The Daily Reprieve From a Situation He Didn’t Volunteer For – John L.

About This Speaker Tape

New Orleans, a poor black family, and a Catholic upbringing that convinced him he was born worthless. John L. describes his early life as a series of elaborate lies and "psychic vampirism," from faking a kidnapping at age ten to avoid a lost book to adopting fake personas as a young man.

He viewed alcohol as medicine and himself as a pioneer of the edge, eventually drifting into heroin and a "cold, vomit-smelling life" while working as an actor. He recalls the depths of his wreckage: selling blood for twelve dollars in Los Angeles and disappearing into the fog of addiction while his family lived in England. After hitting a baseline of total desolation, he found the "rest of the lepers" in church basements.

By surrendering to a Higher Power and trading his grandiose ego for humility, he moved from the isolation of a "psychic vampire" to the daily reprieve of sobriety.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Early life in New Orleans and the impact of a missing father.
• 4:12 The Biloxi liquor store theft and the first 'alcoholic' drinking experience.
• 8:30 Laughter: The story of the 'kidnapping' lie and Sister Mary R.
• 13:15 The bottom: selling blood in Los Angeles while seeing himself on a black-and-white TV.
• 16:40 The 1981 hospital stay and first encounter with the Big Book.
• 18:20 Identification: Hearing another actor share in a church basement.
• 20:15 Step 2: Finding a Higher Power through a Jewish atheist sponsor.
• 24:50 The importance of the Fourth Step in stopping the 'bullshit'.
• 28:10 The Emmy Award and the trap of the alcoholic ego.
• 31:00 Daily reprieve and the practice of making amends to crew members on set.