The Divine Alchemy of Colossal Human Failure – Tom B.

About This Speaker Tape

New Orleans, 19 years old, weighing 132 pounds and looking like a picked crow. Tom B. is lying under a palm tree in Jackson Square when a cop nuzzles him with a toe.

He’s just been bagged for cluttering up Bourbon Street, a place already thick with bodies. For Tom, the booze was never about the taste—it was an anesthetic for a coward with a stutter and a desperate need for approval. He recalls the first two beers his father gave him at fourteen; suddenly, the giant of a man shrunk, and Tom could finally speak.

He describes the "image" drunks wear—the glued-on smile and the dead eyes that hide a deep hatred for oneself. After years of the geographic cure, bouncing from Vancouver to Houston with a case of scotch, he found that the stuff that once made him comfortable eventually made him miserable. Now 31 years sober, he credits a Higher Power and a fellowship of "dinghies" for keeping him off the floor.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Tom B. recounts being rushed to the hospital and his confrontation with Dr. M.
• 6:15 Laughter: Tom B. discusses the 'profundity' of the Hazelden catalog and the absurdity of 'praying hands' trinkets.
• 12:40 Tom B. discusses the 'jackass in the ditch' metaphor regarding why one becomes an alcoholic.
• 17:10 Tom B. describes his first drink at 14 and the feeling of his father 'shrinking' in size.
• 24:30 Tom B. explains the 'mask' of looking good while feeling dead inside.
• 32:15 Tom B. describes his 'geographic cure' and the experience of being arrested in New Orleans.
• 38:50 Tom B. recounts his suicide attempt and the 'bottom' of being too smelly for jail.
• 45:20 The meeting with Bernie and the bridge of understanding built through shared hopelessness.
• 52:10 Mention of the Big Book and the 'suggested' nature of the 12 Steps.
• 58:45 Tom B. defines spirituality as unconditional love and hugging.
• 1:05:10 Tom B. discusses the miracle of surrender and the terminal nature of the disease.
• 1:12:30 Closing thoughts on 'colossal human failure' and the unity of the fellowship.