, 1972.
• 8:15 The 'Two Cliffs' metaphor: Larry describes the absolute loneliness of his pre-recovery life.
• 13:40 Discussion of childhood trauma, a sadistic brother, and feeling physically ugly.
• 18:20 Alcohol as a 'bridge' from isolation to life; the transition from functioning to blackouts.
• 24:10 Step 1: Larry discusses the necessity of being 'undrugged' to face the real problem.
• 31:00 Step 3 and the role of the sponsor; Larry describes his blunt, non-Catholic sponsor.
• 36:45 Step 4: Larry discusses the 'size' he tries to project versus his actual self (5'10 1/2").
• 42:10 Midlife crisis and the feeling of being a 'failure' as a priest in rural Oklahoma.
• 51:30 Step 7: Larry's experience with sexual hang-ups and the 'crap or get off the pot' advice from his sponsor.
• 58:15 Step 9: Detailed guidance on making amends to the dead and those who have passed.
• 68:00 Closing: The story of Lazarus and the distinction between the Higher Power's call and the fellowship's role in unbinding the alcoholic.