The Contempt Prior to Investigation That Kept Him from the Steps – Paul M.

About This Speaker Tape

Rockaway Beach, 4:00 AM. A side door opens to a bottle of whiskey and a bucket of ice. Paul M. collapses in an alcoholic seizure, waking up in restraining sheets with a visceral vow to never drink again

. But he discovers that not drinking is merely a start; he doesn't have a drinking problem, he has a "living sober problem." For years, Paul exists as a "starving man at a spiritual banquet," attending meetings and making coffee but refusing the Steps. He describes himself as "His Majesty the Baby," a child in a man's body who views the Steps as too "warm and fuzzy" until he nearly kills a family in a road-rage incident while stark, raving sober.

He realizes he is "shackled to self" and that the Steps are not informative, but transformative. He warns that the ego of the alcoholic knows no bounds, and that without a Higher Power and the full program, he is just a man in a better car, still heading for the abyss.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Laughter: Paul M. jokes about his daughter 'zoom bombing' his meetings.
• 2:15 Humor: The story of the juggler and the 'sobriety test'.
• 6:30 Discussion of the 'Doctor's Opinion' and the physical allergy to alcohol.
• 11:20 The 'living sober problem' vs. the 'drinking problem'.
• 16:45 A visceral account of an alcoholic seizure in a Rockaway Beach bar.
• 22:10 The 'fixed fight' metaphor: willpower vs. the disease of alcoholism.
• 31:15 The 'starving man at a spiritual banquet'u2014refusing the 12 Steps while in the rooms.
• 36:40 A story of road rage on the Gowanus Expressway and the realization that he is 'crazier off drink'.
• 44:10 The 'recuperative power of the alcoholic ego' and the need for daily reprieve.
• 52:30 Honesty about a divorce at 20 years sober and the danger of isolation.
• 58:15 The 'TMI' moment with a stranger driving him from the airport.
• 64:00 Closing with the traditional Irish Blessing.