The Insanity of a Moving Target Philosophy – Sean A.

About This Speaker Tape

1974, West Hollywood. Sean A. is fingerprinted and photographed by the vice squad, standing in a pair of pants soaked in his own urine. For years, he lived the "great lie" of alcoholism—a Broadway singer and New York party boy who looked polished while careening toward a cliff. He describes his first drink at fourteen as "taking a bite out of a thunderstorm," a chemical cushion that allowed him to make changes without compromise. He wasn't a tugboat-stealing drunk; he was a "slimy, tacky" one, manipulating doctors for pills and raiding medicine cabinets during dinner parties.

The wreckage is concrete: a best friend who pulled the plug on a kidney machine and a wife who shriveled until her lips disappeared. Sean speaks of the "suicide of the soul" and the ritual of checking his car for blood stains every morning. Only after hitting the bottom of a vodka glass does he find a Higher Power through the raw, one-on-one connection of a fellow drunk.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:05 Sean S. opens with a disclaimer about his opinions and a joke about a 'shitty' amends.
• 6:15 Discussion of the 'interrupted relationship' with fathers and the feeling of being an unwelcome guest.
• 12:40 Laughter: Sean S. describes the 'tuxedo' feeling of the perfect drink and the 'whoosh' of hitting warp speed.
• 18:20 The 'great lie' of alcoholism and the tragic deaths of friends in the New York theater scene.
• 25:10 The 'dance of death' with his wife, Bonnie B., and the physical shriveling of the Al-Anon partner.
• 31:45 The arrest in West Hollywood and the 'moment of clarity' while alone with a glass of vodka.
• 36:20 Detailed account of being 12-stepped by Suzanne S. and the use of Karo syrup.
• 42:10 Discussion of 'impure alcoholics' and the integration of addicts into the fellowship.
• 51:30 The 'miracle phrase' and the importance of sober experience over professional advice.
• 58:15 Laughter: Story about his daughter's experiment with wine coolers.
• 1:05:20 Sean S. describes his current life as a business owner and actor, feeling 'peaceful in his gut'.
• 1:15:40 Step 1: Powerlessness and the 'dog loose on a freeway' look in a newcomer's eyes.