The Connection That No Therapist Could Give Him – Rodger L.

Okay, it's officially 8.30 p.m. Let's all grab our seats and try to get together. My name is Ron. I'm an alcoholic. A couple quick announcements. You know the church is doing major renovations to our meeting hall. It's going to be absolutely beautiful. The pictures are posted up on Facebook, on our Facebook page. But we're a little inconvenienced. We're going to have to be smushed in here a little bit. It's a little tight, but it's very intimate and very close, and we'll make it work. The group actually started in this room, a little bit of history, and then we just outgrew it very quickly. So anyway, what else can I tell you? Be mindful to come into the front door only. That back door that we normally, a lot of people come through is going to be locked, so you'll wonder, like, where is everybody? So you'll have to come in the front door. They got it all sealed off. With that, I think we got the, oh, we got a treat tonight. We got the world's greatest chairperson all the way from Southern Canada. Let's give a warm welcome to Ms. Karen. Hello, y'all. My name is Kara, and I'm a recovered alcoholic. This is a one-hour speaking meeting that meets every Saturday evening at St. Paul's Lutheran Church, 301 North Main Street, Doylestown, PA. Food and fellowship starts at 8 p.m. and speaker at 8.30 p.m. The business meeting for this group meets every Saturday at 7 p.m. to 7.30 p.m. right here. Please come early and join us. The purpose of this group is to provide a consistent message of hope and recovery through God, reliance, and service to others through the practice and teachings of the 12 steps. Rerecord all speakers so that others may benefit from their message of recovery. If you wish not to be recorded, simply ask. This is an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. This group would like to welcome everyone, especially newcomers, Is there anyone new or from out of town that would like to introduce themselves with their first name? In the back. Hey, Austin, welcome. My name's Emily, I'm an alcoholic. Hey, Emily, welcome. Anna, alcoholic. Hey, Anna, welcome. Hey, Tommy, welcome. Hey, Tommy, welcome. Welcome. Hey, my name's Alex, I'm an alcoholic. Hey, Alex, welcome. Jack, I'm an alcoholic. Welcome. Welcome all newcomers. The Conscious Contact speaker group would encourage your sponsorship. Would anyone with a working knowledge of the 12 steps and willing to sponsor, please raise your hands. Are there any announcements for the good of AA? Nick? My name's Nick, I'm an alcoholic. Hey, Nick. And also during the separate tradition, I lead on cash. If you have any questions, just come see me after the meeting, if you want to make a donation. Thank you. Thank you, Nick. Thank you, Nick. Our sister group is a big book study meeting that meets every Thursday at 7.30 p.m. just up at the road at Salem UCC Church, 186 East Court Street, Doylestown. Coffee is on at 6.15. We have meeting lists and big books on easy terms. Please see me or any home group member after the meeting. If you cannot afford a big book, the Conscious Contact is available. Our Conscious Contact speaker group will give you one at no charge. Anyone willing to make donations for the purpose of the big books to help those who cannot afford them can put donations in the jar on the table marked big books and CD donations. Please subscribe to our YouTube channel, the Conscious Contact speaker group of Doylestown, PA. And our Facebook group, subscribe and share. You can find our speakers there. Join our Facebook page to keep informed. And you can share upcoming events and meetings. Thank you. I would like to bring up a good friend of the Conscious Contact. He's going to come up and read the Just for Today prayer. Let's give Jason a warm welcome. Whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo! That's nice. I like that. Good evening, everybody. I'm Jason. I'm an alcoholic. Just for today, prayer of recovery. Just for today, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can. Dress becomingly. Talk low. Act courteously. Criticize not one bit. Not find fault with anything. Not try to improve or regulate anyone except myself. Please bring to the podium our dear friend, Brian. Thank you. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Brian. I'm an alcoholic. I will be reading the AA preamble. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship with men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership. We are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization, or institution. Does not wish to engage in any controversy. Neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. With that, I'm going to bring up my good friend, Nick. Nick's going to read the 12th century. Thank you. Thank you. Nick's going to read the 12 steps. You're welcome, Nick. Go birds. My name's Nick. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Nick. And these are the 12 steps of recovery. Step one, we admitted we are powerless over alcohol, that our lives have become unmanageable. Step two, we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore society. Step three, we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. Step four, made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Step five, we admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Step six, we were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character. And step seven, we humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. Step eight, we made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. And step nine, we made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Step ten, we continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. In step eleven, we sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. And in step twelve, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all of our affairs. Thanks for letting me read, and I'll bring Cara back up to introduce our speaker. Applause Our conscious, um, no. The seven tradition states, Every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. At this time, I would like to pass the basket. We have no dues or fees, but we have expenses. This group provides many services. Your donations cover food, rent, big books, CDs, events, workshops, etc. There is absolutely no smoking on church property. Please take a moment to silence all cell phones and limit movement during the meeting to avoid distractions. Now. Now. I'd like to introduce the speaker as a good friend of the Conscious Contact Speaker Group. Let's give Roger a warm welcome. He came all the way from the Bradley Beach area. Applause That is awesome. Hi, everyone, I'm Roger. I'm an alcoholic. First things first, I'd just like to thank Ron for the kind invitation to speak here tonight, and I'd like to thank this group for having me. It's an honor and privilege to make myself available for Alcoholics Anonymous whenever asked. It's a privilege to be here with you guys tonight. I hope everyone had a happy new year. And welcome to all the newcomers. Thank you guys. Come all the way in and sit all the way down to some of the first advice I was told. Here I am 10 years later and some of the best advice I was told in the beginning. But man, I want to also thank Ron for coming out to my home group. It took me about an hour and a half ride here in the rain. I was just taking a bunch of AA calls on the way here. I was talking to a lot of AA friends I've gotten to over the years. I was talking to this newcomer. He got into rehab last week and then he AMA'd and walked five hours back to his house. And kind of went MIA for a little bit and calls me up this morning and he's like, dude, I am so cold. I need to get into somewhere. And I got him lined up to get into rehab out in Cherry Hill. And he was like, yeah, Cherry Hill's kind of... He lives in Marlboro, so it would be longer of a walk. So he just got in just now. And so we prayed together. And I just started reflecting on the ride, like how full my life is today because of you guys. The relationships, the meaningful relationships and profound relationships I have in my life today because of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I think about... A lot of people talk about this golden thread. It's almost like my entire sobriety has just been constant invitations. Yeah. You guys invited me to come to your meetings, to take a seat, to get a commitment, to go to an event. And I just learned to say yeah and yes and sure. And because of that, these invitations, my life has completely blossomed because I just said yes to AA. And for some reason, I'm in Dorristown, Pennsylvania on a Saturday night. So hopefully I'm here for a reason. But it's always seriousness. I am grateful to be here. I'm grateful to be alive and sober and live this beautiful life. I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of friends in the community. I have a lot of friends that I've never met before. I have friends that I have today because of Alcoholics Anonymous. Just to briefly qualify, I have a home group. It's called Design for a Living Group. We meet on Sunday nights at 7 p.m. in Neptune, New Jersey. And that's my home here in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, it's a place that feels like home. And when I walk in the doors, it's just the energy and the buzz and the love that's just tangible. You know, and I feel that same energy in the room here tonight. And you know, I love my home group and I have a sponsor. He's a sponsor and I sponsor others. And most importantly, I have a sobriety day and that's July 26, 2015. And so, yeah. just here to share in a general way what I used to be like, what happened, what I'm like today. Share a little bit of my experience, strength, and hope. And to share what the big book encourages me to share and that's from my own point of view, my own language, how I established this relationship with God. You know and I hope I can do that at some point in my story tonight. But what I really want to do is share where our co-founder Bill W talks about this language of the heart. You know from my hearts to your hearts. You know and it's through the language of the heart that reached me deeper and further than just intellectually. You know because when I sit with you guys, when I talk to you guys, when I'm with you, I just feel better. You know I feel a part of and I feel connected. And I didn't realize for a long period of time that this connection was my problem. Right? And so AA gave me something that no therapist, no psychologist, no family member, or no friend was ever able to give to me and that's this thing called true connection. You know and so when I first came to AA, I didn't know what my problem was. You know I had no, I had a lot of, I had a ton of problems. But you know I thought they were just alcohol related problems. Right? I just, I just always thought I was at the wrong place at the wrong time or I just had some really bad luck or just life treated me unfair or it was his fault, their fault, my parents fault. You know but what AA did is gave me voice to my alcoholism. You know I didn't realize I had this allergy to alcohol or this mental obsession or this spiritual malady. You know I didn't realize that my alcoholism started when I stopped drinking. Like that didn't make any sense to me. You know and I definitely didn't know that I had a separation from God and a disconnect from others. Right? But for a really long time I've always felt this disconnection. You know I was born and raised in Sussex County, New Jersey. It's a very rural area of New Jersey. I have two immigrant parents. My mom's from Thailand, my dad's from Cambodia, and I have an older sister. And they gave me the best love that they knew how. You know there wasn't anything traumatic that happened to me. Anything I could put my thumb on as to why I ended up, you know, doing the things I did, drinking the way I drank. But I always felt like the black sheep of my family. You know I always felt separate from them. I always felt this disconnection from them. And you know that doesn't make me alcoholic but there was always this constant separation I always felt. And so you know alcohol wasn't foreign to my household. You know my dad had survived the Cambodian War during the Khumar Rouge genocide and he got a job as a, you know, as a bartender for the US Embassy. And so they got him out of the country and he was able to get most of my aunts and uncles out of the country. But you know he lost his parents, he lost all his friends, all the schoolmates. So when he came to this country, you know, he just had a lot of survivor's guilt. He had a lot of shame, guilt, remorse. And he was looking to escape so he turned to alcohol right away. You know alcohol gave him that relief. It gave him that escape that he needed. And so growing up I would see what alcohol did to my father. You know some days he was happy, some days he was angry, some days he was sad. You know and I just never knew what version of my dad I was going to get. And him and my mom would fight over his drinking all the time. And you know I always sided with my mother and it kept me away from alcohol for a pretty long period of time. And I'll never forget, you know, I was probably around 12 years old. My dad would drive drunk all the time, worked at a bar and he would stumble through the door. And and this time something happened where my sister confronted him. My older sister, she was probably around 15 at the time. And she just asked him questions. And he said, you know, I'm a friend of yours. I'm an alcohol addict. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a drug addict. I'm a drug addict. You know, and so I've been through all of this. And she was like, why are you doing this? Why are you hurting us? And she don't stop drinking I'm gonna run away and for some reason that was the voice of reason for my dad you know and from that day forward he was able to manage control his drinking you know he's able to stop overshooting the mark and so frothy emotional appeal suffice for a guy like my dad for a guy like me I'm a heartbreaker I do incredible tragic things when I drink you know and when it becomes operative for me to stop drinking I drink more at it I don't know if anyone can relate with that you know no matter the necessity or the wish and so you know growing up going to school again conscious separation for me and others I just felt different from the other kids you know you know in our literature in the 12th hole talks about feeling this anxious apartness and I remember reading them the 12th hole for the first time and I'm thinking that's who I've always thought I was just this anxious apartness I just always felt that way and in dr. Bob's nightmare he talks about feeling like being completely painfully aware of his abnormalities right because you know I'm a little bit of a person but I'm a little bit of a person but I'm the son of God so this man is a little bit THIS man is the reason why I said these words that I know value blood you know it's going to the next season or the seventh season I'm just just being calm I want this mother I want myHer in a Catholic community you know in order to support her but you know the eating I'm not that this is my belief that this is my belief about her and you know it's kind of like being in many places like family I mean like we can't even look at some of the here's some reasons why people don't mind and I started getting angry at everyone, and at my parents, and at the school, and the other kids. It was just like me against the world, right? And I remember I picked up a guitar and I gravitated towards a bunch of kids that felt the same way I felt, and I started playing a lot of angry music, you know, a lot of punk rock music, heavy metal music. And I'll tell you, when I'm on stage and I'm playing music with my friends, I felt like that was my first I had arrived moment, right? Because I just felt a part of something, you know, I felt connected to something. I just felt okay, right? But much has been repeated in my life is the shine always wears off. You know, the shine always wears off for a guy like me, because when I'm home and I'm staring at the ceiling at night, I just want to be someone else somewhere else always doing something else. And it didn't matter what guitar I bought, what friends I had, what bands I saw, it just was never enough for a guy like me. And you know, I was a really weird kid, you know, I started hanging out with I guess what you would call Wiccans, so I would, yeah, very weird time in my life. So I would go in the woods and I would go to the movies. I would go to the movies, I would go to the movies. I would go to the woods with these kids. And we do these weird like rituals and ghost hunting and like all this weird stuff. And I just wanted answers, man. You know, because I just felt so insignificant and small that I wanted to believe there's something bigger than myself, you know, and so most kids were having, you know, you know, more concern about the next ballgame and next video games and the next in the school dance and I was having like an existential crisis at the age of 15. You know, talk about like, constant fear intention, right? So just fast forward, high school comes and, you know, I go to this high school and there's all these kids from all these different towns and I just didn't know what to do with myself. And I, what I did is I did what I know best and that's to dress myself on the outside how I think you felt on your insides. You know, one day I'm wearing an Abercrombie shirt, the next day I'm wearing a Metallica shirt, the next day I'm wearing a sports jersey signing up for the track team, right? And I just wanted to be, and a lot of people can relate to this chameleon, right? I just wanted to get through and so this is where alcohol comes to my story for the first time. I, again, born and raised in South South Africa, I was born and raised in South South Africa, and I was born and raised in South South Africa, and I was born and raised in South South Africa, and I was born and raised in South South Africa, again, born and raised in Sussex County. What you, a lot of kids do out there is to go off-roading and like hang out in the woods and drink in the woods. So these kids approached me in the school parking lot, I had like a 4Runner, so it was like a four-wheel drive car and they, truck, and they invited me to go off-roading with them and I was like, yeah, why not? So I remember going to Stillwater, New Jersey, and we're in the woods, we're blasting music, Zeppelin and CCR, and you know, we're just off-roading, we're having a blast and I'll never forget, and even when nighttime came, there's this campfire and this one kid shows up with a case of yingling, another kid shows up with a bottle of wild turkey, and you know, we're passing these bottles around this campfire, and I remember taking these tokes, and I'm taking these chugs, and something magical happened. You know, something happened, right? Because I've been taking these swigs and these puffs, it's like, the music was a little louder, the fire was a little warmer, the stars were a little brighter, and I just felt connected to you, you know, I just felt connected to something, and it's almost this yearning to figure out what is the meaning to life was answered in that moment, right? That's the best way I can describe it looking back at it, right? So, I can't tell you from that point on, you know, things got drastically worse. But I'll tell you, alcohol became my favorite hobby. That was all I looked forward to, right? So I'll go to school, and I just want to get to the weekends so I can drink with my friends, and we're gonna figure out where we're gonna do it, how we're gonna get it, and who we're gonna do it with. And that's all I look forward to, right? It didn't matter, I stopped playing guitar, I stopped really trying to get into music, playing guitar, I stopped really trying to get good grades, I stopped you know you really participating in track like I just I just wanted to drink with my friends. And so fast forward to a senior year of high school I get an opportunity to go to a college my sister got out got accepted to his college in Williamsport Pennsylvania and and you know basically get a free ride to go. So suddenly I start thinking that is my problem it's this town it's my parents it's these other kids that are holding me back I just can go to college and I could recreate myself and be the person I've always wanted to be right that's the solution to my problem. And I'll tell you once I get to this this this college and I step on in the freshman dorm room and I just feel completely alone you know I feel like I don't belong I feel like I made a huge mistake and and so what do I do? I go ahead and buy some friends and I join a fraternity and you know from there on out things were pretty easy right I kind of you know did what they did I talked like they talk I drank like they drank and you know I at this point in my story like alcohol started doing something for me that I couldn't do for myself. You know alcohol it was almost like I drank in order to drink if that makes any sense right and in our literature talks about alcohol being the social lubricant right because if you pour alcohol my insecurities you pour alcohol on my inadequacies you pour alcohol my fear like it just allows me to be a little more lubed up so I can be with you right and if I'm comfortable with me I could be comfortable with you and so I just kind of go ahead and go ahead and do something for myself and I mean wills and this topic has been talked about for six months now in certain communities and and I've started talking about this a little bit now and people who питurs me about it get on a rock right it's always a not great way to be angry to be angry and it's kind of like you've got to have that mentee of sort of a baby listen that kiss prattle hey cool enough and get something done 80 you know get something done 80 a second Doctor will be fine with me now this person that came up on Pete's at home he got a quicker life at Alley what is it that you want gonna bring him to from certainly I don't like you know if they're so young me they're gonna win him a good father at the top maybe I don't think that actually would be a good job I mean I'm living in Massachusetts you know and and I'm going to win him but because the and they're telling me things I did. And so they had these concerns for me and they gave me, you know, really well intentioned, they gave me some advice. They're like, listen, why don't you see the school psychologist and therapist and figure out what's wrong with you, man. And I was again hopeful, like maybe that's it. Maybe if I see these professionals or get the right cocktails and medications, I can finally feel okay, I can finally feel a part of, I can finally feel a part of something, like the world, right? And so I remember seeing these really well intentioned professionals and I get laundry lists of prescriptions and a laundry list of diagnosis and again hopeful that this is gonna work. And within a few months, I mean, I feel worse before than I did when I was on these meds. And so within a few months, you know, I stopped seeing these professionals, I'm throwing out the medications and selling the other ones to get what I know work and that's alcohol, right? And so at this point, I mean, I go back, I'd go drinking around the clock. I'm not even showing up for class anymore. I'm not showing up for tests. I'm not studying. I'm not like applying myself in college. Like there'll be a party going down the hall and I'm in my room drinking alone. And I was okay with that. You know, that's where my drinking took me. And I'll never forget, I got a email from the school dean and he wanted me to meet him in his office. And I remember going through his office, opening up the door and there is my mom and dad sitting there just crying, you know? And I'll never forget that picture, right? And like the school dean told me like, if you, you know, you can't even apply yourself. Like we don't wanna waste your time. You don't wanna waste our time. Why don't you go back home with mom and dad and figure out what you wanna do with your life? You know, we'll be here. And so back home with the mom and dad I go. And right at this point in my life, I just felt like a complete loser. You know, I felt like I couldn't even do college right. You know, all these kids I grew up with and went to high school with, they're getting good jobs. They're raising families. They're doing something with their lives. And I'm just home with mom and dad trying to get any job they'll give me the quickest cash to get what I know works and that's alcohol. And at this point in my story, you know, I started doing unspeakable things for the next drink. You know, I started stepping on people I never thought would step on. Started hurting people I never thought would hurt. And I started dragging my family, friends, and loved ones through this dark, intuited world of alcoholism. And you know, I was a terrible criminal. I always got caught. Horrible criminal. I'll tell you, we had this AA international convention in Canada, I had to get like a rap sheet of my charges. It was horrific, you know. I got in though. But that's where I meet Alcoholics Anonymous for the first time because I get arrested a lot and I end up in detoxes a lot. I end up in the psych wards a lot, right. And good members of Alcoholics Anonymous will come in and share their experience, strength, and hope. And when I heard you guys, I don't remember exactly what they said, but I just felt better, you know. Like you guys spoke a language I never heard before. You know, and so if anyone does any like commitments in treatment centers or jails or rehabs or detoxes, you know, I'm gonna be like, you know, I'm gonna be like, you know, I'm gonna be like, you know, I'm gonna be like, you know, I'm gonna be like, you know, I'm gonna be like, you know, thank you for saving my life. Thank you for your service. Because when I was finally ready, I knew where to go. I knew these doors would be open. I knew there would be coffee. I knew there would be a seat. You know, I knew the lights would be on. So thank you to anyone that carries this service, you know. It's life-saving. And, you know, I get out of these rehabs and I'd go to meetings sometimes, normally to appease my parents or to get papers signed. But I never fully got involved. And I'll never forget, I went to a treatment center out in like Ewing, New Jersey, for like, you know, a month or two, and I was like, you know, like, you know, six months. And I got, went to a church. I got, you know, I got, I was born again. I, you know, I ended up going back home, my mom and dad. I get this home group in Sparta, New Jersey. And I get a sponsor at this home group. I got a coffee commitment. I celebrated 90 days and things were looking up. Not a cloud on the horizon, you know. And I got a job with the guy in AA doing renovation work. And, you know, things were looking up. And just suddenly, I remember I drove my sponsor at the time to Newark Airport. I dropped him off. And I remember going on Route 80. And then like suddenly, my, the wheel of my car turns off and exit I shouldn't have gone off of. And I remember convincing myself, listen, if I just one time, you know, I'll relapse. I'll go back to the meetings. I'll tell on myself. I'll count days again. It's not a big deal. No one's really going to care. And I'll tell you, once I started, I couldn't stop. You know, and it was just this powerlessness that I, that I like understood. Because then I came in the rooms of AA. I understand, I understood what I was up against, right. And I'll never forget, I drank and I couldn't stop. And I still went to this meeting drunk. I still did this coffee commitment drunk. And I'll never forget, I would always go, you know, to this meeting and set up the coffee. And there would always be like a chaperone in a parking lot, like waiting for me. Like, hey, let me help you out, man. You know, and they knew what was going on. You know, and they didn't banish me from Alcoholics Anonymous. They didn't exile me from Alcoholics Anonymous. They invited me, you know, with open arms. You know, and they treated me like a human, not like the animal I felt like. And I'll never forget that. You know, one of my friends likes to say these kindness of strangers, right. Like, I might not even remember their face or their name, but I remember there was these strangers that showed some kindness, which is, I owe my life to today. You know, and I try to remember that whenever I meet a newcomer or I go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. So anyways, you guys probably know the story. You know, once I start, I can't stop. So I end up just getting caught from my parents. They kick me out of their house. And you know, I don't even show up for this meeting anymore. And I'll never forget this day. I was, you know, squatting in this abandoned building in Nekong, New Jersey. And there was no running water. I was with a bunch of other kids up to no good. And you know, I'll never forget just coming to in the bottom of a stairwell. And just like, bottles all around me, you know, holes all over my arms. And I remember waking up so thirsty, it hurt to swallow. Like, I'll never forget that feeling. And there was like no running water. And I just wanted to die. You know, I just wanted to die. I just didn't want to do this anymore. And I remember my parents would drop me off food at the front door. And they would leave. And it was just a really dark time in my life. And you know, but how dark it is before the dawn. Because God comes down as five Mount Olive police officers tackling me down outside of Dunkin' Donuts parking lot 9 AM in the morning. And you know, from there on out, I go back to jail once again. And I've been to this jail a few times. And I remember just saying this prayer. You know, like I was talking to something. I don't know exactly what it was. But you know, a lot of people say that, you know, foxhole prayers don't work. But in my story, I live life forward, understanding it backwards. Mine were answered. I remember saying to something, you know, if I can get out of jail this time, I promise to do something different. I promise to go back to AA. I promise I'll get honest with my life, you know, x, y, and z. And shortly after that, this judge went to see me in this court. And it was like I was, you know, it was on TV. Like the judge was on one screen. My parents were on another screen with the lawyer. She basically gives me one last chance. She basically tells me, listen, your parents are going to drive you to rehab. And if we hear you stop for McDonald's or a cigarette or anything, your ass is getting back here and doing some serious time. And those are exact words. And so to rehab, I go with my mom and dad. And I go out to rehab out in Eatontown, New Jersey. And I've been here dozens of times. They know me by first name. You know, I walked in, hey, Roger, welcome back. Glad you're alive, you know. And you know, this time was just a little different. You know? I was just a little beaten. You know, I was a little willing. And they told me, I just listened to what they wanted me to do. They're like, well, help set up the HNI. Sure. Make your bed. Sure. You know, help us run the groups. Sure. You know? And one of the things they told me, well, why don't you go to a sober house when you get out of here? Why not? You know? And they told me they found me a sober house out in Long Branch, New Jersey. I have no idea where that is. I'm thinking Long Branch is like the sticks, you know? But come to find out, it's by the ocean. It's pretty awesome. So anyways, I go to this sober house, right? And right away, other things are more important, you know? I got to pay rent. I got to find a relationship. I got to go back to the gym, right? All this other stuff becomes more important. And I'm going to meetings, but I'm not getting involved. I'm not getting a sponsor or any of that stuff. And I'll tell you, there was a kid at this house. His name was Kyle. And Kyle was the big, he had a nickname. His name was Big Book Kyle. And because he'd always have this big book, you know, this AA big book with him. And you know, he'd have it at like house meetings. We're like, dude, why do you even need that? This is a house meeting, you know? And so. So I was told to stay away from Kyle for a really long time. So I did. I did. But I'll never forget. It was just me and Kyle in the house. Everyone was working. We didn't have jobs. We didn't have cars. And for some reason, he's like, dude, I'm going to go to a nooner meeting. You want to come with me? And I was like, yeah, I got nothing else going on, sure. And he's like, well, I don't have a ride. So I'm going to run there if you want to run with me. It's about like five miles in Seabright. And I was like, I guess, you know? And I mean. He was running every day. And I'm trying to keep up with this kid. And we're running to this meeting. And I'm panting. But he was kind. He was patient. He was tolerant. He would stop. And he would walk with me. And he started peppering me with this insight and this inspiration and these questions. And he started asking me things like, dude, when you stop drinking, does it feel like you're doing time? And I'm like, yeah. And he's like, hey, so I'm learning about this allergy to alcohol, this phenomenon of craving and the spiritual malady and his mental upsets. He's basically telling me. The thing is, he was learning from his sponsor in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I mean, he intrigued me. I'd never heard anything like this before. It was mind blowing. And so we go to this meeting. And I painfully run back with him. And so he invites me to his home group. And I go, sure. I'll check it out. And he's like, yeah, we're direct linens to Bill W. I'm like, oh, OK. It sounds like the real stuff. And he invited me to come. So I said, sure. And I'll never forget this kid, Nick, picks us up. You know, he's in a beat up Jeep. He's blasting heavy metal music on full volume. He's vaping. There's smoke coming out of the car. He's pulling up on the grass at the Silver House. And I'll never forget it. Kyle hops in the front seat. I hop in the back seat. They throw their big books next to me. And Nick's vaping. He's passing the vape to Kyle. He's vaping. They're passing it to me. I've never vaped before. So I'm a vaping. And I'm coughing. And they're laughing. And I swear, guys, to anyone that's young, vapes back in my day were this big. Like, they were not. No joke. No joke. And they're laughing. And I'm like, it was like, I'll never forget that. It was like the first guttural laugh I felt in a really, really long time. I'll never forget that moment. And I remember we go to this meeting. And it was called Solution on the Shore out in Neptune, New Jersey. It's no longer around. And something was different. I don't know if I was just ready or if it was the meeting. And the reason I use Kyle and Nick's name in my story, and I try to share their names every time I speak, is because they're no longer with us. They both passed away under the age of 30 from alcoholism. And they're my AA angels. They brought me to you guys. And I just try to honor their name every time I speak. And so anyways, I go to this meeting. And there's just all these young people fired up for Alcoholics Anonymous. And they're coming up to me, shaking my hand, offering me coffee, giving me cigarettes. And I'm like, I feel really important. And I felt a part of. And I'll never forget, I went to this meeting. And I'm walking in the church. And there's stairs to go down to the basement. And this guy stops me before I can go down. He was really old. He was like 40. And he was like, do you have a sponsor? I was like, no. How you been doing 12 Sources? Outline the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was like, no. And he's like, well, I want you to do me a favor and read this line. And he opens up the big book. And I read the line he tells me to read. And it says, next we launch on the course of vigorous action. And then he looks at me eyeball to eyeball and says, how do you launch slow? And I'm like, what? I'm like, what? And he's like, I have no clue. I've never read that before. And I just, I don't know. I felt like he was an AA guru or something. Like he had the answers or something. And I'm like, will you sponsor me? He's like, yeah, I'll sponsor you. And that's really how my journey starts here in AA. It's just one drunk talking to another drunk, sharing experience, strength, and hope. He invited me to his house. And it started at his kitchen table. And we cracked open this big book. And he read me the doctor's opinion. And he started teaching me or having me read and sharing my experience on the literature what I was up against here. He started talking about this physical allergy to alcohol. And he started talking about this mental obsession that I have no power or choice to control once I start to drink. And he started explaining to me all the times my parents, my loved ones, my friends would beg me, why are you doing this? And I would come up with a million excuses. But the reality is, I don't know. I don't know why I'm doing this. And so through this literature, I start learning what I'm up against. This thing called alcoholism. I start learning about the spiritual malady. And so given the problem, I was then handed a solution via the 12 steps. And really early on, I didn't believe in a power grinder myself. I didn't even think this stuff would work. But I'm like, I don't know. I'm just going to listen to the sponsor. In reality, my sponsor was kind of my first higher power. I followed him everywhere. If a dude went to the bathroom, I didn't know what to do with myself. I really trusted this guy. So I remember again. And we did this third step prayer. We held hands, said this prayer. That was kind of it. And I just really made a decision to go through the rest of the work. It wasn't that profound for me in the beginning. And we started going right to steps four and five. And I started writing out my resentments, my fears, and my harms. And I'll tell you, I did my fourth step completely thorough but dishonestly. Because I was still living this double life. I had this stage character I always carried with me my entire life, even in the rooms of AA. Right? And I was doing this inventory. I'm changing names around. I'm changing situations around. And we go and do this fifth step together. And I'm just dishonest with him. And I remember he asked me, what's the one thing you left out? What's the one secret? Right? And of course, I had a secret in my back pocket. I didn't want to let him know. And I just, no, nothing. That was it. That was it. I got nothing. And I remember he told me to go somewhere for an hour. I go to Long Branch, to this beach area. And I'm sitting there for an hour. And it was just so painful. It was like, oh my god, you're such a fraud. You're such a loser. You're doing this wrong. You know? It was so painful. Because I wanted to call him so bad, but I just couldn't. You know? Because I felt like the world was going to explode if I told this guy my secrets. Right? And I'll never forget, I end up going to my home group. And I hijacked him in the kitchen. I'm like, dude, I did my step work wrong. And he's like, what did you do wrong? And I'm like, I don't know. And he saw the fear in my face. And he's like, dude, listen, why don't you come to my house tomorrow? You know, we'll talk it out. It's not a big deal. Right? So he invited me to his house the next day. And I remember just parking up to his house in Long Branch. And he had like five steps, felt like five miles. And I remember going up to his door. I'm knocking. It's like in slow motion. He's opened up the door. And he's got like Johnny Cash playing on the record player. He's got candles lit. His dog was sitting on a couch judging me like he always was. And he just asked me, OK, what is it, dude? What is the one thing you left out? And I just couldn't get it out. I was like, I don't know. I'm making a mistake. And he had to force it out on me. He was like, dude, I told my wife to go somewhere. I could be working. I could be working right now. You're telling me. A little saltier language. And I just blurt out, I'm gay. For the first time in my life, I get honest with something I was going to take to my grave. For the first time in my life, I get honest with something that I was so shameful about myself, that I hated about myself. And his reaction is not what I thought it would be. And he just goes, that's it? What else is there? There's got to be more than that, right? And he saw the fear on my face. He's like, dude, I don't care about that. That doesn't bother me. I still love you. And that was the first time I experienced AA love, unconditional love that we have for another alcoholic. And I've seen scores of experiences since this experience. And he just said, I don't care about that. I just care more about when you've been through this work that you care just another sufferer. And you help them recover. And your experience will help them. And so I wish I could tell you guys from that point on in my story, my life goes up, up and away. But that's not my experience. My experience is that that became more important than anything else. I've got to figure out who I am. I've got to figure out all those missed opportunities. I've got to figure out that part of my life. And sure enough, I'm going to AA meetings. But God forbid there's a bad speaker or there's bad coffee and I'm gossiping about people. And just seeing what I could take and no longer give. And before you know it, I feel worse sober than I did when I was drinking. And before you know it, I pick up that first drink. And what happens? I can't stop. Once I start to stop. I can't stop once I start. And at this point, I get caught by my sober house. They kick me out. My parents want nothing to do with me. People in AA don't trust me anymore. And I remember just walking this aimless walk. I was in Bradley Beach, New Jersey. This was July 25, 2015. And just desperate. I wanted to die. And due to the beat into a state of reasonableness, because of alcoholism, circumstances finally made me willing. And through this willingness, this little window opened up. And before I could slam a shot with myself, well, you guys came through to me. And I decided to call this guy. I was just a sponsor by name. And he was the only one to answer the phone for me. And I don't remember the conversation completely. But he sold me something in this conversation. And it's something I try to sell everyone today. And it's a thing called hope. He sold me this little glimmer of hope that, dude, you too. You can do this. You know, I'll be here for you. Like, if you just work the program, you'll get this. Right? And that's all I needed to hear. And I remember just going to that home group with him that night. And something shifted in me. And I think about all the guys that didn't make it, or Kyle and Nick, and what makes me different. I don't even know. I just took direction. That's all it was. I got a sponsor, took directions, and here I am. Right? So anyways, I go back through the step work again. And I just know. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I know this is a life and death errand. I know I'm going to die if I don't do this stuff. And so I go back through the inventory process, writing my resentments, my fears, and my harms again. And I'm honest. I mean, I'm telling this guy everything, every secret, how I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, everything. And I'll never forget a very profound experience in my fifth step doing this resentment list. The number one name on my resentment list, my mom. I blame her for everything, but she's my great enabler. And I remember doing this second call. And like laundry list of things she did to me. That third column affected everything. And that fourth column, I left blank. What were my mistakes? Blank. And I'll never forget, my sponsor, he did not like that. He almost kicked me out of his house. He was like, dude, how selfish are you? How selfish can't you see that your mom came to this country without a dollar to her name, and this is what you do to her? You lied to her. You stole from her. You made her worried. You affected her life. You hurt her relationships. And it's like this lifelong resentment I had for my mother was relinquished within minutes. And that's the power of our step work here. The power of seeing the truth. And I started going through this inventory. And I started seeing these patterns. And I started realizing, oh my god, it's me. It's always been me. That's a very profound experience for an alcoholic whose selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of my troubles. Hearing about this truth about myself is the key to freedom. And I don't have a lot of time to go through everything else. But I go through this inventory. And I have a very powerful experience. And I do this fifth step hour. And I really just jump into step six and seven. And really, in the beginning, they're fly-by steps for me. I got a list of defects of character that I found objectionable for my inventory. And I prayed a seven-step prayer. And I kind of moved on right to amends. And I started writing a list of people I harmed and started going out and knocking on doors. And one amends I want to share was to my older sister. She was living in Los Angeles at the time. And I'm in New Jersey. And I give her a call and make that amends approach. And she was my first one. And I remember just telling her, hey, Steph, if I could make rights or wrongs of the past, can you afford me half hour of your time? I would like to make amends to you. And she was almost ready for it. She was like, yes, when? When do you want to do this? And I'm like, whenever you have your availability. And she was like, well, I'll fly a red eye. And I'll meet you tomorrow. And I was like, OK. My sister flew. From LAX to Newark, New Jersey, and drove an hour to Long Branch to meet me at a dingy food court in Monmouth County. And I remember sitting there face to face. And I'm telling how I wronged her. All the times I thought that she was the favorite child, that I always talked bad about her, that I thought all this delusional, delusional stuff. And I remember asking her, is there anything I left out? And she's like, yeah. You've left out a lot. And from here, I mean, this is where I start really learning about my selfishness and my self-centeredness. She told me things like, do you have any idea me, mom, and dad are having phone calls every single day about what's going to go on your grave? That we've been looking at tombstones? That we weren't sure if we were going to put a black belt because you did karate, if we're going to put a guitar, or what quote we're going to put. Like, you have no idea how much you affected my life. I have an Al-non sponsor. I have a Nar-non sponsor. I see a therapist. I can't be in any meaningful relationship in my life because of you. I had no clue. I had no idea any of this was going on. And it just really opened up my eyes about how much the ripples of my alcoholism, of my selfishness, affects others. And I remember asking her, what can I do to make this right? And I know this is kind of a cop out for a lot of people, but she asked me, or she told me, just keep doing what you're doing. Keep doing AA. And I tried to honor that 10 years later, to the best of my ability, falling short plenty. But because of that immense process, because of you guys, because of being consistent, persistent alcoholics, my relationship with my sister is absolutely incredible today. She has a two-year-old nephew, and he's my world. I just went out and visited her in San Diego last month for his second birthday. And he listens to me. He's better than his parents. And he's amazing. He calls me Goo Goo Roger, which is uncle in Chinese. And it's just like, you can't make this stuff up. Because of you guys, my sister gets the brother back. My parents get the son back. My nephew gets the uncle. And I remember I had to speak all over LA when I was out there. And I remember asking my sister permission because it was during the holidays. And she was like, no, absolutely go. Do what you have to do. I'm just so glad you're sober and you could be here, for Thanksgiving. You could be here for Nico's birthday. I just couldn't believe it. It's just like, you live life forward, understanding it backwards. Thank you guys for the life I have today. But I digress there a little bit. I got a little emotional there. But anyways, I go through these amends. And really, through these amends is really where those nine-step promises start unfolding. I started seeing, oh my god, I think this is working. I feel a little better. People are trusting me again. And I'll never forget. 10 and 11. And I remember at the beginning was, I didn't follow directions outlined in the big book. I thought step 10 was something crops up. Go find someone, call them. If you don't like what they hear, call someone else. I don't know where I got that from, but that's what I did. And step 11, I'm doing this nightly inventory most nights. I'm praying. It's very ritualistic. I'm just reciting written prayers. It didn't really have a whole lot of meaning. And I really just jump into step 12. And I start trying to carry this message. And in step 12, there's declaration. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. And then there's two actions. I carry this message, and I practice these principles in all my affairs. And really, I did that partially in the beginning. I just got so fired up for Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm taking the big book, and I'm going to these rehabs, these detoxes, and I'm hitting people over the head with this big book. Because I just wanted everyone to find a light. So I don't sponsor the same way I did in the beginning. But thank god for that. Because if it wasn't for actively trying to help others, I would not be here today. If it wasn't through sponsorship, I would have weeded myself out of Alcoholics Anonymous a really long time ago. Because I started going to these rehabs, sober houses, detoxes. And I would pick up these guys, and bring them to meetings. And I start bringing them through the book, and see them recover, see them get their lives back, see their families recover, get good jobs, do something with their lives, see them help others. That was probably the first time in my experience that I was, like, oh my god, I think there's something bigger than myself here. That is undeniable proof to me that there's something bigger than myself, because I'm just another drunk. I don't know how. I'm just doing what my sponsor taught me, and now that's helping others. You can't make this stuff up. It's just like, my defects, all the dark stuff that I did, is also useful for another person? Where else are you going to find that? Like I said, that second part is step 12, just due to time. I'm just going to fast forward. Practicing these principles in all my affairs, completely fell short of that in my sobriety, if I'm being completely transparent with you guys. I've done a lot of things in my sobriety I'm not proud of. I've done harms in my sobriety. I've been dishonest in my sobriety. I've done a lot of things that sober people don't do. I've had a lot of surrenders in my sobriety. And if it wasn't being tethered to AA, whether that's through a commitment, or through a home group at the time, or through sponsorship, I would have probably drank or left. So AA kept me tethered. But fast forward. Fast forward to 2020, the pandemic that happened. And for anyone that's new or coming in, that was a crazy time for us in AA. It was like there was no in-person meetings. We all went on computers. We're trying to figure out what to do next. And at this point in my life, on the outside, things were looking good. I was starting two businesses. I had a nice, a great job. I have a nice car. I live a block from the beach. I'm in a loving relationship. Things were looking good, but I remember, I was kind of a tech guy, right? Because I do technology for a living. And a lot of people came to me to help them get on Zoom and get meetings started. And so that was kind of my service work. Let me just help people on Zoom. I'll host a meeting once a week. And that was kind of it. Guys I was sponsoring were dropping off flies. And I was kind of convincing myself, maybe I don't got to do that much AA anymore. I'm OK. Maybe I can chase my dreams, build this business, make money, and do the things normal people do. And I very easily could have left AA. But God had other plans. And I remember this guy, he was like an old timer in my town. And he reached out to me. He was a delegate of our area in area 44, northern New Jersey, which is service outside the home group. He reached out to me, and he needed help with being the delegate. He had to deal with PDFs and all this tech stuff. And I remember him asking me, how do you highlight PDFs? I'm like, oh, this is going to be tough. And so I was like, OK. And so he invited me to his house to help him with this stuff he was doing for Alcoholics Anonymous outside the home group, this third legacy of service. And I didn't know what that stuff was. And he's like, as I'm going through these documents, he's explaining to me our service structure. And what I started learning is the service that happens to the alcoholic that doesn't know we're in here yet, to the alcoholic that's out in Doylestown right now that doesn't know there's a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous here yet, to the single mother that I'm with that has no idea that there's a meeting here, or to the baby being born destined for alcoholism. How do we keep these doors open for the alcoholic that doesn't know we're in here yet? Because if a newcomer comes in, you guys know what to do. You'll give them a cup of coffee. You'll exchange numbers. You'll get them through the book. But how about the alcoholic that doesn't even know we exist yet? And I started learning about the general service. I started learning about Alcoholics Anonymous World Service and Grapevine Inc. and all this. It blew my mind. I was just like, whoa, this is a lot more than just a home group. And I remember I just knew I needed a new experience. The guy that was sponsoring for a while, we weren't really accountable to each other. He started getting involved in some outside issues at the time. And I wasn't really talking to him much anymore. And I remember asking this guy to sponsor me. I think I need a new experience. And so quickly after that, I went back through the steps, five years in sobriety. And I started learning that I carried a lot of shame, guilt, remorse in sobriety. I had a lot of resentments, a lot of fears, a lot of harms in my sobriety. And I took a look at all those things through going through the steps again. And I remember reading the big book line by line, which I didn't my first time through it. And not to say it was bad, but I just had a new experience. I started learning about our history in Alcoholics Anonymous, all those seconds and inches that happened that our founders went through to get what we have here today. And going through the steps again, I just had a new experience. And I took a look at a lot of things, made a lot of sober amends, really took a look at how my 10, 11, and 12 looked. And I remember doing this inventory. And I'll just share this experience. I did this inventory, and I told the sponsor everything, all the stuff I was carrying for five years, living in this delusion, living a double life again in AA. And when I did this fifth step hour, he told me to leave my phone at his kitchen table and go somewhere for an hour. And I remember leaving his house in Spring Lake. And I just make a left. And I just drive. I'm straight. And I'm at the boardwalk in Spring Lake. And I remember parking and just walking on the boardwalk. And it was like this moment, because Spring Lake was a place my parents used to drive me to with my sister growing up in the summertime. And I had this vision of being this five-year-old running down the boardwalk with my Ninja Turtle sneakers without a care in the world, and just this blind faith to my parents and to the world and trust with everyone. And I remember I just held onto that experience. And I sat in it for a while. And about a month later, my parents, who were living in San Diego at the time, they called me up. They wanted to visit. And I was like, absolutely, you guys can visit. And they're like, well, we don't want to pay for a hotel or rent a car. Do you mind if we stay with you? Would you drive us around? I said, absolutely. Come through. And I remember my parents came. And I was sitting in the front seat of the car. And my mom wanted to go to the gym. I was like, what? I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the Spring Lake. And she wanted to go to Point Pleasant and play on the boardwalk like we used to. And I remember I was in the front driving. My partner was in the passenger seat. And I remember looking in a rearview mirror and seeing my parents. And I had this weird moment of feeling the parent of my parent. And it was just a really strange feeling. And I remember driving to Spring Lake. We get out of the car. We're walking down the boardwalk. Same spot I did this Fit Step Hour. And as I'm walking, my mom just embraces me. And she just says, thank you. And she didn't have to say what for. I just knew intuitively what she meant. And I just said, absolutely. I love you. And it was just like everything came full circle. That could be the son that they deserve. And so I don't have a whole lot of time. But I just had so many experiences like that throughout my sobriety. That was just one that I'll never forget. And going through the steps. Again, was something I needed in my sobriety. And so I don't feel that we have one surrender. I feel we have multiple surrenders in our sobriety. And it's exactly what I needed to kind of jumpstart me back into recovery again. And so getting involved in service. I ended up being a GSR for my home group, getting involved in the district, doing a whole bunch of area stuff. I started to become a special worker for GSO and Alcoholics Anonymous World Service. Had a really cool experience working with them. I'll never forget going on this World Service meeting. And I was like a fly on a wall in this breakout room on Zoom. And it was like a delegate from Ukraine and a delegate from Russia. And this was the heat of the war. And I'm thinking, oh, this is going to be interesting. And they didn't talk anything about politics. They didn't talk anything about the war. They were just talking about how do we help the alcoholic that doesn't know Alcoholics Anonymous exists yet. And I just started to realize how big AA really is. And they're having the same problems there that we're having here in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I've been out to, God, I have so many experiences to share with you guys. I don't have a lot of time. But I end up getting invited to go to Cambodia and Thailand. My dad, a year ago, it was actually last Christmas, my dad called me up and he said, I'm ready. I'm like, get ready for what? He's like, I'm ready to go back to Cambodia. He hasn't been there 55 years. And he's like, I'm ready and I want you there. And I said, OK, absolutely, let's do it. And I remember I went to, we went to Thailand first when my mom's family was. And it's my sister, my one and a half year old nephew at the time. And man, for any parents in here, my hat's off to you. Kids are a lot. Toddlers are a lot, especially when you're traveling. Oh my god. But I got to show up and be that uncle and babysit him and be there for them and really be there fully for my family. And being out in Thailand. I went to a ton of meetings. I spoke at the Bangkok speaker meeting, which was awesome. And just seeing how big Alcoholics Anonymous is, like outside of Dorostown, outside of Bradley Beach, outside of Neptune. It's just such a big world how many millions of lives is being saved because of this fellowship. But anyways, we end up going to Cambodia for New Year's last year. And we go from Phnom Penh, which is the capital, we drove about two hours out to Kampot, where my dad, that's where my dad was born and raised. And my dad had an experience. Having a lot of time to process it, I'm still kind of sitting in the experience. But my dad was able to show me where he went to school. It was like where he's telling me the stories about it getting bombed. He's showing me where his parents lived. And it was crazy. We had this driver. And we were trying to find where he grew up. And this driver found his home. And it became like this. This hipster artsy restaurant. And we walk in. And I remember there was this girl. She pulls up in an FJ truck. And she was younger. And she was super cool. She knew English. And we told her a story. My dad grew up here. And she was like, oh, tell me more. I always want to learn the history of this place. The restaurant's called The Old House because we knew it was a house. And she invited us for dinner. And it was just my brother-in-law, my sister, my nephew, my mom, my dad. And we're sitting at this kitchen table. And they're giving us free room to this restaurant. My sister. My brother-in-law making drinks at the bar. It was just this experience I had where my dad finally found peace to that darkness that followed him. It was just to be able to show up there as a sober son and brother and uncle. Because of you guys, because of Alcoholics Anonymous, you've given me this beautiful, beautiful life. And not just for me, but for my family and their friends and the extension, the ripples of our story. And the ripples of our sobriety. Just like the ripples of our alcoholism affects others, so does our sobriety. And you don't even realize how big it is. So I'm just going to end here. There's a lot of promises here in Alcoholics Anonymous. But one of my favorite promises in the chapter Working With Others, when it says, if you persist, remarkable things will happen. And that's just been my complete experience is that if you persist, if you're consistent and you're persistent here in Alcoholics Anonymous, remarkable things will absolutely happen in your life. Right? Right. I'm going to have a family coming back in my life. Or the incredible, meaningful relationships that I have in my life today. Or the opportunities I've had in Alcoholics Anonymous inside the service structure or even friendships and recovery-based events. I've had some really cool experiences, traveled the world, meeting really cool people in AA. But what really boils down to is that I'm uniquely useful to others. That I can help others. That I'm uniquely useful as you're going to be uniquely useful to others as well. And so I just try my best to be in there and feel encouraged to help. I'm a little bit of a little bit of a receiver. Well, thanks for that. Thanksご catching up. Good luck. Bye bye. We have a Facebook page where you can see many, if anybody has anything that they want to put on Facebook, please join our Facebook page. It's the Conscious Contact Speak Group of Alcoholics Anonymous of Doylestown. We do have a nice way of closing, but before that, we have some help cleaning up, please. Can we get a show of hands that can help clean up? All right, there you go. We do have a nice way of closing, and it's customary to thank the speaker after the meeting. Thank you. Yeah, let's just stand in place, and let's end with the Lord's Prayer. Can we have a moment of silence for the sick and suffering alcoholic? Because somebody did it for us. Whose father? Our father. Who are you? Our father in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done. On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this air of godly bread. Forgive us our trespasses. As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Amen. Amen., take theергies as we day the toil to pay. conqueror in back in 25 enter into geh out into time a wealthy toil 오늘도 enter into time in the never-ending forgetfulness and after the hour that brooks contemplate the best and the most