The Gap Between the Thought and the Response – Bob B.

About This Speaker Tape

Notre Dame, senior year: Bob B. walks out of the engineering school and into a life of "tacky drinking." He spent years as the family problem, a 95-pound insecure kid who found a transformation in the bottle, only to end up with an enlarged liver and a habit of spending money he didn't have to impress people he didn't like. Even after finding a Higher Power in 1967, Bob describes a terrifying plateau.

Seven years into sobriety, he was still a gambling addict and a violent father, "dying of thirst lying next to a lake." He realized he was swimming in fear—not of spiders, but of being a man. He describes the shift from merely eating the "menu" of AA to a total transformation, comparing it to a sex change operation rather than an improvement. Today, he lives in the gap between the thought and the response, having learned that the spiritual walk is often like being on a down escalator going up.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Bob B. establishes his sobriety date: December 10, 1967.
• 2:15 Early drinking years in St. Paul and the feeling of 'dis-ease' before alcohol.
• 5:10 The 'tacky' drinking phase and the physical toll of an enlarged liver.
• 8:40 Discussion of the AA Traditions and the importance of sharing experience over ideology.
• 12:20 The 'Gettysburg Address of AA': the idea that one must learn how to live sober, not just how not to drink.
• 18:15 Confession of being a violent and impatient father to his three sons.
• 25:30 The seven-year crisis: feeling like a failure despite being active in service and sponsoring.
• 31:10 Step 1 and Step 2: The struggle to believe a Higher Power could restore him specifically to sanity.
• 36:45 Working with a psychologist and the discovery of being 'swimming in fear'.
• 42:10 The spiritual awakening and the power of the 6th and 7th Steps.
• 48:50 Laughter: The story of losing 8 or 9 million dollars in the 80s.
• 55:20 Closing thoughts on the 'spiritual warrior' and breaking the family pattern of rage.