The Ego and Your Own Little World – Workshop April – Part 8 of 8 – Sandy B.

Okay, let's start with the Serenity Prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Well, I hate when Sunday comes and then we'll dissolve into our own individual lives. I have had a wonderful time and I'll take back a lot of good stories and memories and I was thinking if someone walked in the door and asked us who are you and the answer that came to me would be we are each other and I like the feeling of that answer because we really are and it's events like this and extra effort at our trying to get closer to our higher power that enables us to see that and I think we felt it during the silence that you suddenly realized that that other person was part of you and you were part of them and that awareness is precious. It's just wonderful to have that sense and we realize that we're not in competition with each other. We're not trying to be better or worse than. We're just having fun, like Chuck said, we're just God's kids having fun and I just think that's such a wonderful way to look at life but in order to get there you have to honestly realize you're being taken care of and that God is there for all of us let's see oh there was a couple things that I wanted to I thought I'd just bring up two more things about our good friend death put this guy to rest a little more, the more we can get comfortable with that. And so the two thoughts that I had were... Without doubt, there is not even a close second, the biggest cause of death is birth. That is, there isn't even a close second. And if you let that resonate a little bit, you can realize it's a package, that it's the most natural thing, that that's of course. And then the other one was a little story about two spirits who finished their tour of duty down here and the reunion took place and they were back in the embrace of God and the extreme amount of love that just overpowers them. And they're talking to each other. And the first one says, well, how long were you down there? And by the way, they call down here soul school. That's what planet Earth is for. And the person said, I was down there 97 years. Wow. He said, and the last ten were really hard. I was sick and it was just, oh my God, it was painful. But I'll tell you, it's worth it to be back here. How long were you down there? He said well, I was just down there two months. I was lying in my crib and I went to roll over and somehow the blanket was kind of in my mouth and I ended up suffocating myself. And the first one said, you didn't do that on purpose, did you? He just saw that as a very lucky event. From the human perspective, it looks like a tragedy. Oh my God, what an awful thing to have happened. But what's tragic about it? If you follow what I'm saying, what's tragic about it I really can't overemphasize my feelings on getting totally comfortable with the fact that that is just the beginning of something even better. And the only thing it's the end of is our ego. That's the only things that we can do. The only thing that is very reluctant to talk about death is the ego, because he knows, well, then my game is over when that happens. So I just throw those out for what they're worth. This lecture is called Your Own Little World. And I thought about it one time when I heard one gal talking to another, and they were talking about Heidi. And they said, well, you know Heidi. She lives in her own little world. And I think we've all heard that expression, lives in its own little world. Well, I would submit so do you. So does everybody in this room lives in their own little world. And I live in my own little word. And these worlds are unique. They only exist in your mind and my mind. and so if you wanted to take the totality of it that there's 6.7 billion little worlds on our planet and someone might say, well yes, sure I can go along with that but then there's the real world we know that, there's a real world and the answer would be, well maybe there is and maybe there isn't, but no one lives there you follow what I'm saying no one lives there and so I've known Steve Abrams for a long time but the Steve Abram's I know is only known by me and some of you know him and the Steve that you know is only known by you and so when I die the Steve Abrahms I know dies too because he just exists in my little world. He continues in your little world, but the Steve Abrams I know dies with me. So if somebody were to ask me the question, when does the world end? I would say, when I die. And that would be the end of it. That is the death that St. Francis is talking about, is by dying that we awaken to life eternal. It is the destruction of that little world. And that world, as we said earlier, is put together with ideas. It's the only building material that we have to construct this separate world that we all end up trapped in. So it's not a pejorative statement to say that someone lives in their own little world. How could you not end up there? It's as natural as anything else. The trick is to be lucky as we are to realize that that is the core of all of our misery, is that world that we've created, as Chuck talked about, and that the answer to everything is the destruction of that world. And we talked earlier about how AA talks about this, and it talks about our old ideas availed us nothing. And so those are the ideas that get smashed. And I think we start out in the very first talk that smashing the idea that we can drink like others. Well, then there's this next idea and the next idea and the second idea. The next idea and we suddenly realize the wonderful freedom of being wrong and how delightful it is to go from having it an embarrassment to having it fun. And if you haven't gotten there yet you really ought to hurry. It is really a transition to take joy in being wrong and to frankly be looking for what else you could be wrong about. What other judgment have I made? What other opinion, what other prejudice do I have that I could get rid of, get rid off? So we described spiritual growth as getting rid of things rather than acquiring anything. And so hopefully this weekend we've gotten rid of, maybe we got rid of the preconception that three hours of silence would be a horrible thing or that I don't want to do that. I don' t see any value in it. And then you go through it and the only thing you can say is, well, I was wrong. And there's the freedom. I was right. I was not wrong. we get locked into God I used to love to be right oh man I thrived on that I just would get in the argument with somebody and I would pursue that thing until the guy would surrender which he wouldn't do either because he was going to be right also and I can remember sometimes getting home after drinking in the bar and getting out a damn dictionary of some history book and looking up something and calling him up at 3 a.m. Let me tell you something else about that. Here's one more closing bam! And then I'd go, God, that showed him. And then they'd go to bed and it would be such a hollow victory. It was just that sickening feeling of having to be right. And that energy is used to create this whole world that we're living in. And the problem with the world is we're the only one in it. That's why we're so lonely and frightened. It is really lonely in there when you go home and you lie in bed in your own little world. So you start reflecting on your own little world, then you see how screwed up it is, and look at these people over there and these people are over here and we can just cause every problem that we have by looking at this, thinking about it and then reacting emotionally to our thoughts. We spend a great deal of time the most normal thing that everybody does is to try and find a way of fixing that world. Well if I could just get this to happen If that group of people, I'm going to get involved in this. If we can get this straightened out, it'll be a great world. It won't be a Great World until we destroy it. Do you follow what I'm saying? We're trying to fix something that doesn't exist. We're, we're trying to. You know, it only, so if you and I are working on something and we're going to fix it, it may get fixed for you and I still don't see that it's fixed because mine isn't exactly the same. So there's such a shallow sense of accomplishment when we change something in a world that doesn't exist because immediately there's 50 other things that have to be changed because we realize that we're not happy, we'renot at peace, we're still uncomfortable in that world. and we come here and we go forget that we got to destroy the world and it just seems so contrary to everything that we've been involved in destroy it and then when that is done we get glimpses of the real which is God's vision of everything and to have even a glimpse of that is quite a joyful thing And how do you get glimpses? We talked about that. You suddenly have a tremendous feeling of peace when there's nothing causing it. You have no reason to suddenly feel better than you've ever felt. You didn't close the deal, you didn't do anything. It's as if an opening appeared and some of that great healing energy comes in and we call them awakenings, profound personality change. Whatever label you want to put on it, we all have had that if we've been working the steps. I can't believe anyone who has had a good sponsor and has guided them and has done the work that hasn't had that experience so that we all know what we're talking about. And as I said yesterday, it's very hard to put into words. So experiences can only be experienced. When we go to try and talk to someone about them, it's a very difficult thing to do. It's very difficult. So how do you communicate that you've had one of these experiences? You can see it. We talk about early sobriety. We see the change in the pigeon that we're working for before they do. We see their eyes look different. We see that their body energy and the body movement has changed, and there's a relaxation starting to set in. And we see it way before they do. And it's a great... That helps me believe in God as much as anything, is to see the next person transformed. And it reminds me of an old story. God, that's not part of this, but anyway. the priest sees the young boy who's kind of sobbing by the side of the road and he says to him what's the matter young man and he said oh father I got an algebra test tomorrow and I can't understand algebra I can'T even get the right answer with my book open and I'm really getting low grades and I'M so sad I'M going to disappoint my parents and I just feel bad. And the priest said, son, I can tell you how to pass that test. You just have to summon all the faith that you have and pray as hard as you can and you will pass that task. And the little boy said, are you sure? He said, yes. You summon all that faith and pray a lot. Pray as hard at you can and you'll pass that text. well about a week went by and the priest saw the young boy walking down the street and he went over to him and he said how'd you do on the test he said I passed it was amazing I just I prayed as hard as I could and I got all the faith I could get and I sat down and I passed the test and he ran off whistling and the prince said holy shit now I don't know if you've had experiences like that in AA but I've had a guy I'm working with and I go even God can't straighten this out this is this is impossible and then six months later I'm looking at it and I'm going, I don't even think that's the same guy. I don'T EVEN THINK THAT'S THE SAME GUY. SO AS YOU ARE PARTICIPATING IN THE AWARENESS OF SOMEONE ELSE GOING UP, YOUR CONNECTION GETS DEEPER AND DEEper AND DEEPER. YOU'RE NOT EVEN WORKING ON YOUR CONNEXION. YOU'RE WORKING ON THEIR AWARENNESS. and so you can see how important that's what part of Bill's awakening there was the two parts the freedom and awareness of God and the absolute necessity to take what he just had happen and give it to all the alcoholics in the world I mean, boy, what a grandiose vision but that's What You and I All Feel I mean we're just waiting we're finished with this person we're going to start on another one and another one and another one so all of this idea the need for a fellowship there's just the two parts are so integral the awakening and being part of a society and we could call this a society that encourages spiritual growth. Those are the two beautiful parts of Alcoholics Anonymous, are the individual awakenings that take place and then the society that keeps our mind focused on first things first. And that's a weekend like this, but I mean all the meetings and the groups and our literature, everything is just devoted to that. But without the society, it would be a struggle on our own to maintain this? And then where would we find alcoholics to help? And so, we're so lucky to be in this fellowship. Let me see. Yeah, put that down. The rest of this is just stories that I've tried to come up with that talk about living in your own little world. And one of them was one I made up for my granddaughter who lives here in California. Her name is Zoe, and her father is the head of the drama department at Redlands University, and I love visiting when I'm in the area. I try to get up and see them. But sometimes he'll bring her down to the conference, and so she's out in the audience, And so she's trying to learn about God, learn about this. So I make up stories for her, but they're really for me because when I make them up, then I go, yeah, I like that. And so this was informing her that it's very important to understand that everyone has an exit door. And the trick is to be able to be aware of it and to see it. And an exit door, I'm talking about, is like in the theater. And when you go to a theater, you may see the exit door. I don't know if you happen to glance down. It's there. There's red light and, I mean, white light shining through red. And so it's there in case the place catches on fire. But as the movie starts, you no longer are aware of that door. I mean, it's not even part of your awareness because you're so totally focused on the movie. And we could turn the exit lights out and you probably wouldn't see them go because you are so focused on the movie and the reason this exit door is so important is the door serves the purpose of telling us this is only a movie don't fall and get in it and get the actual feeling that when the movie ends you're going to end did you ever get so engrossed in something and you just oh my god well life can be like that we're so engrOSSED in it that we think it's real. So I came up with this idea of an exit door. And one day, we're really going to see this door. It may be in your most sacred place, maybe totally unexpected, but suddenly the only thing you're going to be able to see is that exit door and you're going to go, God, that's familiar. I kind of remembered that door. Now I can really see it. So you walk over and you open the door. And the second you open that door, the light comes in and you realize you're touching God and you just, oh yes. So you just walk in it and there's that great feeling. The contact is a hundred percent, and you reach up and take God's hand and he says, did you enjoy the show? And you go, the show Yeah, the shows. You remember when I brought you here don't you enjoy this show? No, I don't really remember that. Well turn around and look, and turn around to the other side of the door it says theater entrance. I dropped you off here about 70 years ago and I told you this is the greatest show on earth I put together a real theater in the round I mean, you've got to admit the staging I did with the mountains with the oceans with volcanoes with hurricanes with wars with churches with all kinds of people I mean there's just everything I just put this all together for you to enjoy. And I said, just go enjoy it, but keep your eye on the door or you will fall for the fact that it's not a show. You'll just get totally swept up in that. And so the trick is to try and remember that there's this exit door right here and that this is the greatest show and it's only here for us to enjoy. It's the only purpose. All this work was done for that. So I thought it was a childlike story and later on I was talking to my son and he said, she's still talking about that. She's still taking care of me. Still talking aboutthat. Now I have no idea if when she's 60 years old she'll go, well I remember that exit door and it made my life a little more comfortable. But it's things like that that are needed to prevent us from getting so absorbed in what we think is real, the business deal, this is happening, my health, this and that. I can get all wrapped up about all these health problems or I can just have fun. Those are the two choices. And I really give myself about a 90% on just having fun. You know, and all the rest just gets taken care of. If you have a health problem, as soon as you contact the doctor, it's his problem. That's his problems. He's got to fix it. I'll go back to coming to this retreat or going to the movies. It is a decision and an awareness that this really is fun. and that's what by the essence of our 12 step the joy of living action is the key word and of course the action that we talked about is letting go it's the main action verb in Alcoholics Anonymous if in my opinion is letting Go and it sounds so simple but it's very difficult because we have a grip on the world that we created it's pride of authorship. I used to say, you know, yeah, I'm in jail, but I got here. You know what I mean? And they'd go, yeah, but your lifestyle. I don't. It's bad consequences, but it's mine. I took great pride in being a screw-up sometimes. Yeah, I know I'm a screw up, but I'm good screw up. I know I'm going down but I'm going down big you know what I mean it was just like what kind of insanity is that and we're just saying to each other I know it's a stupid idea but it's my stupid idea and I thought it up and it's more stupid than your stupid idea so we're having an argument about grandiosity over stupid ideas and we just don't want to change our mind about anything. So let's see, I went through humility. Oh, then there's, and we all know this, if you have 10 people see a traffic accident and then the police come to get a report, they do not get 10 identical reports. They had really soared out because this person said, oh no, no, it was that guy's fault. I was standing right here, I saw it the light was changing green he started the other and then the person across the street no, it's the other guy's fault and you have to sort it out so there's everyone's version and you might say our story is our version of everything, our version of it and the story that I remember that captures the essence of that is the one about the three umpires and Steve likes baseball and these umpire's have been around a long time so they're bragging with each other about who's the best umpired and the first umpiring says well I'll tell you I call them as I see them you can't do better than that and the second umpiren says I call him as they are you can do better than that. And the third umpire says, until I call them, they aren't. So you can see the increasing importance of your version of things and how we get locked into my version, my take on it is. Well, it's just some ideas that flow through my head. Why don't I listen to your take on it, it might be better. Really? Something better than my take? That would be a rare thing. And we've never really experimented. And so that's what running things by that's how I survive is running things bye. I mean why would you just rely on your own stupid head to give you the best guidance for your life when people in this room are available and you just pick up the phone and you go, Larry, can I run something by you? Joe, can i run something buy you? And then they're so delighted that you would like to run something by them. A closeness develops where we are no longer worried worried that what we run by him he might use against us so we can't run it by remember that was the old feeling i had don't give them any information at all because they might use it against you and now we just feel wonderful about sharing anything geez i think my wife is having an affair i mean you would never share that with anybody so you just keep it to yourself and um We just, it's such a way of life to not get locked in to our version of everything. And it's, I've almost forgotten how that is, why that was so important. It was so importante because it maintained the integrity of that separate world. We didn't want any threats to it. So when any, we didn't realize that, but we felt it was essential to keep that world intact, to keep the world alive. To keep that thing we had built. And so I didn't even want to hear ideas that were contrary to what I put together. If there was a book that proposed this particular approach, I wouldn't read it. It was a threat to my set of ideas. And I didn' t want to threat my idea. You follow what I'm saying? And that's how sacred my version of everything was. So from a point of view of a virgin, then we would say our steps are designed to destroy your version of anything. Or at least call it into question. Maybe it is a good piece and we can put that back. But calling everything into question, really that's what a good sponsor does. They help us think through everything. And as soon as they hear us express something, they go, let me sit down. Let's talk about your idea about that. I'm not talking about politics. I'm talking about things that are making us comfortable inside. And... I think that's all on the version. It's just a synonym for other ways of looking at our own little story, which is so powerful it doesn't want us to look at it. Another way that I heard someone, it was actually a speaker that I read, and I thought it was so nice that I wrote it down. He was trying to describe the world that we created and he said that if your life was a mural along that wall, if it just covered the whole wall and it was painted and it went all the way from a little baby through this and a football star at UCLA. It went all along, and it's all theway over to the present moment. Your role in that mural was the brush. It was painted by God, and you weren't even the paint. It just, there is your story. The real story. It shows the insignificance of all the planning that I've done and how I decided everything was going to turn out. I made accomplishments. I became a fighter pilot in the Marine Corps. I, until the very end, had pretty good fitness reports and was seen as a good Marine, good officer, et cetera. But that was only the illusion that people might have from looking at me because on the inside there was a totally destroyed person who was of no value really to this world or to myself or anyone else. I was maintaining an illusion of being competent, of success. And I realized that all the measurements that we use for success don't apply here. I mean, success here occurred while we were quiet and we just experienced the world. It leads me into some thoughts about our literature. One of the things that Bill was worried about and he wrote letters about was that our literature would become biblical and someone had showed him a book about movements people get together to accomplish something and then after they've been working at it a while they decide to reduce it to writing you know we got this little thing going so what have we been actually doing so they've reduced the ideas that they've had that are working well down to words. And they go, great, well, we've got that all down there. And as time goes on, the actions that were accomplished by the people fall by the side and the words start becoming the most important thing. In other words, the big book takes on the trappings of a Bible in that it is something that we should worship this is a sacred book this contains everything about Alcoholics Anonymous and that's why when he wrote the third and seventh step prayers he said you may say something like this you follow what I'm saying or at the seventh step or you can make up your own words I'm just throwing you the general gist of what I think the essence of this step is and now they're on little plastic cards and we hold them up and it's like I'd be nowhere without this and we've taken it and lifted it to an importance but this is And so this book that Bill was given said that all these spiritual movements or these movements where people are helping each other started with these ideas and then everything became biblical is the way he put it, or the way the book put it. And so I was trying to come up with a definition of our big book for a different way of looking at it. And this is what I would call it. I would call it a treasure map. A treasure map we follow the map and we get the treasure but the treasure isn't the book that's not it the treasure is God so we are simply using this as a map and it will get us to the treasure but it's not the treasure itself. It's possible to get so engaged that we feel this is the reward is to know this by heart and to have it such a part of me and so on down. It is at best a map and what we receive are the transformations that come from following the map And so anyway, I've seen too much attention on the words and not on the actions and the result of the words. It's impossible to put spiritual experiences into words. We can do our best job at it, but it's the experience itself. And so the experience doesn't come by memorizing or reading or whatever. The experience comes from doing the work, opening the channel, and having the experience come in. It comes from being together as a group. It comes From the meetings where we can see a new person transform. This is the real experience that we're getting. and let's see while I'm on my high horse uttering words of blasphemy try this one on it was at sober vacation Steve and it was in one of the early morning meetings and a lady from New York got up and announced her name and she was from the 12 and 12 group. And they only used the 12th and 12th. The only literature they used. You should have seen the faces in the room. It was just this sense of yes, you can feel the no, no, that is wrong. Right? Do you all have that feeling? That's wrong. I mean, you can sense the and you could feel it at that meeting that morning. The problem was she had about eight years, and she was very happy. It was sprouting up everything. So I was able to sleep that night by saying, well, that may be true, but every night an angel whispered the big book into her ear. And that's what really happened. alright oh god now you're going to have to listen to see I write things and then I think people would like to hear them and then I find out later that they're just being polite so anyway where shall I hide I said, where I will never find me. There's a big good game. You play hide and seek with yourself. I know. I'll pretend that I'm not me nor you nor he. I will hide in a story and pretend that it's real. I believe my thoughts and I feel my beliefs and I lie trapped in a web of painful feelings forgetting that I created the web. Oh my God, I don't know where I am. Oh my God, I don' t know where I am." Olly olly and free, olly oly and free. You remember the hide-and-seek? I can't find it. They'd call everybody back in and go, all right, now we can start over again. And so I just realized that's one way of looking at what I did through the process of growing up. I played a game of hide-n-seak with myself and then I couldn't find out where I started from or who I was or what the real beginning was. And you asked me if I'm a child of God. I said, no, I don't think so. And it was a complete way of hiding. I am the yin and I am yang and everything in between. I am the up and I'm the down. I'm going to hide and I'll seek. I am the in and then the out. I end the black and then white. I end the life and then death. But most of all, I am. And we've all seen that in spiritual writings. See, normally the sentence I am has another word on it. I'm old, I'm young, I'm happy, I're running, I'll jump. I mean, we never take the sentence and put the period after M and then go look at that sentence and go, what does that sentence say? it appears not to say much of anything but as we reflect on it and allow it to come inside and we go well who am I? And the answer to that question is kind of a jackpot. In order to just be I am I have to get rid of everything else. You see how this always works by getting rid of everything else I am a lawyer That's not who I am. Try again. I'm a father. No, wrong again. That's the answer to the question. And so finally, I just am. And that's the end of the story. It doesn't have to have anything added to that. The only thing I can do with that is experience it so that I am simply the experience that I'm having. It is just another way of reducing our identity, reducing the complexity of who we think we are and what the world is. And I think, again, that was exemplified in the silence. We learn more about ourselves in the violence than almost in any other way. It is a way of eliminating the concern about who I am and what's going on and what the world is. That is probably the most distracting thing that we do is to try to figure things out. And it's almost impossible to stop it. It is an integral part of ourselves. Gee, I had a good time last night. I wonder why I had a good day. I had good time. Let me think it over. The next thing you've ruined it into you're tired because you had a great time. In other words, we can't allow an experience to simply be. Just live in the experience and do nothing else with it. So the more we can get our mind to stop analyzing, criticizing, judging or whatever it is the more centered on simply being here and there really isn't anything else that is real except that we're here. I don't know if that's helpful but it is definitely a step towards the goal that we are after the last thing that I want to talk about was where Bill writes something of great moment was apt to occur the the awakening that each of us has gives us the best information we've ever had about our higher power. And all of that information is contained in the experience. And what I want to do is to do nothing with the experience except have it. And so my mind wants to know what caused that experience. It's almost inevitable that I want to know more about God rather than experience God more. And there's a big difference, know more of God or experience God. Experience God more? And so the best answer that I've been able to come up to about God is that he's a total mystery. The universe is a mystery, and God is a mystery. Now, scientists and Bill writes in 1939 in the big book, scientists have been forcing nature to disclose their secrets. I can't remember exactly where that is. It's towards the beginning of it. Scientists have been enforcing nature to disclose their secret. And I'm sure in 1939 they were saying, we're this close, gang. We're this close to knowing it all. And then every 15 years or so you'll see another breakthrough we're this close to knowing at all. And then somebody will go, what are those little particles that behave differently when we observe them? I don't know, we've got to look at those. It's just a minor wrinkle in figuring out the whole picture. We're this close to everything and then somebody finds a black hole and they go, man don't worry it will not take us too long to move that in and we'll have it we'll do it so far it remains a mystery that is very close to being solved maybe there's some scientists in here that go, we're right, we are one more thing and will understand it totally. And that's the problem with a mystery. There's an overwhelming tendency to want to solve it. Whether it's a detective story or whatever it is, there's a tendency to want to resolve it. But the universe and God are a different kind of a mystery, they're unsolvable. So what can you do with an unsolatable mystery? How about behold it? How about contemplate it? how about wonder? How about looking at it in a great state of wonder? Just, oh, how about awe? Overpowered with awe, awestruck. I would think that would be one of the great prayers you could have is to just go, wow! Just look at God and look at everything and just go hey God, wow this is freaking amazing. That's it. I don't think we were ever supposed to go beyond that. But there's the tendency, I wonder how this is done. And there we start. It's like watching The Great Magician. You can simply go, ah, the tiger's gone. I mean, did you ever do that in Vegas and just go, no way? And you remember how much fun it was to be just totally bamboozled and you just sit there and go, whoa. But what happens after that? I wonder why he did that. I wonder if I can go backstage and ruin the trick for me. Do you ever have that feeling? And then if you find it out, you go, oh, well, no, it's not a big deal at all. It's not. Not a big thing at all at all So if we simply stay in that just state of awe, that's it I really believe that you can't go beyond that just stay there get up every morning and just go what's he got out there today and just see the whole thing and then when a problem comes oh my god just like you're at a play you just go I wonder how this turns out how about that for a way of handling problems God I wonder how this turns out I've run out of gas on top of the mountain my cell phone is broken wow, I wonder what's going to happen I wonder why I get out of this that's a whole different way of looking at it I wonder how this turns out so our life becomes a movie and we're watching it and we don't have to run it. It's almost like it just happens. Sounds too simplistic? I don't think so. I really don't. As a matter of fact, all the people I sponsor and when I hear a problem at meetings and if I get a chance to comment, I'd say, I'll tell you what I would do with that situation. I would go to the movies. That's what I would do. I would just go to the movies and when you're going in the movie, look on a ticket, see how long this movie is and then say to God on your way in, God, I'm giving you everything because I just want to go to the movies, I'm going to leave all this, I don't want to take it in there, I want to really just enjoy the show. So could you watch all this crap for two hours and 11 minutes and then just give it to him and go and take in the movie. Then come out and see what he did with that stuff. See if it's anywhere near as serious as it was before you gave it to them. See if he doesn't hand you back the yarn all rolled up in a nice ball with the answers, with everything. see if all he really wanted you to do was to let go of it because he can't work on it unless you let go of it you can't sit there with the mess and mother I want you to help me with this well give it to me no you go here and then it comes back and there it is and we put it down wasn't that nice so I think sometimes it's so simple that we're just not going to touch it. It can't be that simple. I am too complicated a person for the answer to be that simple. Now, that's pretty stupid. And you know, Bill uses that word quite a bit in our book. We were especially stupid in that area. and it saves going to psychiatrists and all that stuff I was just stupid I think I'll try this simple plan and then it works and the beauty of that, it's free all of AA everything that's the best is free we're getting near the end of the time and I just want to tell you how I feel about AA. It makes me cry to even think that such a thing is on our planet. I don't know, I've been around a long time. I can't think of anything more beautiful that exists on our planet than AA. I can't think of anything that has and will contribute to this world more than AA, and it took off in exactly the opposite manner from which Bill Wilson wanted it to go. He saw that for anything to have a powerful effect, you had to have a lot of money and you had a lot of paid missionaries. Remember that? And hospitals. And that's why he was trying to raise all the money. Money. There's no way anything huge can just happen, just happened. And he didn't get the money. And he didn't get the money. And he didn't get the paid people to spread the word. He didn't get any of that stuff. So he wrote a book to try and raise the money. And then somebody with three months sobriety went to Chicago. And somebody with two months of sobriety went to Des Moines, Iowa and somebody else went to Los Angeles. And then AA and God just started growing with no money, with no one in charge, with no organization. Boy, we can say that. With no rules, with no regulations, Any group can run their meetings any way they want. They had a group in Richmond that served beer. It's in our history. And it's not as silly as it sounds because back in those days, you drank whiskey and then they gave you beer or wine or ginger ale as a chaser. So that doesn't even count. and now the other groups in the area had their opinion on whether that would be a good idea but there wasn't anybody to go over there and shut off the beer they could express their views and New York could write them a letter and eventually people couldn't remember what night of the week the meeting was they couldn't remember where it was and the idea fell of its own weight which bad ideas do and rule 62 and you've been in groups where you might have been right in the middle of coming up with a lousy idea and it didn't work and then you finally go okay let's throw that one away I was wrong let's try something else so anyway here's this AA is alive that's what it is it's alive and it's spreading this word one person at a time my last job in the Marine Corps was on this presentation team where we had a general and about six, eight officers they went around giving this big eight hour show about the Marine Corps with films and slides and this whole production, and it showed naval gunfire coming in, and it show the artilleries, and it shows the supply lines and the communication line and the airplanes and everything that we had. And at the end of the show, the general got up and he said to the audience, ladies and gentlemen, everything you've seen up on the screen here has only one purpose. And at that moment, a slide would come up of the infantry Marine holding his rifle. And he would say to make his job easier. That's what all the rest is for, is to make his job easy. And when I look at the AA structure and we've got unit groups and we got areas and we have the New York office and conferences and this and that. all of that is only there so that one drunk can talk to another there's no action that happens there it only happens one drunk talking to another and no one could have dreamed this up no one would have thought you couldn't have written a Hollywood movie nobody would believe that we're just going to pass it on And so we're part of a spiritual life force that is influencing the planet. And we're just part of it. That's the fun. No one's in charge. So what can we do with AA? Experience it. That's it. have the AA experience. Just feel it. Feel the energy here. Feel what happens when you sponsor someone. Just feel the energy of being part of AA. And if you're looking for God in action, how can you miss it? How can you think this is all coincidence? how can we ever think that this is some human endeavor that is somehow succeeding that's ridiculous this is as good a view as we'll ever get of God and I see him in your eyes your eyes, your eyes and we all see that the trick is to stay connected that this isn't it everything else is background noise everything else is just there so that we can have this experience that's putting first things first that is what surrender is that's what letting go is there's that world and there's this world how do we stay in this world by letting go of that world and when we say let go we're going to be in that world being useful but that's not where our sustenance is going to come from it's going to come from in here so AA is everything to me it's just I just I don't think about hardly anything except AA and how lucky I am and what we can do and my group and going here and I'm lucky to travel around and AA is very different and exactly the same everywhere you go and the bottom line is one drunk talking to another I see that as God in action I know you all do too and I want to thank you again for the weekend it's been a blessed event to me and I see that AA in Los Angeles is pretty remarkable And, you know, I'm not trying to compliment L.A., but boy, there has been some special A.A. that's come out of here. And we hear about it around the country. So you're really grateful to not only have a beautiful place to live, but a beautiful brand of A.I. And it's beautiful because you're trying to take it to the next level. that's what we're trying to do and so I congratulate you all and wish you the best. Thanks a lot Thank you guys Alright Thank you Thank you.