The Doctor’s Opinion That Was Viewed as Heresy – Howard E.

My name is Howard and I am an alcoholic. We are gonna talk a little bit about Dr. Silkworth today. We're gonna be reading the doctor's opinion. Let me just give you some background as to who this person is. Dr. Silkworth was a neurologist who invested heavily and lost everything in the stock market crash of 1929. And his friend Charlie Towns asked him to come aboard and work for him at the Towns Hospital. And so in 1930, Dr. William D. Silkworth is his name, started working with alcoholics as the director of alcohol and drug treatment at the Towns Hospital for Alcohol and Drug Addiction. And he started between 1930 and 1938 when the book was written. He'd worked with roughly 40- Mm-hm. 40,000 alcoholics. And he started to notice certain things. He began to see us come into the hospital in terrible, terrible physical and mental condition. And he'd withdraw us from alcohol and he'd build up our bodies and get us healthy. And sometime later would release us and not shortly thereafter, we'd come back in in worse shape than we were ever in before. And he noticed that those people would do that over and over and over again. And he also noticed that there was another group of people who came in in just as bad a shape, just as terrible physically and mentally. And he'd withdraw alcohol and build up their body and send them on their way. And those people would never come back. And then there was a third group that he noticed that they drank moderately and safely and they never wound up in hospital as a result of alcohol. And he began to think that there's something very different about this first group, these alcoholics. That alcohol does something different to them than it does to anybody else. And he said that when they put alcohol in their body, it produces an actual physical craving that makes it impossible for them to stop. And he called it a physical allergy. But he said that's not the real problem. The real problem with the alcoholic is they can't stay stopped. They cannot help from drinking. And he said that's because of the obsession of the mind. And he said that's because of the obsession of the mind. And he said that's because of the obsession of the mind that these people have. And he realized that for us alcoholics, after we quit, our mind begins to play tricks on us. That it tells us that after one or two drinks that it would be okay. And all we think about is what it does for us and not what it did to us. And we eventually, that thought becomes so powerful that it overcomes all thoughts to the contrary. That it overcomes all of our experiences. And we take that thought and take that drink and we wind up drunk every time. And he says so, if you can't drink safely, and if you can't keep from drinking, you have become absolutely powerless over alcohol. And that's where we got our first step from. Our first step came from Dr. Silkworth. Now we don't know if Bill Wilson was the first person he imparted this knowledge to, I'm sure it wasn't. But we do know that Bill was probably the first person to take action on him. And when Bill got sober, he was the first person he took action on. And he could do anything with no resistance. And then he went on and took off the alcohol. And he doesn't have to be the first person to take action on him. and Dr. Bob got sober and Bill Dotson got sober and Hank Parkhurst and Fitz Mayo and a lot of our founders got sober and the first 40 got together and they realized they were decided they were gonna write this book they asked Dr. Silkworth if he would write down something so they could include it in the book to let other alcoholics know medically what their problem is and Dr. Silkworth said yes under two conditions one you have to call it an opinion because this is not an established medical theory or a technical diagnosis there are no facts behind it all I have is my experience with working with 40,000 alcoholics and the second thing is do not use my name on this thing I'll get thrown out of the medical profession if I attach my name to this because at that time his theories were viewed basically as heresy they were not recognized as sound medical judgments I mean it'd be like if someone were to write a book today and say that there's a treatment for alcoholism this guy down the block has got a Ouija board and if you go to him he's gonna fix you it was looked on upon it was looked on it very much the same way by the time the second edition came out in 1955 the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association had recognized that alcoholism was indeed an illness and Dr. Silkworth's family because he passed away unfortunately in 1951 but in 1955 when the second edition came out his family gave permission to use the name and in most of the books that you see it is signed by William D. Silkworth if you get a reproduction of the first edition it just dot dot dot dot dot comma MD and but I have a question about it. The book is called a book with a description on it. I don't know what it's going to be about but it's a very interesting book. comma MD. And before we get into that, I want to just read something to you, kind of set the tone for what he was dealing with. I'm going to read to you an excerpt from the American Medical Association's journal review, the book review of the big book. And it says in here, for many years, the public was beguiled into believing that short courses of enforced abstinence and catharsis in institutes and rest homes would do the trick. And now that the failure of such temporizing has become common knowledge, a considerable number of other forms of quack treatment have sprung up. The book under review is a curious combination of organizing propaganda and religious exhortation. It is in no sense a scientific book, although a letter introduces it from a physician who claims to know, some of the anonymous contributors who have been cured of addiction to alcohol and have joined together in an organization which would save other addicts by a kind of religious conversion. The one valid thing in this book is the recognition of the seriousness of addiction to alcohol. Other than this, the book has no scientific merit or interest. That's what the medical community thought of Dr. Silkworth's. And as we read through the doctor's opinion, you're going to see he takes some shots at the medical community and points out their failures and pleads, literally pleads, for them to be open-minded to the solution that he has found, we have found, and that he so deeply believes in. Now, some biographical information, if you're interested in it. Dr. Silkworth was born July 22nd, 7-22-1971. 1873. That's 7-22-1873, and he died. March 22nd, 1951, at the age of 78, he died 3-22-51. He was the doctor, he was the director of treatment as I said, at the town's hospital, but he was also Director of Alcoholic Treatment at the Knickerbocker Hospital in Manhattan. Many of you may know of the Knickerbocker. because there was a Showtime series a few years ago called The Nick that was based on some real characters there. He wasn't one of them, but he was the director of alcohol treatment for two hospitals. So let's get to it. We're on in the fourth edition. If you don't live in the valley, it's Roman numeral 25. If you live in the valley, it's XXV. We're a little behind up here in the Naugatuck Valley. Doctors' opinion. And I may have forgot to mention that he was a neurologist, incidentally. And if you're interested in some more biographical information, there's this interesting book, Silkworth, The Little Doctor Who Loved Drunks, by Dale Mitchell, readily available. Fascinating book, very dry reading like many biographies are, but if you're interested in learning more about Dr. Silkworth, there it is. Okay, let's read from the text. He says, and this first paragraph was written by, Bill Wilson, incidentally. It says, we of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the reader will be interested in the medical estimate of the plan of recovery described in this book. Convincing testimony must, and we circle must. One of the things we do in these workshops is we circle all the musts in the book. There are many people who say there are no musts in AA. Well, there's a crapload of them in the book, and we're going to pinpoint all of them, and that's the first one. Must surely come from medical men who have experience with the sufferings of our members and have witnessed our return to health. A well-known doctor, chief physician at a nationally prominent hospital specializing in alcoholic and drug addiction, gave Alcoholics Anonymous this letter. So Bill's introduction, and Bill is cute. Bill has an interesting sense of humor and humility, and he wrote this preface basically to introduce Dr. Silkworth. And his introduction, basically is, listen to this guy. He knows what he's talking about. And I'm going to come back to that, how cute Bill is. The letter states, to whom it may concern, I have specialized in the treatment of alcoholism for many years. As I said, he practiced between 1930 and 1938. He'd worked with about 40,000 patients. By the time of his death in 1951, that was probably close to 51,000. Between the two hospitals. He says, in late 1934, I attended a patient, that's Bill Wilson, and the original letter, if you're interested, says Bill Wilson, who, though he had been a competent businessman of good earning capacity, was an alcoholic of the type I had come to regard as hopeless. And I've highlighted hopeless, because he's talking about us. He's not talking about the hard drinker or the moderate drinker. He's talking about the chronic, hopeless alcoholic, us. In the course of his third treatment, now, Bill had, from what I've been able to find historically, at least four times when he was in Towns Hospital. First visit was in summer of 1933. His second visit was a year later, the summer of 1934. His third visit was mid-1930. His third visit was mid-summer, early fall 1934. And his last visit was December of 1934. And between his third visit and his fourth visit, something happened with Bill. We'll talk about that in a moment. He says, in the course of his third treatment, he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery. And those ideas were... A little later. We're going to get into that. We're going to get into that. We're going to get into Bill's story. And we're going to see how... He says that he had a vital spiritual experience in Towns Hospital in December of 1934. But prior to having that experience was this meeting with an alcoholic friend. And that's what Dr. Silkworth is talking about. Something happened between the third and the fourth visit, and this is what it is. He had a visit from an alcoholic friend by the name of Ebi Thatcher. E-B-B. E-Y Thatcher. T-H-A-T-C-H-E-R. And we're going to talk more about Ebi and Bill's story. Ebi came to visit Bill, and he sat down in his kitchen, and he said, Bill, people like you and I have become absolutely powerless over alcohol. And if we're going to recover, we're going to need a power... We're going to need the aid of a power much greater than ourselves to do for us what we could not do for ourselves. He said that doctors and nurses... He said that doctors and nurses... And ministers and psychiatrists and friends... They've all tried to help us, but human power doesn't seem to be able to do the job. We're going to need the power of something greater than human power. And he said, Bill, I've been attending these meetings with a group of people called the Oxford Groupers. And they gave me a program of action of six steps of action, which we eventually morphed into our 12 steps. And he said, they told me if I followed those steps, And he said, they told me if I followed those six steps, that I would A, find that power, that I would A, find that power, two, have a spiritual experience as a result of it, two, have a spiritual experience as a result of it, and three, recover from this hopeless state of mind, body, and spirit. And he said, Bill, look at me. It's been three months. I haven't had a drink. And that meant something. Because you see, Ebi Thatcher, according to Bill, was the worst alcoholic he ever met. He said, if I ever got as bad as Ebi, I'd have to stop. That that was the worst alcoholic ever, ever, ever. And here he was, sober. So that meant something. And it made a great impression on him, this program of action and this spiritual experience that came as a result of what the Oxford Groupers told him. That's what Dr. Silkworth is referring to here. This possible means of recovery that happened, where he was told about, and he actually took the work into heart and did it, This possible means of recovery that happened, where he was told about, and he actually took the work into heart and did it, is what happened to Bill. So let's get back to the text. As part of his rehabilitation, he commenced to present his conceptions to other alcoholics, and I've highlighted the rest of this paragraph, impressing upon them that they must, of course we circle must, do likewise with still others. This has become the basis of a rapidly growing fellowship of these men and their families, and I've underlined this last sentence. This man and over one hundred and fifty men, This man and over one hundred and fifty men, appeared to have recovered. And next to that sentence I've written, Fact Number One. The sentence is, This man and over one hundred and fifty men, appeared to have recovered. And next to it I wrote, Fact Number One. Now, those of you who weren't here last week, let me just review that word, recover. When you see that word in this book, it means something very specific. On the first page of this book, Bill tells us that recovered refers to, we've recovered from a hopeless state of mind, body, and spirit. In other words, the symptoms, the symptoms of our disease, are no longer present. We're not drinking. We're not missing work. We're not the source of conflict and confusion in everybody's life anymore. Those symptoms of our disease are gone. The difference between recovered and cured is, recovered means the symptoms have disappeared. Cured means the disease has disappeared. And we will never be cured. We will be recovered in that the symptoms of our disease will disappear. We will never be cured. And that's what he's referring to here. That over a hundred men and women have recovered. That's Fact Number One. The next sentence says, I personally know scores of cases who were of the type with whom, and I've highlighted and underlined this, other methods have failed completely. And next to that I wrote, Fact Number Two. So Fact Number One is over a hundred men, over a hundred others have appeared to have recovered. And Fact Number Two, other methods failed completely. Back to the text. These facts, and those are the facts, one and two, appear to be of extreme medical importance because of the, and I've highlighted the rest of this sentence, extraordinary possibilities of rapid growth inherent in this group. They may mark a new epoch in the annals of alcoholism. Epoch just means a new era. So he's saying that these two facts, that a hundred men and women seem to have recovered, and all other methods failed, are extraordinary. Because they present the possible growth of an enormous method of helping these people. We have been unable to do it. They found something that works. And he ends with this sentence, and I've highlighted this sentence. You may rely absolutely, oh I skipped that last sentence. These men may well have a remedy for thousands of such situations. And this last sentence I've highlighted. You may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves. And I've highlighted that last sentence because it's a great example of Bill's sense of humor. In the first paragraph Bill says, listen to what Dr. Silkworth says. He knows what he's talking about. And what does Silky say? Listen to Bill. I love Bill. Bill is just such a character and a half. And incidentally, Silky is the affectionate term that Bill used for Dr. Silkworth. But he's very cute. He introduces Silky, as knowing what he's talking about. And Silky says, listen to Bill. He knows what he's talking about. Just Bill needs somebody to give him credibility. Okay, this next section was written in its entirety by Bill. It is the link between the two letters. Dr. Silkworth gave us two letters. That first one is an introduction. I'll get to the second one in a moment. This is Bill's connective tissue. He says, the physician who at our request gave us this letter, has been kind enough to enlarge upon his views in another statement which follows. And I've highlighted this next sentence. In this statement, he confirms what we who have suffered alcoholic torture must believe. And of course, we circle must. That the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. And I've underlined the word body. And I've underlined the word mind. Up until now, it was thought that it was all in our mind. That it was a question of willpower. That it was a moral dilemma. That if we drink knowing what it does to us, we were somehow weak, morally deficient, and bad people. And this is a revolutionary concept. That the body was just as affected as the mind. And he goes on. He says, it did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our mind. That we could not control our drinking. Just because we were maladjusted to life. That we were in full flight from reality. Or were outright mental defectives. I don't know about anyone else, but I got all three of those. I hit a trifecta. These things were true to some extent. In fact, to a considerable extent with some of us. You betcha. And I've highlighted these last two sentences. He says, but we are sure that our bodies, our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor, is incomplete. Is incomplete. Now let me just review something I think I might have mentioned last week. There are three types of literature. There's fiction, nonfiction, and text. Fiction is work, are works of fantasy. Science fiction, Game of Thrones stuff. Always try and work that in. There's nonfiction, which is history, biographies, true stories. And then there are textbooks. And textbooks are, the purpose of a textbook is to transfer information from the mind of a teacher to a mind of a student through the written word. And it's very important that that transference be understood. That if we don't understand the words that the teacher is using, we're going to get the wrong impression. So every once in a while, we need to define the terms that Bill uses. Because we're going to be learning some new definitions. The first one we've already absorbed, recovered. For many of us, we now have a different concept of what that word means. We're about to encounter two other words, allergy and craving. Now let's get back to the text. This next paragraph begins, the doctor's theory that we have, and I've highlighted this phrase, we have an allergy to alcohol. Now I don't know about anybody else, but the first time I read that, I thought that is the biggest crock I ever heard. You know, from the moment I came into recovery, I heard people saying, you know, I have an allergy to alcohol and drugs. Every time I drink, I break out. I break out in handcuffs. I break out in prisons. I break out in the back of police cars. I break out doors. I break out windows. And they're joking about it. But when I read it here in this book, I thought, my God, he's serious about this. How could I possibly be allergic to something I consume in such large quantities? I'm allergic to ragweed and pollen and hay fever and cut grass and cat dander. And if I am exposed to drugs, if I am exposed to just the slightest bit of it, I have an immediate physiological reaction. I sneeze, sniffle, wheeze, tear. And that happens upon immediate exposure. If you're allergic to strawberries, for example, and you eat strawberries, you immediately break out in hives. My mother-in-law, may she rest in peace, was allergic to peanuts and peanut oil. If she ate something that was cooked with the slightest trace of peanut oil in it, her tongue would swell up and she could die. So the tongue swelling up, the hives, the wheezing, the sneezing, the tearing, those are all body reactions to allergies, to things that we're allergic to. And they happen upon immediate exposure. So how could I be allergic to something I consume in such large quantities? I never had any of those reactions. I never sneezed, sniffled, wheezed, broke out in hives, my tongue never swole up. I never had any of those reactions. So how could I be allergic to this? Well, one of the benefits of my journey through this book is I learned to use the dictionary again. And when I look up allergy in the dictionary, this is what I found, and you may want to write it down. An allergy is defined as a body's abnormal reaction, a body's abnormal reaction to any food, beverage, or substance. A body's abnormal reaction to any food, beverage, or substance. The key word there is abnormal. Most people have a few drinks, a few lines, a few hits of whatever's going around, and you offer them more, and at some point, they're going to say no. For one of two reasons. Either they're going to say no, I'm going to get sick if I do any more, or they're going to say no, I'm right where I want to be. Right? I'm right where I want to be. I'm good. Those are the normal reactions to the ingestion of mind, mood-altering substances. Well, I never had those reactions. I always used with the expectation of arriving where I want to be if I just had one more, and just a little bit more, and just a little bit more. So my reaction, my abnormal reaction, was to want more and more and more. And that is my allergic reaction to drugs and alcohol, is it triggers a response that tells me to get more, that I want more and more and more. That first drink asks for the second, the second expects the third, and the third demands the fourth. That's what happens when I start using. That's how I accept the fact that I have an allergy. Now let's continue that. Back to the text. He says, the doctor's theory that we have an allergy to alcohol interests us. As laymen, our opinion as to its soundness may of course mean little. But as ex-problem drinkers, as recovered alcoholics, we can say that this explanation makes good sense. And I've highlighted this next sentence. I love this sentence. It says, it explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account. I don't know about anybody else, but it was a great relief to me to know that I wasn't a weak person, that I wasn't a bad person, that I wasn't a morally deficient person, that I had a condition, that I had this medical condition made up of the physical allergy, and as we're going to learn shortly, a mental obsession. But it relieved me to know that, because what I couldn't account for is why couldn't I apply my willpower to this. Every other thing in my life, if I ever put my mind to it, I was able to do. Whatever it was, lose weight, gain weight, learn to play a sport, whatever it was, I set my mind to it, I could do it. The fact that I couldn't use that willpower over drugs and alcohol befuddled me. And understanding that I had an allergy explained the why. Why I can't drink and drug like anybody else. Why I can't have just one. So for me, it did explain many things which I couldn't account for. Back to the text. Though we work out our solution on the spiritual, meaning we're in quest of a power greater than ourselves, so we're working out our solution by seeking that power, as well as the altruistic plane, meaning we do that while we help other people. So we're searching for that spiritual awakening while we help other people. We favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who's very jittery or befogged, more often than not, it is imperative, and I've circled imperative cause it's a $50 version of must. So fancy way of saying must. More often than not, it's imperative that a man's brain be cleared before he is approached. Please underline that word, approached. One of the things we're gonna do through our journey here, is we're gonna always pinpoint when Bill tells us to approach. Somehow in today's culture, culture it has been accepted that if somebody wants help they'll ask you for it that if he wants my help he'll call me I gave him his number and that's not what the book is meant to instill the book meant is meaning to convey that it is our responsibility as people who are living in and working on the solution to approach those who are suffering those who are struggling we have a responsibility to do that so every time Bill makes mention of it in the book we're going to point it out at no point does he say anything like wait for the newcomer to ask you for help it's our responsibility to give that to approach that newcomer to grab that person and say hey come here I can guide you to a spiritual awakening and all you need is one thing willingness you give me that and I'll give you everything else that's our job so back to the book the text it says before he is approached as he that has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer so if you're working with somebody and they're still detoxing best thing to do is get them to a hospital I do that all the time I get people to emergency rooms I want the doctors to tell me that this guy's okay because you could stroke out you can pop in a order you can do any heart attack you could have any number of things happen when you're detoxing. I don't want that happening in my living room. I'm sorry. So I'm going to take your butt to a hospital and let the doctor say you're okay. Okay? And then you could better understand what we're trying to give you. Here's the second letter. The doctor writes, the subject presented in this book, and incidentally there are really two subjects presented, alcoholism and spiritual experience are the only topics that this book covers. Alcoholism and spiritual experience. The subject presented in this book seems to me to be of paramount importance to those afflicted with alcoholic addiction. Paramount just means first and foremost. So he's saying what this book has to say is the most important thing that any alcoholic will ever read. I say this after many years experience as medical director. I say this after many years experience as medical director of one of the oldest hospitals in the country treating alcoholic and drug addiction. So much for not mentioning drugs in the big book. There was therefore a sense of real satisfaction when I was asked to contribute a few words on a subject which is covered in such masterly detail in these books, in these pages. Now incidentally, this letter that we're about to read, 90% of it was structured by Bill Wilson. He took the actual letter, and if you're interested you can go to silkworth.net and read the actual letter. It is really long and in great detail, and I think Bill had the right idea in trying to condense it into this, but he edited it radically. And that last sentence was the thing that tipped me off to the fact that Bill was writing this, where he says that it was covered in such masterly detail. Bill wrote those pages, so he's complimenting himself. Bill was something else. And incidentally, if you'd like to learn more, Silkworth was the director of treatment at Towns Hospital. There weren't many hospitals in the country that actually treated us. Most hospitals didn't want to have anything to do with us. If you were admitted to a hospital, you had to be put in under a different diagnosis. Usually, alcoholism, and drug addiction, alcoholics were not admitted to hospitals. If you'd like to read a little bit about the history of drug and alcohol treatment, there is this fascinating book called Slaying the Dragon, the history of drug addiction and treatment and recovery in America by William White. It is a fascinating and scary book. Some of the things that they used to do in early treatment will give you a nightmare. And some of the things they did at Towns were interesting, and we're going to talk about those later. But back to the text. Sorry for getting so long. I'm going to sidetrack. This next paragraph, I'm going to read the way it was written, and then I'm going to suggest some changes in it. It says, and this paragraph is exactly out of Silkworth's writing. Bill didn't touch this paragraph. It says, We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application presented difficulties beyond our conception. What with our ultra-modern standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well equipped to apply the powers of good that lie outside our synthetic knowledge. Now, I don't know about you, but when I read that the first hundred times, I had no idea what he was trying to say. None whatsoever. And then somebody took me through it and suggested certain changes. And I'm going to go through it with you the same way and see if it makes more sense. On the second line where it says moral psychology, underline those two words and above it write spiritual experience. So instead of moral psychology, we're going to write spiritual experience. On the next line where it says its application, underline its application and above it write the spiritual experience. So its application becomes moral. It becomes the spiritual experience. On the end of that line where it says beyond our conception, underline the word conception and above it write medical capacities. Medical capacities. C-A-P-A-C-I-T-I-E-S. Medical capacities. On the next line where it says ultra-modern, we're going to underline ultra-modern and write most up-to-date. Ultra-modern becomes most up-to-date. Skipping down two lines where it says apply the powers of good, we're going to underline good and above it write God. Above good, we write God. And the last two words are synthetic knowledge. And I'm going to suggest two words. Either medications or experience. Any one of those words will fit. Medications or experience. Now I'm going to re-read that paragraph with those modifications and see if it isn't more clear, if it isn't clarified and simplified. We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of spiritual experience was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but the spiritual experience presented difficulties beyond our medical capacities. What with our most up-to-date standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well equipped to apply the powers of God that lie outside our experience. Or that lie outside our medications. It makes a lot more sense now because he's trying to say that we've always known that some form of spiritual intervention would work for these people. But we didn't know how to do it. Nobody teaches that in med school. God is not a topic in med school. Spiritual awakenings is not a topic in any medical journal. So he's just saying that we always suspected this, but we weren't equipped with our scientific approach to everything to deal with this stuff. So hopefully it makes more sense now with those changes. Back to the text. Many years ago, one of the leading contributors to this book, that's Bill Wilson, came under our care in this hospital. And while here, he acquired some ideas, and above some ideas I wrote allergy and obsession. Because that's what Dr. Silkworth taught Bill. About the physical allergy and the mental obsession. So while he was there, he acquired those ideas. He already knew about the solution from Ebi. He got the diagnosis. Diagnosis from Silke. So he says, while here he acquired some ideas, which he put into practical application at once. Practical application means action. And notice he says at once. Not after a year. Not after 90 and 90. At once. Immediately. You're going to see, running through this book, is the point that we need to get busy as early as possible. Stay busy. And get other people busy. Nowhere does it say wait 90 days, or do a step a year, or a step every six months. That's the kind of advice that kills people. The book is clear. Once you're clear up here, get busy, and then get other people busy, who get other people busy. You're going to see that's running rampant through the book. Back to the text. He says later, he requested the privilege of being allowed to tell his story to other patients here, and with some misgiving, we consented. How's that? Bill is a couple of weeks sober. And Dr. Silkeworth recognizing something happened to this guy, and I'm going to let him come in and work with other patients. That never happened today. He'd have to admit defeat. And that's what Dr. Silkeworth was doing in a way, saying, you know, I can't do it. He found something. Why don't you talk to the patients and tell them what you found. Moving on, he says, the cases we have followed through have been most interesting. In fact, many of them are amazing. The unselfishness of these men as we have come to know them, the entire absence of profit motive, and their community spirit is indeed inspiring to one who has labored long and wearily in this alcoholic field. They believe in themselves and still more in the power. Notice power is in uppercase. Anytime you see a word in the middle of a sentence like that, it means God. He's talking about the God of your understanding. So he's saying that, and still more in the power which pulls chronic, alcoholics back from the gates of death. Chronic alcoholics. Chronic is something that's habitual, that is always present. That's why we will never be cured of our disease, is because it's always present. We recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body. We've never been cured because we are chronic. It's habitual. It's always there. Now we have approached that 40-minute period, and we could wrap it up at this point if you'd like, and start our discussion. Is that what we want to do? Or do you want to continue? All right, let's continue. Bottom of the page. We're on in the fourth edition. We're in the Nogatuck Valley. It's XXVII. Outside the valley. It's Roman numeral 27. Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his, please underline this, underline these next two words, physical craving. Because we're about to be introduced to that next new word. Physical craving. Anytime you see craving in this book, it's talking about the physical reaction to the ingestion of alcohol. When you're in treatment every once in a while, every morning or every group, they ask people, have you had any cravings? Well what they mean is, have you had any thoughts of using? But in the context of the big book, craving means what happens after you put it in you. Now we'll get back to that in a moment. So it says, an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor, and this often requires a definite hospital procedure. Get him into detox. It requires that procedure before psychological measures can be of maximum benefit. You gotta be clear. You know, when you're still shaking and detoxing, you can't do this work. So get your prospect into detox. We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, and Silke is referring to an article he wrote in the Lancet Journal, L-A-N-C-E-T, the Lancet Journal in 1937, where he put down these beliefs about the physical allergy and the mental obsession. And he was lambasted. It was not welcomed, it was not accepted, and he's just drawing reference to it here, which is, I told you about this before. Before I even knew about Bill Wilson, I told you about this stuff. He says, we believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics, chronic again is us, is a manifestation of an allergy. Manifestation just means the features. That this craving is our physical reaction to the ingestion of alcohol. And he goes on to say that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. I've underlined the words phenomenon of craving, and I'm not saying that it's a phenomenon of craving, but it's a phenomenon of craving. Because back in 1939, it was a phenomenon. Phenomenon just means something that is observable, but not explainable. We could see it, we can't explain it. For me, the way electricity operates, I could see it, I can't explain it. How cell phones operate, I could see it, I can't explain it. Today, it's no longer a phenomenon. We know what alcohol does to us. We know how it creates the craving. We know about how our body turns alcohol into acetones and on and on and on. And I'm not the least bit interested in the physiological aspect of it. I'm not. I'm allergic to certain things. I don't need to know why my body reacts the way it does. I just need to know it does. That simple. So today, I don't think he'd use the word phenomenon. He'd just say craving. That the craving, the ingestion of alcohol, causing craving, is limited to chronic alcoholics and never happens in the hard or the moderate drinker. That's why we can't drink or drug like anybody else. He goes on to say, these allergic types can never, and I've underlined that word, never safely use alcohol in any form at all. Now, I've highlighted alcohol in any form at all, and I'm going to say something that's controversial. And not many people will agree with. But I take a very broad interpretation of that phrase, alcohol in any form. I can take it to mean alcohol. I don't care if you drink it, swallow it, smoke it, snort it, shoot it, or shove it. Any chemical that I put in my body that changes my perception of me and you is alcohol in any form. Now, you can say, you can take the other view of it, which is alcohol in any form, take the literal definition. Any alcohol, light beer, NyQuil has alcohol, should avoid it. Certain mouthwash has alcohol, you should avoid it. Near beer has alcohol, you should avoid it. So you can interpret it any way you want. So that's my point, is take it any way, but we can't afford to be careful, careless about it. Back to the text. He says, these alcoholic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all, and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, and above that I wrote willpower, our reliance upon things human and willpower. In other words, our reliance upon ourself and other people. Their reliance upon us, their reliance upon human, things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve. Does that not sound like unmanageability? This is where we got our first step, right out of doctor's opinion. He goes on to say, frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. Frothy emotional appeals are interventions. When your family begs you, please, can't you just stop? The thousands of times my dad, before Nancy Reagan ever said it, said, can't you just say no? Why can't you do that? Well, those are frothy emotional appeals. When the people we love beg us to stop and tell us the destruction we've wrought in their lives. He doesn't say it doesn't work. He says it seldom is enough. And I've highlighted this next sentence and underlined it. And it says, the message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must, and I circle must, have depth and weight. In other words, you gotta know where you're coming from, where I'm coming from. My favorite expression my whole life was, yeah, but you don't understand. When I came in here, I couldn't say that anymore, because every one of you had depth and weight about this problem. I couldn't say that anymore. And that's what a sponsor has to have. That's what a sponsor gives to us. Depth and weight. Next sentence. In nearly all cases, their ideals must, we circle, must be grounded in a power greater than themselves if they are to recreate their lives. Recreate. We're not just restoring our life to what it was before alcohol. We're restoring, we're not restoring it to anything, but we are creating a new life. When we finish working these first 11 steps, we can look back and say, I'm not the same person I was when I began this. I came in here restless and irritable and discontented, filled with guilt and shame and remorse, running on these defects of being frightened, irresponsible, inconsiderate, dishonest, selfish, self-seeking and judgmental. And I worked those 11 steps, and I'm not like that anymore. More often than not, I tend to be tolerant and compassionate and patient and forgiving with love and humility for my fellow man and goodwill for my fellow man. And if that isn't a recreation of my life, I don't know what is. Because I never gave two craps about anybody else. And now my life is focused on intensive working with other people. Not the same person when I came in here. Absolutely not. And nobody here will be either. Back to the text. Anybody want to stop? Have some discussion? Okay, we'll move on. If any feel that as psychiatrists directing a hospital for alcoholism, we appear somewhat sentimental, let them stand with us on the firing line. See the tragedies, the despairing wives, the little children. Let the solving of these problems become a part of their daily work and even of their sleeping moments. This guy loved us. We kept him up at night. The frustration that he felt being ineffective all of those years with us. Kept him up at night. So the title of this book, The Little Doctor Who Loved Drunks, he loved us. And this paragraph is his first shot at the medical community. He's saying, stand in my shoes before you condemn what I'm saying. Stand in my shoes. And he goes on to say, and even of their sleeping moments and the most cynical will not wonder that we have accepted and encouraged this movement. And I've highlighted the rest of this paragraph. We feel after many years of experience that we have found nothing which has contributed to the rehabilitation of these men than the altruistic meth movement now growing up among them. Altruistic just means selfless. He's just saying that we have failed. The medical community has found nothing that has had the effect that this movement has had on the treatment of alcoholism. You see why he didn't want his name used? They did not like that idea. And he goes on to say more. He says, and I've highlighted the rest of this next paragraph. He says, men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. You know, some people say, no, I drank because I like the taste of it. You know, I like the taste of Snapple, but I never drank a case of it. You know, we drink because we like the effect. You know, I've suffered from a spiritual malady most of my life. From a very early age, I never felt comfortable with myself or my environment. I was always outside looking in, acting as if and feeling wrong. And I was always wondering how everybody was able to do the things in everyday life that they did. Make small talk with other people. You people of the opposite sex absolutely terrified me. I was dumbfounded. I couldn't complete a sentence in your presence. But I took a drink of alcohol or I took a drug and all of that changed. I instantly became everything I ever wanted to be and wasn't. I was instantly transformed into something that I could be. I was instantly transformed into a combination of Johnny Carson and Cary Grant, all rolled into one. For you younger people, I guess that'd be Jimmy Kimmel and Ryan Gosling, all rolled into one. I immediately became what I wanted to be. I could talk to you women. I could tell a joke. I was the life of the party. I was everybody's friend. And alcohol made me that way. I drank because I liked the effect it created. And once I noticed the effect it created, I went after it every single day. So I drank because I liked the effect. Moving on, it says, the sensation is so elusive that while they admit it's injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the truth from the false. That's an early reference to insanity. That certainly describes me. I knew that there was something wrong about what I was doing, but I had to do it. And eventually the line blurred for me where I convinced myself that, look, I need this to function. If I was a diabetic, I'd need insulin. If I was depressed, I would need medication for that. If I had a heart condition, I would need medication for that. Well, I couldn't function in normal society, so my medication was my drugs and my alcohol. I couldn't tell the difference between right and wrong anymore. And he says, and I love this, they are restless, irritable, and discontented. And above it I wrote, and filled with guilt, shame, and remorse. I start to abbreviate. I wrote GSR, because we're going to do that throughout the book. Periodically I'm going to suggest you write guilt, shame, and remorse, so you may want to abbreviate it. But it says they are restless, irritable, and discontented, filled with guilt, shame, and remorse. In other words, we're suffering from a spiritual malady. That's what that describes, a spiritual malady. I came in here thinking I had a substance problem. I didn't. I have a spiritual problem, and that describes my spiritual malady. So he says, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks drinks which they see others taking with impunity. Absolutely. Absolutely. Now, you may want to note something here. We're going to talk about it in Bill's story. But the progression of using alcohol, I think, I believe, has three stages. And you may want to write this down. The first stage of using is for fun. The beginning is we use for fun, because we like the way it made us feel. Life was one big party. When I started using in the late 60s, it was a time of sex, drugs, rock and roll, which eventually deteriorated into AIDS, crack, and Britney Spears, but things change. First stage is using for fun. That's the beginning. Second stage, using to function. To function. I'm not using because I like the way it made me feel anymore. I'm now using because it made me feel the way I like. Does that make sense? So I went from using for fun to realizing what these chemicals could do for me, and now I'm using to function in everyday society. And the third stage of progression is seeking oblivion. O-B-L-I-V-I-O-N. Oblivion. That's the worst and sickest reason of all. Oblivion. O-B-L-I-V-I-O-N. I'm not using for fun. I'm not using to function. I'm looking to get as deep inside and as far away as possible. In the end, it was just me and the needle and a bottle, and that was it. I didn't want you. I didn't do anything. I didn't go anywhere. I'd lock myself in a room and did that until it ran out. And then I went out and got more and locked myself in the room and did it again. Those are the three stages, I believe, of using. We're going to stop at this point. We're going to pick it up at this juncture next week. If you want to have some discussion, I've turned everything off. Anyone want to talk about anything we raised today? Okay, my name is Howard, and I am an alcoholic. I'm one of those people who thought that the first step was a no-brainer. I knew I was powerless a long time before I came in here. I had no illusions about who or what was in charge the moment I embarked on a path of using. I knew that I was surrendering control and rule and dominating my life to these chemicals. So I really didn't have, I thought, any difficulty conceding that I was powerless. Well, as many of you know, I've celebrated 10-year anniversaries three times in recovery. So clearly, there was something, some lurking notion deep down inside of me that surfaced a couple of times over those 35 years that told me I did have a power. So when I came back from my last relapse in January of 2006, I needed to know why. Why can't I drink or drug like anybody else? Why is it that I can't have that one or two or whatever? Why am I different? And it's, bless you, thank God for the doctor's opinion because it absolutely answered and clarified that point for me. When the doctor explained that I have an allergy, and allergy is one of those words we're relearning in the context of the big book, it really changed things for me. Because I always thought an allergy is like I have an allergy to hay fever and ragweed and pollen. And I thought, well, how could I possibly be allergic to these chemicals I consume in such large quantities? Well, when I look up allergy in a dictionary and I found that it's a body's abnormal reaction to any food, substance, or chemical, I started to understand why. Because I have an abnormal reaction. The normal reaction to the ingestion of these chemicals is to at some point say, no, I've never been able to do that. My reaction was always to want more and more and more. And that allergic reaction we started to talk about last week is what the doctor referred to as the phenomenon of craving. Craving. It's no longer a phenomenon, because a phenomenon is something that's observable but not explainable. Today we can scientifically explain metabolically what happens to alcohol and chemicals when we put them in our bodies. But I'm not that interested in it. It doesn't matter to me. All I need to know is that I'm allergic to it and I cannot consume them at all. And where we find ourselves in the fourth edition of the big book is if you live in the Norgatuck Valley here in Connecticut, that's page XXIX. If you're from outside the valley, it's Roman numeral 29, I believe it is. And actually what I'm going to do is I'm going to begin the previous page, the bottom of the previous page, where the doctor says, men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. Absolutely. I like the effect it produced. It allowed me to be everything I ever wanted to be and was not. The sensation is so elusive that while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. Absolutely. I lost track of where I realized that I was lying to myself about that. I thought that this was something I needed to function. A diabetic needs insulin in order to function. I needed these chemicals in order to function in normal everyday society. And then he goes on to say, to them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable, and discontented, and of course filled with guilt and shame and remorse. And unless they can, they are restless, irritable, and discontented unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks. Drinks which they see others taking with impunity. Now here's an important point. Every time I run into somebody who says, well how do you know that craving means what happens after you put it in your body? You know, you'll be at a meeting every once in a while and somebody will be talking about, I'm craving a drink all day. And in treatment they always ask people, you know, have you had any cravings today? Well I know what they mean. They're talking about thoughts. But in the context of the big book, craving refers to something very specific. And that specific thing is the body's reaction to the ingestion of chemicals, to the ingestion of alcohol. After we put it in our body. Once we put it in us, the physical allergy takes over and the craving is in charge. That craving where the first drink asks for the second and the second expects the third and the third demands the fourth and on and on and on. And that's craving. So whenever anyone asks me, well how do I know that that's what he means when he uses the word craving in the big book? I tell him to read what we're about to read. It says the following, it says, after, and I've underlined that word, after they have succumbed to the desire, again, above desire I wrote obsession. So after they have succumbed to the obsession, as many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops. That phrase is how I know. Because it says after we give in to the obsession, the phenomenon of craving develops. Prior to that time, it's all in our mind. It's an obsession. And I'll take this a step further. When I hear people at a meeting saying, I've been obsessing about drinking all day. Technically not. Because if you're obsessing about drinking, you're on your way. Because obsession is defined as a thought which overcomes all thoughts to the contrary. That when you're in the grip of that obsession, you're on your way to drinking. It's that simple. So really what you're doing is thinking about drinking. If you're obsessing, you're about to do it. You're on the way to do it. And once you do, the craving takes over. But I don't want to split hairs too finely here, but up until the point we put it in our body, it's all in our mind. Okay? Going on. He says, After they have succumbed to the desire again, as many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful with a firm resolution not to drink again. Sound familiar? Yeah, you bet. This is repeated over and over. And I've highlighted this next phrase. And unless that person, this person, can experience an entire, psychic change, psychic occurs in the mind, unless they can experience an entire psychic change, there is very little hope of his recovery. So clearly, I can't do anything to fix my physical allergy. If I'm allergic to something, I'm going to be allergic for the rest of my life. If I have a two-fold condition made up of a physical allergy and a mental obsession, and I can't treat the physical allergy, the only hope for me is to treat the thinking problem. And that's what he says here. That unless we can experience an entire change in our thinking, there's very little hope of our recovery. Going on, he says, On the other hand, and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand, and I've highlighted the rest of this paragraph, because it's in pink, incidentally, I've highlighted it in red, and I've highlighted it in blue, and I've highlighted it in red, and in pink, as we do in these workshops, pink is for promises and prayers. And this is perhaps the first promise in the book. It says, Once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems, he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, and I've underlined the rest of this paragraph, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules. I've circled the word necessity, necessary, and I've circled the word required, because those are just ten dollar versions of the word must, and I've underlined the last few words of that sentence, a few simple rules. In other words, the steps. That we will be easily able to control that thinking process, if we work the steps. It doesn't say if we go to 90 meetings in 90 days. It doesn't say if you go to a crap load of meetings. It says if you follow a few simple rules. Work the steps. Men have cried out to me in sincere and desiring, despairing appeal, Doctor, I cannot go on like this. I have everything to live for. I must stop, but I cannot. You must help me. Once again, we're putting it on human power. And human power alone is not going to do the trick. Whether it's a doctor, a priest, or parents, wives, it's not going to do the trick. Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he must sometimes feel his own inadequacy. And you may want to, above inadequacy, write the definition. Inadequacy is defined as lack of ability. So here, maybe you begin to see a little bit about why he didn't want his name used on this thing. Because he's starting to once again take shots at the medical community. That you can't condemn this thing because this movement seems to be working. And what we've been trying has not. So he says, if you're honest with yourself, you have to admit that you've got a lack of ability here. And he goes on to say, although if he gives, although he gives all that is in him, it is not enough. I've underlined those three words. It's not enough. The doctor could do everything he possibly can, and it's not going to solve our problem. And I've highlighted this next sentence. This is a revolutionary concept for a doctor to be able to say, for a doctor to be saying. He says, one feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change. So that this change in our thinking doesn't occur through human intervention. It occurs through divine intervention. That if we do certain things, God will produce this result for us. He goes on to say, though the aggregate of recoveries resulting from psychiatric effort is considerable, we physicians must admit we have made little impression upon the problem as a whole. So he's admitting their failure. Many types do not respond to the ordinary psychological approach. I do not hold with those who believe that alcoholism is entirely a problem of mental control, and above mental control I've written willpower. He's saying, I don't go along with those of you who say it's all about willpower. He says, I've had many men who had, for example, worked for a period of months on some problem or business deal, which was to be settled on a certain date favorably to them. I've highlighted these four, five words. They took, they took a drink. So they took a drink, and above that I wrote, gave into the obsession. That's actually four words, I'm sorry. I said five, it's four words. Didn't mean to confuse anyone. So they gave into the obsession. They took a drink a day or so prior to that date, and then, and I've under, highlighted these three words, the phenomenon of craving. Above that I wrote, the physical allergy takes over. So once we give into the obsession, the allergy takes over. And he says, the phenomenon of craving at once, at once became paramount. Not after a few minutes, not after a few days of drinking, at once. The second we put it in us, control was out the window. It at once became paramount, and paramount just means first, foremost. It became paramount to all other interests so that the important appointment was not met. And I've highlighted this, I've highlighted this next sentence. These men were not drinking to escape. We're not drinking now for effect. Remember we said previously that we drink mainly because of effect. That's why we start. Now that we're in the grips of the physical allergy, he's saying we're not drinking to escape now. He goes on to say they're drinking to overcome a craving beyond their mental control. That's the physical craving. That's that first drink asks the second, the second expects the third, and the third demands the fourth. That's what he's talking about. We're not doing it to escape anymore. We're not doing it for effect anymore. We're doing it because we can't not do it. That's the craving that kicks in. There are many situations which arise out of the phenomenon of craving which cause men to think, men to make the supreme sacrifice rather than continue to fight. Now I always thought that supreme sacrifice meant suicide. I heard somebody recently interpret that as just continuing to drink, which in a way is suicide for us, but that could be the supreme sacrifice, just throw our hands up and saying, okay, I can't do anything about this, and I'm just going to drink myself to death. Now he's about to classify us. So we're going to go through this and we're going to see if we can number, apply numbers to his classifications. He says, the classification of alcoholics seems most difficult and in much detail is outside the scope of this book. There are, of course, the psychopaths. Put number one over psychopaths. Who are emotionally unstable. This is type number one. Psychopaths, emotionally unstable. A psychopath is defined as a person with antisocial behaviors. Someone who is harmful to the welfare of others. Dangerous to others. When we say we're only harming ourselves, that's not true. We're causing enormous harm to others. And that's psychopath, psychopathological behavior. So that's type number one. Psychopaths who are emotionally unstable. We're all familiar with this type. They're always going on the wagon for keeps. They are over remorseful and make many resolutions, but never a decision. And I've underlined those last three words, never a decision. There is the type of man, and this is type number two, who is unwilling to admit he cannot take a drink. So type two is denial. Type one, psychopath. Type two, denial. Unwilling to admit that he cannot take a drink. He plans various ways of drinking. He changes his brand or his environment. Right, I'll stop drinking whiskey and it'll just be beer. Or I stopped drinking whiskey and started shooting dope because this booze is getting to be too much for me. And I stopped shooting dope and started eating pills and drinking again because I figured if I temper my drinking with eating pills, it's not so bad. Totally in denial about it. Totally in denial. Here's type three. There is the type, type three, who always believes that after being entirely, being entirely free from alcohol for a period of time, he can take a drink without danger. Right, maybe we've been in rehab for a while. Come out and I could handle one. Or maybe we've just been on the wagon for a while. We've kind of toughed it out. I think we've all done that from time to time, that for whatever reason we've been able to not drink for a period of time and just kind of clenched and gritted our teeth and got through it for a period of time and we felt, well, I haven't had a drink in X amount of time. I could handle that. So that's type three. There is the manic depressive type, and that's type four, manic depressives. So type one is psychopath. Type two in denial. Type three believes after a period of time they could drink again. Type four, manic depressive, who is perhaps the least understood by his friends about whom a whole chapter can be written. Now here's my favorite. I always thought I was a type five. Type five. Then there are the types entirely normal in every respect except in the effect that alcohol has upon them. They are often able, intelligent, friendly people. God, I like that type. Any more type fives in here? Yeah, you bet. I always thought I was a type five. So type five is entirely normal, except when drinking. Now the book does not show it here, but there actually was a sixth type. If you happen to have the study version, and anyone who's listening to me who wants to pick up the study version, you can pick it up from the anonymouspress.org. Anonymouspress.org. At the back of the book, there is the actual original text as was originally written, and in the back, it lists the sixth type. And I'll tell you where it is. Once I find it. It's on page three in the gray pages at the back of the book. It's only one sentence, two sentences long, so don't worry if you can't see it. I'm going to read it to you. This is type six. He says, Then there are those who are never properly adjusted to life who are the so-called neurotics. So type six, neurotics. And he says, The prognosis of this type six is unfavorable. And when I went to a dictionary and looked up neurotic, because I didn't know what that meant, I ingest thought I was neurotic. I think I learned I was not. According to the dictionary, neurotic is defined as mentally disturbed, displaying anxieties, phobias, abnormal behaviors, and irrational fears. Now, I think, I got some of that, but I don't think I have all of that. So that's the textbook definition of neurotic. Mentally disturbed, displaying anxieties, phobias, abnormal behaviors, and irrational fears. So I'm kind of glad he took that out of the book because I think a lot of us would hang our hat on that and say, Well, that's who I am, and I can't recover from this thing. So I'm glad he eliminated type six. But let's get back to the actual text. And I've highlighted, actually, here's what I want to do. I want to depart from the doctor's opinion for a moment and turn to page 108. What I've just read is the doctor's classification of alcoholics. Just so everybody here and everybody listening to me is clear as to whether they are alcoholic, we're going to read on page 108, Bill's classification of alcoholics. See if you could identify with either what we've just read from the doctor's opinion or Bill's classifications. On page 108 at the bottom, this is in the chapter Two Wives. Number one, bottom of page 108, he says, Your husband may only be a heavy drinker. And I've highlighted heavy drinker. That's type number one, according to Bill, is the heavy drinker. His drinking may be constant or it may be heavy only on certain occasions. Perhaps he spends too much money for liquor. It may be slowing him up mentally and physically, but he does not see it. Sometimes he's a source of embarrassment to you and his friends. He is positive he can handle his liquor, so he's in denial. That it does him no harm that drinking is necessary in his business. And next to that I wrote delusional. Anybody who thinks drinking is necessary in your business is delusional. He would probably be insulted if he were called an alcoholic. The world is full of people like him. And I've highlighted and underlined this phrase, Some will moderate or stop altogether. That's how we know this type is not yet the alcoholic. Because they do not have the physical allergy. If you could moderate or stop altogether, you don't have the allergy. You don't have the obsession. Not yet at least. So he says, Some will moderate or stop altogether and some will not. And I've highlighted this last sentence also. Of those who keep on, a good number will become true alcoholics after a while. Now, you know, the heavy drinker, there are a lot of heavy drinkers in our fellowship today. You know, people get in trouble, get jammed up and they get sent to or they volunteer to go to rehab. And in rehab they tell them to, when you get out, go to the bathroom, go to AA meetings. And they do. And I'm glad they're here because they keep our success statistics pretty high. Because those people do tend to stay sober. But, those are the people who say you don't need to work the steps because they didn't. That, you know, they still had some degree of power over their drinking and simple encouragement or getting in a little bit of trouble was enough for them. The problem with having them in our fellowship is you don't want them sponsoring you. I'm glad they're here. But I don't want to be sponsored by those people because to them this isn't a life or death matter. I was not able to moderate or stop. I could not. When I stopped is when I passed out or ran out. Or you took it away from me. You locked me up somewhere. That's how I stopped. That's how I stopped. I didn't moderate. So the moderate hard drinkers who are here in our fellowship, I welcome them. Just don't ask them to sponsor you. They're not going to want to work the steps because they didn't need to. Those are the don't drink, go to meetings and that's all you have to do people. Okay, next type. Type two. Your husband is showing lack of control for he's unable to stay on the water wagon even when he wants to. And I've highlighted these next two sentences. He says he often gets entirely out of hand when drinking. He admits this is true, but is positive he'll do better. He's begun to try with or without your cooperation various means of moderating or staying dry. Lots of moderation and regulation. I did a lot of that when I was using. Changing. You ever heard the expression changing seats on a Titanic? Pretty much what I was doing. He goes on to say maybe he's beginning to lose his friends. His business may suffer somewhat. He's worried at times and is becoming aware that he cannot drink like other people. And I've highlighted this next two sentences. He sometimes drinks in the morning and throughout the day and through the day also. To hold his nervousness in check. This guy is crossing that line. Right? If you're drinking in the morning to steady those shakes, you're one of us. But when he gets over a spree, he begins to think once more how he can drink moderately next time. Anyone identify with that? You get jammed up and it's just, I did too much. I just have to, if I can moderate it, I'll be okay. We think this person is in danger. These are the earmarks of a real alcoholic. I've highlighted and underlined real alcoholic. Because he may be functional, but he's still a real alcoholic. Perhaps he can still tend to business fairly well. He is by no means ruined every day. As we say among ourselves, uh-oh, squiggly writing. Must be important. And I've highlighted, he wants to want to stop. He wants to want to stop. He just doesn't know how. Anyone identify with that? Right? I passed that a long time before I came in here. I wanted to want to stop. I just, I didn't know how. Couldn't figure it out. Type three. I'm a man. Type three. This husband has gone much further than husband number two. Though once like number two, he became worse. And I've highlighted that sentence. Though once like number two, he became worse. He became worse because of the progression. Right? It always gets worse. It never gets better. I never met someone come back from a relapse and say, hey, it wasn't so bad this time. I actually got better this time. His friends have slipped away. His home is a near wreck. And he cannot hold the position. Maybe the doctor has been called in and the weary round of sanitariums and hospitals has begun. Above sanitariums, I wrote rehabs. And above hospitals, I wrote detoxes. So this guy is beginning that cycle. Going into treatment, going into rehab, coming out, relapsing, going back, coming back, coming back, coming back, coming back, coming back, coming back, going in, going out. That's the cycle. I was in treatment with a guy in Eagle Hills going back 25 years. After my first relapse, I think. And he said that in the 18 months prior to coming into Eagle Hill, he was in treatment 35 times. And I didn't believe him until visiting day when his wife, who was a parole officer, verified it. 35 times. In treatment and out. Relapse, go back. In treatment and out. Insurance won't tolerate that today. But his insurance at least tolerated it then, I guess. So, he goes on to say he admits he cannot drink like other people, but he does not see why. I've highlighted that sentence. He admits he cannot drink like other people, but does not see why. I can absolutely identify with that. I knew that I was drinking and drugging differently than anybody else around me. I just didn't know why. I thought it's because, well, I had to. Again, a diabetic needs insulin to function. I need more than you do of these chemicals to function. He clings to the notion that he will yet find a way to do so. And I've highlighted that sentence. He may have come to the point where he desperately, and I've circled that word, underlined desperately, wants to stop but cannot. His case presents additional questions which we shall try to answer for you. And I've highlighted and underlined this last sentence. He says, you can be quite hopeful of a situation like this. You can be quite hopeful today because we now have a solution. Back before this book was written, that wasn't a very hopeful situation to be in. A guy who has come to a point of desperately wanting to stop but cannot. Today, we have a way. They didn't before this book was written. So the point being, that last sentence just means that from desperation comes willingness. And that's what I'm trying to say. I'm not saying that we should be afraid of it. How many times have I heard people at meetings say that they had the gift of desperation when they came in here? What they're saying, I believe, is they got willingness. That's what that desperation is, willingness. Type four. Your husband, you may have a husband of whom you completely despair. He's been placed in one institution after another. He is violent or appears definitely insane when drunk. Sometimes he drinks on the way home from the hospital. Anyone ever drink on the way home from rehab? Absolutely. Absolutely. I once got high in the parking lot. I never made it out of the parking lot. I reached under the seat and I had what I wanted and I was high before I left that parking lot. Where are we? Sometimes he drinks on the way home from the hospital. Perhaps he's had delirium tremens. Doctors may shake their heads and advise you to have him committed. Next to this paragraph I've written, the hopeless variety. We're talking about that last phase of our using. When quicksand surrounded us on all sides, as Bill said. Remember, Dr. Silkworth told Lois that Bill is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. That you're going to have to commit him for life or he's going to drink himself to death. Maybe you've already been obliged to put him away. And I've highlighted the rest of this paragraph. This picture may not be as dark as it looks. Many of our husbands were just as far gone, yet they got well. They recovered. Someone who's desperate, when presented with a solution, will seize on it. If, if it has depth and weight. If it doesn't, it's just gobbledygook. I'm going to be able to get away with telling you, you don't understand. Yeah, but you're telling me stuff you don't understand. You haven't been where I have. You don't know what it's like to be me. I cannot tell that to another addict or alcoholic. I cannot. Because you have depth and weight. You carry an answer, a solution that has depth and weight. Okay, back to the doctor's opinion. Again, we're on, in the fourth edition, Roman numeral 30. You live in the Naugatuck Valley, it's XXX, triple X. Second to last paragraph. And I've highlighted this paragraph in its entirety. Absolutely, the whole paragraph is highlighted. And I've underlined the first paragraph. And I've highlighted the second paragraph. And I've highlighted the third paragraph. And I've outlined the first line. And that line says, all these and many others have one symptom in common. They cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. I think what he means is this. Is that if everybody here, and if everybody listening to this, is drinking right now, it would have different effects on everybody. That some of you are going to get up and dance, and some of you are going to wind up starting fights with other people. Some of you are going to start hitting on members of the opposite, or of the same sex, whatever your proclivities are. Some of you are going to get real happy. Some of us are going to get really sad and quiet. Some of us are going to be very outgoing and become the life of the party. And some of us are just going to disappear into ourselves. But we all have one thing in common that sets us apart from the hard drinker. We all go looking for more. We all want that second drink. Because that second, the first, again, asks the second. The second expects the third. And the third demands the fourth. So whatever effect alcohol may have on us, the one thing it does that's common to every one of us, is we all go looking for more. And more, and more, and more. I always drank and drugged with the expectation of arriving right where I want to be, if I just had a little bit more, or just one more. And I never in my life arrived there. That's how I used, was with the expectation of getting where I wanted to be and never arrived there. So I think that's what he's saying, is regardless of your classification, regardless of your type, regardless of what alcohol does to you in terms of behavior, the one thing it does to all of us, is it triggers a reaction of wanting more, and more, and more. And if that doesn't answer the question, the question of why, I don't know what does. He goes on to say, this phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be, and I've underlined these words, the manifestation of an allergy. Those are the physical signs of our allergy. If I'm allergic to strawberries, the manifestation of my allergy, the sign of my allergy to strawberry, hives. I'm allergic to ragweed and pollen, and the manifestation of those allergies is the sneezing, the sniffling, the wheezing. That's the manifestation, the signs of that allergy. The signs of our allergy to alcohol and drugs, you cannot see. Which is why people don't understand us. How do you explain that to somebody who hasn't been there? How do you explain an obsession? How do you explain craving to somebody who's never experienced it? They just don't get it. They can't get it. He goes on to say, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, and I've underlined that word, never. It has never been by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. Meaning permanently removed, completely removed. That regardless of what they've tried, they've never been able to beat it. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence. No middle ground, no compromise. This immediately precipitates us into a seething cauldron of debate. Much has been written pro and con, but among physicians, the general opinion seems to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed. I'm going to ask that you underline the phrase that I just read. Most chronic alcoholics are doomed. You may even want to go back to where it says among physicians, because to some extent, they believe that today too. There are a lot of physicians who believe that alcoholics are doomed. Now let me reread what I just read, and then I'm going to follow it up with something and see if you can identify what I'm reading. The phrase that I just read says, among physicians, the general opinion seems to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed. But we, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. How about that? That's what we have to say to the medical community. You think we're doomed? We have recovered. And that's how we recover. That's our answer to the medical community. The book begins with that. So what I just read to you was, the forward lines one, two, and three of the forward to the first edition. That's our answer to the medical community. Among physicians, the general opinion seems to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed. But we, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. How do you like Dem apples? Right? Moving on. It says, What is the solution? Perhaps I can best answer this by relating one of my experiences. I'm going to run a little over because I want to finish this chapter. He says, About one year prior to this experience, a man was brought in to be treated for chronic alcoholism. The man he's talking about is Hank Parkhurst. P-A-R-K-H-U-R-S-T. Hank was largely responsible for writing the chapter to employers, although Bill radically edited it, and you can see Bill's hand in it more than Hank's, but he technically wrote it. Hank's story was called The Unbeliever that was in the first edition. It was removed. He relapsed somewhere after the publication of this book. If you'd like to read his story, it still exists. There is this wonderful book called Experience, Strength, and Hope, a compilation of all of the stories that were ever removed from the big book. His story is in here. Again, it's called The Unbeliever. So, Hank Parkhurst we're talking about. He says, He had but partially recovered from a gastric hemorrhage and seemed to be a case of pathological mental deterioration. He had lost everything worthwhile in life and was living only one might say to drink. Next to that, I wrote the number one, and the word hopeless. Hank is hopeless. He frankly admitted and believed that for him there was no hope. Following the elimination of alcohol, and I've highlighted elimination of alcohol, and next to it I wrote number two, alcohol removed. First stage in Hank's recovery was he had to be hopeless. Second stage, you had to remove the alcohol. Separate him from the booze. Following the elimination of alcohol, there was found to be no permanent brain injury. And I've highlighted this sentence. He accepted the plan outlined in this book, and next to it I put the number three, and I wrote the steps. He worked the steps. That's the progress, the process rather, of Hank's recovery. Number one, he had to be hopeless. Number two, he had to have booze removed from his system. And number three, he had to work the steps. Based on that, the doctor says, one year later, he called to see me, and I experienced a very strange sensation. I knew the man by name, and partially recognized his features. But there all resemblance ended. And I've highlighted this next sentence. From a trembling, despairing, nervous, rancid, wreck, had emerged a man brimming over with self-reliance and contentment. And next to that I wrote number four, spiritual awakening. He's had a spiritual awakening. Now as I said, Hank relapsed shortly after the publication of this book over a resentment. And we'll get into some of that later actually, but he was partners with Bill, and he provided Bill with the secretary and Bill did his dictating to Ruth Hock. And Hank was married and hitting on Ruth. And Ruth asked Bill, what do I do? You know, this is a weird situation. And Hank and Bill said, stay away from Hank. And based on, and Bill is a hell of a person to be giving that kind of advice, but he did. And Hank resented it and drank over it. That simple. Over a resentment, he drank. Simple. The cost of resentment is fatal. And we're going to run into that when we get to our fourth step. Okay. Going on, he says, I talked with him for some time but was not able to bring myself to feel I had known him before. To me, he was a stranger. In other words, he's not the same person he was when he came into the hospital and was hopeless. He has recreated his life. Remember earlier in this chapter, he says if they are to recover, they must recreate their lives. That's what Hank did. He recreated his life. He's not the same person he was. He reverted eventually, but at this point, he was not the same person. A long time has passed with no return to alcohol. When I need a mental uplift, I often think of another case brought in by a physician prominent in New York. The patient, and the patient's name is Hank, and the patient's name is Fitz, F-I-T-Z Mayo. We're going to talk a lot about our good buddy Fitz Mayo later. Fitzy's real name, his full name was John Henry Fitzhugh, F-I-T-Z H-U-G-H Mayo. And as I said, we're going to talk about him later on in the book. We'll be talking a lot about Fitzy. He's very much responsible in a lot of ways for the naming of our book. But we'll talk about Fitz later on. I don't want to spend too much time on him right now. The patient had made his own diagnosis and deciding his situation hopeless, and next to that I wrote the number one, hopeless, had hidden in a deserted barn, determined to die. So he's making the supreme sacrifice, right? He's going to drink himself to death. Number one, he's hopeless. He was rescued by a searching party and in desperate condition brought to me. Following his physical rehabilitation, I highlighted physical rehabilitation, and next to it I wrote number two, alcohol removed. The alcohol was removed. Following his physical rehabilitation, he had a talk with me in which he frankly stated he thought the treatment a waste of effort unless I could assure him, which no one ever had, that in the future he would have the willpower, and above willpower I wrote mental control, to resist the impulse to drink. Now in this context, the word impulse to me is not the craving. It's the obsession. He's saying that he will be able to resist the obsession to drink. Now if you believe that the word impulse here means craving, that's fine. I take it to mean the obsession. If I look up impulse in the dictionary, it's defined as a sudden incitement to action. A sudden incitement to action. So in a way that is obsession, because obsession is a thought which overcomes all thoughts to the contrary. So that's my justification for that. Okay, going on, he says, his alcoholic problem was so complex and his depression so great that we felt his only hope would be through what we then called moral psychology. Moral psychology is a complete change in thinking. Right? And we doubted if even that would have any effect. However, he did, and I've highlighted this phrase, become sold on the ideas contained in this book. And next to that I wrote the steps. He worked the steps. He became sold on the ideas and he worked the steps. In other words, he admitted he was powerless. He made a decision to practice the steps that they had at the time. He worked them and his life changed. That simple. He has not had a drink in a great many years. I see him now and then, and he is as fine a specimen of manhood as one could wish to meet. I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book through. And I've highlighted this next extraordinary statement. He says, and though perhaps he came to scoff, scoff just means make fun of something, ridicule it. And, oh, incidentally, I forgot something. In the previous paragraph where it says he is as fine a specimen of manhood as one could wish to meet, next to that I wrote number four, the result. That's the result of all of that work. He's as fine a specimen as you'll ever meet. Sorry for jumping around. Back to this last important statement. He says, I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book through, and though perhaps he came to scoff, he may remain to pray. You may want to underline that last word. This is a medical doctor whose conclusion is not, I'm going to write a script and treat you for a Valium deficiency. He's saying, read this book, do what it says, and pray. How's that? Do you see why the medical community would not look favorably upon what he was writing here? And it is signed William D. Silkworth, because that's the way it was signed after the first edition. In the first edition, if you ever get a copy of it, it just says dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, comma, MD. So we're going to wrap up here. So we're going to wrap up on the doctor's opinion at this point and continue with Bill's story next week.