The Desperation That Is the Gateway to Grace – Steve L.

About This Speaker Tape

A trial lawyer's life was a series of calculated blackouts and high-end sports bars punctuated by the strategic placement of alarm clocks to wake himself up for court. Steve L. describes a descent into a 'purple haze' of delusion where he drank cognac and beer until he was literally rinsing his underwear in public restroom sinks.

The turning point arrived not through a desire for sobriety but through a court-mandated DUI and a series of failed attempts to flee the country using thirteen illegal passports. He maps the shift from the 'activity' of meetings to the 'action' of the steps specifically detailing a brutal inventory process that forced him to confront the resentment he held toward his daughter Ashley who lived with cerebral palsy. Through the guidance of his sponsor Michael he moved from a state of conscious separation to a place where he could walk his daughter to the next room as she passed away and eventually help another father do the same for his son.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opening jokes about the Blue Lagoon and the danger of replacing the speaker.
• 3:15 Discussion on the necessity of desperation for the newcomer.
• 7:40 First impressions of the Alano club and the 'styrofoam cup cake'.
• 12:10 The 'big lie' of separation and the concept of conscious separation.
• 16:30 The plan to flee the country with 13 illegal passports.
• 21:15 Meeting his sponsor, Michael, and the first step of surrender.
• 26:40 Laughter: The cognac incident and losing a major client at the Grand Avenue Bar.
• 32:10 The 'purple haze' and the indignity of rinsing underwear in a public sink.
• 38:50 Detailed breakdown of the Step 4 inventory process and the S-P-A-P-S acronym.
• 44:10 The 'U-A-S-S' realization regarding his father's abandonment.
• 51:20 Amends to his mother in Vegas and her passing from cancer.
• 58:10 The spiritual journey of accepting his daughter Ashley's death.