The Connection That No Therapist Could Give Him – Rodger L.

About This Speaker Tape

Sussex County, New Jersey. A kid with immigrant parents and a father haunted by the Cambodian genocide feels like the black sheep, trapped in a state of "anxious apartness." Rodger L. describes himself as a chameleon, shifting identities from Abercrombie shirts to Metallica tees, trying to mask a void that no therapist or prescription cocktail could fill. For him, alcohol was the social lubricant that smoothed over his inadequacies, until it became a hobby that led him to squat in abandoned buildings and wake up in stairwells with holes in his arms.

He recounts the "kindness of strangers" who treated him like a human when he felt like an animal. The turning point came through "AA angels"—friends like Big Book Kyle who ran five miles to a meeting and taught him about the spiritual malady. Through a sponsor and a "vigorous action" approach to the 12 steps, Rodger found a true connection to a Higher Power and a fellowship that replaced his isolation with a tangible, guttural laugh.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Meeting opening and announcements regarding church renovations.
• 10:30 Roger R. begins his talk, discussing the 'golden thread' of invitations in his sobriety.
• 18:15 Discussion of family history, his father's survival of the Cambodian genocide and subsequent alcoholism.
• 26:40 Roger R. describes the 'anxious apartness' and his early attempts to fit in as a 'chameleon' in high school.
• 35:20 The descent into isolation and the image of waking up in a stairwell of an abandoned building.
• 44:10 Meeting 'Big Book Kyle' and the introduction to the physical allergy and mental obsession.
• 52:15 Laughter: The story of the beat-up Jeep and the first experience with vaping.
• 58:30 Step 5: The confession of his sexuality and the experience of unconditional love.
• 1:05:10 The emotional amends process with his sister and the revelation about the family's grief.
• 1:15:45 Discussion of General Service and the 'third legacy' of keeping the doors open.
• 1:24:20 The trip to Cambodia and Thailand, and the peace found at 'The Old House' restaurant.
• 1:31:00 Closing remarks and the Lord's Prayer.