The Half Measures That Value Nothing in How It Works – Bart R.

About This Speaker Tape

New York, 1978. A cold October morning. Bart R. stands at the bus stop with a birthday present in his coat: a small bottle of Jack Daniels. He drinks it to calm his nerves for his first day of work for his father, then walks into the office and makes a complete ass of himself. This is the recurring wreckage of a life spent as a "little punk" drinking with older guys and a teenager throwing his 120-pound mother away from the door in a drunken rage.

After years of "quarter measures" and institutionalization, Bart finds a sponsor who doesn't care about his feelings, but cares about his life. He describes the alcoholic mind as a muffled tape that lies, convincing him he can handle one drink despite a lifetime of evidence. Through the steps, he moves from wanting to kill his sponsor to writing a list of everyone who pisses him off. He trades the "dirtbag" identity for a daily reprieve granted by a Higher Power, discovering that the ninth step was less about his own forgiveness and more ...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Bart R. opens by explaining the distinction between being 'in recovery' and being a 'recovered alcoholic'.
• 5:15 Childhood memories of drinking with older men in Brooklyn and failing fifth grade.
• 12:40 The wreckage of his youth: violence toward his mother and being placed in shelters and institutions.
• 18:20 The 'invisible line' and the failure of his first attempt to start a career working for his father.
• 25:10 The 'blue card' incident: Bart R.'s first AA meeting and his attempt to sneak out to avoid reading aloud.
• 32:45 Laughter: Story about wanting to kill his sponsor, Eric, after hearing him speak at the Utopia Young People's Group.
• 38:10 Detailed experience with Big Book sponsorship and the first 164 pages.
• 45:30 The process of the Fourth Step inventory and the 'spiritual malady'.
• 51:15 Step 9: Making amends to a former girlfriend and the chance encounter with his son in a bank line.
• 58:20 Working with others: The story of the tattooed man from Creedmoor Rehab.
• 1:05:10 Tribute to his sponsor Eric and the 'standing up' exercise showing the lineage of sponsorship.
• 1:12:40 The final days of his father and the transition to living in Sedona, Arizona.