The Higher Power She Found Through Substitution and Redefinition – Lila R.

About This Speaker Tape

Physical pain and alcoholic paralysis defined Lila R.'s early days in a 'hole in the ground' meeting in Huntington Park. She describes a raw gritty entry into sobriety where she perspired green suffered brutal DTs and lived in a state of total paranoia rearranging her furniture to face the door. While she stayed physically sober for 18 years she admits to a later 'spiritual soul sickness' driven by a desperate need for self-sufficiency and power.

The turning point came when she stopped trying to intellectualize the program and began practicing the steps in real-time—treating a traffic dispute or a bad mood as a spiritual emergency. By shifting from seeking results to living in the question she moved from a life of insecurity-driven success to a quiet internal reality where she no longer needs to be the center of the room.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Lila R. discusses her experience speaking at the International Women's Conference in Chicago.
• 4:15 Laughter: Recounting the 'hole in the ground' meetings and the physical pain of early sobriety.
• 7:30 Mention of the 12 and 12 and the necessity of the steps for her survival.
• 11:20 Description of the 'grace of Higher Power' for babies and alcoholics.
• 15:45 The 'spiritual soul sickness' that hit her at 18 years sober.
• 20:10 Discussion of the 1st Step and the powerlessness over ego, money, and judgment.
• 24:30 The process of the 7th Step and learning to love herself even when she is a 'creep'.
• 28:15 The 11th Step practice: writing questions to her Higher Power and expecting miracles.
• 32:00 Laughter: A real-time example of practicing the 10th Step while driving in traffic.
• 36:40 Final reflections on the difference between the meetings and the actual work of the steps.