The Conditional Nature of the Promises – Bill H.

My name's Mike, and I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety dates 7-23 of 03, and I'm very grateful for that. And I'm in St. Louis, Missouri, right in the middle of USA. I'm 15 minutes from the yard due to speed limit, for those who do speed limit. And my home group is Threads Recovery, which is part of this meeting. We meet on Mondays at 530 to 630 in Hampton, Missouri. Right now we're between buildings, so I'm not sure exactly when we're going to start live again you know this workshop was on tuesdays down at our central service in maplewood missouri which is even close closer to the arch and uh we decided to come over here on monday to bring it to zoom and what a gift this is and i'll have cara enter cara introduce herself and her sobriety date where she's from and then she's going to do our prayer for us thank you Karen, I'm an alcoholic I'm from Illinois My Sprite date is 3-25-2020 After a moment of silence Please join me In the set aside prayer Lord, help me to set aside everything I think I know about you, Lord. Everything that I think I know about myself. Everything that I know about my followers. Everything I think I know about my own recovery. for as much needed new experience in you, Lord. A new experience in myself. A new experience in the flows. And a much needed new experience in my own recovery. Amen. Thank you so much. That was amazing. Now we'll turn it over to Bill and let him go crazy, Bill. I'm Bill. I'm an alcoholic. And with any luck, I won't go too crazy, at least in front of y'all. But lastly, I can't make any promises. Just expressing a desire, a hope, and a wish. Before I do anything else today, I want to thank each and every one of you, Many of you, perhaps most of you have been with us on this particular series the last six weeks. And my gratitude for your interest in the big book is beyond any words I can really come up with. I am so grateful that so many people like you all have continued to express an interest in the big book and a apparently some degree of passion for actually trying to use the big book in your life because as I've said many times reading it and understanding this book is very very important but if we don't make a commitment to go out of here and use it in the application in our daily lives it really is just sort of a theory and Bill cautions us that the spiritual life is not just a theory. We really have to live this thing. So your enthusiasm and your passion inspire me, and as Mike said, we're going to start another series on July 13th at noon Central Time, and it'll be in all of our affairs, and we'll go through the big book again with a little different emphasis, but as always, it'll been exciting. So today, If those of you that have the handout know that there is a piece that a couple have asked where it came from, it's called The Hidden Promise in Recovery of Healthy Relationships. And I do believe that is the hidden promise in our recovery, the ability to desire and to have healthy relationships. That's a piece I wrote. It's sharing my experience, strength and hope. And I'm going to begin this session with this observation, and then we'll get into the book. So this goes something like this, and this is absolutely true from my heart. My sobriety date is the 18th of March, 1981. And everything I'm about to share with you is the absolute truth based on my experience. I've come to believe that the most important long-term consequence of our recovery is ability to desire and to have healthy relationships. And I miss this consequence even though the importance of healthy relationships is hinted at and referred to throughout the big book. For example, the importance in the sentence on the top of page 77 in our book, quote, Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. That's relationship, pure and simple. Step 12 begins with a promise, and we're going to talk about this today as well as the rest of step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening is the result of these steps. We tried and so forth. We're goingto talk a lot today about the tried. Tried to carry the message and tried to practice these principles in all our affairs. So having had a spiritual awakening is wonderful. It really is wonderful in and of itself. However, we cannot retain or sustain our spiritual awakening without us being willing to share the power and the inspiration we receive from it. The promises, quote unquote, on pages 83 and 84 describe features of our spiritual awakening. If you have your big book handy, you might want to write that across the top of page 84, features of my spiritual awakening, that's what those promises tell us. Notice how often our relationship with God and others is mentioned, not just on the promises on page 84, you think back over the last five weeks, all the hidden promises we've talked about, a lot to do with relationship with God, with me and with others. When we work the first nine steps to the best of our ability, progress, not perfection, we established a foundation on which to build, grow and go forward one day at a time using steps 10 and 11 for the rest of our lives. We have learned how to desire and participate in healthy relationships. Page 83 reminds us there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. Every one of my relationships prior to recovery was broken or destroyed. When I finally slipped into AA in 1981, I began to accept a recovery process that has changed me and given me the tools I need to have healthy relationships. Of my relationships before recovery, many have been restored, some have not. Most of my relationships today have been established since my recovery. I have learned and I continue to learn to live in harmony with God, myself, and others. The most important relationship in my life today is with the God of my understanding. Because of that relationship, I am able to enter into, grow, and sustain healthy relationships with other people. the priority of relationships was given to me in step five god myself and others the first nine steps led me through a process of recovery that enabled me to develop a relationship with god on his terms not mine that in turn continues to lead me to more healthy relationships with other people, taking their needs into account, not just my own. There is a miracle, I'll tell you. Page 84 in the big book promises that we have entered the world of the spirit. This wonderful promise requires continuous work and prayer on our part. Step 10 shows us how to continue the daily practice of self-examination, admit when we're wrong, make amends when needed, and resolutely seek to help others. That's right on page 84. Step 11 shows us, pages 86, 87, and 88, step 11 shows how to continue to ask for help throughout the day to seek what God's will is for us and what we can do to be of service to others. Big quote on page 94 in the big book. Our next function is to grow. In understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime So in step 12 what we're going to talk about today We're going discover some of the hidden promises in 7 through 11 five chapters today chapters 7 8 9 10 11 in a big book We're gonna learn the ongoing application at least I hope we learn a little bit about it the ongoing application of what it means at least in terms of the big book what does it mean to continue for our lifetime in the world of the spirit and we're going to actually pick up on page 88 where it says we let God discipline us in this simple way we ended with a question on that last week and I promised we would begin there today and that's what we're fixing to do we let God discipline us in the simple way of action and more action the book says over and over faith without works is dead so recovery becomes simply having healthy relationships okay that's Phil's experience strength and hope take it or leave it, of course. And now I would like to remind you a couple of things about the use of the word promises if we used it in this series. A promise is a declaration or assurance that a particular thing will happen or not happen. We're going to see that again today. All promises in the program of AA are conditional. They're conditioned on us doing or not doing certain things. So if I want this particular promise to happen as an outcome, I need to do the thing the big book says or I need stop doing the thing the big books says that will produce that outcome. All promises are conditioned on my behavior. Positive promises reinforce our hope, our gratitude and our responsibility for carrying the message. There are negative promises. You might call them warnings or cautions. Negative promises motivate us not to let up on our work, remind us that selfishness and self-centeredness is the real root of the trouble. If the big book is correct, and I believe it is in my experience, when it says on page 62, selfishness, self-centredness, that is the root. Everything else is a symptom or a consequence. I'm always watching for where is my selfishness driving me in the wrong direction. Negative promises caution us that we're not cured of alcoholism. We have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Negative promises are also a warning of that very fact. So turn to page 88 in the big book. I want to pick up where we left off last week. We were finishing step 11 with the shortest paragraph in the big book on page 88. The sentence reads, it works. It really does. That's a paragraph all of its own. That is the shortest paragraph in a big book. I always like to begin, if I can, with a little big book trivia. Then the next sentence says, we alcoholics are undisciplined. Everybody see that on page 88? We alcoholics are undisciplined, so we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. I want to make a comment about the use of the word discipline in this context. Discipline is not punishment. We're not talking about punishment here. We are talking about the discipline of routine, the discipline of habit. We're talking about the discipline of consistency. Those of you that go to the gym to work out, you have a routine. You do some warm-ups. You get the treadmill or you may use the elliptical. You get warmed up. You may use The Jump Rope. Then you do some weight. Then you doing some resistance. You work different parts of your body. You may do three things on Tuesday and do three more things on Thursday, and then just run on Saturday. But you have a routine for your physical workout. You have a discipline. All we're talking about in the big book is spiritual discipline. So don't read this as a punishment, even though sometimes, I mean, you work out in the gym enough, sometimes you feel punished. You may overdo it a little bit, or sometimes we need to feel a little punished just to know we're making headway against the resistance because in the spiritual universe, the resistance is always self. The resistance is never the world. So we're trying to do better in this exercise of spiritual discipline, our routine, our habit, our consistency, because this is how we grow spiritually. And the sentence reads, so we let God discipline us a simple way we just outlined, which is the first 11 steps as we go forward however we're going to find out that these first 11 steps are what feed everything in step 12 and that's where we get that there's action and more action faith of that works is dead the next chapter is entirely devoted to step 12 well it is and it isn't it's actually devoted the next character chapter 7 chapter 7 is actually devoted for the first. We're going to see today that chapter seven is the chapter in the big book, primarily talking about working with others, carrying the message, trying to carry the message. Key word and step top was try. Try to carry the message to the alcoholic. But then we're going to discover today with chapters eight, nine, ten, and eleven, the big hook talks a lot about practice these principles in all our affairs. Try to practice these principles in all our affairs. We'll get into those in a little bit, but right now, Bill Mitchell, are you with us? Bill Mitchell. Yes, sir. Good morning. Would you please read, William, the first page 89, chapter 7, Working With Others. Would you Please Read the First Paragraph. I'm sorry, the first two paragraphs. First two paragraphs, page 89. Okay. Good morning, I'm Bill. I'm an alcoholic. Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our 12th suggestion. Carry this message to other alcoholists. You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember, they are very ill. Life will take on a new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends. This is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. Thank You Bill. I don't know how many promises you count in those two paragraphs, but I count a lot. Chapter seven, working with others, begins with a host of promises for me for being willing to do 12-step work. The person I'm working with may or may not benefit from my attempt to share my experience, strength, and hope with him or her, mostly him in my case, I tend to sponsor men. We believe in Alcoholics Anonymous. It's a good idea for men to sponsor women. Experience shows that's the safe course. I know there are exceptions and some of them are notable in their success. But if you're new, you get it. Notice the first two words, practical experience. One of the magical parts of the big book is that it combines spiritual awakening and spiritual experience with practical application. We take it for granted, those of us that are used to the big book, but when you step back and consider that, it's one of the reasons it's among the most magnificent spiritual publications in history. It combines spiritual experience with practical experience. They pulled that off. That's not easy. uh it says this is a good way for us to help ourselves stay sober bill wilson proved that in akron ohio in 1935 when he called on dr bob bob didn't stay sober right away bill did never forget the reason for your 12-step work first and foremost is to share what you've been given through your spiritual awakening try to share that with others You can't give a man something he doesn't want. You can try to give it to him, but if he doesn' t want it, we're going to see as we go through this chapter, there's ways to deal with that. Just take a moment. I'm going to take 10 or 15 seconds and give you all a moment of silence. Look through those first two paragraphs. Count the promises if you want to. pretty positive beginning isn't it kind of makes you want to read on so this is a little bit like step three on page 63 page 63 has the promises of step three the top half of the page middle of the page is the actual prayer, step three. So in step three, the promises precede the step. We have some of that right here with the first part of step 12. The promises preceded the action. So it's real tempting. These are definitely positive promises. Then the tone shifts. He says, perhaps you're not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. Notice the distinction, who want to recover. I'm acquainted with a lot of drinkers, aren't you? I don't mean the ones sober in AA. I mean the one's out there still drinking. Aren't you acquainted with some drinkers? Of course you are. But they don't want to recover, Noel, do they? Does anybody still drink encrusted butte or has it gone dry? No, I'm sorry. Stupid question. I'm sure. now we're going to get some cautions keep in mind when this is written they really only had two sources of alcoholics dr bob and the people in akron were getting drunks that were either recommended to them by doctors or priests or a friend or a preacher and they were going to the hospital in akran and that's where they were picking them up bill and his gang in new york were basically getting drunken out of the town's hospital there were no meetings yet there were no treatment centers there was nothing that we have on the landscape today so most of their alcoholics were coming to him from the hospital or from a recommendation but he does tell us talk to ministers doctors and so on and so forth notice the very bottom sentence on page 89 never criticize to be helpful is our only aim in the middle of page in that bottom paragraph in the Middle of that bottom Paragraph is another huge caution don't start out as an evangelist or a reformer unfortunately a lot of prejudice exists you will be handicapped if you arouse it keep in mind this is 1938 when he's writing this in the in the fall of 38 they just come off prohibition there was still a lot of sensitivity about evangelizing reforming aa doesn't want to come across as that we just have a spiritual solution that works we share with each other one-on-one so that's a pretty uh you will be handicapped if you arouse prejudice this is kind of a negative promise. And let's face it, I fall temptation to that every time. It took me years. I was diagnosed alcoholic in 1967 by a legitimate qualified psychiatrist. So I knew I was alcoholic in 67. I did admit I was powerless over alcohol till the spring of 1981 after three or four months in AA. Knowing I'm alcoholic and admitting I'm powerless over alcohol are two different things. And then I expect everybody else, though, to get it right away. It took me 14 years just to realize my powerlessness, but I want the newcomer to get over the weekend. So I can be evangelistic. I can reform in my own self-centered, ego-driven, why don't you get it like I did, which of course I didn't. So that's a good caution. Now you look at page 90. Let's see, where is it here? Middle of the page. And by the way, there's so much information in these pages. We're obviously not going to cover everything today. I'm trying to point out some of the highlights of the promises. Some of them may be obvious to you as promises. Some of the may not. But in the middle, page 90, ask him if he wants to quit for good that's a question ask him if he likes to quit for good and would he go to any extreme to do so to me that's the A and B of the first question we should ask every alcoholic or with his family's health because Bill talks about getting to know as much as you can about this guy or this gal through their family, their doctor, their preacher. But these are the two questions, part A and part B. Do you want to quit? And are you willing to go to any lengths? Ask him if he wants to quit for good. And would he go to some extent? Would he go any extreme to do so? Ladies and gentlemen, AAs and Al-Anons, And I know there's at least one ala cat on here. Lynn, is that cat still on here? The piggy has gone to bed. All right. Well, I'll leave the cat out of it. We're not doing an ala-cat meeting anymore. The two questions still pertain today. Until the answer to those two questions is yes to the best of their ability, you cannot talk them into it. Yes, they will lie. And we'll find out more about that later, whether they're sincere or not. But this pair of questions on page 90 is still the first thing to do with the alcoholics. There's another one just below that, the bottom paragraph on page90. If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him. well that's sometimes heartbreaking particularly if it's a family member a loved one someone close to you you know they're drinking or drugging themselves to death you mean well he'll say never and that's been my experience I was sober Kansas City six months and I had a guy ask me to sponsor him and boy did I go after him And that poor guy didn't have a chance. I went after him night and day, tooth and nail. And he stopped coming to meetings. And I kept calling him and calling him. I couldn't get him to answer the phone. I complained to my sponsor for a couple of weeks. I called this poor guy one day and his number had been disconnected. I wasn't looking for him. Bill, I looked for him all over Kansas City. Somebody told me he'd gone north of the river. I hope this man got sober because he left the meeting and he changed his phone number and moved north of the river for fear of sponsor, the poor guy. So I should have read the book a little closer. If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him. A lot of the promises in this chapter have to do with our restraint. we just need to learn to live within our own limitations look at page 91 it kind of follows the same thought very top sentence in page 91 urge them not to be too over anxious he's talking about the family here and we certainly learned this our friends in al-anon tell us this all the time the family is suffering we're going to see more about the Family Disease in chapters eight nine in a few minutes the family is suffering watching this illness take this person down and destroy their life and destroy all their relationships urge them not to be over anxious for that might spoil matters in other words don't interrupt the bottom before it happens we all know from our personal experience in aa till i finally bottomed out on my terms, not on their terms. Once I finally realize I'm desperate enough to even turn to AA for help. So I'm ready because of my own desperation to seek your help. I don't want your help and frankly your help is really offensive. It's very hard to get the family to buy that. We're going to see a lot of that in chapters eight and nine. We are going to see stuff in chapters 8 and 9 that frankly makes a lot of alcoholics uncomfortable we'll talk about that in a little while but this sentence on the top of 91 has to be done with care with caution and definitely with compassion you can't just flippantly say to the family or a loved one of an alcoholic oh don't worry about it we'll get them when they get their bottom that's careless and inconsiderate he just says help them not be over anxious which is an inside way of saying help them have a little hope it's okay to write hope across the top of your book on page 91 because when he says that might spoil matters it's getting back to the question on page 90 does he want to quit for good will he go to an extreme to do so you want those answers to become yes until they become yes nothing we're going to do or say we'll get through we have learned that the hard way notice the middle of 91 by the way i'm going to point out a few things today They're not on your outline. Very middle of page 91, see your man alone if possible. Why do you think that is? Well, he doesn't really want to talk about his stuff anyway. He definitely doesn't want to talking about it in front of his wife. She doesn't wanna talk about it the front of her husband. They don't wanna talking about in front the kids. see your man alone see your woman alone if possible because we're going to get down to telling them our story and helping them relate he starts talking about that in the bottom 91 and maybe they'll relate a little bit and open up a little and actually begin to communicate yeah I did that too oh I remember feeling that way as well You know how it starts with a newcomer, those of you that work with newcomers. You're trying to get them to open up and get honest because you know the newcomer thinks he's the only person in the world. She thinks she's the Only One That's Ever Done That Stuff, right? We all come in here thinking nobody's ever done the things I did. Nobody ever thought the thing, nobody ever felt the things I did Look at the top of page 92 first paragraph about six or seven lines down page 92 if he is an alcoholic if he isn't alcoholic he will understand you at once go back to chapter three more about alcoholism remember how we like to read page 30 to newcomers page 31 all the ways we tried to stop drinking ad infinitum taking a trip not taking a trip. That's my personal favorite. Remember that man? Yeah, baby. He may not tell you. She may not admit that she understands. It doesn't say they're going to say it out loud. If he's an alcoholic, he will understand you at once. I understood them in my very first meeting, but I sure as hell didn't admit it. Oh, my goodness. That was too big a line to cross the first time. I had to hear them two or three or four meetings before I began to say, yeah, you guys are really bad. I was just a little bit. This is a huge sentence and it's a promise. You share your experience strength with hope for them. If he's an alcoholic, he will understand it does not say he'll admit it to you know that he will though that's a promise that's been my experience too and he goes on to say near the bottom of page 92 look at this you may talk to him about the hopelessness the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution. We have a lot of people around the world today advertising problems all day long, all night long. Here's the problem. Here's what's going on. Here's where it's the problem. He's the problem. She's the problem. They're the problem. No solution being offered very often. Just the problem. Most of us are sick of it. you know what so is the alcoholic i had people tell me in 1962 i've been drinking two years i had People telling me what's wrong with my drinking after two years oh i really looked forward to hearing that didn't you i have al-anon friends who tell me when they're trying to help the alcoholics say you know you You might want to dial it back a little bit there, Bob. And the alcoholic says, mind your own business. All nuns take offense at that, believe it or not. Astonishing. You may talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution. And look what else you've done on the previous three pages. You've begun telling him your story. you've done what it says on the first page of chapter five what we used to be like here's what i used to be like carl here's what happened in a very general way and here's what i'm like today well he can see what you're like today you drove up in a car all four tires and hubcaps matched you shaved you showered you look pretty good you sound articulate your eyes focus you walk in the door you carry a message of hope we offer a solution We want them to get hopeless, right? The sooner they get hopeless the better because they'll reach the bottom of desperation. You name me one other spiritual book in history that says stress the hopelessness because you offer a solution. There's a few but this is bold. This is bold, this is a promise too. Look at page 93. this is a pretty big deal tell him exactly what has happened to you that's in italics there's another sentence in italic he does not have to agree with your own conception of God we'll get to that a little bit and you know when you introduce this to the conversation you have to play that by ear I find it helpful to talk to my sponsor when I'm approaching a new man, just to refresh myself on the order of things. Sooner or later, you're going to talk about belief in a power greater than himself and spiritual principles, but that's general. It's a wide open door. But look at the bottom half of page 93 for a minute. Right in the middle of that bottom paragraph is this sentence, page 93 to be vital faith must be accompanied by self-sacrifice and unselfish constructive action now it may sound strange that making a 12-step call is first and foremost for my benefit they may or may not get something out of it it may sounds strange to say that that is unselfish action. But for a person like me, who spends so much of their life seeking the approval of others, and if I couldn't get your approval, I'd at least settle for your attention, which sounds like it's about you, but it's really very selfish motives. For me to do something for somebody else knowing that they may not respond at all, they may actually tell me to get out and never come back again. They may tell me I'm a fool, that I'm a member of a cult, that AA is just a bunch of blind ninnies following some cult leader from the 1930s. I've been told all those things all the time. You stick around long enough you'll hear all this. So actually 12-step work is unselfish because I'm not looking for approval or attention. I'm just looking to give away what's been so freely given to me. and when he says vital you all mean the use of the word vital means life and death right vital means life and death like your heart pumping right now is vital your lungs working right now is vital vital means life and dead so here is again faith without works that's a promise that's a promise in the big book I want to remind you of this. It's so frustrating sometimes. You can never give another person what you have found. You can never give Another Person What You Have Found. What you can do is cause him to have a desire for it himself. And that's a distinction that may not make a difference to many of you. and i've tried to give other people i try to give other people what i found all the time and i realized i share my experience strength and hope what god does it in their life is between him and them i can try to cause them to have a desire for what i have i think that's very important during 12 step work especially look at page 94 just a reminder the very first sentence don't be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once it doesn't mean you failed it means he's not ready if you sincerely try to share your experience strength and hope without preaching or proselytizing or being a reformer or an evangelist or a prohibitionist, just try to share your experience, strength, and hope. If they're not ready for it and they don't respond, don't take it personally. That's a huge sentence. Not sure it's a promise, but it's big deal. Let's see on page 96 here. By the way, everything in this book, if you read, and I hope you do reread this chapter more carefully than we're doing it today. These first seven or eight pages, beginning on page 89. Page 89 and chapter 7 to the middle of page 96 is all about the first visit. It's preparing for our getting background and then making that first contact. The first half of this chapter is about the First Visit with the Newcomers. Now he says, suppose you're making your second visit. He's read the book, and he decided he's ready. He wants to go through the 12 steps. So the book shifts from, in this chapter, from reaching out to a newcomer. Now we're going to talk about sponsorship. Middle of page 96, we're talking about what we have come to call sponsorship. So this next few pages are really suggestions about being a sponsor, someone who said they're ready and they want what we have. He talks about some conditions you're going to encounter. The first one is he may be broken homeless. Well, that was certainly true in 1938. Very few people, there were no high bottoms. There were no high bottom drunks coming into Alcoholics Anonymous in 1938 so he may be broken homeless was pretty much everybody notice the second to the last sentence on the page page 89 or 96 and this is a promise he says be certain he's not trying to oppose upon you for money connections or shelter In other words, be sure he's not just using you. Permit that and you only harm him. This introduces the difference between what is helping and what is enabling. The difference in the big book between helping and enabling is introduced on page 96. Keep in mind, it will be 13 years before Al-Anon emerges as a formal 12-step program, 1939 to 1952. Al-Anon doesn't exist yet. The idea of Al- Anon doesn't existe yet. We're going to talk more about that in the next two chapters. But notice Bill introduces the caution right here. and it's a negative promise because there are negative consequences if we don't pay attention to it. Permit that, and you only harm him. Now, where's the line? That's the problem. The line between helping and enabling moves every day in every relationship. What may be legitimate help today may be harmful enabling tomorrow. We'll talk more about that in the next two chapters, but the idea that there even is such a thing is introduced right here in your first stages of sponsorship with a newcomer. Paid 97. This is kind of interesting. You notice he repeats this point over and over again. It's one, two, three or four lines down on paid 97. Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. Now, I want you to stop and think, yeah, we take that for granted. We hear it said all the time. We talk about 12-step work all the Time. I want You to think back to 1939, April, when this book hit the shelves, hit the mail. Helping Others is the Foundation Stone of Your Recovery. Did you come to Alcoholics Anonymous for that? Did you comes to Al-Anon or Alateen or any other 12-step program to find out? It's not just a feature, it's the foundation stone, for heaven's sake. Helping others is the foundationstone. Well, you know this is going to be the foundation of healthy relationships, isn't it? when I'm thinking of others without sacrificing myself in the process. Isn't that, I did not see that coming. How do you treat selfishness? Think of somebody else for a little bit. How doyou treatselfishness? Go try to help somebody elsefor a littlebit. How doyoutreatselfishnes? Reach out and call five other people today and get out of your own way. It doesn't have to be limited to 12-step calls. Very bottom sentence on page 97, and then we'll go over. Notice the very bottom sentence on page 96. Page 97, and then we'll go over to page 98. Before we do that, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The bottom paragraph on page 97 says do not neglect the family. Just because the alcoholic doesn't respond doesn't mean you can't continue to reach out, give the family encouragement, give them hope, give them a listening ear. Have them call you and bitch to you instead of bitch at the alcoholic. He says don't neglect the family. That's good encouragement, good advice for all of us. So bottom 97, for the type of alcoholic who is unable and willing, I'm sorry, for the type of alcoholic, who is able and is willing to get what a little charity is needed. We all know that from our own experience. That's a promise for the type of alcohol who's able and willing. That means really interested in our solution no matter what. Little charity is needed. That's another encouragement to not enable. That's an encouragement not to enable. Now look at the middle of page 98. This is a paragraph in my book that is highlighted, underlined, and I've got little stars by it. I must have thought this was a big deal at some point, Barbara. Barbara, are you there with your big book? Could you read for me? Sure. Middle paragraph. I want to hear passion here, Barbara, burn the idea. Here it goes. It is not the matter of giving that is the question. No, no, the next one, dear. Oh, the next one. Wow. Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. read it again burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone the only condition is that he trust in god and clean house thank you barbara now you know it's easy to just run right by that little two sentence paragraph but that's one of those little things in the big book, like page 88. It works. It really does. You can hang the whole book from this paragraph. You can hang the whole book. You can suspend. You can broadcast the entire book. How do you learn to trust in God? Well, in my case, it was the first six or seven steps. How do you learn to clean house? It started somewhere admitting I was powerless over alcohol and It continues today with the practice of step 10 and 11. The whole 12-step program is summed up in trusting God and a clean house. I want to say a word here about trust God, God as we understood him. This is personal observation. This may or may not be big book dogma, but it is my experience and I'm going to share a concern with you. And folks were real grateful in 1938 when they plugged in the word God as we understood him because it opened the door to everybody. And it's a great idea and it's still a great area today. However, being alcoholics, we do tend to redefine what we read to make us more comfortable. I would suggest to you that God as way understanding does not mean we can explain it. I do not need to be able to explain God to understand God. In fact, if I'm trying to explain God, I'm trying to shrink God down to my size. That's my experience. God as we understand him does not mean define it. If I can define God on my terms, it's probably not God. It's just a reformulation of me. I told you before about moving from Bill's will to God's world. And it is definitely not God as I can control him. How many times have I spent my recovery, my spiritual awakening trying to get God to do things on my terms and my time. Here's what God, as I understand it, means according to the big book. Now there's a lot in here, but these are the four that really matter to me. In The Doctor's Opinion, page XXIX in the fourth edition, XXIX, X. The doctor says something more than human power, more than human power. On page 45, the big book says we must find a power, capital P, greater than myself which will solve my problem. It's not just a power greater than myself, it's very directed. A power greater than myself that will solve my problem and I know from page 62 my problem is selfishness self-centeredness. I need a power greater than my selfishness whoa that's a big power because my selfishness is a big problem page 62 the very first part of step three we had to quit playing god god has a name and it's not built i am not god that's where my understanding of god has to begin every day there is a god and i'm not it. And then right here on page 98, it has to be a God I can trust. If I don't trust God, if I don' t trust God, I'm not going to like the help I get. If I don''t trust God I'm not going use the help I get and that's all self. Self, self. But I don ''t blame it on self. I like to blame it on some complicated discussion about theology or God is hiding in the tall grass or something. I just know from my own experience, when John C. came up to me one Saturday in 1981 and said there's only two things you need to know about God, there is one and you're not him. That is the basis of my understanding to this day. So when we get to page 98, the only condition is trust in God and clean house. Trust in God is pretty important. That sounded a little preachy, didn't it? Was I on my soapbox there, Janelle? Jeannie? No? Well, sometimes I feel preachy Belinda and that's just the way it is. Look at the bottom. This is talking to me at the very bottom of page 98. Argument and fault finding are to be avoided like the plague. I think it's nice that we get to use the word like plague during this time in our history. i guess you could circle plague and put in pencil covet 19 but it put it in pencil because in a few years there'll be another one you need to erase it right in the new one there have been plagues for a long time there will be plagues again this is not the end of the world that's my only editorial on an outside issue this too shall pass don't go crazy while it's passing argument and fault finding are to be avoided like the plague have you been to a group conscience meeting lately? Anybody, any program, AA, Al-Anon. Maybe we should all read the bottom of page 98, beginning the group conscience meeting, argument and fault finding are to be avoided like the plague. That's just an observation. Donna's nodding her head though. I may be on to something. Look at page 99. If I can find it. I'm looking for, try not to repair the damage immediately, pay the penalty by a spree. Middle paragraph above the middle of the page. some of the principles we're going to see in these five chapters are introduced here consider it helpful this is talking to the family of course and we must caution a new person not to try to repair the damage immediately you know we often tell folks it took more than a day to get into the middle of the forest it's It's going to take more than a day to get out of the middle of the forest. Progress, not perfection. Bottom of page 98, another huge paragraph I've got highlighted and underlined. Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. That's kind of a negative promise. This just isn't so. That goes back to the only condition is he trusts in God and clean house. there cannot be external conditions put on a new person, a new woman or a new man in recovery. There cannot be internal conditions put under recovery. You have to help them see through that. No, you can't wait till you get your job back to get sober. No, you can not wait for the kids to talk to you again until you get sober, get sober do what you need to do to get so over, Put recovery first in your life, and these other things will happen for you, with you, in God's time. That's a great promise, and it's very important for people to be reassured of that. We get through this page 100 about you and the new man walking day by day in the path of spiritual progress. Keep in mind, it doesn't say he's sober. you ever sponsor somebody who has trouble stopping drinking my sponsor sponsored me i had trouble stopping drinking for several months didn't necessarily say they're sober both you and the new person man woman both you and the newcomer must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress if you persist if you persist remarkable things will happen you will look at the next last sentence in that paragraph top of page 100 you will presently live in a new and wonderful world that's a promise for the sponsor as well as a sponsee we've all experienced that those of us that have sponsored people you will presently that's a promise it's a guarantee it's in black and white it's a written guarantee you will personally live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances what's that about it's about page 84 we've entered the world of the spirit it's on the inside the new and Wonderful World emerges on the inside, no matter what my external circumstances. The new and wonderful world begins within and grows out as the outside situation improves as well. It never, spiritual awakening never happens. Spiritual growth never happens from the outside in. This is a remarkable insight here on page 111. You will present we live includes the sponsor and the sponsee. It includes all the hundred plus people on this Zoom room today. And it's a future, it's not a past. Most of the sentences in the big book are in the past. This one's in the present and the future. Follow the dictates of a higher power. You could use dictates as discipline like we talked on page 88. And you will presently live. Presently means right away. Any minute, presently, any minute. Live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances. God is bigger than COVID-19. Come on. Yes, it's tough. Yes. It's uncertain. Yes it's driving a lot of us crazy. Thank you, Bunny. no matter what our circumstances we should all take that promise own it make that promise personal right now because it's the truth page 101 there's some cautions beginning on the bottom of page 100 there are also some benefits to being a sponsor, talked about in the rest of this chapter. Notice on page 101, the good news is none of my relationships are now based on alcohol. You can write that all across page 101. The spiritual awakening that produces the relationships I have today with God, me and others, none of them are based on alchohol. he says we meet these conditions every day an alcoholic who cannot meet them still has an alcoholic mind the problems in the mind the way i think selfish self-centered there is something to matter with his spiritual status down on the second half of page 101 In italics, we can go anywhere as long as we have a legitimate reason for being there. Well, I still have an alcoholic mind, but it no longer runs my life. God runs my wife. That's the difference. I let God direct my alcoholic mind. I do not think alcoholically anymore. Well, most of the time. And he also, there's a hint there on the bottom of page 101, he's cautioning against, again, between the temperance and the prohibition movements. Now we jump to page 102. This is a companion piece to the Our Real Purpose statement on page 77. And if you look at the second to the last paragraph on page 102, your job now, present tense, your job nowadays is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others. So never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. This goes to motive. Why am I going there? Am I going in there to get some vicarious pleasure? Am I going there to watch them drink and feel sorry for myself? But I won't. He says, if I have a legitimate reason for being there, if I haven't desired to be helpful. But notice you compare this to page 77. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. This amplifies that. What's that look like? It doesn't mean maximum helpfulness on their terms. It means being as helpful as I can be. I be as helpful as I could be to others today, which is often just by keeping my mouth shut. Sometimes the greatest help I can give somebody is keeping my mouse shut. As we go through that, as we've gone through Chapter 7, we see how to approach a newcomer and the promises that come from working with others that Bill read so well in the beginning We've got these cautions along the way, such as what Barbara read on page 98. Burn the idea into the consciousness of every person. It can get well regardless of anyone. Trust in God. Clean house. And then we get to the end. Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others. Very last words in this chapter on page 103. you. As if we have forgotten that selfishness is the problem, look at the italics on page 103. After all, our problems were of our own making. So my life is not what's happening. My life is how I respond to what's happened. Bottles were only a symbol. We have stopped fighting anybody or anything we have to and of course that is an echo of page 84 love and tolerance of others is our code we have stopped fighting anyone or anything even alcohol it says on page 84 he echoes it again right here on page 103 yes the big book is a lot of repetition because we need a lot of repetition okay that's a quick run through chapter seven i hope you'll take time to read it more carefully on your own time because there's a lot packed in there and as you see i hope there are the promises built in they include risks and cautions as well as benefits and good outcomes and i would say again we learn here and we're going to see this play out more and more in the next three chapters. Our relationships, our healthy relationships begin in our group and begin with the first, second, third person we sponsor because our healthy relationships are about taking as much of their interest into account as we take our own. And our healthy relations have nothing to do with alcohol. Thank you, Mike. We'll take about six or seven or eight minutes for comments and questions, and then we'll pick up at chapter eight. Well, thank you, Bill. You're welcome, Mike. If anybody likes to unmute themselves and thank Bill real quick before we open it up for comments. Thanks, Bill! Thanks, Phil! Thank you, Phil. Thank you. Thank you so much, Bill Thanks, Paul Thanks, Will Thanks, bill Thank you, Bill. I'm now reshuffling what I thought I knew. Good teacher. Good teacher, everybody. And Annette? No, Debbie, would you like to do the grapevine plug? You can unmute yourself. I'm Debbie. I'm an alcoholic and I'm grateful to be here. And when they say I'm going to unmute myself, I always hear mutiny. I don't know, maybe that's the defiance. But The Grapevine does not get any of the GSO contributions that the groups send in or you're sending in for your birthday contribution. So whatever you could get an online subscription, you can go back through the archives. You can look for, like Sandy Beach used to mention that Paul M would write a story back in the 60s. You can research this and see what he was excited about reading way back then. You can pick up the month that you were born in of the month that you got sober and we've got other little books and they've got language of the heart that's coming up next week so you have time to order yours now and have it in time you get the large print so you can make lots of notes thanks