The Jealousies and Feelings of a South Side Chicago Kid – Barney M.

About This Speaker Tape

South Side Chicago, an Irish Catholic neighborhood of six-flat apartments. Barney M. grew up as a "moral leper," a kid who didn't just sin but enjoyed it, hiding a corrupt interior behind the image of a dutiful altar boy. He describes a lifelong pattern of doing well and then falling, a cycle of failure that left him feeling like an alien waiting for a spaceship to take him home.

By 26, he was a high-profile TV anchorman in Detroit, accumulating "stuff"—big houses and cars—to feed an ego that demanded constant applause. But beneath the success, he was a "wimp" terrified of life. He found the magic elixir in a bottle: the discovery that no matter what, if he drank, he felt better. After a divorce and a collapse of his finances, he stumbled into AA, not as a seeker, but as a "no-good jerk" who wanted six months of sobriety and a way to con the system. He credits his survival to the "strong ethic" of sponsorship and the willingness to finally open the zipper and let people see the wre...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Barney B. opens with travel anecdotes and mentions his home group in Brentwood, CA.
• 12:15 Discussion on the necessity of strong sponsorship for the 'egotistical, self-centered jerk'.
• 22:40 Childhood memories of being an altar boy and feeling like a 'moral leper'.
• 31:10 The 'spaceship' fantasy: feeling like an alien who doesn't belong on this planet.
• 42:00 Career as a Detroit TV anchorman and the 'magic elixir' of alcohol.
• 54:30 The bottom: divorce, losing money, and the realization that he left six children home alone.
• 1:05:15 Entering AA with a bad attitude and being forced to mop floors by his sponsor.
• 1:18:20 Laughter: The story of the redhead and the Disney cameraman in the bushes.
• 1:32:10 The crisis at age six years sober and the desperate prayer on a beach in La Jolla.
• 1:45:00 Reflections on Chuck C.'s concept of a Higher Power as a father figure.
• 1:55:20 Closing thoughts on the 'pit stops' of recovery conventions and gratitude for 20+ years of sobriety.