The Illness of Alcoholism and the Biochemical Genetic Factor – Eve M.

About This Speaker Tape

1982, Palm Springs. Eve M. stands before the crowd, not as a Baptist preacher, but as a recovered alcoholic. She remembers being a "misfit" from birth, a girl of elbows and knees who felt separate and apart from the world. For Eve, alcohol was the "magic elixir" that finally made her feel whole, shrinking her from a clumsy giant to someone adorable and capable of conversation. She chased the high of being a star, desperate for a name in lights so she could believe she was wonderful.

The wreckage mounted: a theater career ended by drinking on stage, a marriage fueled by mutual illness, and the degradation of being "too sick" to take her children to the park. She describes the "last mile"—the long, dark hallway of the 24th Street Club in New York—that led her from the shadows into the light of a Higher Power. Now, 37 years sober, she views recovery as a daily reprieve, a hard-won shift from blaming others to owning her own wreckage.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and discussion of the 'happiness is an inside job' theme.
• 6:15 Childhood memories of feeling like a misfit and the 'big girl' dynamic with her sisters.
• 12:40 The first 'Orange Blossom' drink on a ship to Europe and the feeling of suddenly becoming 'five foot two' and adorable.
• 18:20 The 'bravado' and defense mechanisms used when being kicked out of college.
• 24:10 The psychological drive behind wanting to be a star: proving she was 'okay' to herself.
• 31:45 Marriage to Roger R. and the cycle of blaming him for her own drinking.
• 38:10 The 'inebriates' note left on the refrigerator by her mother-in-law.
• 42:30 Entering the 24th Street Club and the 'last mile' hallway.
• 48:15 Step 4: Identifying the 'weeds' of resentment and the memory of locking her son in the park.
• 55:20 Discussion of the 10th Step and the story of the boy checking up on himself.
• 61:10 Reflections on her 17 years at the General Service Office and seeing recovery in Japan.