The Disease of Not Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin – Sandy B.

About This Speaker Tape

Georgia State Conference - 2001

Sandy B. maps out a life defined by a deep-seated sense of being an imposter from his days at Yale to his career as a Marine Corps pilot. He describes alcohol not as a chemical but as a lens that transformed a hostile world into a friendly one in a matter of minutes. The wreckage includes flying jets while experiencing withdrawals and a terrifying descent into the 'nut ward' at Bethesda Naval Hospital where he hallucinated that the CIA was gaslighting him. After a career-ending discharge and a messy divorce Sandy B. finds a spiritual anchor in AA. He dismantles the idea of solving life's problems with money or power arguing instead for the 'undisturbed' state of mind. He uses the metaphor of spiritual air in the tires to explain how a lack of self-restraint leads to a flat tire—a relapse—and emphasizes that the only real problem is being cut off from a Higher Power.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sandy B. opens by dedicating his talk to Miss Emma and discussing the joy of living.
• 4:15 Describes the 'imposter' feeling at Yale and the fear of being exposed by the dean.
• 8:30 The first drink: how alcohol transformed 30 'mean guys' into the friendliest people he'd ever seen.
• 15:40 Career as a Marine pilot and the warning from a Major that he wouldn't be allowed to drink in a squadron.
• 20:10 Flying jets while experiencing withdrawals and the subsequent medical study in Pensacola.
• 26:30 Laughter: The 'disappearing school' hallucination and the descent into the DTs.
• 31:15 The 'nut ward' at Bethesda and the clay ashtray contest incident.
• 36:40 Meeting his sponsor, Bill, and the '12-step call' that started his sobriety.
• 41:20 The frustration of receiving generic advice like 'say the serenity prayer' after losing his career.
• 52:10 The metaphor of 'spiritual air in the tires' and the danger of the slow leak.
• 58:45 The concept of the 'undisturbed day' and reversing the energy flow from grabbing to giving.