The Buzz of Being Comfortable Being Earl – Earl H.

About This Speaker Tape

A boarding school at twelve years old became the launchpad for a sixteen-year descent into a chemical blur of red wine pills and needles. Earl H. describes a life spent as a 'frightened little animal,' using every available substance to kill the terror of existing.

The wreckage peaks with a plane crash in Mexico that killed his parents and sister leaving him with a fractured skull and a deep jagged survivor's guilt. After years of living as a 'maniac teenage drug addict' and a drug dealer in Northern California he hit a wall of physical and spiritual annihilation. He entered AA as a 'mad dog,' terrified that the truth of his actions would get him kicked out.

Through the guidance of sponsors like Donald M. and Al S. he moved from the 'Thorazine Shuffle' of mental institutions to a state of grace eventually finding a dignity in his own gray hair that he never thought he'd live to see.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Earl H. opens by thanking Stephen G. and Sue, and acknowledging friends in the room.
• 4:15 Early childhood: Being sent to boarding school at 12 and the first experience with a joint and 'Mad Dog' wine.
• 10:30 The 'reliable' nature of alcohol: How he used booze to balance out other drugs.
• 15:45 The 'Thorazine Shuffle': Stories of escaping mental institutions as a teenager.
• 22:10 The plane crash in Mexico and the loss of his mother and sister, Kimberly.
• 31:00 Hitting bottom: The physical collapse and the decision to enter AA to avoid death.
• 36:20 First meetings: Sitting in the back as a 'mad dog' and the encounter with Vegas M.
• 44:10 The influence of his sponsor, Donald M., and the importance of trust in early sobriety.
• 52:00 Detailed breakdown of the 12 Steps and how they address the 'obsession of the mind'.
• 58:30 Laughter: A comedic reenactment of a newcomer's confusion and anxiety during a meeting.
• 1:05:00 Reflections on aging and the 'victory' of having gray hair.