The Grandiose Exterior That Covered Low Self-Esteem – Lorna K.

About This Speaker Tape

42nd Coastal Bend Jamboree - 1996

A West Texas accent in New York City Lorna K. describes a bottom that wasn't a crash but a slow belly-scraping slide across a runway until she landed in a bramble patch. She recalls the delusion of wanting a man only because he had a maid and the sheer terror of a single sip of wine that felt like 80-ton doors slamming shut on her life. From wearing a maid's uniform bought at a thrift shop to the high-stakes world of fine arts auctioneering Lorna K. maps the distance between the 'tinsel' she wore to hide her low self-esteem and the spiritual warrior she became. She speaks of a three-year plunge into a darkness so deep that only 'smart feet' could carry her to meetings and a journey to a derelict cemetery in London where she finally identified with her parents' grief over a dead sister. She argues that the only way to survive is to relentlessly change the small things—the seat in the meeting the way one prays—to avoid the 'bottle in the closet.'

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Lorna K. introduces herself and discusses the comfort of the AA preamble.
• 5:15 Laughter: The 'belly-scraping' aircraft metaphor for her bottom.
• 10:20 The 'coffee, bagels, and intercourse' phase of her drinking life.
• 16:45 The 'last sip' and the realization of what a 'morning drink' actually is.
• 22:10 The '80-ton doors' experience after taking a sip of wine in Washington.
• 28:30 Laughter: The 'Dracula' cloak and her brutal sponsor's 'high road' advice.
• 35:10 Laughter: The story of the thrift-shop maid's uniform.
• 42:15 The 'salty patches' of life and the story of the umbrella attack on 43rd Street.
• 51:20 The journey to the Sinai desert and the camel named Bob M.
• 58:40 The visit to her sister's grave in London and identifying with her parents' pain.
• 1:05:10 Discussion of Bill W. and the choice to not take 'the sure thing'.