The Educational Variety of Awakening – Workshop: Expanding Higher Power Consciousness – Part 4 of 5 – John J.

Thank you. Good evening, everybody, and welcome to our workshop tonight. We're going to have a conversation, an intimate conversation about prayer. And I look forward very much to sharing my experience with you on this matter because it is near and dear to my heart. So let me begin by saying I'm an alcoholic and I belong to a meditation group called Agape. And my name is John. And only by the grace of God have I been separated from alcohol since December 23, 1972. And I lived as a hopeless drunk who was deeply afraid. I lived sober without work in the 12 steps. And I remained restless, irritable and discontented. I lived sober with the 12 steps and found something was still missing. And now I live sober with God and the 12 Steps, and my life is being fulfilled. The reason I say that to you is because I want you to get a process it took for me to go along the spiritual journey. I didn't get it like Wilson got it, immediate. I did very much like William James suggested, the educational variety. And it was by the zigzag of the line that I grew to come to fall in love with a creator that has given me gifts beyond anything I could have imagined. And I want to share that with you this evening. So first of all, let me thank you for being here. And I'm just awestruck by the comments, the phone calls I've been getting about people who are confronting their lives, and they want something deeper and more. They want something�I think from a deep spiritual longing, they want to connect with their God. And it's my pleasure to share that with you tonight, not because of an authority on prayer, by the way. I am not. I'm not a retreat master. I'm Not ordained in anything. I am a simple Lord travel, traveling this road of happy destiny with each of you. And it's, you know, I don't know, sometimes God works in mysterious ways. He sent Allie to come and talk to me to see if I would leave this series. And I said yes, not because I know more than anybody else, but because I think this is all designed for each of us to walk away here with a deeper appreciation for what's available to us in the spiritual life. So, I'd say that I live with God and the 12 steps. I fulfill my purpose in life. I feel peace and I have joy every day of my life. And I can guarantee it wasn't always like that. Today, for me, God is everything. And I carry His vision of His will for me everywhere. I don't complain about my circumstances. I don't feel that my suffering and pain is anything but life itself. I've come to realize that there's no separation of life from pain and suffering. So I need to prepare myself for it. Not that I want it, not that I'm trying to attract it, believe me, but it exists, and I know I need to deal with it. So I've learned how to process my suffering and focus on what is really important, and that's a spiritual solution. You know, I've learn to accept others as they are, not to criticize them. I've learned that I'm not perfect, and with every stumble, every failure, I learn something from it. I have no more moral judgment of others or myself, matter fact. I'm able to live with myself and my fellows without judging them. You know, I see each person as a treasure incarnate with God. And I need to give respect and honor to each and every person because of the Incarnate God. So, to you I say Namaste. My God in me sees the God in you. I notice miracles in my life�recovery, life, animals, nature. I marvel at the experience of feeling the warmth of the sun on my face and the gentle breeze and hearing rustling trees and leaves. And right now in San Antonio we have a tornado watch so you can imagine the wind blowing. I marvel at life-giving water flowing, cool, blue-green or maybe simply clear. I fall in love with everyone I meet. I see their possibilities. I see their aura of goodness and kindness. And I often invite them to look at themselves to see their center of truth and stillness. Friends, I feel peace and joy. My heart and mind has changed it's been permanently transformed not because I deserve it or I merit it by the way because it's what has happened to me in the Greek word metanoia I've had a metanoi experience by the grace of God and I know I have a daily reprieve as long as I'm willing to pick up my spiritual kick but somehow deep inside of me I've changed no I haven't always been this way so what was my on the road to Damascus story how did I encounter this living God I've been sharing my experience the last few weeks are in this workshop, and then the Instagram that Nikki so generously talked about. Sharing what I've known and experienced, you know, things that I pay attention to today that I didn't before. And again, what I'm sharing with you this evening is not the way to pray. It is my way. It is a way. And my hope that each of you will have a degree of open-mindedness, not to compare what you're doing with what I'm doing, but really to invite this living God into your experience to help direct you doing what you are doing. So now it's time to put a process for anyone who likes methods, who want to follow them. Remember, this is not the way. I am not an authority. I am someone who has experienced a transformation. And I can only share about the God I worship. I can't share about my experience of any other form of deity. I can only share what I've come to know as God. So it's not my intention to make anyone uncomfortable here or raise any anger or resentments. But I have returned to my childhood faith, the faith that I once loved as a little boy. then hated, and then come back to love it again. And I won't attempt to give you too many details about my faith knowing that we all have different types of believers here, but I want to make a couple of references or touchpoints that will help me in this restored experience that I'm experiencing today. You know, who are you praying to and meditating with? We must pick wisely to the God of our choosing. Because what happens is we become the God that we spend time with. And if the God we spend our time with is not the God that we've spent time in, it is no more than a mere reflection of ourselves, there's no power there for us. See, I believe the 12 steps introduce us to the idea of a higher power as a beginning and that we were to grow in a more deep and effective way as time goes on in our recovery, that we're able to deal with our resentments and our anger about religion and come to have a reconciliation about that whole idea so that we can move beyond images and genders. That we can enjoy a relationship with perhaps the creator of the universe, the God that has so much power that cannot be understood nor confined in words but only can be experienced in a spiritual landscape to be in awe of wonder of some kind of an orderly What can I say, a God that exists in us, around us, everywhere. So the higher power model is just getting started. What God do you serve? What stories are available to teach you of the living God? No, we enter into this mystical experience through stories. Our perceived separation from God has to do with avoiding Him. Augustine wrote, and he said, That's my poor pronunciation in Latin. God is closer to me than I am to myself in English. In the fifth century, St. Augustine was recognizing something about a truth of a God that does exist. And to more intimo meal. And he also said sumo meal, superior in every way, far greater than myself. So the prayer phrase comes and becomes this, intimo meo, et sumo meo. God is closer to me than I am to myself, and He's superior in every way. Is your higher power truly within you and is far greater than you can ever imagine? Because if this God is not, then you're leaving power somewhere. And it doesn't matter to me what name you use for God�I have mine�but the God that choose and the God that is within you had better be something far greater than you can ever imagine. God is closer to me than I am to myself, superior and powerful in every possible way. I want to introduce you to another word, a Hebrew word, Kaddash. Kaddosh. Kiddash. holy, holy, holy. It also means the other. This God that exists from generations of people through the human journey the Hebrews Kaddash, holy Kaddosh as they spoke out and prayed opening up their hearts and minds making the Holy One holy, holy and coming to understand that there is another the other that exists Kaddash Kaddish means There's something else that's going on in me other than just me. There is a deep dignity in the base of my soul, in my heart, where there's truth and love. This is the abundance that I get to when I pray and I meditate. And I come to realize, through all the rubble of the false self, that there is something very pure in every human being. and developing a prayer life and a meditation life we begin to clear that rubbish and we begin to see and sense the goodness in which each person in this room has and is enabled to deliver to the world and we find our purpose there's no exceptions When we start praying from our hearts in Kaddash, knowing that God is within us and is far greater than we could ever imagine, abundance starts to come forth. We no longer self-identify with defects of character as the way I am because I am not that. I'd been restored, and restored to a place of goodness, kindness, and love. And it is the reaching for, and sensing, and communicating, and being open to this God that I'm able to to have my life changed so completely, so magnificently. Just a little side note. I have a very nice friend in San Antonio. I've met a couple of very good friends, but I want to talk about Noren for a moment. Noren is a lovely lady and probably she's on this workshop. She took me to a sanctuary Headwater Sanctuary. We had a beautiful discussion around Celtic faith and religion and prayers. And she took me to something, someplace called the Blue Hole, where we sat on a park bench quietly meditating, experiencing everything that was around us with our senses. And she taught me about the thin place, the thin place where heaven and earth meet. And that blue hole is a thin place where the natives came and celebrated this gushing of water, this deep blue water that at times went 20 feet in the air, sacred space, the thin place. This is the kind of experience I get to experience with great friends like you, that we come to realize that there's something far more greater than what we can ever imagine that's available to us, that moves mountains, that changes hearts and minds, is available to us. It's right there. The good news is you don't have to wait for years of sobriety. You don't finish the steps. You don't have to wait. This God is available here and now. want to tell you a little story. Let's go a little bit deeper. When Moses went up to the Mount Herod, the mountain of God it was called, he went up to commune with God. And the symbolism is stark, that we human beings raise ourselves and God comes to us. And he raised himself by traveling up a mountain, symbolizing, I think, that when we raise our hearts and minds, we're walking up the mountain of God. And he saw a burning bush. I'm sure you've heard this story. The fire illuminated the bush, but it didn't consume it. This is how God works. God, let's move beyond image and gender. God makes things brighter and more beautiful, but doesn't take it over and destroys it. He illuminates it, just like that burning bush�doesn't consume it but illuminates it. God makes all things better with unimaginable power. so that's the first section of prayer who are you praying to what is the images what are the stories you're using how are you coming to pray to this entity that you call your daughter your higher power who is it is it a reflection of you or is it something greater is it something new age, perhaps? What is it? So you begin to understand a relationship that's possible. And about having a faith as a mustard seed, as small as a muster seed, and you can move mountains. how do I become ready to meet God? So here we go into the next section. What do I have to do in this relationship? First of all, I have to begin to create what I'm imagining what God might be like with no limits, that I have remain in this spiritual landscape without really trying to confine it, but what about me? And so far in the first three weeks, we've been talking a lot about these things and I'm just going to repeat them because we can never have enough awareness around these things. I had to admit that I'm powerless, that I had to recognize not only I was powerless over alcohol, but my life was unmanageable at a level that I couldn't change. So imagine our manageability has different levels. You know, when we sober up, we start to become responsible. We pay for the rent. We pay per bank. We pay por taxes. And one might say, I can manage my life based on those things. But we're talking something deeper and more profound than that. We're talking about the removal of self-will. The removal of Self-Centerness. That, I do not have power to remove. My personal resources are limited and can never move the self-centeredness out of my life. And if I can't remove the self centeredness, my life consists of restlessness, irritability and discontent. Those are outcomes to self-centeredness. So again, I have to admit that I'm powerless when I engage in prayer, that I come humbly to this God either on my knees or with my hands in the air or my palms are up. come not a place from pride, but from humble beginnings. And I need to surrender to this deity, this God, this living God that which I worship. I had abandoned myself and I learned to let go of all the things that are preventing me for having this close encounter with this God. So imagine back with Moses, he'd surrendered and abandoned himself and let it go to the burning bush. And he was told to take off his sandals because he was on holy ground�symbolizing, I believe, by wearing sandals you can walk over stones or rocks and thorns without feeling any pain, and without feeling anything underfoot. But when you take your sandals off and you try to walk, you feel everything. The rocks, the stones, the thorns, the suffering that each human being has in their life, that we need to have something, someone that will take take care of us, that we can have comfort in. That we need to learn to give permission to allow this God to change our life, just like He changed Bill Wilson's life, and just like He changed St. Paul's life on the road to Damascus. We had to give permission and allow it. It isn't enough to admit the powerlessness. It isn'T enough to emit your surrendering and abandon. You have to give permission to this higher power, this God, to allow it to change your life. That's all we have to do, really. It ISN'T by effort or by merit we become better people. it's just the reverse. We just need to be powerless, we need to surrender, and we need to allow the change taking place. So here we have it. Now we know what we need to do to be ready for this sacred moment we have an idea what this deity is about and how he's going to guide and direct and correct us and now let's get our hearts ready let's go to step 10 we continue to watch for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear When these crop up, we ask God to remove them at once. Who does the fixing, friends? Who does the fixin'? Who is working on the defects of character? You see, there's usually two things that we don't know about God�either I'm playing God or I'm avoiding God. And when I'm trying to fix my defects of character, I'm in fact playing God. And I had to let go of that delusion that I don't have the ability or the power to do that. So in my step 10 when these ideas come up with selfishness dishonesty and resentment and fear, I had to immediately ask God to remove them. I do that in prayer. The second thing I do is always talk to somebody immediately after. To share that experience that you have is in their heart, and that makes us more reticent to change. We quickly make amends if we've harmed anybody, and then we resolutely turn our thoughts into someone we can help. You see, today, love and tolerance is our code. And in our prayers, what we begin to see is the imperfect John C. I'll never be perfect. Moral perfection is a temptation of which I need to resist. but i have a perfect remedy for my imperfectness and that is what i've just shared with you i call it a dial a four-step dial i ask god to remove them at once speak to another person make amends then resolutely turn my life or my thoughts over to someone i can help Now, this is very familiar to you, I know, because it's written on the page in the big book. Then I continue this idea, this reflection period before praying. I release the potential that exists in John. What can I pack into the stream of life? what God given ability do I have that I'm responsible for to deliver at the table what can I pack into this stream of life expanding our love or my love as a mirror of how God loves me was I kind and loving towards all and finally the life of service was I thinking about myself most of the time or was I thinking about others see what God infuses in me is the correction it's about the other Kaddash it's not about the other it's no longer about me Here's the miracle. We will find that this happens automatically, we see our new attitude towards liquor and other things�by the way, I'm putting in the other things. Without any thought or effort on our part, it just comes. This is the miracle element. no longer fighting, nor are we avoiding temptation. I'm reading from page 85. You see, our correction comes from the power of this God through reflection and prayer. I need to be aware of my imperfection. I don't need to fix them. I needed to present them to God in prayer. Present them in a particular way, by the way, that I am powerless. Dear God, I am powerless, I surrender to you, and I'm allowing you to repair my soul the way it needs to be repaired. That I can be healed at a deep level of truth. So that I can reach out to another human being and help them. See, this is not about ourselves. It's not about feeling better. It's about avoiding suffering and pain. It becomes a life of service. It is an acting out with a pure heart that we can give something to somebody else that no one else can give, that we understand completely. Because we've been in hell, and we know what hell is like. And we've being healed. And we can touch that newcomer or an early member and say, you want what we have? God will never refuse us, friends. Not at this level. We might refuse the wish of having a better job or more money, but not at this level friends. This is what we were designed to be. This is the fruit of our experience and we need to be fortified and strengthened to be able to move out in the world confidently and to share ourselves at the deepest level possible so other people can witness miracles. You know, the idea that the blind see, the deaf hear, the lame watch is among us in this room. Oh, I couldn't see a lot when I'm in my addiction. I only heard what I wanted to hear and I wanted to sit and think about things and I've been given the grace to see spiritually to hear things that I needed to hear and to walk and be in service of other people every day is a day we must carry this vision of God's will into our activities. How can I best serve Thee? Thy will, not mine, be done." These are the thoughts that must go with us constantly, and we can exercise our will along this line all we wish. That's the proper use of our will. Of course, you recognize that as a reading. Friends, what am I trying to describe here? I'm trying to the holiness, the sacredness�Kadosh, Kadosh, holy of the other. So all of this preparation that you've heard so far, let's get ready to what we're about to receive. Just for this moment, drop all preoccupations, conclusions, judgments, right or wrongs and what we think we know, and get into a state of uncertainty, a state of willingness, a stage of receiving. And if you wish, close your eyes to symbolize letting go of everything around you. When you close your eyes, you don't see anything around you, it's like you're being detached. Close your eyes. Surrender to God as we deepen our relationship with Him through this conscious contact with Him in our prayer of St. Francis. Let us be thankful for this sacred time together with the creator of the universe. And as we approach him with awe and wonder, we're about to have a mystical experience of transformation. Pay attention. Focus on the presence of God within you and with each other. remember God is nowhere except everywhere and these words which is about to hear and roll I want you to imagine that they're actually happening to you in real time this is not a passive thing it's an interactive thing it's bi-directional if you'd like open up your palms, of your hands point them to the sky or the ceiling kneel if you want to not necessarily and I want you to enter into the holy of holies Kaddash Kaddish Kaddosh enter in this thin place where heaven and earth does meet and does join and as I pray the St. Francis prayer imagine that you've been given the gifts which we are asking to receive and allow God, don't try to figure this out friend, just allow it to go through your mind and into your hearts and we can start Lord make me a channel of thy peace that where there is hatred I may bring love that where there is wrong I may bring the spirit of forgiveness That where there is discord, I may bring harmony. that where there is error, I may bring truth. That where there was doubt, I made bring faith. that where there is despair, I may bring hope. That where there are shadows, I may bring light. That whether it's sadness, I bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted, to understand than to understood, to love than to beloved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. it is by forgiving that one is forgiven, and it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life. Amen. Now friends, before we close our prayer period together, thank your God for the gifts that you have received. Trust that your heart has been changed, perhaps below the conscious level, but you cannot have an encounter with God or an experience with God and remain the same. It's impossible. Be grateful for the gifts that you've already received today. Friends, this is an encounter with the mystical spiritual God. It can be expressed in many different ways. It doesn't have to be expressed this way. I was attempting to give you an idea of what happens in prayer. It's not just words, not using our minds. We're not trying to solve something, not to be analytical. We're developing a relationship, a love relationship, a love story, so that we begin to see our worth as we were always meant to see it. But our addiction, our false self robbed us of that experience. And in our 12-step work, however you decide to pray and to meditate, it's about reconciling, getting back to being restored to this wholeness and believing that God worked miracles in our lives I can assert the miracles happened to me I'm at peace I experience joy Thank you for participating in this workshop tonight, friends. I hope you got something out of it. And like I say in all the workshops, actually, I hope we leave with one action plan to take, just one thing, one thing you're going to do differently. Perhaps it's an approach to prayer. Perhaps is about expanding what your God may be. Perhaps that's about your heart and getting ready to get into this special encounter, this love relationship, and to trust that God is moving you in ways in which you can't even imagine. Every day I post some exercises or suggested exercises if you like on the Instagram page. It's only meant to be a guided direction. There's no tests that are going to be done, or I have no interest in knowing that you're actually doing them and they're not doing them. They're just really there to spark some ideas for you so you can expand God's consciousness in your life. That's the whole reason that we're having this workshop. No matter where you are, what you believe, or how much you believe from a beginning believer to a mature believer, we can always go a little bit wider, a little but deeper, a little more loving and kind. So, Allie, I turn that back to you. Thanks for listening.