The Connection That Levels the Emotions – Charlie C.

About This Speaker Tape

Santa Ana, 1968. A party full of lowlifes and mirror balls. Charlie C. stands in the corner judging the room until a can of malt liquor pulls the drapes open. For the first time, the torque of hating the human race while demanding their approval vanishes. He didn't drink to get out of the world; he drank to finally enter it.

He describes the wreckage of the intervening years as repainting a condemned house—using alcohol to cover rotted wood and termite-infested insides. He recounts the brutal cost: a father dying of cancer and a life spent accommodating a disease, like a surgeon moving healthy organs just to give a tumor a place to grow. After hitting a wall of "now what," Charlie found a Higher Power and a sponsor who treated him like a stubborn toddler. He moved from swatting imaginary gnats to a moment of grace while mopping floors, realizing he finally liked the people in the room.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Charlie C. opens with a warning about 'unnecessary movement' in the room.
• 4:15 Laughter: Discussion of the 'hamster wheel' of hating people but wanting their love.
• 8:30 The first can of malt liquor and the feeling of finally being 'present' in the world.
• 12:45 The 'black box' metaphor for reconstructing a life after the impact of alcoholism.
• 16:20 The tragedy of avoiding his dying father due to the 'new coat of paint' alcohol provides.
• 21:10 The 'now what' moment at a meditation retreat in 1981 and the desire to end his life.
• 26:40 The struggle of the first five days of sobriety and the 'imaginary gnats' in his vision.
• 31:15 The 'moment of grace' while mopping the floors of his home group.
• 35:50 Discussion of the 11th Step and his morning prayer to his Higher Power.
• 42:10 A story about being booted from jury duty for knowing too many ex-felons in the fellowship.