The Illusion of Being Unique and the Path to Connectedness – Bob D.

About This Speaker Tape

1978, standing on a bridge in Pittsburgh, ready to jump because the "magic effect" had finally turned. Bob D. describes himself as a "freeze-dried alcoholic" who felt an impenetrable barrier between himself and the rest of humanity long before his first drink at twelve.

He chased a feeling of connectedness through 151 rum, methamphetamines, and heroin, eventually becoming a "party buster" who holed up with half-gallons of vodka to seek oblivion. He calls the belief that he could one day control the drink "psychotic wishful thinking." After a hospital detox in Las Vegas, he stopped fighting and bought the whole package of AA. He views the program as "spiritual physics"—a set of actions that produce results regardless of belief.

By working the steps and listening to Fifth Steps, he discovered the "great illusion" of being unique, realizing that every alcoholic is essentially the same insecure, vacant man.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Bob D. opens by welcoming newcomers and acknowledging Calvin's 10 years of sobriety.
• 3:15 Discussion of the 'phenomenon of craving' and the allergic reaction of the alcoholic.
• 7:40 The 'dance of death': Bob D. describes his descent into methamphetamines and heroin.
• 11:20 Reference to Dr. Bob S. and the specific type of alcoholic who cannot stop once they start.
• 14:10 The 'impenetrable barrier' of loneliness and the 1978 suicide attempt on a bridge.
• 17:30 Laughter: Bob D. mocks the 'wacko stuff' and psychobabble he tried, including primal screaming.
• 21:10 The 'last house on the block': entering detox in Las Vegas and meeting the 'cream of the crop' of AA.
• 25:40 The analogy of the New Zealand aborigines and the 'spiritual physics' of the steps.
• 28:15 The 'process of awakening' and the realization that other people are not just 'cardboard cutouts'.
• 30:40 Discussion of the Fourth Step and the 'sameness' of the alcoholic's story.
• 33:10 Final appeal to newcomers to 'dig in' and follow the fundamentals of the program.