The Curse of Die, Go Insane, or Go to Jail – Danny T.

My name is Danny. I'm an alcoholic and you know what? I get very overwhelmed every time I'm asked to do anything for Alcoholics Anonymous. I was at a meeting, and I gave this brilliant talk. No, I did. It was like, wow, I even impressed myself. And then I was talking to this newcomer, And he said, you know the most important person in this meeting right now to me? And I said, who? Who? The greeter, the guy that greeted me at the door. He really made me feel at home. and uh and i've been checking greeters lately you know see if they're on their job you know and and i love it because you know the people that are like really understand this program they're not like talking to a girl saying uh yeah hi welcome you know they're not doing that they're like really hey hi welcome oh god we're glad you're here and and uh you know because when i'm not dressed like this i still look like a newcomer you know i know and god you just keep coming i will you know And I honestly believe that once you've fallen in love with this program, with this Alcoholics Anonymous, you're really falling in love. With the whole concept and you need look anywhere else. And I don't mean because I've been to marriage counseling and I've be to anger management. I mean, they gave me anger management in San Quentin. So that should tell you something. But, but, you know, all that stuff is great. But I need search no more. I found, you Know, because I believe in a higher power and my higher power got me here. So God, he got me Here in 1959. You know what I mean? He was really knew that I was headed for trouble. And in 1968, I got back, you know. I mean, that wasn't like the, you know, I tried this thing a few times. I get a little upset when people talk about slips, you know, because they talk about them like they're cute, you know. I had a little slip on Thursday but thank God I made it for the Friday morning God, what a waste I had a slip in 1959 I got out in 1962 another little slip in 62 got out in 65 had another little slip in 65 got out the end of 69 so in in 1968 while in prison i just you know this slip thing is not all it's cracked up to be here you know it's like and the worst thing in the world the worst feeling in the word world is a body full of booze and a mind full of alcoholics anonymous because there is no longer peace there's none i don't care what you did who it doesn't matter i don'T CARE WHAT KIND OF ALCOHOL DRINKER YOU THERE'S JUST NO PEACE BECAUSE INEVITABLY SOMEBODY YOU KNOW DRUNK OUT OF YOUR MIND IF SOMEONE'S GONNA SAY HEY EASY DOES IT AND THAT'S REALLY the last thing you want to hear is those stupid cliches, you know? It's funny because I met my sponsor in like 1962. I was in and he was out. And that was usually the case with me, You know, and I didn't, like, I didn'T believe this thing, you know, because you're going to have to understand. Some of you got here, you Know, like thinking that you were really hip, slick, and cool, you KNOW. I got here knowing that I was really hip slick and cool. you know and uh and and i proved that over and over and over again in every penitentiary in the state of california you know and i remember the first uh words that uh my sponsor said to me i was sitting in the joint and and i was i was bonnaroo down i mean i was sharp i was sharp you know it's god i'm the creed i had i had creased pants starched i had creashed shirt starched i had a t-shirt with a pleat and a a jacket starched my pleats were so sharp that if you got too close to me they would cut you And I walk out and I'm sitting, I'm standing in front of Harris, Johnny Harris and Johnny. And he was wearing this gorgeous suit. And but, you know, I mean, and he kind of said, prison clothes don't impress me. and I said you know what are you going to teach me and he said it he says I'm going to give you some previews of coming attractions he says Danny the only thing that's going to beat you to prison again are the headlights on the bus after that I hated arriving at a penitentiary at night because they'd have the damn lights on and when you're pulling up to San Quentin and the lights are on and you remember the only thing that's going to beat you to prison are the headlights on the bus you see the headlights and you want to ask the driver uh could you shut those off and i knew about this program do you understand i knew about it everything when i got out of penn in 1965 i i took what was called a 30-day crash dive course uh and that's kind of like you just learn everything there is to learn in 30 days graduate and you go to san quentin and uh but they said that in 1959 they told me that in 1959 i busted into this meeting and this guy said danny if you leave this program you will die go insane or go to jail now notice how quiet the room got right there see that was that Ooh, that was that voodoo of Alcoholics Anonymous. You all heard the curse. The curse is if you leave this place, you will die, go insane, or go to jail. It is that simple. Now, you should have did what I should have done. What I should've did. When he whispered that curse, I shoulda went, I can't hear you. I didn't do it and neither did you. See? so for all you new guys if you leave you're gonna die go insane or go to jail it's that simple so anytime she breaks your heart or he does or or you can't pay the rent or blah blah it goes right down the line the alternative to sitting in here is dying going insane or going to jail now i gotta tell you something in the 38 years that i have been clean and sober nothing I never woke up in the morning going mmm you know I think I'd like to go to jail today, I haven't I don't care what's going on, I don' care if I'm living in a box it's not mmm I might want to die today I don''t even deal with going crazy because you know a lot of us passed that a long time ago I mean, I don't think we could get sane if we put everybody's brain together. You know what I mean? It's like, what a mess. But so getting here, you know, the last time I, Johnny said, I was just getting ready to get out. I was getting ready to get out of that joint and he said, why don't you give yourself a break and join us? And that was the first time that anybody ever asked me to join anything. It was usually like, no, don't let him in and to join us. And, but I was get now. So that means there's things I got to do, you know? So, so I, I, uh, and I, and, and you know, I still debating on whether I was an alcoholic or had a problem. I was getting out, so that meant I didn't have a problem, and I get out of this joint, and I remember we went down to, they got out, and they went to the bus depot in Ontario, and there's a liquor store right there, and naturally, come on, two short dogs, and I got these two little short dogs and I'm driving back and I can remember being on the bus like this and I'm looking at the penalty for alcohol in the bus. And I got to Los Angeles kind of buzzing and I got out, that was a Saturday and I get home and I was like, I got home on Wednesday and my mom said the only thing different was that when I left I had stitches over this eye When I got back, I had stitches over this eye. It's the only difference. And that was 1965 and I started, you know, I just went on a bad little run. I ended up in Alcoholics Anonymous again. See, and this thing is unbelievable. This program will follow you everywhere you go. I don't care where you go, they got meeting. It's Vackerville, which is the state mental hospital for the criminally insane. Why in the hell would you have a meeting there? But you're standing in that hallway trying to figure out what am I doing here? I'm not crazy. These guys are crazy. I'm Not Crazy. Alcoholics Anonymous is now meeting in the dining hall the Ross Mars I forget their name but Ross Mars and you're like this is crazy these guys are crazy and they all know about follows you You know. And in 1968, there was an incident on the prison yard in Soledad and three of us went to the hole and it wasn't nice. And I remember saying, God, if you're there, everything's going to be all right. If you're not, we're screwed. That was it. That was It. And I got out of the hole. I went through the hole in Cinco de Mayo, of course. But see, everybody doesn't realize. everybody thinks Cinco de Mayo means 5th of May. It actually, for a Mexican, it means get bail money. And, uh... Because you're gonna go to jail. It's that simple. You have to. You know, if you're from the heart Mexican. So, Cinco De Mayo is a huge riot and three of us went to the hole and I stayed in the hole from May to August and I got out in August and I did the rest of that year and I got out August 23rd, 1969 and I got I got sober in August of 1968 and and it's kind of because i knew that this is it i'm either gonna die in prison if you i love that that was good i wish they'd show that at every meeting yeah but it was like i knew okay i'm neither going to sit in this program or i'm gonna die in prison it's that simple it's not no great revelation oh i thought it wasn't are you gonna die in prison or you're gonna sit in these meetings well okay i'll take the meetings and that was a tough one and so i started going to meetings they let me out and and uh I got out on a Saturday again, for some reason. I got up August 23rd, 1969, and I had a year. And I was sitting, I came out of the bus depot, the Greyhound Bus Depot in San Fernando, and I'm standing there, and it was a beautiful August night. And I had on a tank top that took off my please don't rain on me suit. And I'm standin' there, I'm a little buffed up, I got that little prison buff, them beautiful new shiny tattoos. I'm standing there. And this beautiful little cocoa brown Chevy, 1953. Boom, boom, boom. And I hear this, papacito. And I thought, oh, that sounded like a girl. And they made a U-turn and they stopped and they rolled down the window. And I gotthat wonderful aroma of perfume and marijuana. and they they asked me do you want to go to a party and and I'm looking in the back seat and in the black seat there was this angel from heaven and and her her dress was like up to about here and her her hair was kind of twisted you know but the beautiful thing was you know when you take pills your mouth gets all she had a lily f40 stuck right here no but wait think of this romantic picture think of it this is west side story stuff right here I could see myself going Maria Maria in the background I'm like, whoa, that's heavy. And I'm dying. I'm not even a day out of prison. I'm about a six-hour bus ride from Soledad. I don't know. And I just, and I'm back. I know this. I'm black. It's all over. I'm Black right here. And I yelled, no! And I ran back in the bus depot. And I call up this guy that was busted with me. He got out first, and then he became, I think, president of the AA. I don't know. He got OUT, and I called him. I said, it's a guy named Frank Russo, Frank Ruso, Frank Musso. And I say that because he told me never to mention his name. And I says, Frank, come get me. He says, where are you at? I said San Fernando. I'm at the bus depot. He said, OK, I'll be right there. And then he knew me, thank God Because I still had my eye on that Coco Brown Chevy He goes, here, talk to my wife Until I get there So all of a sudden I'm talking to his wife You know You ever been to San Quentin? I don't know Come on I couldn't ask her What she was wearing She's my friend's wife What are you wearing So You know, like he comes, picks me up And he starts talking about meetings. He starts talking about meetings and this and we'll do, and I said, you know what Frank, take me over to my mom's. And my, he says, okay, but let's go to a meeting. No, I want to relax. I just want to be there. I just wanted to relax and I walk into my, I knocked on the door. I knocked On the door and my mom came to the screen and she said, hi Miko, oh we're so glad you're out but she didn't unlock the screen that's the one thing i've never forgotten she unlocked the screen i didn't get hugged it just and i stood there and i said mom uh do you think i can stay here a couple days uh i gotta find a a place to stay and and she says let me see and she turned around and asked my dad he was like right here this whole conversation he's watching television my mom says dan danny just got out and he wants to know if he can stay here a couple of days and my dad said tell him yes didn't say yes son come on in we love you and we miss you he said tell them yes and then went back to watching you know the news or something and uh I came in and I walked directly to my room and I sat down and I'm sitting in my bed that I was in when I was 13 and I am sitting there and I don't know about you guys some of you guys are my committee I got a parole board that talks bad to me and all of a sudden they all were in session all of them, they called like a full board and that only comes out on special occasions and they're telling me what kind of punk am i you badass arm robber look at you your dad won't even talk to you what kind of crap is that if i were you i'd burn this house knowing that my father didn't like tattoos i took off my shirt i got just and uh i walked out the living room and i sat in front of the tv at this little, I don't know what you call it, footstool. I sat there and I looked at him and I said I'm getting ready to say, hi dad! And just then my mom comes out and says, mijo, you want some cookies and milk? And my guys didn't even talk. They were so embarrassed. This is what it's come down to. Cookies and milk at mommy's. You know? I got up and I went to the phone And I called Frank And I didn't even get to say Come pick me He says, I'm on my way Because he knew And we got in the car And I told him Frank, take me to San Fernando There's a little Coco Brown Chevy Well, let's go to this meeting first Let's go do this meeting And I know I can tell by the look Of some of your face Some of you are saying Well, you should have been grateful They let you stay and uh and so i i uh i go to this meeting and this meeting was at the ala nest in recita and i'm sitting there and first of all there wasn't a mexican in the place so i already hate it and i'm sitting there and i's murdering everybody that got to the podium anybody that got up oh god if he was in prison we'd make a girl out of him yeah i'd kill him you just killed everybody there was arms and legs hanging all over this meeting and uh and then frank kept telling me it will get better it will get better you know and i'm like let's go to san fernando the coco brown chevy and at the end of the meeting all of a sudden and everybody like stood it's not good to make sudden movements around somebody that just got out of prison And it's, everybody just stood up and I'm like, whoa, what? Who got stabbed? And somebody pulls on my coat, my arm, and I look and this gorgeous little girl. She says, give me your hand. I said, for what? The prayer, you know. I didn't even get a hug from my mom. I'm like, oh my God, a real girl. And then somebody else pulls on the eye and looks and says, it's a pretty little guy. Give me your hand. I look over at Frank, I told you it would get better. we went to coffee me the girl and frank and a girl we went to coffee and we drove around all night and just went around hey there's a meeting there and hey and uh i got home about about 4 30 in the morning or something you know in the early morning my mom came into my room she wow you're here she was like surprised because I'd never done that do you understand when I got out I just ran till I got arrested again and I was actually in bed you know and I wasn't cut bloody nothing and and wow and I told her what I went to this meeting and she's good to keep me inside I just kept going to meetings I kept going to meetings that's all I did I didn't I would thank God I thank God that Frank Russo, Frank Ruso, Frank Russo. I thank God that this guy knew me a little bit. You know what I mean? Because I remember him saying, Danny, look, all you got to do is be honest. You know what? Never mind. Listen, all you gotto do is be open-minded. Are you willing to try? I'm willing to try anything. Can we go to a lot of... We just went to meetings. We went to meeting, meetings, meetings. And this guy was so... We lived in Pacoima you know he lived in North Hollywood I live in Pacoimo but he would show up my house something like hey we're going to a meeting in Modesto and wow all the way up to Modesto and eight people in the media including us you and then we'd be on the wave all coming back you we'd beyond the way back And we would stop by Soledad and throw rocks at, yeah, we hate you, I'm out. And, hey, we're going to a meeting in Oakland. Stop saying quit now. And I threw rocks at every penitentiary I was in, you know. And at the same time, I was going to meetings. you know it's like and i went to meetings meetings meetings that's where i just went to meetings i'd sit in meetings and funny because i i used to have this this get away from me or i'll kill you look and uh on the outside yeah i could really i had it good and i just sit there and just like and people wouldn't come running up and you know and uh but on the inside i was like whoa we're here and uh and uh we're not there we're here you know and i just i fell in love with alcoholics anonymous do you understand i fell in love with it and uh i remember trying to i remember asking frank about an inventory the first time he said frank what about that inventory he said it's in the book so i don't know he asked me about three days later how about that inventory. I don't know Mrs. Jones. Just like Let's go to a meeting I heard this guy talk it was really funny because he kept saying we're only as sick as our secrets. That's all he kept saying. We're only as sick is our secrets every time he said it. Oh, I think of another secret And then I asked, what do you mean? He says, that's the inventory. You've got to write that down. I know. I remember giving him my inventory and I wrote it on the back of a gas bill. It wasn't even my gas bill, I just found it and I rode it. I don't know, a bunch of secrets. Out behind the nest one night, we used to... It's about 3 o'clock in the morning because we used to go to like the late meeting, then the late, late meeting, than the Cal Worthington meeting. And we were like... And we started a fire and he was reading it. He read it. And okay, you did that Danny? Yeah. Did you like it? Guess you did. You did it a couple more times. So we're done with it. He gets it and he throws it in the fire. Throws it in the fire, and then he's going like this. I'm thinking this is like some kind of ninja stuff from a... I said, what are you doing? He says, I'm giving all this to God in the smoke. Whoa! That was like the heaviest ninja stuff I've ever heard in my life. For about 10 years, everybody that I sponsored, I'm giving it to God in the smoke. I ran into Frank. I told him about it. He said, I just made that up, Holmes. we're supposed to do these little four parts we're only as sick as our secrets I got rid of my secrets and everybody talks about the freedom I didn't feel free I kind of watched Frank from then on you know you ever tell on me I'll kill you And I just kept, they said this thing, everybody, being of service, being of service and I understood, you know. The only way that I could feel good is helping someone else. It's the only way I can feel good. I don't care how much I wrote, I don' t care how much I prayed there was always something missing but it seemed like every time I gave somebody a ride to a meeting you know and i felt better it seemed like and because you got to understand when i first got here i didn't even have a driver's license you know all i had was parole plans and the police used to feel sorry if i had a the first car i got was a lowered 1959 Chevy Impala baby blue with primer spots and Astro Supreme uh wheels and it was this high off the ground so I'm going to a meeting stereo blasting uh and the police would boom naturally there's somebody begging to be stopped and uh I'd get out of the car with no shirt a tattoo this big and a long, full-length leather coat. Perfect for hiding shotguns. And the police know that. And they would always go, all right, hold it right there. Open the coat. All right. where are you going to a meeting and they see some ID and you're gonna have to understand the idiot that I was okay I hand this guy parole plans I got a full-length leather black leather coat perfect for hiding a shotgun no shirt with a tattoo this big on my chest you are an idiot I got called an idiot stupid other names so many times but here I feel sorry for you get the hell out of here you never got a ticket didn't have a driver's license I'm going to a I'm coming back from a five people in the car the car is scraping the ground because it's so low where you we just came from the Allen nest. Never got a ticket. And I fell in love with being clean and being sober. Do you understand? I wake up, wow, this is so cool. And in 19, I hate people that remember dates. But August 22nd, 1969, the 22nd I was getting ready to leave prison and I'd given away all my worldly possessions. You know, I gave away my glass ashtray that I stole out of Warden Fitzharris' office's glass. I gaveaway my piece of carpet shag. I gaveway my blankets that were brand new and said State of California on them. You know they weren't worn. And I gave way all my Bonnaroo's. I gave aways tailor made clothes that were made for me. And because I did very well in prison and I gave away some Romeos and some tailor made boots, some special made boots. And I'm sitting there and I said, I am getting out. And the thought hit me. Why? Why do you want to leave? why do you want to leave go out play that silly game with the parole officer finally be broke do a robbery and then running and so but something else that johnny said in 1962 he said why don't you give yourself a break and join us and i heard it i heard it again. And I said, that's what I'm going to do. So I started going to meetings. Meetings, meetings, meetings. Service, service, service. And I think the way my higher power set this thing up for me, I don't know how he did it for you, but he gives me a job every morning. He says, Danny, your job is to be happy, joyous and free. I'll take care of the rest. And it seems like everything good that has happened to me has happened as a direct result of helping someone else everything i was trying to get my son my he was 15 at the time i was going crazy trying to get him to meetings he was 16 he was doing that that math and uh come on let's go to a meeting let's call come on it's called a meeting and and uh and he would know dad all your guy all your friends have been to the joint. They're all killers. I just smoked, man. Lost. And I was speaking in front of like, you know, three, four hundred kids at a time telling them about drugs and about alcohol. Different schools. And one day I go out to talk and And I just completely lost it. I couldn't do it. I said, what the hell am I doing here? And who the hell in mind? I'm here. I'm going to talk to these kids and they're liable to find my two dead behind a 7-Eleven. And I couldn t do it, I turned around, I started walking back. And Chispas, one of the ex-leaders of the Mexican Mafia, who found God. Thank God he found God, you know? This guy was not a nice guy, but... And he stopped me and said, what are you doing? I said, you Know What? I can't do it. Chispos, I can' t do it, I'm done, I' m through. He says, wait a minute, what's wrong? I said You Know What, I am here acting like I know something, and my kids are dying. He said, well, why don't you practice that stuff you talk about letting go and letting God? And I went, wow. It's a good thing he was in the ex-mafia, right? That sucked him. And I said, but he's, no, no. Aren't you supposed to turn them over to God? And I talked. That night, I went to a meeting. I went through an NA meeting that night. And I'm sitting in this N.A. meeting, and I'm killing everybody again. After the meeting, this kid walks up to me, and this kid is bald-headed. Mexican kid walks over. Hey, I want you to be my sponsor. I look at this kid. This kid's got a, his eye is pierced. He's got it piercing through his eye. he's got a piercing through his nose his tongue is pierced his lip is pierce and he's gotta little knife hanging down he's got both titties pierced I'm thinking I'll turn this kid into a Republican And I start taking this kid to meetings. You know, we started going to meetings, going to meeting, going to meetings, every day and one day I was speaking up in Oxnard or Santa Barbara so he stopped off at my house and it's about 4.30 in the afternoon. My kid's just waking up. You know? He's like, he's been gone. Are you going to a meeting, Dad? Oh God, I want to kill this kid. I know, I know. And the reason he was there is because I got so angry at him one day, you know what I mean? That the old me came up and I jumped up and grabbed him. And what I heard out of my voice was my dad. You understand? I heard my dad and my grandfather saying, I will break every bone in your body, do you understand? and I let him go and I walked outside and I just came back and I said look there's just no drugs in this house I don't know nothing about no tough love I don' I don'' know just no drugs in the bed he says alright so he just didn't bring drugs now and then I I I run upstairs to go take a shower and him and Johnny start talking and then 20 minutes my kid comes up dad yeah hey can i go to a meeting with johnny yeah cool and they went to a meet my kids got over five months right now everything good that has ever happened to me has happened as a direct result of helping someone else everything to understand everything my daughter i told she i moved them two in with me as both of them and my i told my daughter look you got two rules don't die on me and don't drink or use and she's i can live with that and uh she's got over five months off that man you know so so this program won't only save your life it can save your whole family's life my sister has got seven years one of my best friends just got out of the joint he's got about oh he's going on a year my brother's got three years and you try to tell me this thing don't work I found what I was looking for in Alcoholics Anonymous I need look no further none and I see people searching I'm searching for a spiritual contact why don't you pray God answers knee-mail. Hey, that was pretty good. Knee-mail, did not email, knee- mail. Do you understand? Get on your knees and pray. That's all there is to it. That's your spiritual content. I love it. I loved walking around the house in the morning mumbling a prayer and then watching my daughter walk around mumbling her prayer and then watch my son, hey, stop mumbling so loud. He mumbles his. I live with my son and my daughter in Marina Del Rey. My son's in a band. It's his band so that means every morning I wake up there's at least four people laying on my floor and I love it. I love him. Yeah. And if you're new, now listen up. You have to go to a lot of meetings. See, because they told me go to meetings and don't drink in between meetings. Okay? Now for an alcoholic, that's impossible if you are going to like one meeting a week. can't last ain't gonna make it ain't gonna make but to give yourself better odds where are you going after this mean another meeting I did me and Frank Russo Frank Russo when I first got out of the joint we used to go to like 16 meetings a week that's all we did meetings and I I had a lot of trouble at first you know and it's really funny because I remember I was over the nest one time and these people came in and they said hey we're going on a move now in Chicano a move is a movida and a Amuvida means we're going to make some money. We're going to turn this and do that and make a little money. So, you want to go? Yeah! So, amuvida. We go. There's got about four pickup trucks. I'm thinking shoo, these guys are heavy. pull up in front of this house four people i mean whoa daylight burn cool they started moving stuff i mean a move really we're like moving furniture and i'm like hey what's up i didn't understand this what is going on here and he says we're on the move we're moving this lady and naturally being you know self-centered selfish and uh stingy i asked well you know what are they paying an hour no no come on yes i don't do nothing for free and this guy laughed at me like oh what a joke you know I'm not being funny how much we get an hour and then I said I found out we weren't getting paid and then i said well wait a minute are they at least gonna like make us sandwiches and this guy told me Danny if this lady could give us sandwiches she'd feed her kids I noticed when we moved the icebox it had like baking soda in it and and cold water i think there's not much you know and and what's going on and this guy tells me that this lady's husband picked up a beef and you know she's losing everything and somebody in the in the group is moving her into the guest house with her two kids and we get back to the nest and all these guys are like hey we were so cool and I was bum kicked didn't make nothing an hour didn't get a sandwich and I went to Sam and I said Sam what happened what's wrong with me and I'll never forget Sam always had that Crap in his mind Well, Denny What's wrong with you? You're not a nice person And your problem is double Because you're not only not a Nice person You don't even look like A nice person You have never done anything For anybody And not expect some kind Of reward and he said it like that reward if he had just said reward like a normal person I could have forgot it but how in the hell are you going to forget reward and I said what do I got to do he says you have to start doing things for other people and not expect any kind of reward and I tried it it didn't work didn't I was in Reseda Park I never shirt you gotta remember I got this tattoo Reseda Park with no shirt standing there and this lady had a Doberman pincher and a boxer and the dobie the box yeah the dobie got away and it was right here I seen the leash and I went hey broad do you want me to get this damn dog And I don't know how she did it Because she wasn't that big But she picked up that boxer Ran by me Grabbed that dobie Threw them both in her station wagon We split Bitch And I went and told Sam And I knew he was going to tell me something like Well you know Dennis Some women Don't want a man's help It's the ego. I know he's going to say something like that. I walk in with no shirt and tell him what happened. He goes, well, look at you. You look like a damn maniac. I wouldn't want you touching my dogs either. Why aren't you wearing a shirt? What do I have to do? Now you have to start doing things for other people and not even let them know. I said, well, that's stupid. Now I can't even get thanked. And so I started doing. I started just doing things. Everything good that has ever happened to me has happened as a direct result of helping someone else. Everything. And I learned that. And I thank God for those people. And it's still working. In 1985, this kid called me up and he said, it was actually the first phone call that I got from 1969 to 1985 that somebody was actually asking for help. He said, I feel like I'm going to get loaded. I've never gotten a call. My calls are like, hey, I sleep. My calls are at like 10 to 2. Hey, I sleep. Those are my calls. The first call I've ever gotten where somebody actually said I feel like I'm going to get loaded. and it's like wow a real phone call and i come on over you know we'll have coffee and stay up all night and uh he said i can't danny i'm working can you please come down here and he said it and i'm a sucker my daughter does the same thing she'll ask me for something she won't cry but then she's the little twitching little you know what i mean oh god and i could hear he's can you please come down here why me I went down I thought it was going to be like a regular 12th I was going wait out outside of his job in the parking lot he was going come out at 12 o'clock it's 11 o' clock at night he's going to come out at 12 at their break we're going to sit out in the car drink coffee, smoke cigarettes then he was gonna go back in everybody was gonna think we're gay It wasn't I walked onto the movie set Of a movie called Runaway Train With John Voight and Eric Roberts And I thought it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen in my life Because all these guys from like Brentwood and Westwood They were all dressed like convicts And they all had on like fake tattoos Oh, I'm sorry That's smears and tattoos all over his dress. This guy asked me, he says, this kid was a PA, production assistant, and this other guy asked him, hey, do you want to be in this movie? And I said, what do I got to do? He said, do You want to do this? Do You want To Be an Extra? I said an extra what? He says, can you act like a convict? I'll give it a shot they give me those blue pants and I wear them well I'm sorry ah them blue state pants you put them on me and it looks like they were tailor made they just fit perfect drape everything and then he gives me a shirt so I took off my shirt so the minute I took of my shirt this guy comes over and says hey you're Danny Trejo I said yeah He said, Danny, I saw you win the lightweight and the welterweight title up in San Quentin. I said, you're Eddie Bunker. I know you. He says, what are you doing here? I said. I'm hanging out with this kid. I'm going to. He says. Do you want a job? I said I got one. They're going to give me 50 bucks for acting like a convict. He says no, no. I mean a real job. We need somebody to train one of the actors how to box. And I said what's it pay? He says 320 a day. I said how bad do you want this guy beat up? I said shit. Shit. Sorry. I figured I'd beat him up, then write about it and tell Sam I was expecting a re-ward. No, no, you've got to be real careful. This actor's a little high strung, Danny. He might sock you. For $320, give him a stick. Are you crazy? Damn! I started training an actor named Eric Roberts how to box. And me and Eric got along. He was scared of me. And the director saw that, and all of a sudden, it's like, you'll be in movie. What does that mean? And it means that I just caught lightning in a bottle. All of a suddenly. And this director every night, because I would work with Eric. I'd keep Eric out of trouble. This director, every night he'd come over, you come tomorrow. And he'd kiss me on each cheek. And then he'd say, you work with Erick. Okay, and then he'd leave, and I'd tell Eddie, okay, look, Eddie, he can have them two kisses for $320, but if it's going to go any further, we've got to go out for that money. I got everything. I got insurance. I got union. I didn't even know what I had. They paid me. I worked for three weeks. They paid мне. I got more money taken out of that check than I ever made in a robbery. I thought they made a mistake I phoned and put it in my pocket I'm gone And he said where are you going I said they made mistakes No they didn't Made a lot of money I was really blessed with that film industry Because from 1985 to 1993 They made a whole bunch of prison movies get that mexican with a big tattoo i'm always there and i had these wonderful lines like we'll kill you that was it oh come on i can do that i said this is a hold-up i said that more times in the movies than i ever did on the streets amazing i had this director say danny you have this thought of shotgun i want you to kick in this door there's 12 people there and i want you to take them hostage now i've told a couple of them to do certain things so it can really look real so i did kicked in the door and all right and lady yelled something so bang i i acted i didn't hit her i acted like i i i hit her and boom she went down i turned this shotgun on this guy and i said please please i haven't shot anybody all day And this guy, cut, cut. Where did you study? Dale's Market, Piggly Wiggly, Bake America. A lot of drug dealers. people come up to me and say so lucky I was doing what I was supposed to be doing that's all that's all I'm doing the same thing that I'm still doing you call my house you come over we're gonna have some coffee or we're gonna go to a meeting Doing the same thing I need to look no further Do you understand? I'm here This is me This is my life God It's like I promised my daughter She didn't have a car You know what sweetheart You have a chauffeur You never Need a ride to a meeting I'll always get you a ride To a meeting And it's wonderful It's so beautiful 11 o'clock at night Daddy there's four of us here And our ride is leaving so can we finish our dinner and then will you come pick us up remember your promise yeah sure because that's what I do and my daughter just goes to meetings and it's so cute to see I got a sponsor I love this program Do you understand? I am in love with Alcoholics Anonymous. I love the feeling of hope. I love to feel good. I love that feeling of hope for my family instead of despair. Do you know what I'm saying? I love it. I love feeling of just knowing that the sky is the limit. You know, if I would have gotten everything that I wanted when I first got here, I would've been done a long time ago. I wanted, God what I want I wanted a car and to be off parole and a pad that's about it you know what I mean that was about it really and maybe you know some eggs over easy that was all about it and it's like all of a sudden it's not I can't explain my life I am so scared sometimes that somebody is gonna come by and go, Danny, wake up, wake up. Let's go to chow. Oh, he wasn't. Oh, shit. I love this program. I love my sponsor. I love his sponsor. I heard these guys a long, long time ago. And the one thing that I got to say is that everything they said was true. You know, I mean, we could actually be fortune tellers for people that wanted to go out. You could come up to me. You could actually come up to me and say, I feel like drinking. Could you tell me what's going to happen? I could be wearing one of those salami hats and a big cape and you could come up and I would go, you're gonna get a dui wait let me summon the rest of the alcoholic spirits oh your family's gonna disown you you're going to be a dredge on the psyche right down the line and when all that happened you would be amazing i should have listened to that salami that guy really knew what he was talking about because it happens day after day after day for everybody that goes out in 38 years nobody has ever called me that went out with some good news ever nobody's ever been out two years and called me and said hey dan life is beautiful i you know what i just bought my kids christmas presents my wife adores me yeah i can't keep her hands on you love me nobody I get those calls where people and the first thing you hear is oh things aren't that good huh if you're new go to a lot of meetings if you are new go too a lot of meetings and I say that because when you're knew that's you don't hear that What you just heard was Go to a lot of meetings And it says it I have never seen anybody Leave this program That was working it Never I have not I have ever seen anybody slip That was work in this program Ever It's only the people that stop God bless you Thank you very much Good job, Danny. 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