The Ego Must Be Broken Before Willingness Begins – Mike L.

About This Speaker Tape

Easy Does It Group -

A lifelong drive to be separate and special led Mike L. from chugging cough syrup as a toddler to acting the part of a functional alcoholic in adulthood. He describes a 'bottom in sobriety' where he sat under a clock in a clubhouse weeping because the slogans weren't working and he felt sicker the longer he stayed dry. He dismantles the idea of 'relief' versus 'freedom,' arguing that true recovery requires the destruction of self-centeredness through rigorous step work. Mike recounts the gritty process of making a genuine ninth-step amends to his first ex-wife—not a half-hearted apology but a total surrender of his ego that allowed her to finally find her own sobriety. He frames his current life not as a perfect existence but as a content useful one built on the discipline of daily meditation and a refusal to accept middle-of-the-road solutions.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Mike L. introduces himself and discusses the desire to be liked by everyone.
• 2:30 Discussion on the 'black sheep' narrative and the realization through a third inventory that his mother actually spent the most time with him.
• 6:15 Mike describes his 'bottom in sobriety' while weeping under a clock at a noon meeting.
• 10:40 The relationship with a 'no BS' sponsor who refused to be the father figure Mike wanted.
• 15:20 Laughter: Story about his first date at Carl's Jr. and telling his life story to push the woman away.
• 20:10 Mike discusses hitting another bottom at four years sober and the danger of the ego rebuilding itself.
• 25:45 Analysis of the eighth step and a critique of the idea of making amends to oneself first.
• 30:10 Detailed account of the ninth-step amends to his first ex-wife and the role of the Higher Power in that process.
• 35:50 Discussion on the 'Take It or Leave It Club' and the history of early AA in Akron.
• 38:20 Mike shares his daily routine of meditation and the 'chatter of a thousand monkeys'.