The Formula for Sobriety and the Formula for Self-Discovery Are the Same Formula – Chuck C.

Thank you. I'm Chuck C., and I'm an alcoholic. Hi. I don't believe it. Allow me a personal word. You know, all through the year, for 31 years, I have been coming to your groups. And, of course, you come to your groups, too. But today, and for, I guess, 25 out of the last 26 Easters, you ought to come to my group. You see, you didn't have to come here. And you make me cry. I just can't believe it. So, I have to tell you that I love you very much, not only because you're here, but because you're you. And I certainly thank you for coming. This does something for me that no other meeting that I attend does, including international conventions. Because I see you. And I feel that every one of you here, because you want to be. And, of course, that's why I'm here. With all those new people, I halfway feel that I have to give a newcomer's talk. But today, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Today, if we had a theme, I think it would be individual freedom, personal freedom. And it seems to me that that is the pearl of great price. Yes. You know, there is only one thing in life that you and I as individuals cannot change. Just one thing. We didn't have to come here. We don't have to stay in California. We don't have to stay in the United States. We don't have to go home. We don't have to go to our business. Everything about life we can change but one. We're stuck with ourselves forever. World without end. Amen. Now, in the past, that has been a very bleak prospect. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's since. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's since. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's since. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's since. That's since. That's since. But it's not a bleak prospect at all. It's an adventure in personal freedom and personal love, the like of which I've never known. It would seem that inasmuch as we are stuck with ourselves forever, that our early education would have been pointed toward some way that we might be friends with ourselves. To be my friend. You know, me, be my friend. But that was never even suggested in my youth. Everything was pointed toward trying to get along with your neighbors. And out-thinking, out-maneuvering, and out-performing those in like business so you could beat them to the worm. The early bird gets the worm, you know. So we got to beat them to the draw. Which indicates, or connotes, that there isn't enough to go around. You know. So we got to get ours while the getting is good. But, telling us that we must so operate that we will be needed and be loved. Two great needs of the individual. According to what they taught me was to be needed and be loved. So, it seems that we pretty well missed the boat. I was launched with three great handicaps. Number one, that I had to get out here in the world. And I think I've got it. Number two, that I had to get out here in the world. And I think I've got it. Number three, that I had to get out here in the world. And I think I've got it. And I think I've got it. Out-performing, out-maneuvering, in order to get what I thought I was born without. Secondly, that we had the merit, be worthy of and earn God's grace. And third, that the two great needs that I would have were to be needed. To be needed. To be needed. To be needed. To be needed. To be needed. To be needed. To be needed. To be needed. To be needed. To be needed. To be needed. To be needed. And to be loved. And all of them are backwards. Every one of them are backwards. And I learned that they were backwards since I came here. Now, I had 43 years to run my life. During which time, I was the master of ceremonies and the star of the show. And at the ripe old age of 43, I had accomplished failure in every department of life. At the ripe old age of 43, I was the failure of the husband, the father, a businessman, a man, and a drunk. And I learned that I was the failure of the husband, the father, a businessman, a man, and a drunk. Now, if I'd have had any more departments, I'd have failed in every two. But that's all the departments I had. And I came here totally done in. One of the things that I have been conditioned to believe, and I've been conditioned to believe, is that I have been conditioned to believe that I am a man. Is that I have been conditioned to believe that I am a man. I guess for generations in my family, was that you couldn't admit defeat. Surrender was not even in my vocabulary. In 43 years, I never admitted defeat one time. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I won every battle in 43 years. I got the big Jesus kicked out a lot of times. But it was by accident. He hit me first. I'd get him next time. There's a guy sitting over here to my right. I wouldn't mention anything about him at all, except that he was a very sneaky fighter. He'd get in an argument at the bar, you know, and he'd invite somebody outside, and he'd take off first. And when he got the guy in the doorframe, he'd turn and hit him right in the face, you know, and the fight was over. That's the way he did it. So, he won a lot of them that ordinarily he wouldn't have won, you see. But, you know, I didn't have any of that. Surrender was not in my vocabulary. And had it been necessary for me to consciously surrender the first time, I would have died without coming to this program. There isn't any question in the world in my mind about that, because I could not surrender. The word was not in my vocabulary. The strong man said, the weak man wins, the weak man surrenders. And I couldn't do it. And thanks to our Votix Anonymous, and thanks God, I didn't have to do it the first time. The bottle did it for me. In January 1946, the bottle killed me. Beat me to death. Nearly all of you know that story, and I'm not going through it again today. But suffice it to say that my last trip out started the Friday before Christmas, 1945, and ended up sometime after the middle of January 1946. And the whole business, so far as I'm concerned, was in a blackout. I don't remember any of it. I came to, sometime after the middle of January 1946, with nothing in my skin but alcohol, because I never drank. I never ate when I drank. So I had nothing in me but alcohol. But I came to with the clearest head I've ever known in my life. I had a period of, I believe, total sanity. And I saw me. I saw me with nothing between me and me. The bottle had burned it out. Totally. And there was nothing between me and me, and I saw me as I was. And I accepted the fact that I had lost the battle of life. I did not know why, because I knew nothing of the disease of alcoholism. But I knew that I had lost the battle of life. And that was the first time in my life that I had ever admitted defeat. I accepted the conditions around me as they were, too. Mrs. C., after 20 years, was in the process of divorcing me. And I might quickly say, without cause. But I was in the process of divorcing her. And I knew why. And I knew she should have done it 10 years before. Our kids wouldn't even come home when I was around if they could help her. And I knew why. And I accepted that. My boss man had said words of the house that if I ever stepped my foot inside the, you know, the door of the house, I would be dead. I would be dead. I was going to plant again. He was going to throw me through the window, which wouldn't have been very nice, because the window he had picked out don't open. It's plagued glass. I had no job, no health, no sanity, no money, and no hope. And I accepted it. I accepted it. I accepted it. I accepted it. I accepted the fact that I was in the middle of the house. I accepted the fact that I was in the middle of the house. fact that everything due to me in life was gone and should be gone, and that I was not entitled to have it back. I also accepted death, because on the next and last time out, I had pretty well accomplished that. I had gone to the kitchen in my withdrawal period to get a glass of buttermilk, which was my tonic. That would stay down when nothing else would. So I go to the kitchen to get a glass of buttermilk. Mrs. C. and Richard were sitting in the living room, and they heard me let out a beller and heard me hit the floor. And they came running out to see if they could help me keep from swelling my tongue, because they expected me to be in an alcoholic convulsion, which was my want. But I wasn't. I wasn't convulsing. I had already used up all my convulsions, and I was just lying there on the kitchen floor as peaceful as anybody you ever saw. I wasn't doing nothing. They tell me I was a peculiar color. I was blue. And they got all exercised. And they got all exercised. And they got all exercised. And they got all exercised. And they called the oxygen squad at Beverly Hills Receiving Hospital to see if they'd come down and help me out. Now, as serious as this is, it tickled the hell out of me. I'm quite sure that all of them had been praying for me to die for at least five years. Some of you who have listened to my lady have heard her admit. That she sought many times to find a way that she could do away with me without being found out. So they've been praying for five years for me to die, and they come to the kitchen and find me dead. And they get all exercised and called the oxygen squad. And they sent a squad down there, and I have reason to believe they, brought me around. I remember what happened after I came to. There was a young doctor with them. And he told me, to all intents and purposes, you were dead. He said, we've had a hell of a time bringing you to, and nobody will ever bring you to again under these circumstances. And then he gave me the finest piece of counsel that I will ever hear, I'm sure. He looked me right in the eye and he said, if I were you, I wouldn't do that anymore. Now I want to pass that on to all you new people this morning. If I were you, I wouldn't do that anymore. But I'd do it again. And the last time was much worse than the time before. So I knew I was going to die. And it was all right with me. It was all right. But I didn't want to die with the record. I didn't want Mr. C and the kids to remember me as nothing but a tongue-truing babbling idiot drunk. And I want to make a statement here that some of you maybe won't even believe. I don't know. Because there are many here that have lived with people like me, both men and women. And you couldn't possibly believe that we loved you because of our performance. I bet you Mr. C told me 500 times, Chuck, if you loved it, you would do these things. And how could I tell her it was because I loved her that I did? This is hard to explain. I never got to the point that I didn't love my wife and the kids. I was a periodic for the last ten years. Because, you see, I was going to win this battle. I had to. I had to win. And so I was a periodic for the last ten years. I was physically as sober as I am today between every two drunks for ten years. And I was a regular for the last ten years. And on one of these dry spells, not one but many over the years, I would go to bed. And my bed was just that far away from hers. And it might as well have been in Siberia. And I'd go to bed and I would lie there and listen. And when I determined that she was asleep by her breathing, I'd cry me up a river. Because that's all I could do. See, I knew I was crucifying her and the kids. And I knew I'd do it again. And I couldn't take her in my arms and say, Honey, I love you. I'll never do this again. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I'd already done it. But all I could do was lie there and cry me up a river. You know? And on this particular morning, accepting the fact that everything dear to me in life is gone, and also accepting death, I had one thing that I wanted to do before I kicked off, and just one. And that was to rub out as much of the record as possible before I died. Now, if you can imagine it, I did not even want sobriety for myself, because I was going to die. It's no use for me to want sobriety for me. I wasn't going to be here. And it was all right, but I didn't want to die with the records. And I remembered that morning that I had read Jack Alexander's article in the Post in 1941. Mr. Seed found it. And she had read it, and she thought it might do me some good. So she left it open at the right page on the left arm of the chair I sit in right now. And when I came in, I read it. And I remembered that morning that I'd read it. But I was four sheets in the wind when I read it. And I remembered only two things about it. That drunk shall not die. They were all drunk and didn't drink. And they called it Alcoholics Anonymous. That's all I remembered about it. And I said to myself, if I ever live to get out of this bed, I'll find a hate. And immediately the curtain dropped. My sanity was gone. I was sickened to death, drunk, and insane. And I had a lot of dying to do. But from that second until right now, I have never had a drink of alcoholic beverage or a sedating or tranquilizing pill of any kind. From that moment till this, I had a lot of dying to do. When I could get out of bed, I sat in that chair, that same one. Day after day. And I'd say to myself, this too will pass. But I was sure I was the monkey that was going to see the passing. But eventually I started getting better. And I found two people. Now isn't it strange that from the moment of decision until right now, if I ever live to get out of this bed, I'll find a hate. From that second until right now. I've never had to take a drink or a pill. Such is the great significance of this thing called surrender. Surrender. Surrender. This is the most misunderstood experience in human life, in my way of thinking. Everybody runs from it. Everybody is afraid of danger. Everybody is afraid of danger. Everybody is afraid of danger. You know I have a lot of fun with that. Because lots of times I talk with groups, sometimes big ones, much bigger than this, of non-alcoholics. Or at least those who haven't admitted yet. And maybe I've got a couple of thousand people in front of me. And now you look at them and I can see that ninety-six percent of them are scared of danger. They're scared to death of failure. You know, you can just tell by looking at them. And I have a little fun out of it because I'm a pixie. Sort of. So I tell them, I say, now I've got every one of you monkeys with the short hair. Every one of you. I can look at you and I can tell you're scared to death of failure. Every one of you. And I can tell you, you're scared to death of failure. Every one of you. And I can tell you, you're scared to death of failure. And I'm not afraid of it at all. I am a failure. And you'll drop out of this team. I'm the guy that's talking to them. And I tell them, I am a failure. You know. I'm not afraid of it. If I live to be, if I live till August the 3rd, I will be 75 years old. I will be 75 years old. I will be 75 years old. You insensitive rascals. You know better than that. I'm going to give that to you again. And then whatever one of you say, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Next. Yes. You better and again. I guarantee you. Go to the top. Be careful. You get rid of this thing and help would have you, and the jackfruit is tell you, make sometimes you're drunk. Everybody won't be too sad. Are you super high, is that ever been for апeal? Do you need an<|gl|> to be gaancy? This is the most amazingly freeing experience that there is. Can you imagine what life would be like if you didn't want nothing, no time for yourself? Now this is a freedom that is absolutely unspeakable. You can't even talk about it intelligently. But it's amazing. I came to this program not even wanting to survive it. And I had three and a half years of total non-expectancy. I didn't want nothing, no time for me. And it was the greatest. The greatest period of miracles through which I ever lived. The greatest period of miracles through which I ever lived. In that three and a half years, every little piece of the jigsaw puzzle of life fell together. It was fantastic. But a bad thing happened too. I guess some of you started telling me what a good job I was doing. And I started believing it. At the end of three and a half years, I had become somebody again. And that's bad, children. When you're somebody, you've got rights. And when you've got rights, you've got to defend them. So you're in hell with your hat off again. I had rights for 43 years, and I got the scars to prove it. So here I've got rights. And I had to start surrendering consciously for the first time. After three and a half years without a drink or a pill and everything getting better all the time, I had to start consciously surrendering. And every time I had to consciously surrender for the next 13 years, I got mad as a wet hen. Oh, and it'd just make me so mad. I'd say, why? Why does this damn thing have to come back? You know. When I was free of it. Completely free of it, for sure. But when that happens to you, there's only two things that can happen after that. You either surrender out of it, or you get drunk if you're an alcoholic. You see? So I had to keep surrendering. Thirteen years I was surrendering. Getting mad every time I did it. And when I was 16 years and six months sober, sitting there in my big chair and looking out the window, I got an answer to this thing that's totally satisfactory to me. And it hadn't bothered me for all the rest of this time at all to surrender. It's no chore at all. I do it all the time. And this is the... This is the solution that came to me. When you and I take step number three, I mean take it, not read it, or talk about it. When we turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand him, which means our very own God. Not that we have to understand the infinite. But the necessity of an individual experience. And that's the key. And that's the crucial thing. Our very own God. God. God of unity. When we do this, we enter a new dimension of life. A totally new dimension of life. A totally new dimension of life. An infinite father, an infinite child, and an infinite journey. An infinite father an infinite child, and on an infinite journey. We cannot stop walking. Only walking. On an infinite journey. Finally we can leave it. Life will not let us stop walking. We have to walk because we're on an infinite journey. And when we get fat and complacent, we get caught in the ringer. She's sitting there, I'd say it right. She told me, she says, if you ever say that again, I'm going to divorce you. So I just have to say now we get caught in the ringer. And we either surrender or we get drunk, you see. And it's perfectly all right now. I don't mind it at all, because I can see that the time will never come when you and I won't have to continue to surrender, because we're on an infinite journey. There's no destination. Okay? And when you're on an infinite journey, you've got to walk. And it's perfectly all right with me now. As a matter of fact, I like it, because you feel so good when you're totally free. We're talking about freedom, you see, individual freedom, personal freedom. And the only possibility to have this personal freedom is to get rid of. Okay? Our obsessions of the mind that cause us to operate as we operate. To get rid of the obsessions of the mind that cause us to drink against our will and cause us to do a lot of other things. And these obsessions of the mind, all of them, are children of the ego. And they're children of the ego. I want, I don't want, I like, I don't like, I-ya-ya-ya-ya. Ego, which is conscious separation. This is the best definition of the human ego you'll ever hear. It's the feeling of conscious separation from. Now, I walked alone for forty-three years. I walked alone for forty-three years. And I'm sure that if there was ever a group of people on the face of the earth that wanted so badly to be a part of, it's the alcoholics of the world, we wanted so much to be a part of this life around us, and we couldn't make it. We're always apart from. Apart from each other, and apart from the living God that made it. Conscious separation. Conscious separation. You know, this is one of the reasons we'd run for the bright lights, trying to get a little bit of fellowship. Well, in the end, you know what you do? What I did. I'll tell you what I did. I'd go into a bar, and I'd go right down to the last seat, and I'd sit down there and drink alone. And if somebody was drinking alone, I'd go down to the last seat, and I'd sit down there, and drink alone. And the first time somebody came by and spoke to me, you know what I'd do? I'd hit him right in the mouth. He was interfering with my solitude. Well, I'd gone down there in the first place to be with people. I said, Oh, I thought I did. But we were forever apart from. And the only roadblock in my opinion—the only roadblock between me and you, and me and my God—is the human nature. And the human nature is the only way. The human nature is the only way. The human ego, it has to go. It has to go. If you're going to be free. The ego rides us just like a Texas cowboy riding a pony. You know? Makes us do anything it wants us to do. And the reason you never hear anything about willpower, backbone, and standing up and being a man in Alcoholics Anonymous, is that we know that when the willpower and the imagination or the emotions are in conflict, the imagination or the emotions always win. There's no contest. You see? So it's got to go to the boards. And that's what our program is all about. That's the very essence of the first nine steps of our program. To squeeze us out of ourselves. To get rid of. Duality. Which is conscious separation. To get rid of. This is the very essence of the result of honestly taking the first nine steps of the program. It's just like you'd put your head in the box at step one. And somebody took a crank on the bike. Step two, they take another one. Step three, they take two. Two. Four and five. Four and five. That's it. That's three or four turns. Six and seven are all right. Because you become willing to give this stuff away and you give it away. You don't work it out. You become willing to give it away and you give it away. At eight and nine, making amends. These are two of the most beautiful steps in the whole program. The most. The most immediately rewarding steps in the whole program. Right? At nine. Get that load off your back. If we do the first nine steps honestly, we are surrendered. Then we can look deep within ourselves and find us. Which includes our relationship to each other and to God. This is an amazing thing. Nothing's added. Nothing's added. Nothing's added. It's uncovered and discovered. And every bit of it's an inside job. Now, I am saying this in essence. That if you've got anything wrong with you at all, don't say they did it. Because you'll keep it if you do that. Just for the sake of it. Just for the sake of it. Just for the sake of it. Just for the sake of it. Just for the fun of it. I drank 25 years. And up until my last drunk, it was never my fault. Now, I look at that and I can't believe it. One drunk in 25 years should have been my fault by accident. But it was never my fault. It was your fault. It was my wife's fault. It was her mother's fault. It was the boss's fault. It was her mother's fault. It was her mother's fault. It was her mother's fault. It was her mother's fault. Conditioned circumstances. So I kept getting drunk. But in my last time out, I came to see that if there be fault, it's mine. If there be fault, it is mine. And I've never had to drink anymore. That's what we're talking about. At number 10, we can look deep within ourselves because the wreckage of the past has been cleared away. We have uncovered the thing we've been looking for all our lives. And we find us, which includes our relationship to each other and to God. Now, we say to each other a lot of times that we have to learn how to love ourselves before we can love somebody else. I don't believe it. I have never spent one second trying to learn how to love me. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't know how to go about it. In the first place, although I'm sure nobody has noticed it, I am partial to women. It never occurred to me until you people started talking about it that we had to learn how to love ourselves. And I don't believe it at all. And you tell me, and I read it in the grapevine, that we've got to rebuild our self-confidence. I hope that every one of you will hear what I say next. If there's anything I don't want, it's self-confidence. I was born with enough self-confidence for everybody west of the Mississippi River. And you know what it did to me? It kept me fighting that battle for ten years after it lost. Ten years after I was done. I was still going to win that battle. And five years after everybody quit listening to me, I was saying, I'll beat this thing if it's the last thing I ever do. And it came that close to being the last thing I ever did. So I don't want it. I don't want any self-confidence at all. Now you don't need it when you do these steps. Because if you turn your will and your life over to the care of God, you're not your problem anymore. Now think about it. Take it with you. Because I get my living room full of people that are scared to death. Scared to death. I had a guy the other day, he was 11 years. He was without a dream. He came in there and he was, oh, he was scared. He was scared of everything. You know. And I said, well, I think we better look at the steps again. Why do you mean look at the steps? He said, I've taken all the steps. I said, yeah. Why? He says, I've been taking them for 11 years. You did, huh? Yeah. I said, did you take one, two, three? He said, yes. Did you take three? He said, yes. Many times. I said, well, what the hell are you afraid of? If you turn your will and your life over to the care of God, there's nothing to be afraid of. Nothing. Because you're not your problem anymore. Self-concern has no place in your life. Okay. Self-concern is just merely saying, look, Dad, I don't believe you're quite as familiar with this problem as I am. I've got to get you some outside help. Now, there's no sense in turning your will and your life over to the care of a God you can't trust. You know. I can't trust me. I might as well keep it. I have to give it to a God I can't trust. So, this is what this program is all about. And the thing that comes with self-discovery is, again, totally beyond words. There is a feeling of dignity, of value, of worth that is unspeakably wonderful. And it has absolutely nothing to do with the human ego. But it has everything to do with gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. I'm so grateful I can't see. I'm so grateful I can't see. Every day that I have in this program, I am more grateful. You see, I've had more days sober since I died in January 1946 than many, many, many people get from the time I died. And they're born in the first place. Lots of people die before they get to be 31 years old. And I have had 31 years of velvet. And I'm so grateful to get to see. These are days I would not have had but for you, people like you, and the grace of God. And the program of God is known. Because, you see, I can take no credit for the last 31 years of mine. I can't take credit for coming here. As long as I had the power of choice, my choice was never to come to our Father's Monastery. And I never came. Until I ran out of the power of choice. So I can't take credit for coming. I can't take credit for living long enough to come. So everything since January 1946, I give thanks for. And I take no credit for it at all. Now, again, this is a marvelous freedom. To be rid of the necessity to take the credit for the things that turn out well in your life. And to be rid of the necessity to have a day to blame for the things that turn out bad in there. It's one of the greatest freedoms on the face of the earth. You're free. And that's what we're talking about. Now, the wonder of wonders is that it comes out of this program of ours if we do it for the purpose that it was put down. Not to have to drink today. I am convinced that both of our problems are the conditions that we put on sobriety. Or the tangentialness. And the most, one of the most, I'm sure, and one of the most natural, would be we get to step three, and it says we made a decision to turn our lives over to God as we understood him. And we say to ourselves, uh-oh, I don't understand him. I've got to get me another book. I've got to get me a tutor. And we go off on a tangent trying to find God. Now, I can give you a little history on that. I was trying to find God for thirty years. Thirty years I was trying to find God. I went through just about every great religion and philosophy that there is. During that time, I walked with and... I talked with some of the greatest spiritual geniuses of our time. And I couldn't find him. Because I thought he was out yonder someplace. I was looking every place but where he is. And I came here not looking for him at all. I wasn't looking for God. I came here to find out a way to live today without taking a drink. Today. Today. And we found each other. I don't know who found who or what. It don't make any difference. But there he is, you see. To discover him. We uncover and discover the thing we've been looking for. All our lives. Freedom. Freedom comes with not having to have somebody's blame. Now, just for a minute more. Sometimes I get something wrong with me. But not often. See, I still lie a lot too. Now, when I get something wrong with me, what am I going to do? Number one, I cannot blame God. Because I do not believe in a God of judgment. Now, I don't tell you that you must believe in a God of judgment. I don't. I don't believe in a God of judgment. So I can't blame God. I don't believe in a God that would try me to see if I loved him or put some stumbling blocks in my way to see if I am going to fall. I don't believe in that. As a matter of fact, there's one line in the Lord's Prayer that I've changed. I'll tell you about two of them that I've changed. One line in the Lord's Prayer that I changed when I was a kid, and I didn't know why until much later. It's, Lead us not into temptation. Now, when I was that high, I knew that God couldn't lead me into temptation. You know, I didn't know why I believed it, but my insides knew it. That wouldn't lead me into temptation. And it was not too many years ago that I turned over to James and read this. If you are tempted, don't say, I'm tempted by God. God cannot be tempted by evil, neither can he tempt any man. If you are tempted, it's because of your own desires. Huh? No, that's what it's saying. I didn't say that, but I should have. The next one that I changed was in Saint Francis' Prayer. It says there something about, for it's better to love than to be loved. It's better to understand than to be understood. For it is in giving that we receive, and in forgiving that we are forgiven, and in dying that we attain eternal life. Come into eternity, eternal life. And I've thought for years, what, I mean, why? Why do we have to wait until we die to find that? And I finally came to see through this program that it meant dying to self. Surrender. Now, that's what that means. And so I put it in there, and I say it now. And it is in dying to self that we attain, come into eternal life. So I thought, well, I shouldn't do that. I'm talking a lot of Catholics. Dying now and then. And I'm not going to do that. Maybe I shouldn't do that. So I called up Manresa. Now, that's the Debbie Retreat House. Many of you know it. And I got Father Toner on the line, and I said, Tather, listen to what I did with the Lord, with the Saint Francis' Prayer. For it is in dying to self that we attain eternal life. And he says, what the hell do you think he meant? I said, well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And he says, what the hell do you think he meant? Just like he'd known it forever, you know? So it's in dying to self that we come into this deal. And that's what today's all about. Today isn't crucifixion. That was last Friday. A lot of people think that that's the one. But it's not. It's the other way around. It's the other way around. It's the other way around. That's the big deal. That ain't the big deal. Today's the big deal, because today's resurrection. Resurrection. And that's what Alcoholics Anonymous is, resurrection from the land of the living dead. From the land of the living dead to the land of the living. We are resurrected. We are born again. We are born out of conscious separation into conscious unity. Into conscious unity. And that's what gives us the freedom. That's where freedom comes from. That's where freedom comes from. We find out in this thing that we ain't going no place. That we got nothing to prove and nothing to win. And we have nothing to prove. We got nothing to win. We got nothing to win. We got nothing to win. We are born again. we discover that and the reason for it is there ain't no place to go where you going all I did was in a hurry where you going there ain't no place to go one of the things that I get saddled with so much is that some of the clerics say to me many of you people want to go further you got to go further and many of you come to me about going further you know how you going further huh I said to one of them many of you know I said is there any way he had said to me a lot of you people want to go further and I said is there any way to go further than to dedicate your life to the service of your fellow man why he says no that's the ultimate alt I said that's alcoholics anonymous that's our our twelfth step having a spirit having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps we try to carry this message to the alcoholic who still suffers and to practice these principles in all of our affairs all of our affairs everything that we do that's the way we go further by loving the the father the father's kids you more I've learned much more about him much more that's the way you go further and I think it's the only way and the man said that's the ultimate alt so there's no place to go nothing to win and nothing to lose the best that I can get out of this thing called life is that the only thing you can get out of this thing called life is that the only thing you can get out of this thing called life that the only thing with the right is live it that's the only thing you can do with life what are you trying to do with it all you can do is live it and all the time you have right now right now Right now that's the only time you got now's the only time you and I'll ever don't you see one of the reasons that I was detained so long from getting into the fellowship from getting into the fellowship to straighten up and fly right tomorrow. But tomorrow never came. Every time I came to, it was now, and I was thirsty. So now is the only time we have. So there's nothing to do with life but live it. The only time you have is now. The only reason for it is the joy of it. Not for my glory, but for the glory of the Father and the glory of life itself. Now that's all this life is all about. And now's the time. Now just for fun, and I'm going to close up because it said three o'clock, and that clock back there says three, and mine still is not quite three. And I'm not too concerned anyway because we already passed the hat. You know, I learn more about what to do from the birds and the bees and the animals and the stuff outside there. I learn more about what to do from them than I do from people. I learn more about what not to do from people than what to do. So you're all teachers. But I sit there in my chair and my butterfly goes by. You know? And I sit there and try to figure out what he's thinking about. And you know something? He ain't thinking about nothing. He's busy being a butterfly. Now I got a pair of blue jays that I have to feed, the beggars. And they'll be sitting right there, and that old butterfly goes right by us. And I don't hear him say, I wish I was a blue jay. He don't even pay attention to it. Every time he goes by, he's still a butterfly. I got a bunch of mockingbirds on the hill, too. And they think they own it, you know. So the blue jays, they try to run them off. But neither the mockingbird nor the blue jay has ever attempted to change its color. They're perfectly satisfied to be blue jays and mockingbirds. I got a rosebush right here that has red roses on it. And one right here, and one right here, and one right there. And I'm a little bit worried about that. And I'm not going to be worried about that. I'm going to be a little bit worried about that. And I'm going to be a little bit worried about that. I'm going to be a little bit worried about that. I'm a little bit worried about that. And I'm going to be a little bit worried about that. That's a big problem. And one right here that has yellow roses on it. And you know, in 20 years, this one has never had a yellow rose on it. This is right next door. Heh! Why can't we do that? You've been trying to be a yellow rose all your life! The yellow rose of Texas. That she's from Alabama. What? What? now freedom is the ability to be us to be me to do my thing to share me with anybody that wants me in love just because I want to, for free and for fun because I love it, this is freedom and I don't want to be you many of you good looking youngsters have had me tell you right straight out you male, sovereignist pigs I say I hate everybody that's younger and better looking than I am you see but I really don't I don't want to be anybody in the world but me and I don't want to do anything in the world but what I'm doing and I ain't going no place and I'm not trying to improve on God's handiwork you see we're the only creatures that he ever made that are just like this satisfied with his job you and I spend a lifetime trying to improve on God's creation of us now we're going to tell you a little bitty thing and sit down because I've taken too much time already again we're the only ones of God's creatures that try to improve his job now I have come to the very simple conclusion very simple conclusion living with you people like you for 31 years that every one of us are God's children the first two words of the Lord's Prayer I believe with my toenails in my hair mean exactly what they say our Father, God God our Father, we his children and I look at it and I see in our Bible in the Christian Bible it says in the beginning God in the beginning God God plus nothing leaves nothing but God God plus nothing leaves nothing but God and God plus nothing leaves nothing but God and now it's as if I would say in this moment God plus nothing needs nothing but God God just to be God and then disappear because in a word of stories no way at all but<|en|> kind of because know heavens and the earth? What did he create him out of? What did he create him out of? The little boy says, where did God stand when he created the earth? And I think that's a good question. He couldn't have stood on a ball of mud out of the Mississippi River because he hadn't made the Mississippi River yet. What did he create him out of? I think the process of creation is that God thinks and himself becomes the thing he thinks about. Now that isn't so hard to take. When you look at yourself and you see that you think and yourself become what you think about. You see? The man thinks of his heart, so is he. So, the process of creation, God thinks and himself becomes the thing he thinks about. And he created the heavens and the earth. And he put the water over yonder and threw a fish in it. And he put a mountain over here and put a tree on it and a bird in the tree and a monkey under it. And he looked at it and he says, this is great. I like this. It's fine. Now it says here, I'm going to create man in my own image and after my own likeness. Which means totally free. Totally free. If we're created in the image and likeness of God, we are totally free. Just as God is totally free. Now I submit to you that the only way we could have been created free... Was to be created with the possibility of hurting ourselves. Hear me? The only way we could be created free was to be created with the possibility of hurting ourselves. If you had been created predestined to the point where you couldn't put your hand on a hot stove, you would not be a free person. You would be a robot or a computer, but you would be free. You had to be created with the possibility of hurting yourself in order to be free. Now I submit to you that the only way that I can ascertain what I can do and be comfortable right here and do it, and what I cannot do and be comfortable right here and eliminate it, is by experience and experience. Experience and experience. Experience and experience. Experience and experience. Experience and experience. And that's what this whole thing is all about. And it's the most fascinating, the most consumingly interesting experience of living that anybody will ever get to keep here. Of all peoples, we are the most blessed. We drunks. We alcoholics. Why? Because we have a terminal illness. We have a terminal illness. And because our illness is progressive, and because the time comes when we can no longer survive without an answer, and we come to this program to find out how to live today without drinking, and we find that the formula for sobriety and the formula for the good life and the formula for self-discovery are all the same formula. One through twelve inclusive. How fortunate can a man be? How fortunate can a man be to be returned from the land of the living dead into the land of the living, to come out of the gutter and be able to stand here and talk to new people this morning, and love every one of you so much that I just can't. I just can't. I just can't. I just can't. I just can't. I just can't. I just can't. I just can't. I just can't. I just can't. I just can't. I just can't. Yes, it's bound to much. I have to. And I quell chewing taysters, take me, keep me constipated. Take me away from college, get me armor, help me okay. They say, I ought to take Jesus to heaven to live for Claus! That's the answer. It's just in the house. There's nowhere else you can hop in this course, they say. There's nowhere else you can do that. That's the answer. Ah yes, there is an answer. That's the answer. Well, if we don't get that out in this hour, I can't do you think I can get someone to say yes? If I had Yom Kippur, if I had some sword? You'd say no, right? Do you think you have to do Yom Kippur? No. You believe me.