The Internal Unmanageability That Drives the Obsession – Adam A.

About This Speaker Tape

A tie feels like a funeral outfit to Adam A. a man who spent his youth drifting through Northern California communes teepees and school buses. He describes a life of 'personal use' that led to a two-year prison stint for acid possession followed by a cycle of 'wet' AA meetings where he shared the right things while staying high for three years.

The turning point came in 1994 when he crawled out of a basement wrecked and finally viewed the Big Book as a textbook rather than a storybook. He moves from being a 'rabid step-Nazi' to finding a balanced recovery through a home group in his living room where he admits his addiction is not to the bottle but to himself. He views sobriety not as a destination but as a daily practice of service admitting that while he's restored to sanity regarding booze he's still a work in progress in every other area of his life.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Laughter: Adam A. jokes about his 'funeral outfit' tie.
• 2:15 Early life in Northern California communes and the 'beer and a bong' vision.
• 6:30 Living in a trailer with no water and a blanket for a front door.
• 11:20 Prison time for possessing 79 hits of acid.
• 16:45 The 'potential alcoholic' detox questionnaire.
• 21:10 Discussion of the 'craving' and the allergy to alcohol.
• 26:30 The 'wet' years: attending AA meetings while staying high.
• 31:15 The 'hollowed out eggshell' feeling and the internal spiritual malady.
• 36:40 The 1994 turning point and treating the Big Book as a textbook.
• 41:20 The 'god shot' and the realization that he never has to drink again.
• 46:10 The 'rabid step-Nazi' phase of early sobriety.
• 53:40 The 'addiction to self' and the purpose of service.