The Circle and Triangle – Workshop – Part 2 of 4 – Bill L.

Hi everyone, my name is Mike, I'm an alcoholic. And let's just kick this thing off with a set-aside prayer. Dear God, please set aside everything I think I know about myself, my disease, the big book the twelve steps the program, the fellowship the people in the fellowship and all spiritual terms especially you God so I may have an open mind and a new experience with all these things please help me see the truth Amen that in about a month and a half they're going to be really long. No, I'm just kidding. We started with the circle and triangle. I guess to quickly touch upon that, even though the circle and triangle is no longer on our literature, for me it encompasses AA solution for alcoholism which has three parts because the disease of alcoholism has three parties. it's physical, mental and spiritual the base of the triangle which is recovery which is the program which is 12 steps for me it's almost important that one's mentioned first because for me the base of a triangle is what the whole entire structure is built upon and that's the program or recovery or the 12 steps then the left side of the triangle is unity, which is where we bring the body which is the fellowship and interaction with other AAs then the right side of the triangle is service what's interesting is I didn't notice it until the last couple of years that the 12th step says having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps so the steps awaken us spiritually but the way we grow spiritually is through service and self-sacrifice for other people. So I always thought that you know where you grow spiritually is with the steps, that's kind of where it begins but then we grow spiritually through work and self sacrifice for others so where we bring the body is in the fellowship where we brings the mind is to the steps and that awakens us spiritually and where we grow spiritual is through services not only in AA but in all of our affairs so also that symbol represents body, mind and spirit wholeness as one together as one and it encompasses all three aspects of our human experience or our present experience body, mind and Spirit so it also is an ancient symbol that was used to ward off evil spirits which I guess is another piece of it but and I guess specifically for AA, it's body, mind, and spirit. And for me that was important because I needed to see, first of all, that a solution for alcoholism has three parts, and I also needed to ask myself, am I involved in all three parts presently, currently, today, right now? How have I been doing in the recent past? So that's The Circle and Triangle. Then we went over the table of contents. The book is written in a very specific way, where it starts with certain basic information and then builds upon it. The doctor's opinion gives us what the problem is. It tells us about the physical difference, the mental difference, and the spiritual difference or some attributes of being spiritually blocked off. Then in Bill's story, it gives us an example of the problem. And although Bill's bottom was a low bottom, we can focus on how Bill thought, how Bill felt and how Bill drank to see if we can relate because it's describing the experience of an alcoholic so I need to ask myself can I relate to what he went through? It touches upon a few different ways that Bill tried to stop that didn't work. He tried willpower, renewing his resolve, self-knowledge, fear didn't work geographical cures didn't work and then whenever he brought him the solution in a practical program recovery then he never drank again having implemented it then last week we did the first half of there as a solution we touched upon some history we touched upon some solution statements, so to speak, talking about what the solution is of power greater than human power and gave us a little bit of history and we're going to continue along with that chapter this week. But in continuing along with how the book is set up and the table of contents, there's a solution that sort of lets us know what the solution is, then in more about alcoholism it tells us the futility of trying to solve the problem of alcoholism without the solution which inevitably leads us back to drinking if we just keep trying on our own will or on our own knowledge to fix the problem. And then leagnostics gives us the basic concepts of a higher power that we can live with of our own understanding and then how it works into action working with others to wives, to family afterwards, to employers and then there's a really great sort of crescendo or encore with a vision for you. So that's in those last chapters there, it touches upon how can we get that power to be working in and through us in our lives and move in that direction as a solution and a way of life. So I guess that's sort of a view and also a table of contents kind of overview. But where did we end up? On 23? Or do you want to start somewhere else? Actually, the first thing we're going to get into tonight is the three different types of drinkers. Two of them are non-alcoholics. One is described as a real alcoholic. If you would, towards the bottom of page 20. And as we go through these descriptions, I'm just going to turn statements into questions. and if we could maybe have a little participation and we'll see who identifies with these statements. The first of the three, it says, moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have a good reason for it. So the question becomes, did I have little struggle giving up liquid or liquor entirely if I had a good reasons for it? So was anyone able to give up liquor entirely? No. If they had a good reason, okay. Especially if they had good reason. Right. They can take it or leave it alone. Was that anyone's attitude towards alcohol, just a take-it-or-leave-italone attitude? Okay. You also, you know, they can take because they don't have that allergy and they can leave it along because they're not in the middle of session. So there's a couple times here that he mentions that. And up until about a month ago, I would have been able to tell you that I had never worked with anybody one-on-one who fit into this category as a moderate drinker. But that kind of blew my record when... And I guess I'll be talking about this more as we go along. But I actually worked with an individual that came into my house. We were going to start going through the steps. and she said that she was pretty sure that she was a compulsive overeater and an alcoholic and I said fine let's start the work because I don't care what your disease is I don' t care what your first step is I don''t care what you're powerless over I just want you like the men who worked with me I just wanted to be able to see what your truth is because a lot of people believe just because rehab told them so that they are both alcoholic and drug addict. And my experience is that I am alcoholic but I did experiment with some drugs and that didn't make me a drug addict So this particular person, as we were going through the previous questions that we went over on 20 and also So, on the other pages that we covered last week, you know, again, I would turn these statements into questions. And I would say, is this you? You know, is This How You Behave? And she said, well, yes with food, but no with alcohol. And in some instances, she would say yes with alcohol, you now, yes to both. And I said, okay. And we kept on going like this. And by the time we got to this description of the moderate drinker, she said, you know, if I could take alcohol or leave it alone, I really don't care. And I can give it up entirely if I have a good reason to do so. And what we ended up finding out is that the reason that my friend drinks alcohol is not the same reason I drink alcohol. She once she put, once I put any alcohol in my system whatsoever it sparks a craving for more alcohol. When this individual would have one or two drinks of alcohol she would go eat particularly sweets. all right and what we found out was i i began to ask her questions like well when you drank what type of alcohol did you drink and she said stuff like amaretto schnapps and she said well i drank vodka but i had to have orange juice with it you know and i said do you realize that out of all the alcoholic beverages that you just told me you drank the commonality that they have is a high content of sugar and she said I never saw that nobody ever pointed that out to me before and I was never able to see that so the conclusion that we both came to together because I can only try to point someone to their truth, I'm not going to tell them that no you're not an alcoholic or yes you are the conclusion that we came to together was that she's a compulsive overeater, who's powerless over where alcohol takes her. Because if she has one or two drinks of alcohol, she goes to the food. This is an individual that really should not drink alcohol, but not for the same reasons that I shouldn't drink alcohol. So there are differences. In my experience, a drug is not a drug, is not a drug. We hear over and over again, a drug is a drug is a drug. That's just not my experience. There's differences. Okay, the second type is then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit. Now if you look back in your own alcoholic history you can probably see that you had a habit also. I definitely had a habit for alcohol. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. So I ask myself, did I have the habit for drinking badly enough to gradually impair myself physically and mentally? Yes. So, so far I fit into the classification as a hard drinker. It may cause me to die a few years before my time. Well, if I would have kept up at the rate I was going, I'm sure I would've died before my quote unquote time was up so still i fit into the category of a hard drinker but if a sufficiently strong reason ill health falling in love change of environment or warning of a doctor becomes operative this man can also stop or moderate although he may find it difficult and troublesome and he may even need medical attention and that's the difference this is where the hard drinker and myself a real alcoholic part ways because i had plenty sufficiently strong enough reasons you know my health was starting to go down the tubes i can't tell you how many times i fell in love and uh the woman or the girl would tell me you know if you really love me you'll stop drinking and I would be like I guess I really don't love you I tried to change my environment, you know, I went into the army you know and on and on and on do you have anything you want to add to that one? yeah, it says there again the man can stop or moderate they can stop because they don't have the obsession they can moderate because they're going to have the allergy that's why it's defining someone who's not an alcoholic that's how I'm describing that person as a heavy drinker and notice that it says they may even need medical attention they may need to be detoxed off the alcohol just because I went to a rehab doesn't make me an alcoholic necessarily that's what I bring him along with me but what about the real alcoholic he may start off as a moderate drinker the first guy that we covered he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker so this real alcoholic he could go from a moderate temperate social drinker right to the real deal uh he may or may not become a continuous heart drinker but at some stage of his drinking career and and here's the important key for the real alcoholic he begins to lose control you know if you have a highlighter or pen underline that begins to lose control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink. And why is that? Because he has the allergy and the craving for more alcohol once he stops. So now they're going to get into describing the real alcoholic a little bit, and they're gonna tell us when they get to the end of all this is that this just identifies the real alcoholic roughly. You may or may not fit in with all these, but I'm sure that most of us have at least some of these characteristics that they're going to talk about here. So here's the fellow who's been puzzling you. He doesn't puzzle me, especially in his lack of control. Again, lack of Control. I do absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. I am a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I am seldom mildly intoxicated. I am always more or less insanely drunk my disposition while drinking resembles my normal nature but little I may be one of the finest fellows in the world yet let me drink for a day and I frequently become disgustingly and even dangerously antisocial I would actually say I was that without alcohol and when I drank alcohol that kind of took the edge off I have a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept that's very true for myself I am often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor but in that respect I am incredibly dishonest and selfish i often possess special abilities skills and aptitudes and has a promising career ahead of him and i use my gifts to build up a bright outlook for my family and myself and then i pull the structure down on my head by a senseless series of sprees can anyone identify with this sounds like we're all real alcoholics in this room he is a fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around quite often i did yet early the next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before if he can afford it he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him and to throw down the waste pipe as matters grow worse he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor and gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums. And, you know, I believe it was last week that in Two Lives we covered the description of the four different types. I believe the first one was not an alcoholic but he was coming really close and the last three were alcoholics so you can kind of hook those descriptions back into this paragraph here it says this is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic as our behavior patterns vary but this description should identify him roughly again, I think the most important statement about the real alcoholic is that he or she begins to lose all control of their liquor consumption once they start to put it in their body. And that's just half of it. So why does he behave like this if hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its intended suffering and humiliation? Why is it he takes that one drank? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of his common sense and willpower that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters? Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle. we know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink as he may do for months and years he reacts much like other men we're equally positive that once he takes any alcohol into his system something happens both in the bodily and that's because of the craving or the allergy and the mental sense and that is because of alcohol does something for us we don't see the truth about it, the problems that it's causing us. And that's because of the mental obsession which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this. So again ask yourself has that been your experience saying here that an alcoholic can abundantly affirm this again and again we'll see that in the past we were different vitally and mentally does our experience abundantly confirmed this? Now here's where he's going to kind of turn the tide a little bit and we're going to shift from the body, we're gonna shift from the physical craving to the mental obsession and we are going to start talking about the thought that precedes us taking the first drink and then once we get into more about alcoholism chapter 3 we are really going to get into that so on top of the 23 it says these observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion therefore the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than in his body it's important to know about the whole physical part of it but if we never put the alcohol in our body to begin with then we never have to worry about that part never happening again although it's importante to identify whether we can we can relate to the whole physical part of it that once we start we can't stop and it does something for us i never understood that because alcohol is out of your body in 24 hours and i can frequently give up for three four days i always thought i had the physical craving when i went back after three or four days but But that was the mental illness, the backward fitness, spirituality. The fact that it did something for you and the way you were dealing with other people and dealing with life and dealing your emotions needed help and alcohol is that help. But it put you on autopilot nevertheless. It was like a craving. I mean, it was like you couldn't determine where you're going to drive You find yourself, but you're still on your way home. Well, also in the past, since you turned to it again, it's just that whole, it's sort of like karate. They have you do many things. They have me do the same thing just over and over and on and over again to the point where you don't even have to think. It's just a natural reaction for your body to move in a certain way without you really thinking. And that's exactly what alcohol was for us. Feeling discomfort? Turned to alcohol. I'm driving down a certain road. I turn to the liquor store. The boss yells at me. I go out to lunch. Do you want to take over for a while? So again, it's important to realize that it's important to relate to the physical aspect of it. So it's important for that information but that in and of itself really has little significance if you never took the first drink to begin with. So that's something that I like doing especially if I'm in a detox or something like that. I'll very often begin and say how many people are here and this is not this is more than your first time and you know half of the room or sometimes even three quarters in a room will raise their hand this is my second or or you know more than one and you know my question for them is that then then alcohol isn't your problem because when you left the last time you didn't have alcohol on your body anymore and uh that's a really cool way of drawing attention away from the fact because these people think that alcohol and drugs are their problem it's not if uh if i don't have uncle on my body anymore And if I've been detoxed enough of that, now there's this other aspect of it. And I haven't found a better example than to ask who's here for the first time because if alcohol was my problem and detoxes and rehabs would turn away people, I'd never drink again. Physically you can still have discomfort, even have seizures much later than 24 hours after you last drank. I've seen medical reports say that in the average person alcohol is detoxed out of your body after two or three days but in extreme cases like people who did nothing but drink for the past year didn't really eat much and just did nothing but drink now that doesn't mean they drank every single day but they did nothing because they reached a point where they couldn't eat anything all they could really do was drink alcohol and even that they had a problem with keeping it down. But in extreme cases like that, it might take five or six days. But in the average person, it's about two or three for the alcohol to be detoxed out of your system. So therefore, the main problem in the alcoholic centers in the mind rather than in the body. If you ask him why he started on the last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of 100 alibis. Sometimes these excuses have certain plausibility plausibility means quality of being believable but none of them really make sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking about creates now I love this this makes sense to me, I don't know why it says they sound like the philosophy of a man who having a headache beats himself on the head with a hammer so he can't feel the ache I remember years ago I was going through a, I listen to Howard Stern phase every day. I don't anymore but I did years ago and part of the Howard Stern show is that Robin reads news stories usually the second half of the show she reads news stores and they comment on all of it and she read this one news story and it made total sense to me and she read a news story about this woman down in Florida who had a corn on her foot and it was causing her a lot of pain and what this woman did was she drank a quart of alcohol and three beers because I guess the quart of alcohol wasn't enough and she proceeded to get a shotgun and what made sense to her was to shoot the corn off her foot and she blew her foot off and I remember in hearing that story that I could relate to that kind of thinking you know there were certain things that I did that at the time made sense to me but later on I said what was I thinking but there were these parts of me that whole thing in looking at it logically makes no sense whatsoever but there was certain times in my life where I did things that at the moment made absolutely perfect sense yet later on I was saying to myself what was I thinking it was just kind of crazy like the woman with the shotgun I'm sure later on she said what was i thinking which is kind of interesting if you draw this fallacious or false reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, you will laugh it off or become irritated and refuse to talk, which is usually the case. Now notice this line. Once in a while, he may tell the truth. And next to that sentence, I have the word doubtful. And the truth strange to say is usually that he has no more idea why he took the first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time, but in their heads, they really do not know why they do it. Once the malady or illness has a real hold, they're a baffled lot, there's the obsession or the lie that somehow, someday they will beat the game but they often suspect that they are down for the count what's interesting in working with people hopefully when people walk away from me explaining to them what's going on with alcoholism bodily, mentally and spiritually that they no longer don't understand why they go back to drinking because as you've seen through this book it's already described why that mentally we just don't see the truth about alcohol and since it does something for us we keep turning to it again and again even though it's caused problems for us so in going through this book you've seeing again and Again talks about this specifically but the average person who's out there drinking really doesn't see it and doesn't know why they do it they just know that they do it and as soon as you draw attention to it they're not going to be around you very much because they don't want to look at you amen you know for me my disease always told me it wasn't the first one you know like where it just said here it was never the first but it couldn't have been the first drink that kicked in this obsession how to be that sugar yeah like no you know I had to get to that fifth drink to for this all to kick in It was never the first. It was never the first training. All my years, you know, for me that definitely showed the same thing over and over again. I just did the same thing and honestly believed in Miami. Every time I wasn't one of them people that went into rehab or detox hot or drunk or whatever. Really, I always went in and this time was going to be it. This time was going to be it because I always came out and was always of course never went right to a meeting but it was always that first drink you know that I had that was that obsession for me could have been the first drink you said that it was the first drink that created the obsession or is it the first drink that actually triggered the allergy which is of the body see whenever this book talks about craving it's talking about the body and whenever it talks about obsession it's talking about the mind I thought you were talking about that your mind kept saying that, you know, I'll just stay away from the fifth drink but it's right to have one because the one doesn't affect me The one doesn'T kick in everything else You know what I mean? It's that once I get, you don't Well, I'm sure your mind told you that before you even picked up that first drink Correct? That you could just have one drink Oh, definitely That's a mental obsession That's the lie that our minds tell us in order for us to pick up a drink and then uh you know bill and i are gonna show you guys in a week perhaps two that we're gonna show you what actually triggers or what is what is actually the firing mechanism mechanism for the mental obsession and that's the spiritual malady that that we've been talking about off and on what's cool is that that was i can totally relate to what you're talking about because i always started to drink just to get that nice cool buzz you know what i mean and then every time i overshot the mark you know i mean i just started to just have that so you know just get that sense of relaxation to getthat sense of escape that senseof calmand theni woke up the beastyou know and don't get me wrong I didn't necessarily every time I drank always go too far but mostly I did I never drank people I drank at the bars sometimes I drank beers that was it you know always did shots or some kind of hard liquor quick and fast quick and fastest alright Tom at page 24 this top part here is kind of eye-opening it says at a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic he passes into the state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail so again notice it's talking about an alcoholic ask yourself if you can relate to that this tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected that's why this is progressive the fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure or unknown have lost the power of choice and drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times, not all the time, but at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago, and I like to stress even a day ago in some cases. We are without defense against the first drink. The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter or prevent us. if these thoughts occur they are hazy or vague and readily supplanted which means replaced with the old threadbare which means worn out idea at this time we shall handle ourselves like other people there is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on the hot stove notice it says there in the second paragraph we're unable at certain times, not all the time. Sometimes we can think the drink through, but if we can only do that 9 out of 10 times when that 10th time comes, we're not going to be able to think the dream through. Next to that paragraph there, if you don't mind writing in your book, just put page 43 because when we get to the end of the chapter more about apollism, he's going to almost repeat himself with the exact same words just a little bit differently when it comes to the mental obsession this is the crux of the problem that we are unable at certain times we have no mental offense against the first drink what did I say? we probably don't have that either that's real powerlessness we have a mental offense for the drink You know, and like Bill said, it's the at certain times thing that's really a pain in the neck. I'll probably talk about this when we get to 43, but it's this whole notion of, well, keep your memory green. And if you think about alcohol, if you thinking about picking up a drink, well just think the drink through. you know well what happens if the desire for drinking comes upon me and it happens to be at one of those certain times i'm not going to be able to think the drink through you know for me that's like playing russian roulette you know so of course by the time we uh get to page 43 they're going to be hooking us right into step 2 and I'm really going to be able to see my need for power there but you know this is the crux of the whole mental obsession also notice the second line there it mentions it again at certain times the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail what's interesting about that is that one of our traditions is a requirement for membership is a desire to stop drink But that requirement only allows you to sit at a closed meeting. That requirement does not sustain permanent recovery, contented recovery. So although that's one of the requirements for membership, it's not the requirement for recovery. That in and of itself is of no avail. It's not enough. We need to do more than try to think the drink through. We need do more then part of the mental part is that we don't see the truth about alcohol. so if I'm not seeing the truth. And even at certain times, my mind told me that taking a drink was the right thing to do. It wasn't that I was trying to defend myself and I still did it anyway. There were times when my mind said taking a drinking was the wrong thing to say. It was the correct thing to drink. I'm without defense against that drink. My mind at certain time is going to tell me that it's okay to drink but it's not going to see the truth fully. And at the bottom of the page, it continues, when this sort of thinking is fully established on an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane. So like it says in how it works, that probably no human power could have relieved her of alcoholism. And my sponsor is a human power, even though my sponsor is very important. The fellowship is a group of human power. That's not enough, even thought it's very important for myself and my thinking is not enough because I'm human power so I place myself beyond human aid and that's why we need to seek higher power. In the 25th paragraph there it says there is a solution and now notice the uh notice the description of the work here it says almost none of us liked doing the work almost none of them like the self-searching leveling or our pride the confession of shortcomings which is a process requires for its successful consummation but we saw that we really worked on others and we had come to believe in a hopelessness of futility of life as we had been living it not necessarily just with alcohol because i can relate to that when I had stopped drinking and didn't start seeking a spiritual solution that I saw that my life was futile at that time too that I was still stepping on the toes of people around me I was also causing problems and I was very self-centered and uncomfortable and filled with fear so it's saying I may not like doing this but if I'm desperate enough to try another way and I go through with this that you know the 12 step talks about having had a spiritual awakening and the 10 step talks about being recovered and that's the importance of the fellowship is that we saw it worked for others so that kept us open minded and it kept us willing to consider another way because we saw he was working for these other people so again that's why the fellowship is so important although the fellowship in and of itself isn't enough it can be an example of experience, strength and hope to open us to move in a certain direction so we'll have our own experience with all of that I remember years ago some guy was telling me about how he felt that the stories in this book were more important than the beginning part of the book that has the program. And I just kind of looked at him and I smiled and I said, you know, I'd rather experience hope myself than to just hear about other people having hope. And I walked away from it. And for me that's so true. The experience of an open thing is very good in opening someone's mind to consider another way besides their own. But that person needs to take some actions to have their own experience with all this stuff instead of just hearing about it or reading about it. when therefore we were approached by those with whom the problem had been solved and that's the people in the fellowship there was nothing left for us but to pick up this simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet and that is the program which are the steps we have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence which we had not even dreamed it mentions there the spiritual tools I'd like to suggest that these are a kit of spiritual power tools and the reason why I like adding that is because in order for a power tool to work it needs to be plugged into the power that this program does not work unless we plug into God for help so these are spiritual tools, it is a kit of spiritual tools but they're power tools that need to be plugged in in order form to work maybe they're good enough to bang somebody over the head with but in order to work that needs to be plugged in. Now notice this next paragraph. And notice the language that he uses because he uses some pretty extreme language here. He says, The great fact is just this and nothing less that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows, and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He, as in God, has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we never do by ourselves. So the next step promises to talk about what God is doing for us and we can't do it for ourselves. What's interesting too is that the other side of the coin is that alcohol does for us what we can do for ourselves It brings about that he's a comfort within us that we just can't see him bring about with the way we live our life so selfishly and so filled with fear But it says twice in this book that we really have two alternatives. If you're an alcoholic, you have two alternatives, either a lot of booze or a lot of God. And a lot OF booze always has that negative outcome. And AA is suggesting this other path. Now, in the beginning of that paragraph, next to spiritual experiences, it has an asterisk. Down below, it says C Appendix 2. So let's turn back to 569. Why don't we do that when we get to Chapter 4, since that relates more to Step 2. We can do it again then, but we've only got 15 minutes. If you touch on a couple of things, if you want. We'll cover that next week. Let's continue at the bottom of 25. and here's where it talks about two alternatives it says if you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle of the road solution, and in how it works it talks a lot about half measures avail us nothing if half measures available us nothing then no measures avails us less we are in a position where life drinking or not was becoming impossible drinking or non not drinking and not seeking a spiritual solution, that life becomes impossible. And if we had passed into a region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives. One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could, and the other was to accept spiritual help. A lot of God or a lot of booze. This we did because we honestly wanted to and were willing to make the effort. So there's sort of an equation there that, you know, this we did when, one, we honestly wanted to and, two, we're willing to make the effort. That's sort OF like saying, you KNOW, if you want what we have and you're willing TO go to any lengths to get it. You KNOW, with that, it says if you're seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. so if you agree that you're as seriously alcoholic as the description that they're giving in here ask yourself am I currently following a middle of the road solution or am I doing what it says at the top of page 25 which is self-searching, leveling my pride and confession of my shortcomings and all the other description of the steps that we've talked about so far This next part is about a gentleman named Roland Hazard. What it's going to describe happened in 1931. And what's interesting is that Roland was the gentleman that carried the message to Ebi Thatcher, and Ebi Thacher was the gentlemen that carried a message to Bill Wilson. so this is part of where the a certain American businessman had ability, good sense and high character for years he had floundered from one sanitarium to another he had consulted the best known American psychiatrist then he had gone to Europe placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician, the psychiatrist Dr. Young who prescribed for him though experience had made him skeptical he finished his treatment with unusual confidence his physical and mental condition were unusually good above all he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of his inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable has anyone in here ever had that thought before that's the whole self knowledge thing which we saw in Bill's story didn't work nevertheless he was drunk in a short time more baffling still he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall so he returned to his doctor whom he admired and asked him point blank why he could not recover he wished above all things to regain self control Again, that's another delusion that we alcoholics suffer from and it's part of the mental obsession that somehow, someday, we can drink like normal people and that we can regain our self-control. Once we've gone beyond the point of control, how can we ever regain self-controlled? He seemed quite rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems. You know, again, that's a classic description of what we found about the real alcoholic on 21. Yet he had no control whatever over alcohol. Again, hooking us right back into a real alcoholic. Why was this? He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth and he got it. In the doctor's judgment, he was utterly hopeless. You know, and I think that's a big deal for a doctor to tell a patient that you're utterly hopeless and there's nothing that I can do for you. I mean, not only is that practically unheard of, but that's an extremely humbling statement coming from a doctor. You know? you're utterly hopeless, you're going to die, and there's nothing medically that I can do for you. Was that meant, do you think, to help grow the surrounding? I don't know if Young had any intention or motivation behind his comment. I guess the only person that would know that would be Carl Young. I think Young just got to a point where he had to be absolutely honest with Roland and said, I've tried everything medically and psychologically that I know how to do and you are beyond human aid. He also mentions on the next page that, you know, I've never been able to help an alcoholic of your description so I don't think that it was a tool. It was just an acceptance on his part. And it's funny because, you Know, another way of putting it is that this incredibly great doctor it's strange because during this period of time there were three great psychiatrists, all of which still influence psychiatric thought today one was Adler, one was Freud and one was Jung and the interesting thing is that this gentleman, Roland Hazard went to all three and Freud had just gotten cancer and he couldn't work with him Adler was too busy and he was booked and he could not take him on so he went to see Carl Jung and the coincidence there which again held AA by a thread was that Adler and Jung had no concept of God nor did they pass it along or believe in anything like that in their practice and Carl Jung had a strong sense of higher power and a strong concept of including God in what he did so again that was the interesting thing that if he had gone to those other two great doctors that may not have brought about what happens with him hooking up with the Oxford Group and finding a solution. Do you want to mention the throwaways? The reason why I did the packet today, the first two pages are letters at first from Bill Wilson to Carl Young thanking him for his contribution to AA just before he died and then the second letter is from Carl Young back to Bill both letters are pretty cool so check those out and then the part after that is an article more about alcoholism we'll get to that chapter tonight so again in the doctor's judgment he was utterly hopeless he could never regain his position in society and he would have to place himself under lock and key or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long that was a great physician's opinion but this man still lives and is a free man. He does not need a bodyguard, nor is he confined. He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men may go without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude. That's a certain simply attitude that they're going to talk about all throughout this book. I'd like to suggest that that simple attitude is the change from being self-centered to being God-centered. Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help. Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with his doctor. The doctor said, You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you. Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang. He said to the doctor, Is there no exception? Yes, replied the doctor. There is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. Change. To me, these occurrences are phenomena. Change. And phenomena means rare and unusual. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Change. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side. Change. And a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. Change. In fact, I've been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. Change. So you think he's trying to hint at the point that maybe we need to change here? With many individuals, the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description. That's what I was talking about before. And in reading that paragraph, for those of us that are perhaps already on the path of seeing a spiritual solution, this is talking about glimpses of having a spiritual awakening So if I'm already, perhaps I've already gone through the steps once or perhaps I'm mostly through or I'm seeking a certain way, I need to ask myself, is this the kind of stuff that's happening within me now? Are a completely new set of conceptions and motives dominating me now than they were five years ago? Are ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once a guiding force suddenly cast to one side? It might be coming changed on a really deep level because that's the essence of a spiritual awakening. Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved, for he reflected that after all, he was a good church member. This hope, however, was destroyed by the doctors telling him that while his religious convictions were very good, in his case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience. You know, and I come upon some people in AA or some people that I do some one-on-one 12-step work with where as soon as you begin to mention the word God to them, and they're like, oh, well, I go to church. I have the solution. And you kind of got to explain to them, well, if you really had the solution that Alcoholics Anonymous is talking about, then you wouldn't just be coming out of rehab. It would have worked for you already. Right. And it's not saying that, you know, it's Not saying that it can't be found there. I think what it's saying is that the essence of perhaps your religion or whatever, that there are certain things that AA asks you to do by way of certain actions and attitudes and perspectives that you haven't touched upon in the full scope that perhaps the 12 steps ask us to do. Most religions contain the essence or the principles that AA has to offer. just that somehow a is able to encompass it and order it in a certain way that brings it about where, you know, you have to kind of look for it in the different religions, but it's usually there. Like going and making amends and stuff like that. Some religions don't necessarily stress us going back and making the amends for our past because there have been very religious people that I've talked to and showed in the Bible where it says, you know, if you bring a gift to God and you have a problem with your brother, then you should leave the gift before the altar and then go back and set things right and then come back and give your gift to god. So I point out things like that in the bible to people and they're like, well, I'm a different person now so I don't have to go back and make amends to my past. You know, I guess I just see it differently but I see so strongly in AA how effective that is in bringing about a lot of freedom for us yet I see it in their religion yet for some reason they don't want to focus on it that's a great article written by I cannot remember the author Schumacher Schumach how did I get that Blacksmith isn't even close to Schumache no there you are it's called it's actually called what the church must learn from AA exactly that is really a good one to open your eyes and what he brings up is that the church doesn't require humility on their part it doesn't require you know, the tough regiment that he sees AA members taking on what's interesting is Scott Peck in a different drama talks about the growth of the community and that early Christians used to have public confessions, which is what you're talking about. And early Christianity really grew because of that. Because of the communities it was created by everybody being broken. And how AA is very similar to that in the sharing of our brokenness and meetings. So just to validate that point. I don't necessarily want to focus on this one religion or whatever, but But, you know, it's interesting how the essence of our program really isn't new. It's pretty much scattered throughout. It's just that somehow he was able to boil it down in a way that has a logical step-by-step procedure that brings about a logical collusion and when it works to the best of your ability, it pretty much always works. Not necessarily... You know, I don't want to create guarantees, but, you Know, it is just interesting how... You know, I've never seen anybody that was doing all of this go back to drinking. But I've seen people that were only doing some of it that went back. And, you know, since the 12 steps are used for so many fellowships now, there's something a whole lot more than just even just for alcohol because there's a whole bunch of things we can apply it to. So he really did touch upon something. Okay, page 28, and we're going to wrap it up with the next page and a half. Here is a terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself where he had the extraordinary experience which, as we have already told you, made him a free man. We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. Am I doing that? Is that how I'm taking out all synonymous? Is that how I am working the 12 steps? What seemed at first a flimsy read has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or if you prefer a design for living that really works. The distinguished American psychologist William James, in his book, Varieties of Religious Experience, indicates a multitude of ways in which men have discovered God. We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired. That's another way of saying we have no monopoly on God. If what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed or color, are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremonies. There is no friction among us over such matters. we think it no concern of ours what religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals this should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations or his present choice not all of us join religious bodies but most of us favor such memberships in the following chapter there appears an explanation of alcoholism as we understand it. Then a chapter addressed to the agnostic. Many who once were in this class are now among our members. Surprisingly enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience. Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we have recovered. And notice there he says clear- cut directions. On Roman numeral 8, he said precisely how we're going to recover is the main purpose of this book then on 20 he said specifically and now on 29 he says clear cut directions and these are followed by 43 personal experiences each individual in his personal stories describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has actually happened in their lives. And with that, in personal stories, from their own language or from their point of view, the way they establish their relationship with God, he says it again on page 50. The second paragraph, he say, In our personal stories you will find a wide variation in the way each teller approaches and conceives of the power which is greater than himself. So that's another thing I try to suggest to people that I work with is not only use the Bill Wilson theory of, you know, his story is half about what it was like and half about what happened and what it's like now, to also try to include the way that you establish your relationship with God. Because this is saying that the stories in the back are exactly there for that reason. And if you were ever to read first edition stories, you would see very obviously that those stories are there and they're talking about their relationship with their higher power. the stories over the years have changed and some don't even mention God at all so this reference here is sort of a little bit different now but in seeing that originally the stories were purposely put there for that reason I always like suggesting to people that you also include that part when you tell your story because we all know how to drink we all knows what the problem is after it's defined quickly but seeking the solution and how you experience it and how you see it is part of carrying the message of recovery and carrying the message of hope. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women desperately in need will see these pages and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing. And with that, we will open up the rest of the meeting for discussion. Before we do that, we're probably going to try to cover the next chapter more about alcoholism in its entirety next week. So if you could just give that a read-through and we'll do that next week Thanks for letting us share.