The Grace of Higher Power That Keeps Him Sober – John W.

My name is John. I'm an alcoholic and if you came to hear Cliff, I'm not Cliff, okay? Now Cliff was supposed to come. Cliff's my sponsor and he just had a procedure done and the doctor wants him to stay home for a while. So for those who maybe know baseball history, I am like Manny Moda for Cliff. I always come in and pinch hit. Okay, before I start, I have to tell you something. When I was a boy, I would drive with my mom and my dad to Tijuana maybe once a month. And for those that look like they probably don't remember, there was no five. we went from the freeway I lived in Los Angeles the free way stopped at Santa Ana and we took the 101 which was the El Camino through here and I remember going through here I remember seeing the show at Del Mar I always wanted to live in Lucania for some reason and it's like a four hour drive to Tijuana but it was always nice to come this way and I'm sort of glad that I'm here well Well, my sobriety date is June the 22nd, 1983. My home group is the Carlsbad Workshop and my sponsor is Cliff Roach. Oh, sorry. You haven't voted yet, have you? Okay. You can erase that here. there's two groups that I like to talk to one identified today are those people that are in their you know their first 30 days or something like that you know we always ask and the other group that I'd like to talk to and hope that maybe they can get something are those people that are in their maybe their last 30 days of sobriety because we never ask about them But we know they're out there. Because I've been in both of those situations. So, I got sober in Los Angeles and that's where, you know, that's where I grew up. And I'll tell you about like the first time I took a drink and to where we are right now. You know, it was between the 7th and 8th grade and it was in the summertime and a friend came over and usually I go to the playground but you know we didn't and I got some alcohol that my parents would bring from Tijuana when we would go and and some Hawaiian punch and some Tupperware tumblers and ice and we started just doing that and I'll tell you it was quite an event for me after a couple of those, I don't remember what happened to my friend. You know, he must have went home. But I remember what I sort of remembered was the room spinning, me throwing up a lot and then the next thing my parents waking me up and they were sort of upset. I told them, they asked me, you know, what's wrong with you? And I says, you Know, I have the flu. I don' t know if anybody has used that before But I said, I have the flu. And when she removed the covers from me, my white T-shirt was all full of red throw-ups. So, and you could smell it. And she just gave me that look that, oh, you're going to be just like your brother look. And my dad took pity on me and cleaned me up. So that was the first time I got drunk. And I sort of enjoyed it. And as a kid, I never had any problems in my life with my parents or anything like that. You know, I grew up almost like an only child. My brothers and sisters were married and out of the house when I was born. So I grew Up like an Only Child. I never wanted for anything. And that's how it went. Maybe I was a spoiled brat. I don't know. But that's How My Life Went. And when I started to drink, I just wanted to have a good time. That's all I wanted to do was have a Good Time as a kid. Where I lived, I lived by the railroad tracks. Those days there were hobos that used to ride the tracks. They would pop off the tracks and I would like go and get some money, you know, selling bottles and stuff to the liquor store and I Would have a little bit of change And I would wait there on a milk carton, you know, a milk crate in the alley by this liquor store. And I knew that I can buy a bottle of Thunderbird for 87 cents. I can get a fifth for 87cents. And for 15 cents, I can Get a Pack of Newport Cigarettes. So, I was ready. Yeah, it's a lot different now, isn't it? so that's what I would do and I wasn't there every day but you know that's what I'd do when I wanted to get drunk you see the way I believe I learned to drink was watching TV because I was a latch kid my parents would go to work and during the summer time I was there and I'd either go to the playground or make a wallet or something or stay home and watch TV and I would watch these westerns and you know the cowboys would come in and kick open those saloon doors and order whiskey and they would put it on the bar and get that cork throw it away and everybody's drinking well I never noticed anybody saying hey let's get that cork we might have to save some for later I would get that suit the Thunderbird and I'd get twist off that top and throw it away like a cowboy. And I'm starting to down that, you know. And I am a little kid, you know. How old am I? I am an old teenager, pre-teen almost. And, you know, I would get to the label and I am starting to get, you know, woozy. By the time I got to those Thunderbird rings, I was drunk. All right. I don't ever remember when I finished one of those bottles. And then I would just be a nuisance in the neighborhood. And that's how I drank. and I would go home and I'd get in trouble, right? And that's how my life went. You know, that was going to be the pattern of my life, you know. I'll tell you, when I ever got in trouble with authorities, the law, you know, the first time I got in travel was about a year later. I am with my cousin drinking white port and lemon juice you know downing reds and you know I'm in another neighborhood and I still have to get home by 5 o'clock because that's when my parents get home so we're there in Echo Park at the Pioneer Market and I decided hey maybe we should let's steal a car and I can get home now and I'll tell you I don't know if it was my cousin or me who made that decision but let me just tell you in the east county of San Diego there was a gentleman who passed away last year named Jimmy and Jimmy would in his pitch he would say I was with a bunch of guys we were there hanging out and I would say hey I got an idea and then they would all end up in jail in Tijuana they were all surfing guys and they would go there and they'd end up in Tijuana in jail so either my cousin or myself says hey I got an idea let's get this car so you know and this is like 1960 I believe and you know the old Chevrolet some of them you didn't need a key you can just turn the ignition and that's what I look for and we got in the car and started it and I'm backing out hitting cars on both sides of me you know, fishtailing out because I had never driven a car before. Okay? I figure how hard could it be I sit next to my dad all the time you know anyway, I got the car home and that would have been okay but not only am I sort of drunk I'm a smart Alec type of kid who now, I'm there. I beat the thing. I beat The Wrap. Now I'm going to just cruise the neighborhood a little. So there I am in this old Biscayne, white BiscAYNE Chevrolet. And what happens, you know, I leave it with these guys and I go home. And then a couple days later, there's a postcard onto my screen door when I come home from the playground and it's an officer from Juvenile Hall. these guys got caught, they said this guy over here stole it I have to go down with my parents so I go down to Georgia Street in Los Angeles and go talk to the juvenile officer so I'm in this little room and he says John and he puts this Zippo lighter on the table and he said John if I leave would you steal this lighter and I said well no And he says, how come? I said, well, I'm the only one here. You know I stole it. How hard is that, right? Well, that's not what he wanted to hear. What he wanted to hear, no, it's wrong to steal. And see, although I might have known that, I'm not going to tell him that. Okay? Because I have like an image sort of already. And so then I, you know, what happened, to make a long story short, I got a year probation, okay? I went through the little thing and that's how I thought, every time I got in trouble, that's what happened to me. You know, I went to a private high school. Like I tell you, I didn't want for too much but, you know, my parents instilled a word ethic in me. So, I'll tell you. I sold programs at Dodger Stadium. I washed dishes in the hospitals, so I always had a little bit of cash. So when I went to this school, and I'll tell you, I went to Cathedral High School in Los Angeles. My tuition was $10 a month. I think now it's like about $12,000 a month, so I went there, offered me a great education. People that I went and graduated with, because I still see them. Some became CIA officers, they became officers in the military, federal judges, one of the deputy coroners, you know, so they offered us great education. Now, me, I'm not the kind of guy that would study. You know, I graduated, but I wasn't the kind of guy who would study, I would go in and do that. And then, you know, the career counselor would invite you in and say, you know what, John? You take these state tests and you do well. But you're not doing nothing in school. You have a lot of potential. Well, what I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous, when someone tells you you have a lot of potential, that means you ain't worth a shit right now. I graduated from high school 1965 the Vietnam War is starting I already had upper class men who had gone and died I want to be a hero You know, I've watched all these war movies, World War II movies with John Wayne, with Wallace Berry. They're fighting in the jungle, hanging around with women who wear coconuts, you know, grass skirts. And I go, that's the life I want to be. I wantto go there and do that. Well, what happened was that, you now what? I joined the Navy. Okay? I joinedthe Navy and I got stationed in Newport, Rhode Island. And that's how I sort of fought the war. And I'll tell you, I wasn't a very good sailor as far as being, you know, being honest. You know what I would do? I like to drink a lot, okay? I would go and I would drink in town and then, you Know, my ship would leave, go out for a week and come back and I would pass out and by the time I got back to base my ship was gone oh god so I would have to stay in some barracks and when it came back then I'd have to go see the captain you know, and I'd get in trouble and I'll tell you one time I was in St. Thomas many years ago, right and there was nothing there and they would let us go out on liberty for about, you know four hours in the afternoon and I went with a bunch of guys on a bus back into the jungle and I go, hey, this is what's happening. This is the jungle. So I go back there and we go to a bar and I'm probably 19, 18 or 19 and I'll tell you, I didn't drink that much in bars so when I sat down there and said, hey, what do you want to drink? You know, I don't know what to drink and I just saw something that said the zombies were on special so I said, I want one of those, you know? and they brought it to me and it looked like the Hawaiian punch that I started off with I said oh this can't be that bad so I started doing a couple of those and then in the movies you know you see the sailors and marines everybody come into a bar and all of a sudden glass goes through the mirror people are fighting then everybody is going hand in hand back to base so I guess the way to start this is I have to throw this glass into the mirror but we didn't go hand in hand the shore patrol comes and they arrest me take me back to the ship and I get in trouble after two years of being in the Navy they asked me to leave you're just not cut out for this you're not supposed to smoke this stuff so they got upset for me smoking dope and missing ships movement and being drunk when I'm not supposed to because I'm nicht even 21 yet. So, two years later, being in the Navy, they kicked me out. I go home. And that starts probably the last part of my life. You know, work ethic, I've always had a job. I've done something to always have a job because that's sort of like a red badge of courage for me. As long as I have a job, I'm okay. So I come back, I get married, I have several children, I have couple of kids, I work for a good company and I start drinking alcoholically and my life gets ruined. Okay? Let me tell you what happened. And in 1983, I'm living now. I'm divorced and I'm leaving at my mom's little apartment. And the reason I'm there is because my father died about a year before. And I'm telling my older brothers and sisters, The reason I am there is that I want to take care of my mom. the reason I'm there is because I can't take care of myself and I need my mom to take care of me and she's in her 80s and she and she going blind so that's where I am at the time so in the summer time you know it was June and I'm in coming home from work and I mean the bathroom and I'm straddling the toilet, you know, and I am using the back water closet for a table because I am ready to shoot up a couple of spoons. Okay? That's where I am now. And I look at the medicine cabinet mirror and for the first time in my life I didn't recognize the image that was in the mirror because all of this time My image of me is that I was an altar boy. I was a Boy Scout. Went to college. Father of two kids. I worked for a major company and making a lot of money. But what I saw, nickel and dime hype and a wino. Because I like to drink short dogs of wine. I like the wine. I like going to methadone clinics. And I like To Shoot Up Heroin. And that's where I was. and something came over me it's like you know, you're at the crossroads of your life and I said God, I don't want to die well I did shoot up the spoons okay that didn't, you know let's face it I did that but what happened And a couple of days later, I'm getting tapped on the shoulder from an employee's assistant person that they brought in from out of town to ask me what's wrong with me. Because this is my typical morning. I come to about 5.30 in the morning. I'm at the methadone clinic at 6. I'm at the liquor store at 6.30 right around the corner getting a short dog Thunderbird, you know little bottle of Thunderbird I'm driving from Los Angeles to Anaheim to go to work I go into work, say hello go to the bathroom, shoot a couple spoons and then I go to my computer terminal and in about a minute I have one finger on a key and one letter going across the screen because I'm passed out like that and I'm doing this constantly so they take me to go see evaluation some doctor and I am in there and the doctor says what's wrong and I say oh I am trying to get off these drugs that's why I am going to this clinic methadone clinic and you know my life is just going downhill but I am crying You know, I have no shame at all. I'm going to cry my way out of here. And the doctor says, well, do you drink? And you see, I cannot admit I'm an alcoholic. I can't even admit that, you know, I'm addicted to drugs. I'm addictive to drugs, I know that, but I'm not an addict, you Know, I'm Not That Bad. I have a job, you know, I have a job. And I tell him, no, you know, he says, how often do you drink? And I go, you know what? I have a couple of beers on Monday night with Monday Night Football. Well, see, it's June, we're in the middle of baseball season. You see, I don't realize where I am in the world because for me And I don't know about you, but for me, every day is the same. There's no Saturday or Sunday. There's new holidays. There's nothing. It's just like Groundhog Day. I get up and my main purpose is to get drunk. That's my main focus that day and that's what I started out to do and that' s what I do. So, I talk, I cry and I'm going home now. Going back to work. So I figured I'd beat it. The guy says, well John you have two choices now. You could go to detox or else we'll fire you. And I'll tell you that was a hard decision. Because I've kicked many a times. I know what it is for your skin to almost come off of your body, to not drink for a while because maybe you got, you know, a 502 and you're spending a day in the drunk tank and you'RE sick as a dog. And I don't know, I'm 36 years old, I don'T want to do that. You know,I think, you KNOW, in Chapter 4 it says, you Know what? you know, you have to make that decision to die the death of an alcoholic or, you know live a spiritual life and I was at that decision see, and I'll tell you what changed my mind I'm thinking if I quit then I'll probably have to go to a life of crime because I need money to exist and then I will get go to jail maybe go to prison and if I go to prison you know I might become someone's wife so so to allude that I said you know what I will go to detox because I had never been to like where they put you in a hospital type setting where there's no like not doorknobs on your side so I'm in one of those things I'm at a detox and this is you know 1983 you know this is sort of like a booming industry for them right it's sort of new for everybody so I'm in this detox in North Hollywood you know what somebody was talking about you know talking about insurance and stuff so I had insurance so they put me in this thing and I'm with a lot of younger people who have come from wealthy families from Beverly Hills, from here and there. So I'm with all, I'm thinking I'm with all these stupid kids. Okay. So I am in there but for the first, you know, ten days I am kicking and I, and I'm just hating it. Okay. I'm hating it but I don't have even the strength to even leave if I wanted to. So about ten days later, you know I get insomnia. I don' t know of you have ever stopped drinking or, you know, all of a sudden you get insomnia. I do. So I'm pacing the hall now at night. Seems like when the sun goes down I feel like a vampire. I am pacing this hall in this hospital gown where my butt hangs out the back, right? It's open. You know, and I didn't know that I could ask for two so one would cover but, you know, that's how I just went. So I am walking back and forth and the night nurse, this gentleman nice man, he says here here's a book of Alcoholics Anonymous why don't you read it it might soothe you and maybe you can get a couple hours of sleep so my message to you is if you can't sleep at night open up the big book and start to read, okay my sponsor Cliff says oh and if that doesn't work open up the service manual and start to read so it took me about three days to finish Bill's story because I would read and forget I'd read a sentence and then I'd say what did I recall so I went back and forth but when I finally finished Bill's story I identified with Bill both in hospitals you know and I had this moment where I realized where I am was for decisions that I made I can't blame anybody for where I am right now in this detox it's the decisions that I made that got me here. And for me to maybe see what Bill has to offer are going to be decisions, different type of decisions that I have to make. So I made a pact with God saying, you know what? I'll do anything you put in front of me if I don't have to go back to that life. A few days later, they give me my clothes back. And I'll tell you, this is what I wore every day. A pair of jeans, a flannel shirt. I used to say a Pendleton, but it was just a flannelshirt from JCPenney's. You know, some tennis shoes or sandals and a bandana that I put around my head because I had a natural in the beard. My hair was long and I had it. I had no beard. I don't know if it was a natural. Maybe started off that way sometime. And I used that bandana to keep my hair back and to tie off my arm. Okay, so that's what that was for. So they give me my clothes back and they says, okay, and I don't know if anybody's ever been in one of those hospitals where you have a little white band on. They put you in a white van and they're taking me to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Now you could read that book But you don't know what it is to walk in that door. You don't know that there's other people in here, you don' t know that they're serving coffee, you don''t know anything about it. And I didn't, because I've never known anybody to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. So I get in the van and my meeting was in Hollywood and it was called the Whatever Meeting and there I am. And I'm walking up with this group of kids, and I get to the landing that was on the second floor of the meeting. And there's some people there talking and everything, and they're young. They're in leather, and this is already July because Wimbledon's going on. Because I remember seeing that on TV when I'm detoxing Wimbldon. and they have like safety pins all over in purple hair. And I go, oh man, where am I going? Okay, so then I go up and I finally get in and I sit in the back because they said we want you to sit inthe back we were able to smoke in meetings then so smoke get your coffee sit inthedack don't bother anybody don't escape. Okay. so I'm back there I'm waiting for the meeting to start smoking and everything everybody's up talking loud laughing all of that and what I noticed that I was the only Mexican in that meeting and I'm going oh man where am I and then you know it dawns on me that you know what I made that pact with God I'd go through anything and I have to realize that the book was written by Bill and Bob and not Memo and Beto but for those that are new this is the first hook that brought me into Alcoholics Anonymous when I decided yes I will do this I accept this that little acceptance thing my life changed a little because walking on the stage was a black guy named Tony Tony M the leader of the meeting was another Mexican guy named Mingo who became a good friend of mine and the speaker was a guy named Joe from the Rafters another Mexican guy it's like God said I'm testing you but okay here's your reward and he threw all these people at me and I realized there must be something to Alcoholics Anonymous. There has to be something. You know, because you go to those groups and they're talking about acceptance and unless you actually experience that you think it's just a bunch of bull. But it happened to me early in my sobriety and it hooked me in. When I got it, 28 days later they said, you know what John? today you are physically sober. You have a choice. You can go back to the life you went came from or you can join us in Alcoholics Anonymous and that's what I did I got out of there and I went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous I have a few minutes and I'd like to tell you a couple of stories because I'll tell you, I heard some gentlemen a few months ago who has a lot of time and he says, you know what? We're not speakers. We're storytellers. We just want to tell you a story. And that's how, you Know What It Is and I believe that. And I want to talk to you and I want to tell you a couple of stories. One was when I was in my last 90 days. I have, you know, I'm in the program two years now probably gone to like you know who knows 800 meetings heard like a thousand speakers already uh now I'm employee of the month my picture's on the wall uh I have money in my pocket I'm taking care of my mom uh everything is going well so I I go to my sponsor his name was Joe he's now passed away and I go, Joe you know what I want to I'm done with Alcoholics Anonymous how can I get out of it see I didn't know that you can just not show up see everybody that I know who was doing well was always in AlcoholicsAnonymous people have gone out, they disappeared but I never saw someone say hey I won the lottery, see you guys later You know, nobody who had like anything like that ever left. So Joe tells me, you know what John? Why don't you go back and read the book and I will, and if you don't find anything, you knows, I'll fix it up for you so you can leave. Okay, that's fair. That's fair, Joe. So, you now, I start reading the book again and when I got to chapter 4, chapter 2 of the agnostics, there was one sentence in there that turned the light bulb on for me. And it said, you know, the purpose of this book is to find a higher power so you can solve your problem. And I must have read that many times, but at this time I was ready to hear it and I knew that the reason I have these things right now in my life is because of the grace of God. You see, what I was thinking at that time, prior to that, is that it's something that I did. That I was doing this. That's why I'm Employee of the Month. That's Why I Have Money. That'sWhy I Have a Girlfriend. That's Warum I Have This. That's Почему I Have That. And it changed my life. So, my message to you is that, for me, the grace of God is what keeps me sober. my relationship with God. Not me thinking that I'm doing it. Now, I have enough for one more probably story that really has made an impact on me. 87 days, I'm sober 87 days. Right? I'm in a little meeting. You know, six or seven people and I'm boo-hooing. I don't know if anybody's ever done that. Oh, I'm so lonely. Oh, oh, oh. I'm sorry. I'm not so lonely? Has anybody done that? Okay. I'm doing that. This lady, Beverly, tells me, John. She grabs that directory. There are 2,000 meetings in the Los Angeles area. All you have to do is, you know, here. All you has to do go there and tell them that you're new. Tell them you want to go to coffee. That's all you have do. do. And without skipping a beat, she says, plus you have to realize the difference of being lonely and being horny. Alcoholics Anonymous will only take care of one of those for you. So let me tell you, I am the type of alcoholic that probably for two or three years before I God here. I had no relationships with men, women, or animals. You know, I would just Physically I couldn't do it, okay? And that was the last thing on my mind. The main thing on mine is get drunk. So at 87 days I'm feeling very perky now. So what I did and I don't suggest this to anybody is I got dressed up just the way I am now. By now my hair is cut short, I have a little mustache actually my hair was black, so was my mustache and what I do is I go to this bar in Montebello, the Montebella Inn and I get there probably about 1230 K at night because I don' t want to go there early and I dont want to buy anybody drinks that is not my mission ok I go there and I don't know if any of you like to drink in bars but I did for a while I order a club soda twist a lime it looks like a Tom Collins I feel that I've infiltrated the bar so there I am sitting at the bar looking around and that particular bar coming this way is the woman's bathroom you know and I'm looking for a woman to walk out of that bathroom that has toilet paper hanging from her back because I know that's the drunkest woman in the bar, I could say it's motel time and everything will be okay. And if she says no, she won't remember who I am and I can come back and try it again with somebody else. You see, because that's all the self-worth I have at this time at 87 days. So I'm there and, you know, I'm waiting, you know, and it's like a, like I'm a buzzard. You know, you can't kill anything and nothing dies, you just have to wait around. Some woman comes up to me and says, oh, hey, where you been? Now, I've been to meetings every day in those 87 days I have no vocabulary other than the sayings that are on the wall and I go oh well I've been in detox and you know I'm in AA and I have to say that sort of loud because the band's playing you know and this is where God has taken care of me she goes and says you know, I got a 502 and I need to go to a meeting what pops into my mind was two things one, oh I got it made now you know it's like I've been sober God's given me like a chip right? the other thing that popped into my mind was that little blue postcard that we have that says I am responsible when someone puts out their hand and I didn't really want to remember that but so what I did and when I was taught very early is that when you're in that situation and it's usually a guy but when you are in that situation you take that person to coffee you stay with them until after 2 o'clock in the morning the bars are closed, the liquor stores are closed. You give them an opportunity to get one day of sobriety and that's what I do and I took her there and I talked blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I took her home and I said, you know, here's my number, you know we made arrangements to go to a meeting and I says if you feel like drinking here give me a call and I went home. Now for you it might seem like there was nothing to that but see prior when I used to hang out in bars me and a friend of mine they used to call us the ambulance crew and they called us the ambulance crew because we picked up anybody Come last call, if you were in the bar, you had two dates. And it didn't make a difference who you are, what you look like, if you had all your limbs. It didn't makes a difference. In fact, it was more exciting if you wore like different. Driving home, I realized that this was the first time in my life that I did not take advantage of a drunk woman in my car. My life had changed. Alcoholics Anonymous, in some way, changed my life that I know that I could respect another person. I could expect a woman and I had never done that before. When I was married, I always cheated on my wife. I thought that was my job to do. That was the macho thing to do. So, that happens. You know, and then, you know what? I did take that woman to a couple of meetings. And I took her to her first meeting. And a few more other ones. And then, we ended up doing what I call the dance of death. And that's dating. And we dated for four years, and then Barbara and I got married. And in July it will be 24 years that we've been married. So, that says a lot, right? For her to put up with me. So, I'll tell you, there are other things in my life, and I'll tell you one more thing because I have a couple more minutes probably I was probably about I don't know maybe 10, 11, 12 years sober and I got fired from my job I was a union steward and I was and I get fired for illegal picket activity I don' t know if the statutes of limitation ever leave on that but maybe I crossed the line ok and I got fired and I went into a deep depression I know what it is having that much time and not being able to get out of bed with covers over my head my sponsor Joe would say you know what John every morning I know it's hard every morning ask God to be in your life and believe that everything will be okay. I did that every day, you know, sometimes I got a little bit of work here or there, every day and probably about nine months into that I believed it. My life had changed. I believed him. About three months after that the union says you know what, we have a hearing for you we'll go to the hearing and there's no guarantee that you're going to get your job back but that's just the process, you go there. So I go there and I go there with a resolve saying I don't care if I get my job back or not God will take, as long as I stay sober God will takes care of me and I'll change my career The bottom line is that I got my job back. And I got a year of back pay. And they said, you know what? We made a mistake, blah, blah. And I'm thinking, I'm not going to tell them they didn't. But I got my job back. A few years later, you know, I get promoted into management and I retired from that company after 30 years. Prior to that, I could say, oh, trust in God. But unless I think one experiences where you really have to do it, it doesn't really nail you, nail it into your heart that You know what? As long as you stay sober, everything will be okay. Now, I know that God isn't here to say, oh, you don't have to pay your taxes. Oh, you doesn't have like stop at red lights. I mean, there's a lot of things that, you know, one has to do to live in this world. But with a God in my life, I could accept what happens. I know that I am responsible for my actions. I have no one to blame for choices that I make. When I got to this program, I was lonely and, you know what, disillusioned. But, you knows what, there's a fellowship here that is taking away that loneliness and seeing that gentleman take a year cake after coming in and out I know there's always hope in Alcoholics Anonymous for me and everybody else. Thank you very much for being here.