The Ego That Got Her Drunk on Sixteen Months of Sobriety – Dottie S.

About This Speaker Tape

June 11, 1951. Dottie S. is a circuit speaker with sixteen months of sobriety and a "gift of gab" that has fed a pathological need for attention. She has spent a year being patted on the back, quoting the Big Book by rote while ignoring the wreckage of her own character. The adrenaline of the podium fades, and the ego—which she defines as "edging God out"—takes over. To punish a group that dared call newcomers the most important people in the room, she decides to get drunk to scare them.

She pours whiskey into a vinegar bottle, a hiding place she used for years, and takes three shots. The result is a physical collapse: ruptured blood vessels in her eyes and esophagus, and a heart that stops beating. She is brought back from the dead by a doctor who happens to be an alcoholic. Dottie describes her recovery not as a cure, but as the arrest of a "filthy, stinking, rotten" disease, acknowledging that she has no sobering-up time left.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Dottie S. opens with gratitude and a joke about how people used to tell her to shut up.
• 4:15 Discussion on the 'allergy of the body' and the biochemical imbalance of alcoholism.
• 11:30 Dottie describes her 'blob' phase and the contrast between her secret drinking and her sister's visible decline.
• 16:45 The first call to the North Hollywood AA Clubhouse and the start of her sobriety.
• 23:10 Laughter: Dottie discusses her 'gift of gab' and the ego trap of becoming a circuit speaker too quickly.
• 31:20 The relapse: Dottie describes drinking from the vinegar bottle again to punish the group for not giving her enough attention.
• 36:40 The near-death experience: being clinically dead on the floor and the intervention of the alcoholic doctor.
• 45:10 Step 3 struggle: Dottie's fear of a punishing Higher Power based on her childhood experiences with a priest.
• 52:30 The discovery of 'Daddy Higher Power' and the shift in her spiritual perspective.
• 58:15 Family wreckage: the death of her sisters and the struggle to raise her grandson.
• 1:12:00 Dottie reflects on her divorce from Al and the financial ruin caused by a business partnership with another alcoholic.
• 1:22:00 Closing thoughts on the 'epitaphs' of her sisters and her desire to be a 'good and faithful servant.'