The Difference Between a Sober A**hole and a Recovered Alcoholic – Sterling H.

About This Speaker Tape

The South Bronx, 18th floor of the projects. Sterling H. grew up waiting for a country to run, possessing a Roman numeral in his name and a self-centeredness so extreme it functioned as a constant hum in his ears. He describes himself as a kid who needed sponsorship in kindergarten, living on "condition yellow" long before his first drink. At thirteen, a tall can of Colt 45 turned him into a man who felt he could speak like Jesse Jackson and dance like Michael Jackson, until the magic stopped working.

He details the "rapacious" nature of the disease, the wreckage of a marriage, and the crushing guilt of treating his mother like crap before she passed. From the Air Force to Japan, Sterling operated as a "sober asshole" in treatment centers, playing the game until he found a room with a blue circle and people who laughed at their own disasters. He describes being "loved into the fellowship" by a secret society of drunks, eventually trading his ego for a Higher Power.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sterling H. opens with gratitude and a joke about the 'sick ones' in the family doing the wrap-up.
• 4:15 Growing up in the South Bronx projects and the contrast between his life and 1960s TV sitcoms.
• 10:20 The 'maelstrom' of age 13 and the first tall can of Colt 45.
• 16:45 Joining the Air Force as a 'geographic cure' and the 'gang with nuclear weapons'.
• 22:10 The grief and guilt following the death of his mother.
• 28:30 Treatment in the Philippines and the 'jelly neck chart' of recovery.
• 33:15 First encounter with AA and the suspicion that it was a cult.
• 38:50 Laughter: The story of making terrible coffee for the Japanese home group.
• 44:10 The danger of being a 'dry drunk' and the decision to get a sponsor in Bellevue.
• 51:20 The pain of divorce and the lesson of sharing problems to avoid isolation.
• 56:40 Returning to Omaha and learning to be a respectful stepfather.
• 62:15 Closing metaphor: The puzzle of the world coming together once the man (Higher Power) is put together.