The Choice Between an Alcoholic Death and a Spiritual Basis – Polly P.

About This Speaker Tape

A kitchen floor, a spilled drink, and a thirteen-year-old son stepping over his passed-out mother to pour a bowl of cereal. This was the baseline for Polly P. and her children. As a military wife, Polly lived in a chaotic blur of barbiturates and tranquilizers, often slipping into a stupor that looked like death. Her sons grew up in a house where the father was absent flying B-52s and the mother was either raging or unconscious. Polly doesn't sugarcoat the wreckage; she identifies herself plainly as a child abuser who left her kids to raise themselves.

Even early sobriety was a minefield of spiritual pride and sexual acting out. Polly describes her first few years as a "torrid sex novel," where she was more in love with the rooms of AA than she was with her own family. It took a blunt sponsor and a Higher Power to force her to face the guilt. Together with her son James, she explores the paradox of the "family afterward," where forgiveness isn't a Hallmark card but a grueling proce...

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Timestamps

• 0:00 Polly P. and James L. introduce their joint talk focusing on the 'Family Afterward' chapter of the Big Book.
• 2:15 James L. describes the childhood scene of stepping over his passed-out mother to eat breakfast.
• 6:40 Polly P. admits to being a child abuser and discusses the neglect her sons faced.
• 11:20 James L. discusses the 'neurotic' effect of living with an alcoholic and his reaction to his mother's reality.
• 16:10 Polly P. describes her early sobriety struggles, including suicide attempts and sexual acting out in the rooms.
• 21:45 Polly P. discusses the 'spiritual pride' of forcing her family into AA meetings every Sunday.
• 25:30 James L. recounts his first non-drug induced spiritual experience at a Texas Alateen Convention.
• 32:10 Laughter: Polly P. and James L. joke about the 'horrors' of the past, including passing out on Christmas Eve.
• 36:40 James L. explains his process of using Steps 4 through 9 to maintain his relationship with his mother.
• 42:15 Polly P. describes the specific amends process directed by her sponsor to address her children's anger.
• 48:50 Polly P. shares the miracle of her son James L. trusting her with his own children.
• 54:10 James L. shares a final reflection on his relationship with his father and the lack of deathbed regrets.