The Failure of Human Will – Big Book – Tim – Workshop – Neptune, NJ – Part 4 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

Big Book Tim from Neptune, New Jersey is turning 42. He's going to pick up with Bill's story. Bill's Story, thank you. Good evening everyone, I'm a recovered alcoholic called Big Book Jim. Alright, so last we left off, Bill was in big trouble. We're on page 11, that's where we left of on Bill's history. And I think it's wonderful that, you know, last week I was kind of upset that I didn't cover the entire chapter. but I think it's awesome how God makes things happen being that today is Veterans Day and Bill was a veteran and thank you to anybody out there who is, was or may be a veteran at some point I just have the utmost respect for those people it enables me to sit here and do what I do that's how I look at veterans so with that outside issue covered let's get back to the problem at hand so Bill at this point we're on page 11 And about halfway down the page, and Ebi had just showed up. Ebi T. showed up to his house, and he was sober. And he talked about like he hadn't seen him in that condition for years. And we'll go to the middle of the page where it says, But my friend sat before me, and He made the point-blank declaration that God had done for him what He could not do for Himself. His human will had failed. Doctors had pronounced Him incurable. Society was about to lock Him up. Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrappy to a level of life better than the best he had ever known. Had this power originated in him? Obviously it had not. There had been no more power in him than there was in me at that minute, and this was not at all. That floored me. It began to look as though religious people were right, after all. Here was something at work in a human heart which had done the impossible. My ideas about miracles were drastically revised right then. Never mind the musty past, here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. He shouted great tidings. Now right there, there's some important stuff in that paragraph right there. Here was Something at Work in a Human Heart which had Done the Impossible. And later on he's going to use those words again. in the human heart did the impossible. The impossible for an alcoholic, right? Through human will. It's impossible for a alcoholic to stop drinking or stay stopped on human power. Right? That's what AA believes. That's why Bill writes. That's how I personally believe. You know, and there it is. So my ideas about miracles, he says, were drastically revised right then. So like, you know, anybody has any sort of experience growing up with the quote-unquote miracles of religions? And I love how he's like annoyed in his story, right? He's like, well, it turns out that they're religious people right after all. You know, you can hear like the underlying, damn it, subtext, you now. Am I going to listen to those crazy people? You know. Like, what are we anyway, right. You know so for me like, I always had a problem with that too. you know, miracles, miracles you know somebody walking on water I wouldn't say that's a miracle I would say that is an hallucination I'm not telling anybody for me that was my experience those miracles the things him talking about impossibilities and then there it is in human form, it's not some abstract thing it's nothing that happened 2000 years ago it's something that a whole bunch of people in the country looked up in the sky and saw some woman there's none of that going on it's four feet three feet away, right in front of him real, tangible visible, right there okay so and what was the consequence of seeing that it floored him because that's what it did for me I couldn't imagine anybody being sober and enjoying life like what's wrong with you and then to have the experience of people being able to do that successfully like that floored me and when I got sober when it was young people doing it that floared me even more you know so I was like what are you talking about we can do this like young and so I have a special place in my heart for young people coming in also because I got silver when I was young and relapse isn't part of my story you know and 21 years later I'm a middle aged guy with life problems and things that go on but I'm still sober through it all you know I've been married and divorced and bought a house and lost a house and had lost my mind a few times. It wasn't behind the couch, but come on, that was a good one. You know, all these things that go on, these life problems that unfold, and the only reason that I was able to do the impossible, which was not reach for a drink to solve, as my solution, because like I said before, I wasn't a problem drinker, I was a solution drinker. Alcohol was my solution for the things that I needed to take care of, right? But not reaching for that, that was impossible for me. So here, in my heart was this. You know, my God was in my heart, right. And somebody says right here, he shouted great tidings, right, but meanwhile he talked about, before, remember I talked about last week, he talked for hours. Right, he didn't rant, he didn't do any lecturing, he just talked. But yet, he wasn't shouting great tidINGS. You know like the visions of people standing on corners and on soapboxes and standing up with a book in their hand going, this is the way! And guys with big smiles in Houston with big curtains behind them that show on TV. It's not what he's doing. He's sitting at a table in a kitchen, having a cup of coffee talking normally about how God did for him what he couldn't do for himself and that's shouting great timings. That's pretty miraculous. Right? That's miraculous. That's really cool. You know, and the definition of miracle in the cases of, you know, how it's used in the book is that Bill uses it in the context of this is God doing this and not human power. That's what he means when he talks about that. You know? Like, don't take my word for this stuff. You know. Do your own research the way I've done through the years. You know, there's lots of writings and interviews with Bill that, you know, people have asked, hey, what do you mean by that? You know. And sometimes it was the thing of like, well, the word the just means the, you knows. But then he was able to expand upon things and talk about why he chose certain things, right? So moving on, he says, I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. He was on different footing, on a different footing. His roots grasped new soil. Okay, so that's pretty poignant, right, because I don't know about your experience, but I had nothing, I had no grip I had not traction on anything in life when I was out there running and doing my thing and it was I needed to be placed in a path or as he talks about in that new soil where I can really start to get into and grow and get deep and get deeper into the soil because that's what makes things grow like the big trees, you see them, they're huge and if their roots aren't more than just shallow they fall down in the wind So there has to be some way of getting really deep with that. And so he's describing that that's what it was, right? So despite the living example of my friend, there remained in me the vestiges of my old prejudice. Anybody else identify with that? Right? The word God still aroused a certain antipathy. When the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me, this feeling was intensified. I didn't like the idea. I could go for such conceptions as creative intelligence, universal mind, or spirit of nature. But I resisted the thought of a czar of the heavens, however loving his sway may be. I have since talked with scores of men who felt the same way. A little editorial note that said dozens at one point. They changed that to scores. but that really talks to me right there, because as I've told you before I went to Catholic school 14 years of it formal Catholic education 5 days a week not like the Wednesday night or Sunday morning, every day so there was this constant of that guy up there dad wait till dad gets home it was that kind of fear along with this dude who was walking around who was supposed to, you know he loves you, okay but dad's mad and he loves us and so we have to go to him to get dad to not be mad there was all that kindof crap going on it was very confusing so I couldn't trust that so when it was brought to me when it wasn't presented to me oh what's the answer because that's what happens you experience this kind of stuff when you're given that solution to somebody that the problem has been solved and they sit right in front of you despite the living vestiges. Right? 21 years later, I embody this stuff and people sulked out that it works. They go, I'm not really sure about that God thing yet. Whew. Okay, well, do I need another 21 to prove that to you? Or like, what really is it? You know, and we all know. We all know that it requires the experience. It requires walking on a path. It requires, you know, I like to think of myself as a wise man now, mostly. You know, Iím a smart man, you Know, I learn from my mistakes. I like To be a smart, but you know the wise man who learns from the mistakes Of others. Iíve done a lot of that in AA. Iíve watched other people make the mistakes That I was going to. Not that I wanted to or could have, That I Was going to make. because I had the same thought processes as these people and I would hang around with these people and I'd start listening to them with their good ideas. Remember we talked about the sitcoms last week? You know, oh, I have an idea, right? So let's see how that unfolds. And so I was very, you know, in that sense I was wise. I watched them go. And they, oh so that's how that ends. Okay, thanks. Thanks for the research and development. I don't need to do that. so there was a lot of that going on so when it was presented to me with this is what you have to do I was done, I didn't have any ideas my ideas brought me to AA, the best thinking I had brought me here so I kind of had to throw up my hands and go alright I'll do what you tell me to do, sounds stupid to me but I'll deal with it because my way sucks that's how I felt so then it goes on and here it is here comes the big hammer He says, my friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, in italics, why don't you choose your own conception of God? Why don't we choose our own conception? Why don'T you choose YOUR OWN CONCEPTION OF GOD? We do that all the time, don't WE? Him, her, it, money, green, jobs. You name it, we do it. That's our conception of god. It says in god we trust on the damn thing. That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy, intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last. That's a pretty cool description right there, right? Just mountains. You know, just waiting. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting. I'm just like miserable and I'm like Gollum. You know? And then it melts away and oh my God, that's it. Here I am. Do you remember when you first get sober and everything? Like every new thing was just wonderful. Oh my God, I'm wrecked by teeth over. Oh my God, it went to the bathroom sober. You know, like everything. This is my first sober piece of cake. You Know, like it becomes that, right? It becomes that this is great until reality hits because we all know when that reality hits, like everything sucks again, right so and then here he is again with italics, right He says it was only a matter of being willing to believe in a power greater than myself nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. So now he's starting to touch upon the second step there, right? He admitted complete defeat. We already got there. He already did that. I'm beat. Now what? Now what?" Okay, well, the solution is God. Really? Isn't there something else, man? You know, so it's like, no, but you know, you don't have to be like me with God right now. I don't want, you know... I don't expect anyone to ever be like me with God. Because I'm a little nuts when it comes to God. I mean, I don' t care. Like, that's... I don''t apologize for that. But that's my belief. In rough goings, in great times, for me, it's always God. It's always Dios. You know? And when I forget that, that's when the pain comes. And when i get away from that, that's where the pain goes, right? So, that''s where I''m at with it. So, if you're at a point where you're not there yet, it's okay. you don't have to be like the bright shiny cold person like I am it's all about God you don' t have to be there and that's what he's saying there it's only a matter of being willing now one of the definitions there are two definitions of willingness that I like is a cheerful choice is willingness that's not willingness it's a cheerful choice like alright I'll do that you know you want to go fishing yeah I want to go fish right do you want to believe in God I'm not sure right because that won't work That's resistance. That's a reservation, right? So we need to be willing. We need to have that cheerful choice. All right, I'm not sure if I believe in God yet, but I'll give it a shot because my leg ain't working. Right? So that's what that's about, right. And just the beginning. Because everything is just the begining. You know, like when I walked through the door, I don't know if anybody else can identify with this, when I walk through the store, I wanted to be sober ten years already. Okay, I am here, I mean, I am sober ten year, right ? You know, like, it was that, oh my goodness, you know, shutting my head off. How am I going to shut my head up? And I couldn't. I just could not do that. I needed something that was more powerful than me doing. And it wasn't people. People could not shut my hand off. People could be having a conversation talking right at me and I didn't hear a word they said because my head was going, ah! I needed God to do that, I needed my conception of God, the dude that I trusted. You know what I mean? Because like I said, dad and my brother It didn't work So I needed that conception of God My own, that one that I could trust And I could rely upon At 3 o'clock in the morning when I'm losing my mind And I want a drink and I'm not picking up the phone To call anybody because I still have to send some decorum And you know, just all this stuff There better be something That I can turn to, that I can rely upon That's going to get me through Right? Because it's not going to be my thinking because my thinking reminds me of hey remember that time with the two blondes like that's what my thinking does right remember that times we went out on the boat hey remember the time we got arrested that was pretty fun okay because that's what my head does so my head's not my head is not trustworthy we talked about that before the meeting I can't go up there without supervision right so I need God I need something so then he goes on and he says I saw that growth can start from that point that little seed right they talk about that all the time and there's meetings named after the mustard seed. Upon a foundation of complete willingness, complete willingness. I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would! That's what he says here. Of course i would! So excited too. Right? Because, like, I had that kind of thing, like, I would see people that I knew, like, that I drank with, you know, and I'd say, they're sober? I should be sober if they can. I'm going to get what they have that's how I was thus I was convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want him not so it's just a choice really at long last I saw, I felt I believed and I've talked about this for a long time everything in life, it all starts with a belief I used to be a smoker I smoked for 20 years and then I came to the belief that smoking is good for me. Right? It's not good for my health. It's no good for how I smell. It's non good for my wallet. It just wasn't good for me, right? So at that moment my belief about smoking changed. You know like for you I knew that stuff. I knew I wasn't stupid. I knew all that stuff but my belief was that there was a benefit for me to smoke. That was my belief. You know like when I drank there was benefits to that. I needed to drink I believed that. So my belief dictated my thoughts. It dictated them. As soon as I started to change that beginning of like, I no longer need this. Ever. Just that little twist. It started to chance. And then I became willing to kind of pry that open. Like, oh, that's a novel idea. Oh, wait a minute. Really? That God? This God? I don't need that God over there? Oh, maybe that'll work. Let's see. And let's keep being that. Let's keep nurturing that. and let's see how that opens. And then, oh my God, what is this? What is this vault of treasure that's here? This has been here all the whole time and all I needed to do was just believe that it would be there. That's what it's about. That's the experience. That's my experience. And then he goes on to talk really about how did that happen, right? Then he says, scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. A new world came into view. I just described that to you. That's been my experience and many people that I've met before, that's been their experience, right? So then what he said, the real significance of my experience in the cathedral burst in upon me. Remember he talked about when he was in Winchester Cathedral and he felt God there. He says for a brief moment I had needed and wanted God. Those are conditions. Right? We need God and we want Him. Most of the time you know, we'll go, oh I need God, I need Dios. But listen, I got this relationship thing covered, okay? You can take care of the alcoholism and everything else. Like, I don't need you for this. I got it worked out. Right? So at that point, I don' t want God. Even if I'm talking about God, even if I' m acting as if I want God, I really don' ve because I' re not completely relying upon God. So what ends up happening? My relationship ends up falling apart. It ends up becoming me and not God's will. I start forcing my will. I start being selfish. Where are you going? How come you didn' t answer? You know, all that stuff. Well, wait a minute. Where' s God? Oh, He' s still there. He's still there. He's there. Right? No, it's just me, huh? Okay. So, it becomes this thing of like there had been a humble willingness to have him with me and then here's the result and he came. A humble willingness. A cheerful choice. It's like, yeah, alright God, I want you and then poof, he was there. Wow, that's pretty cool, right? But soon, the sense of his presence had been blotted out by worldly clamors, mostly those within myself. And so it had been ever since, how blind I had been. At the hospital, I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremors. And this was December 11th, 1934 is when he went to the hospital and that's when he got sober. Now he's about to talk about the step process here, right? He says, there I humbly offered myself to God as I then understood him to do with me as he would and I placed myself unreservedly under his care and direction I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing without him I was lost I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new found friend take them away root and branch I have not had a drink since that's heavy duty stuff right there man that's steps one, two, and three right there all rolled into one right there. My schoolmate visited me, Eddie. I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. We made a list of people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to write all such matters to the utmost of my ability. Right? So now what did he do? He came so they did a fourth step and a fifth step six, seven, eight, nine they started working on nine. All that This is like quick, right? I was to test my thinking by the new God consciousness within. Wait a minute, what did he say? He said that he was to text his thinking? We're not supposed to think in AA, are we? Isn't that what we're told? Don't think. Don't sink. If you're doing the thinking, the wrong person's doing the thinkin'. Well, we're on page 13 and Bill's thinking. before he left the hospital by the way before he let the hospital go out into the world, he was already thinking and he was given direction to do this he was to test his new thinking just test his thinking, new God consciousness wait a minute, so in this short amount of time he had a sense of God in his life, in this small amount of time because his belief changed he was done He was done. Done. And my experience has been, if you're not done, and you have a reservation, whatever that reservation is, is going to show up. And it's going to test you to see if you are done. And let's see about your willingness to believe that there's some God in your life. Let's see what happens Let's talk about your willingness that you turn unreservedly, he says, unreserveably over to the care of his care and direction. Right? Care and direction guidance. That's what that stuff is. It's here for us. It's here. It' s free and it' s awesome, right? He says common sense does become uncommon sense. And here' s some direction that he was given. I was to sit quietly when in doubt. What are we supposed to do? I ask only for direction and strength to meet my problems as he would have me. Not as I would have me, but as God would. That' s what the capital H is, right ? As he would have me as God would have me. So I'm supposed to be quiet, right? When stuff is going on in my life, I was to sit quiet when I'm in doubt, when I can't make a decision. All right, I got to be quite. And then I have to ask God. It doesn't say I have to think about it. I have made a plan. I don't know what to do. I haven't done anything. It doesn' t say that. It says I ask. Ask. I ask God, right. And what are we doing? And Then he puts that qualifier in there. He puts that in a lot, right? Only. Only. Because you're giving direction by sponsors and by other well-meaning people about what to pray for. Okay, but he gives us that qualifer because if you're anything like me, okay, well, I'm in doubt so I need to pray through this. You know, it's almost like the Monty Python sketch. You know like, our weapon is here in surprise, our two weapons are fear and surprise and almost all three weapons, you know, and it just keeps doing that to me. so I have to have that limiter so only gives me a limiter oh, only, okay, only what? direction and strength oh, for what? to meet my needs oh, okay I got it, cool right, and then he said never was I praying to pray for myself except as my request bore my usefulness to others oh wait, that sounds like it's not selfish, huh? you know that selfish program that we're in, eh? and then he says it again then only might I expect to receive so if I'm being selfish I'm not going to get if I am giving well I might get he doesn't say I will he says I might I might receive something but then he gives us a little promise there but that would be in great measure yeah and then here he is and he says my friend promised He promised, when these things were done, I would enter upon a new relationship with my creator. Not the old one, a new one with my Creator, right? That I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. Not just alcoholism. Okay, because I don't know about you, but I've experienced this in my life and I've experience watching other people do it, that they live in a dash in step one. Right, where he says, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol. that our lives have become unmanageable, right? They live in that dash. They're not, you know, yes, I admit it, I'm powerless over alcohol, but I got my life. I'm managing it. And it's like, wait a minute. We have to admit that our life has become un manageable. At the end of that sentence, it doesn't say where alcohol is concerned. It says unmanegeable, that our light has become immanageble. So this is what he's talking about here. I have a way of living that answers all my problems All of them Not just my alcoholism All my problems If I go to God with everything Like you just talked about I'm going to get the answers that I need to meet my problems Because God would have me meet my troubles Maybe the problem with my car is my problem And I want God to meet me where I'm at And God give me the answers to this problem Let me sit quietly and I don't get them But now I'm mad at God because God's not giving me the answer I want Right? Nobody else does that? Just me? So then he goes on. He says, Belief in the power of God. Belief in the Power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things were the essential requirements. Okay, so what do we got there? We have requirements which aren't optional. It means we have to do them. That's what it means. And then he uses the word essential, which he likes to use throughout the book. He kind of, vital, necessary, and essential. He uses those interchangeably. Okay? Because essential, if you break it down into a group, essence, the foundation of something, the core of something. Right? And here's a little bit of the history, a little Bit of Histrionics here for you. You know, the new order of things that may sound a bit Masonic because it is. Bill Wilson was a mason and so was Dr. Bob. And so most of our traditions come from Masonic tradition. Ta-da! So don't let that scare you away because this stuff works. So, you know, there's little things like that. I love little things. Okay, now here it is again. I love how Bill writes some of this stuff. It pokes at us. He says simple but not easy. those are heavy words right there simple but not easy a price had to be paid it meant destruction of self-centeredness it meant what? destruction of self-centeredness? I thought this was a selfish program apparently not I must turn in all things to the father of light who presides over us all it doesn't say I must return to my alcoholism it says in all thinks these were revolutionary and drastic proposals but the moment I fully accepted them the effect was electric has anybody else experienced that? the effect is electric that acceptance that non-resistance anymore letting that just run through you and going okay I got it oh my god it's awesome in Jersey a lot of the meetings end with quote unquote circle of prayer because it's not really a circle it's some shape where everybody holds hands and closes their eyes or nods and says a prayer and for me I hold hands during that and I get that, I get that sense of electricity through the room you know because for me like I don't pray out loud, that's not my thing but just that sense of everybody that's connected that feeling, that humanness that flows. I get that feeling of like, oh. And it depends on, you know, sometimes I'll get two, maybe three, sometimes four shots of that feeling that you get when you shudder, you're like, whoo! And then you're Like, yeah, let's go beat somebody up now and tell them that they're an alcoholic. But, you know, and he uses these words too. Revolutionary and drastic. He uses them a lot. Now, revolution, I mean, like, revolution means to overthrow an old way of doing something and replace it with a new. I mean that's how this country started. We had a revolution where we're like, nope, you're out, we're, nope. Gone. We're revolting against that old idea, that old belief system, that whole paradigm. We're destroying that and replacing it with the new one. Right? And that's drastic. It's not subtle. you know like for me to go in 2006 on June 15th I had hair down to like the middle of my back and on June 16th in 2006 I had short hair down that wasn't subtle that's drastic okay that was a drastic change so it was quite noticeable quite different and completely different from the old right there was a sense of victory followed by such a peace in serenity as I had never known. Hmm. There was utter confidence. There was other confidence? You're not supposed to have confidence as an alcoholic. What's the matter with you? You're doing the thinking again, huh? Right? I felt lifted up as though a great clean wind of a mountaintop blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but his impact on me was sudden and profound. Now, here's my thing. Tim's opinion. I was very fortunate that I had one of those experiences myself. That, you know, the words I'm going to die came out of my mouth and I felt that that was whatever it is and that thing that I believe is my higher power, right? And that was sudden. That was sudden and it was profound. It completely changed my life. Now his statement here and I think it's to allow people to not feel pressured to not feeling rushed to get to God because that's ultimately what we're doing in AA. We're going from not having God to having God and relying upon God. That's the point, right? Because it solves all our problems, including your game. Kind of cool how that works, eh? So this statement here, God comes to most men gradually. Now maybe the approach and the fighting and the resistance and the being dragged and the heady arguments and the intellectual things and the spiritual experiences of the educational variety, all that stuff, yeah, all that step goes on. But at that moment, when you stop fighting that, when that change comes about, it's sudden and profound. Because all that other crap you've been holding on to and arguing with all that time is gone. That's sudden. Right? So I think every spiritual experience is sudden. And it continues to go on. I have spiritual experiences all the time. When you get to sit and you watch so many lights come on in their eyes, when you watch somebody go like, oh, that's it, just a little subtlety that may not be visible to people who aren't in this process of being selfless and thinking about other people, that's sudden and profound. And then you watch these people who that happens to be completely different human beings. And they spent, like, years arguing against God right? and I said oh well that was gradual it wasn't gradual the sudden was profound so I dig that you know so that's King's opinion so we can argue that later for a moment I was alarmed and called my friend the doctor to ask if I was still sane he listened in wonder as I talked now we've touched upon this a little bit because the experience of Belladonna which is what he was on was a hallucinogenic drug and caused hallucinations you know, so and Bill is documented as saying this thank God he didn't tell me it was a hallucination or else I probably wouldn't have stayed sober okay, that's Bill talking about his own experience so finally he shook his head saying something has happened to you I don't understand but you better hang on to it, anything is better than the way you were. The good doctor now sees many men who have such experiences he knows that they are real right, so he doesn't discount the fact that those sudden and spiritual profound things they're real. They're not hokey, they're not like, oh hey nothing up my sleeve, poof, you know none of that stuff, right? While I lay in the hospital the thought came to me that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given to me perhaps I could help some of them. They in turn might work with others. So then this is a man who just got sober right? Who just had this experience who just went through dumping all his crap to another human being, who admitted that he was nothing, who started to believe in this power greater than himself, who started now he had to use this thinking and he had make a list of people he harmed. All this stuff was going on before he even left the hospital. Like how many times did we tell people who are newcomers? And when I say newcomers, I mean people with less than five years, right? Like, hey, slow down. What are you trying to save the world? Well, no, myself first. That's what I'm trying to do right there. Okay? And this is a 12-step program. It's not 11. We need... Like, the point of this is to continue to rejuvenate it. Okay? So we need to... Like, if we experience this stuff, we need pass it on to somebody else. So they go... See, because I'm sober 21 years. So somebody coming in who's sober 41 days may not identify with me. Okay, so we need the person who's sober 60 days or 45 days, who's had this experience to say, listen dude, it's okay. I've been there. I know exactly what you're going through. Here's what I've done. And that's the whole point. We need to stop discounting people with time. They have experience and they need to pass this stuff on. That's what i do. Okay, So when I see somebody, Listen, I can tell somebody what's wrong with them. But they're not going to listen to me unless they feel that I've been in the same place that they are. And they may not be able to identify with that, with where I am in my recovery. So I have people who are sober six months, five months, who've been through this process, and they say, listen, hey, go talk to Bob. Bob may have something that he... Meanwhile, like, it's the same thing I experienced, but just Bob's newer at it. And that may jump that person to the level they need. So this is important here, right? so he said my friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs right particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me faith without works was dead right so right there it just kind of proves what I was just ranting about so you know at the point like we read in the story like Ebi was only sober two months when he came to see Bill and do this Like, do we allow people who are sober two months to go and work with other people anymore? Well, no, because they need a coffee commitment first. And how apologetically true for the alcoholic. Okay, now here's the biggest thing. You know, like, if you're anything like me, you're a perfectionist. I'm like, how am I going to be perfect? Well, Bill's about to tell us how I'm going to become a perfectionistic person. How am I supposed to be perfectly? It says, for if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink and if he drank, he would certainly die and faith would be dead indeed. With us, it is just like that. Okay, so now, wow, look at that. I can be perfect. At any given moment in time, I can become perfect by choosing not to be God. That's a perfect choice. I don't know, I'm not God. I was just perfect. That's awesome. because I can look myself off the hook, right? And then there's the semantic games where you go, I could be perfectly imperfect. I could do this. I could perfectly human. You know, whatever it is. So, but then he tells us, okay, well we need to, how are we going to do that? How are we gonna perfect and enlarge our spiritual life? How am I going to doing that? Through work and self-sacrifice. I thought it was a selfish program. All I need to do is just show up no I need to stop thinking about myself and I need to go and spend time with other people right and give of myself and then it gives a warning because if I don't do this if I'm not going to survive oh what's this another promise another guarantee certain trials and low spots ahead how many times you hear that crap line keep coming back it gets better how about keep coming back it gets worse right certain low spots and trials which means that it's like you know oh guess what you're in Disney World and we're going to hold hands and sing no you're going to lose your job maybe somebody's going to die in your life somebody's going to die in your wife because none of us get out alive right you may lose your best friend who you were sober with for ten years and then all of a sudden and they decide to relapse and they're dead the next day. That's a certain low spot. And that's a trial. Right? You better have God. You better be working with other people. You better not be thinking about you the whole time. Because that's how you enlarge your spiritual life. That's how we stop doubting God. Because what happens when those things go on in our life? We start saying, God's an a-hole. Why would God do that? Why would John do that I can't believe in God like that and then what am I doing at that point now I'm believing that I'm the power greater than myself because I know better than God well they didn't deserve to die well how the hell do I know I don't have a master plan in the universe my master plan got me to AA so it becomes this I need to constantly not be thinking about me if I'm thinking about me, I'm talking about the wrong person really that's my danger because that's what's going to happen if I don't work it gives me a condition if I'm surely going to drink I'll surely drink and then to drink is to die and guess what faith without works is dead I really believe in God done so he says my wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholists to the solution of their problems Hmm. Selfish, huh? It was fortunate for my old business associates to remain skeptical for a year and a half during which I found little work. I was not too well at the time and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink but I soon found that when all other measures failed work with another alcoholic would save the day. Sounds pretty selfish, doesn't it? It's not. Completely against that, right? many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair on talking to a man there I would be amazingly lifted up and stood on my feet oh here it is it is designed for living that works in rough going like a news reporter works in great going too I know lots of people who relapse most things are great we commence to make fast friends and a fellowship has grown up among us of which it is wonderful thing to feel a part The joy of living we really have, even under pressure and difficulty. I have seen hundreds of families set their feet in a path that really goes somewhere. I've seen the most impossible domestic situations righted. Feuds and bitterness of all sorts wiped out. I've see men come out of the silence and resume a vital place in the lives of their families and communities. Business and professional men have regained their standing. There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has not been overcome among us. in one western city in this environs there are 1,000 of us and our families we meet frequently so that the newcomers might find the fellowship they seek at these informal gatherings one may often see 50 to 200 persons we are growing in numbers and powers and my asterisk says in 1989 AAU is composed of approximately 76,000 groups that was 1989 and I'm sure there's plenty of asterisks in other books but the numbers are higher, right? An alcoholic in his cuffs is an unlovely creature. Our struggles with them are variously strenuous, comic, and tragic. One poor chap committed suicide in my home. He could not or would not see our way of life. There is, however, a vast amount of fun about it all. I suppose some would be shocked at our seeming worldliness and levity but just underneath there is deadly earnestness. Faith has to work 24 hours a day in and through us or we perish. most of us feel we look no further for utopia we have it with us right here and now each day my friend's simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself in a widening circle of peace on earth and goodwill to men this is Bill W. co-founder of AA Guide January 24th 1971 so you know that simple talk in the kitchen multiplies let's hope so so before I cut off I want to just jump right into there is a solution because I think there's some important stuff that we need to go away with chapter 2, there is the solution we of Alcoholics Anonymous know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill now we've heard that term over and over and again hopeless, hopeless, helpless and here it is nearly all have recovered they have solved the drink problem. Hmm. We never recover, do we? We are average Americans. All sections of the country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. We sure are, right? But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to captain's table. And here's the warning here's an ominous warning that he gives us unlike the feelings of the ship passengers however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined So that's that argument of the you know I'm part of the fellowship I'm fine. Well, obviously not. Oh, I'm an alcoholic who doesn't drink anymore. Aren't you? Yeah, it's great. Why did you drink again? You knew you were an alcoholic who couldn't drink any more. Oh, okay. And then he uses some pretty heavy words in this paragraph, right? He says the tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. Oh, I wish that were true today. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree. I wish that were true today too. And upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. And I really wish that was true. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. This book carries. Not the fellowship, not the meetings, not the people. This book carries it. Those things. Brotherly and harmonious action, that it's a common solution, that everyone can have it, and that we should absolutely agree upon. But we argue about it all the time. All the time! Don't drink and go to meetings is not AA's message. It's not their message. It's found in any literature except for the October 2013 grapevine cover. And shame on them. shame on them right next page an illness of this sort and we have come to believe it as an illness involves those about us in a way which no other human sickness can if a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt but not so with the alcoholic illness for with it there goes annihilation of all things worthwhile in life it engulfs all those whose lives touch the sufferers It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents. Anyone can increase the list. We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are or who may be affected. There are many. This volume, this book, right? Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss a situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents, and intimate friends usually find this even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor. And here comes the big whammy, right? Because there it is, italics. But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with the facts about himself, facts, not feelings can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Oh, and here's even more warning until such an understanding is reached little or nothing can be accomplished. And just a little aside one of the radical changes there in that particular paragraph is it used to say ex-alcoholic not ex-problem drinker. So So, hey, look at that. We have eight minutes to argue. So here we are. You know, we heard Bill's story. We heard the identification. We heard like hopefully if you're sitting in this room and you heard what we're reading, you can identify with what Bill went through, with his feelings about drinking, with how it affected his life, how it effected his thinking, and the process of getting into recovery and being recovered and what he needed to do and continues to need to do throughout his recovery, right? And then we go on. Now we're in this chapter that's pounding. It's the tease chapter, the solution. There is a solution. You got a problem drinking? We got a solution! Tell me about it. It's in the book. Remember those commercials from the 70s with Tom and Mike Davis? Hey, you ever hear about this? No, where'd you learn it? It's written in the books. Okay, and that's what we need to be able to do as members of Alcoholics Anonymous when people say hey there's a selfish program you can say where's that written but you could say work and self-sacrifice for others will make you survive certain low spots in trials in your life really? where's dat written it's in the book that's on 14 and 15 right, that's how I ended up getting my name because people say well where's det written and you know I don't like not knowing the answer to that so I'll tell them exactly where it is then they're using the wrong word but they're using the wrong word no the word has a there's no play on words that's Clint Mask right there selfish has a definition it's not something that you disagree on the definition Definition is the definition. That's how it works, right? You know, so...