The Difference Between Going to Meetings and Working a Program – Karen L.

About This Speaker Tape

82 mph on a Maryland bypass, a state trooper’s revolver pointed at her head, and a cake sitting on the floorboard. Karen L. begins with the chaos of a near-arrest, a frantic mirror of the internal noise she carried for decades. She spent years as a professional passenger in her own life, identifying only as someone’s daughter or wife, terrified of the void that opened whenever a man wasn't there to define her.

She describes the insanity of a marriage marked by seventeen arrests and a final, violent exit through a front window. Even when the alcoholic got sober, Karen remained sick, obsessed with a man who had become obsessed with his own recovery. She admits to the wreckage of "just going to meetings" without working the program—a period of stagnation that led to a bathtub full of pills and a public scream from the top of a parking garage. For Karen, the turning point wasn't the meetings, but the surrender to a Higher Power and the grit to stop seeking attention and start seeking s...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Karen L. opens with her nerves and a story about a high-speed encounter with Maryland State Troopers.
• 5:45 Discussion of her early years in Al-Anon and the impact of her sponsor, Dick.
• 12:15 Karen L. describes her pattern of needing a man to define her identity.
• 16:40 The cycle of domestic violence and the 'insanity' of the 17 arrests.
• 22:10 Account of her first suicide attempt in a bathtub and the subsequent rescue.
• 26:30 The 'attention-seeking' jump threat from a parking garage in Salisbury.
• 31:15 The breaking point: Her husband tells her he hates her guts and files for divorce while she is in a locked unit.
• 36:50 Working the First Step with her sponsor, Julia, and the 'ODAT' readings.
• 41:20 The ocean metaphor: Julia takes her to the beach to prove she cannot stop the tide.
• 44:10 The Transformer toy metaphor for the 12 Steps.
• 50:15 Amends with her sons and the realization that they were mad at her, not the alcoholic.
• 56:40 Closing with the story of the three bells and a message of fellowship.