The Fatal Illness That You Can Decide You Don’t Have and Die From – Scott R.

About This Speaker Tape

The Bronx, a lower middle class Jewish home where the family was nuttier than fruitcakes and throw pillows were stuffed with stolen steel wool. Scott R. didn't blame his genetics for the "cancer of the soul" that led him to shoot heroin in his hip and protect his right to vomit. He chased a high-life image—Broadway plays and best-selling books—while his personal life became a wreckage of out-and-out lies. He describes alcoholism as the most bizarre fatal illness: one you can decide you don't have and die from.

After years of being a "well-analyzed corpse" in therapy, Scott hit a jumping-off point. He describes the bone-chilling reality of the "disease of self" that left his children terrified and his wife ill from prolonged exposure to him. Through a Higher Power and a sponsor who looked like a "real animal," Scott traded his spiritual pride for a program of action. He moved from selling a friend's Camaro to pay rent to making financial amends, eventually finding a sanity where his...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and jokes about being an overweight Jewish guy in a synagogue.
• 3:15 Family history: the backwards wig and steel wool pillows.
• 7:40 Discussion on the 'Old Testament Higher Power' and the desire for a 'Shlomoectomy'.
• 12:20 The 'well-analyzed corpse': 18 years of therapy vs. the phenomenon of craving.
• 16:10 The bottom: shooting heroin and the death of his father.
• 21:45 The story of selling the friend's Camaro and the subsequent financial amends.
• 28:30 The impact of alcoholism on his children and his son's involuntary clicking noises.
• 33:10 First AA meeting and the realization that he was 'lamer than synagogue'.
• 38:50 Sponsorship and the 'Program of Action' outlined in the Big Book.
• 44:15 Detailed breakdown of Step 10 and the 'five bagger' resentment.
• 51:20 Discussion on Steps 6 and 7 and the 'first five propositions'.
• 56:40 The miracle of his children's recovery and his son's wit.