The Difference Between a Living Amends and a Real Amends – Paul F.

About This Speaker Tape

A bottle of Boone's Farm apple wine at thirteen years old set Paul V. on a collision course with a thirty-four-year wreckage. He spent decades as a 'one-chip wonder' who relapsed hundreds of times eventually hitting a wall at 105 days sober while contemplating suicide because he had stopped drinking but hadn't treated his alcoholism.

Paul V. argues that alcohol is not the problem—the lack of power is—and that sobriety is a side effect of a Higher Power-reliant life. He details a rigorous book-centric approach to the steps rejecting '90 and 90' and 'living amends' as non-canonical.

His turning point came through a sponsor who forced him to see that his life was unmanageable even when sober. Today he views his life as a series of privileges including a marriage born from his own defects of character and maintains that the only way to stay sober is to frantically work with other alcoholics.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Meeting introduction and reading of the AA Preamble and 12 Steps.
• 14:15 Paul V. recounts his first blackout on a bus at age 13 after drinking apple wine.
• 22:40 Laughter: Paul V. discusses the 'dumbest sentence in the world'u2014telling an alcoholic to 'just don't drink.'
• 31:10 Paul V. describes his 105th day of sobriety and his contemplation of suicide.
• 42:50 Detailed discussion on Step 1 and the definition of unmanageability.
• 55:10 Paul V. explains the 'Third Step Prayer' and why he was told not to say 'Amen' at the end.
• 1:05:20 Step 4 and 5: Discussion on the 'three-column inventory' and the danger of the 'fourth column.'
• 1:18:40 Step 6 and 7: How Higher Power used his 'lust' defect to lead him to his wife.
• 1:32:10 Step 8 and 9: The story of making amends to a woman and her daughter for stolen money.
• 1:45:30 Step 10 and 11: The practice of 'watching' for selfishness in real-time.
• 1:55:10 Step 12: The necessity of sponsoring others to maintain personal sobriety.