The Board of Directors of Teresa Incorporated – Theresa F.

Hi, everyone. My name is Teresa. I'm an alcoholic. Grateful to be here. Grateful to be sober because of a loving God. Hi, everybody. That's a lot of people. Oh, Lord. I didn't expect this in like Appalachia, Tennessee. What? Anyway. Anyway. I want to thank the committee. Thank you. for inviting me. It's good to see some faces, people that I've been seeing on Zoom, folks that I haven't seen in a while, me. Good to see all of you. I'm always nervous, uncomfortable. This is awkward. That's always my disclaimer. Also, I'm going to watch the time. I also have my other disclaimer today. I'll be looking at my watch, not because I'm answering calls. I was just telling you, my mother passed away, some people know recently, and I didn't know this was true. I thought it was a metaphor, but I have broken heart syndrome. Not that I want to scare anyone, but my doctors are scaring me that any moment I can have a heart attack, so I hope that don't happen while I'm up here. I keep thinking that's just mom wanting me to get back over there with her. But yeah, so my watch tells me to calm down and my blood pressure goes really, really high. I got to chill. Like my sponsor says, we on the nose, breast, and stress. My sobriety date is March 29, 1990. I got a birthday coming up one day at a time. Need to stay sober to the 29th. I don't know. We got to see what happens. 33 plus years. I want to welcome anybody who's new. Welcome home. It's been exciting. I'm sorry I missed you all. I took a minute for me to get out here today. I'm also a student, and I had classes, and I couldn't leave, and my professor made that very clear. If you miss my class, you will fail. Guess I'm not going anywhere. So I get to share with you on steps six and seven. Let's see how we... You know, lately, sometimes when I get into the steps, I feel like I don't do enough justice. There's so much there that I have to pack in a short period of time. But by now, I would think that we've done our fifth step, this approach, and shared it with someone. Let's see where we go with this. I refer to... First of all, let's see. Let's just see where do we go? My heart is pounding out my chest. Let me calm down. I'm just so nervous. So many people. Okay. Now that I've had an opportunity to take a look at how I've been driven by self, you know, it amazed me when I did inventory. I really did not know that. And I'm grateful that this process wasn't about shaming me. it showed me this is the language that i heard i heard your resentments are understandable fancy or real your fears are understandable they originated from somewhere that's not the issue the issue is how you go about solving them that is really the issue and i need you to see that all the tools you've been working with is now working. And by now, I've seen that whether we use language like selfish, self-centered, self seeking, judgmental, dishonest, that I saw that they didn't necessarily help me to arrive in the place that I needed to be. My objective, the idea that I need to be able to problem solve this situation, I utilized these tools. I didn't, I wasn't out to hurt people. I'm not malicious. I've not even ill-willed. I've been driven by self. Those were the only tools that I had. I would say I was raised on the very character defects you've asked me to remove. I don't even know how it has survived. But it's interesting that I take a look after sitting with my sponsor and exposing the wrongs that I've discovered, that now I come up with this list. And this is what I find interesting about this list of character defects. I always describe it like The Avengers, and that's because I hang out with my nephews since they were babies, and I've been to a lot of their, you know, those movies, The Avengers or whatever, the marble, and all that kind of stuff. And every time we leave the theater, I'm always asking them, who's going to clean up the town? And they have sequels of this. It's probably the Al-Anons, right? The Al-Ans clean up a town. Drunks come back and mess it up. But really, when I looked at those shows, I can see how my defects of character played a role in defending me and protecting me. Just like in those shows there's a villain in town and they call on these superheroes, the one where it's Thor with the hammer and what Hulk when he gets mad and Homeboy with the eyes that, I don't know, they do things. And they come into town to destroy the villain. But in doing so, they demolish, like, bridges and buildings and cars. Like, they mess things up. You understand? They tear everything up. And then in the end, everybody is grateful, but then they leave. And I'm like, get Hulk to put back the bridge. Nobody trips out on that? I think maybe only I leave the theater like that. And I relate that to my defects of character. I believe that there's a villain in town, and I call upon my superheroes, instead of being called Thor or whatever, I call them selfish, self-centered, self seeking, judgmental, self righteous, dishonest, to get rid of it, to problem solve. But unfortunately what I discovered is that it tears up the town. And it destroys everything within reach. And the villain still comes back. And I never really seem to solve the issue. And that's what I discovered in four and sharing it with my sponsor in five. And so what do I do with this behavior or these defective characters? Everything that I learned was that these are my basic living instincts that are threatened. and I turn to them that's the only thing I know but I see that it hasn't been effective I always refer to I'm very visual so I look at shows like Tabitha Takeover the restaurant guy that takes over I build businesses so I can kind of get that idea what you got to do in a business and if you look at the owner they get upset, they have different defects of character that are causing harm in that business, even the owner themselves. The owner is blaming all of the staff, but they have poor management. And they have to be willing to see that and say that is no longer effective for my business to be successful. And the longer I stay insistent on using these tools or this behavior, I'm only going to have a business that fails. And that's what I saw in my defects of character. It's not working. Lately, it's been interesting. I've been saying this for years. I got to quit playing God. It don't work. Our literature says you got to quick playing God, it don't worth. I could see that I've being playing God and it don' t work. And lately, I've be like have I been playing God? What God have I been playing? Maybe I got a lot of time on my hands. What God is it that's manipulative, judgmental, self-righteous, cons people, manipulate? I've been playing the wrong God, even that I got wrong. Isn't that a trick? All this time I'm playing God. What God? God don't even do that. Maybe in the first Testament, maybe. I'm stuck on the first testament God. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to be that God that floods everybody and burns you into a pillow of salt or something. If you look back, you know? But I haven't even been playing God. Not the one that I've come to understand here that is loving and tolerant and compassionate and considerate, that is all-centered, other-centered. I've been paying a false god, and I've been turning to false gods to play a false god. That's the truth. It's not working. I can't stay sober that way. I have family members that still live within that and they're doing just fine. My cousin called me yesterday. My family still cracks me up. But he called me yesterday and he was like, Terry, this is really serious. I need to talk you. Are you focused? Yes, I'm focused. He's like, I want to make a deal with you. Would you be willing to stop smoking cigarettes if I agree to stop smoking crack? Oh, man. Those negotiations we used to do, right? I was like I don't know man I'm willing but I don' t know I'm more worried about you not being able to pull that off you know what I'm saying you're going to mess up my cigarette smoking and you won't be able to stop smoking crack it was funny he was like no no but he was messing with me he's one of those he's always put the drugs on the street but he never did them And then I said, but wait, let's talk about you smoking. When did that happen? He was like, I never smoked. I just want you to stop smoking cigarettes. And I was like because you're going to need treatment. Anyway, they cracked me up. Coming up with these negotiating tools that I thought I can live life, I can manage life well, I can get things the way I believed they were supposed to be, how it was supposed to being. And when I discovered that it was just this perpetual insanity that never arrived anywhere. And the evidence is there. I have statistics in my class. I got all these, you know, classes, sociology, psychology, right? It's about what's the hypothesis? Anyway, I have a class all in my head. But it's kind of like, you don't even know what's The Theory here. How many times am I going to come up with all these ideas on how I can manage life well, but yet I look at all the evidence time and time again, and it tells me that I haven't been able to do it. So I have this list. And I remember my sponsor first wrote them out because I didn't see most of them. But then what's interesting, it tells you, are you entirely ready? That's a key word in there, entirely. That means absolutely, completely. You want to hold on to some of them? Do you think some of the words still work? It's interesting that I get to this place in six where I'm like, absolutely, I'm entirely ready. You know why? Because it don't look cute. I don't like the way that looks. I'm selfish, dishonest, yucky, ooh. Oh no, no,no,no. We cannot be seen that way. yes absolutely i always say how do i actually become entirely ready i don't know about you but it seems that when i've recognized that list and i've seen i've really really seen the manifestations of them and the damage for some reason they get more magnified they become 3d has that happened to anybody all of a sudden when i you know what i mean well i could see them I'm like, ooh, I'm being selfish. What? Look at me. Girl, you just lied. You just straight out lied unnecessarily. Did you just manipulate them? It becomes 3D and I think it helps me. There's this gift that we receive around here I believe is the gift of awareness. And I begin to see, I was telling someone the other day, I think, if anything, throughout the time in my sobriety and the work is I've gained awareness and not so judgmental about it all. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, there it goes again. Doing one of those. And so I just don't, it's almost like I get sick of me. I don't want anything to do with that anymore. It's not appealing. It' s not helpful. And then you carry me into seven. I find these two steps interesting. I say I'm entirely ready and I have my list. And they're all objectionable. And I don't want to be that, and I don' t want to do that. And now I'm willing for this God to get rid of it. And the answer to six is in seven. And then I go into seven, what happened to my list? Anybody know what happens to the list? Where did the list go? In seven it says I humbly ask. And what's in the prayer? Take all of me, good and bad. What happened to my list? What happened to my list is almost like I was doing a ceremony. It's a religious ceremony. And my, I go into meditation and silence for three or four days. I think it was three or Four days. And My dad told me that in this ceremony, I'm going to enter this threshold and they're going to ask me what I want. And I have to tell them all the things I want of this new whatever. And so I spent three days in silence really contemplating on all the things I want and I get to this door and I knock and they say, what do you want? And I pull out my paper and my dad snatches it from me. I'm like, daddy, I didn't memorize it. I like pages front and back. And he says, you only get to ask for good health because without good health, it doesn't matter what's on these pages. And that's how I feel seven is. I become humbled and the definition of humility is recognizing my flaws. I recognize that I am flawed, that the greatest, uh, what do you call elevation that I can ever arrive that as a human being. I'm just a human being and I make mistakes and I don't have all the answers and I don't know what's best. And that humbles me. And I go, my creator. All of a sudden he's creating. I don' t know if you're new but here we invite you to find a higher power of your own understanding. Whatever you choose to describe it or want it to be. But it's interesting that throughout the journey of our literature, it begins to give me an understanding of a higher power. I just always found that interesting. You say, find a higher power of your own understanding. But he is all-powerful. He's infinite. He is the Father. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, hey, that's an understanding. Now you're the creator. and I'm saying take all of me every bit of me I don't know what's best for me I am out of the management business I am no longer the CEO of Teresa Incorporated my business has failed new board of directors we got rid of all the board of directores do you know that I was in every seat in the board or directors y'all weren't doing that I was the treasurer, and then I'm the secretary, and then the fundraiser. The one that was tired. I need a new board of directors. Man, take all of me. Wow. And let me tell you, the journey I've been with these defects of character, I've done a lot of things. I've always been a caregiver. Most of my perpetrators, my abusers, unconditional love, my daddy. I have stretched my spiritual muscles. To be a caregiver and watching people with chronic illnesses, completely powerless over what is happening to them, and it doesn't matter just like alcoholism, it doesn'T matter how much you love them, it will not change that. and then when i look at seven there are times because i it i was telling someone this just the other day it doesn't get rid of my selfishness completely do you know that there's times i actually need to be selfish but i need this power to help me decide when to use certain things. I'm selfish with my recovery. It's mine. That's the one thing I have that you can't take away. I've had a lot of things taken away from me without my permission, but you canít take my sobriety away from you. Thatís the one thing I have, that I need to keep, and I give it away. Is that a little selfish? isn't that selfish I remember I was at the hospital with my mother and the nurse the director says to me because a lot was going on and she says tome I need to ask you a favor can you please be patient with us no no I cannot it is an unreasonable demand that is my mother who was dying in that room no, no I cannot I'm going to need you to muster that up for the both of us now was I to say God get rid of my, you know what I mean I'm being selfish, I should be patient what are you talking about I have but this much energy you know I mean to make decisions for my mother patience be patient with me please so she was like fair deal I'll tell you what if anything goes wrong can you just come and see me great I can do that when my brother is dying and I gotta make a decision on what to do take him off the machine don't resuscitate and I go can you give me a minute and I go in that little room for the family or the chapel and I'm in there and I am doing inventory that is my only brother my older brother, I got no other siblings give me a minute of course I am being selfish but I don't know what to use here I don' t know what do here so I have to tap into a source of power to give me guidance Give me direction. Tell me what to use, what not to use. How to speak. Do you know what I'm saying? How do I make decisions that is not solely based on self? I think about my brother was a... We were living in seminary and he was studying to be a Lutheran pastor. And one of the pastors told me that what they believe... It reminded me of AA so much. She says, what we believe is that most people are always trying to acquire the love of God or prove their love to God. I believe that that's given and that our objection in life is to love God's children. I like that. And so everything that I'm asking in 6-7, right? Remove whatever keeps me from helping God's child. How am I useful? How am I purposeful? How do I get rid of the villain? There are villains in town, folks. How do we get rid of the villain without me tearing up the town? How do I tap into a source of power to meet that objective if necessary? Or how do I accept that the villain ain't going nowhere? Help me to discern. It's critical thinking. It' s discernment. I lost that. I don't have that. I couldn't differentiate the true from the false. Stretch my spiritual muscles, stretch my spiritual muscles. I always believed that that was mommy's objective. I thought that was her soul contract. Most of the time, mommy would look at me like, you're not that spiritual, watch this. And I'd be like, You know what? You're right. I'm not. You won. You got me. how do you get rid of complete selfishness so many examples that I have God, I don't know you decide what we have to do my mother's always made unreasonable demands on me and one of the most difficult ones that she gave me was that I was to leave her a life support for the rest of my life whoa oh God get rid of selfishness how was I supposed to do that that was tough y'all pray or meditate God what do you want me to do they ain't no life insurance she don't got money I don't have a mansion how am I supposed to accomplish that and what does my life look like do I need to be selfish here do I needs to be inconsiderate you understand what I'm saying I don't know and that's why I become humbled will God utilize any of those to help me in this situation to make a decision am I doing it just for self What is the best for my mom? What's the best for me? I remember I called my friend and I was like, I don't know what to do. I gotta fight for her. I gotta keep her there. I Gotta do this. And she was like the one thing you need to do right now is pray how you want your mother to die. God take everything. Good and bad. What will you have me be? What will You have me do? You tell me. You tell Me. If I have to fight, I fight. I did the same thing with my brother. Tony They told me, do not resuscitate. A doctor got on his knees and said, please don't make me do it again. I want to talk to my brother. You tell me what to do. God, you tell me What to do? If I need to fight, I'll fight. If I let go, I let Go. Do you know what I'm saying? That's what the seventh step says. I look at how defects of character has stand in the way. the problems it has caused when I relied on me, depended on me turned to me counseled with me and now you're telling me I got a new sheriff in town. I need to seek counsel and direction and guidance and I may not like it all the time and it's uncomfortable and it is awkward but I realize through all the work that I've done so far that I don't know what's best. Show me guide me I'm driven by fear. I was just talking to my nephews. My nephews have been doing inventory more than my sponsees. And just last night we were talking about all these fears. He got this illness and he was freaking out. And I was like, let's do a fear inventory. can we see how much it runs through the fabric of our life that every decision I make is based on fear it's not even based on the situation that's happening it's based on all other situations of the past I need God's help I need a power greater than me like electricity to give me the power of choice to make the best decisions and I've had to make them, y'all. I've been a caregiver since 2004, 2005. Stretch my spiritual muscles to care for one is to give up self. To do things I don't want to do. But I've heard I've asked permission. I've said, I've got to ask God for guidance. When do I take care of me? I love when people use terms like oh, I gotta set boundaries or you know you gotta put the mask on yourself first before you put it on somebody else okay, that happens when you're descending quickly from a plane that doesn't apply the plane has crashed we're done the mask is broken we finished that that's over I'm carrying them with broken legs through the desert trying to find the oasis we're down we're gone with that no more masks the mask is over said I'm going to write a book that says mask, what mask and so to take time out for self you have to take some time take time off for self you got to take timel for self isn't that playing God you got set boundaries isn't it playing God I need to ask Remove everything from me. I don't know. I don' t know. If I'm okay in here, and I fine-tune that radio, and I build intuition, intuitive thought, inspiration, God will give me a brain to use. Sanity will return. And now I have a different GPS. I follow the coordinates and all of a sudden I watch myself go I'm unable to do that I remember with my uncle I kept asking people how do you honor a dying man's wish when all of his wishes cause you harm God just take everything away from me what do I do my uncle was rough another one alcoholics boy They were alcoholics. And then finally, all of a sudden, what came out of my mouth was, you're going to die bitter and alone, and it is not my fault. I want my name taken off of everything. I am no longer responsible for you. And people are like, now? On his deathbed? Yes, that's what came to me. it came to me do you understand what I'm saying I didn't go I'm going to set a boundary no that's not what I see 6 and 7 I can see that I'm running things it's not working ok take it off tell me what to do give me guidance if I cause harm there's another step the answer to 7 is in 8 and what I really experience things being removed is in 9 what is spiritual experience my brother is suicidal before he even was dying my brother was suicidal and i showed up and i was fighting with him you cannot die you shouldn't die you're not going to take your life not on my watch buddy and he loves star wars right and i'm like you're you're luke you're dark vader i'm luke skywalker and and we're calling daddy who's yoda and we get daddy on the phone and daddy, he doesn't do Catholic prayers or Lutheran prayers but he's trying to, I don't know support my brother and he goes let's pray and my dad's like our father who eats bread in the sky and he's just messing up that whole prayer he's messing up the whole prayer and my brother's getting more and more pissed mental resistance mental resistance And finally he looks at me and he goes, let me ask you a question. Yes, Tony. Why are you here? Because I love you and I care. Are you here because of self-will or God's will? Good question. Let me ask myself that. You know what? I've been running on self-willed. You know how? You know I can answer that? I've being completely selfish. I don't even know why you should live or die. I just want you to die for me. I haven't taken into consideration what you should and should not do. I just wants you to be here for me! That's what I want. I'm self-seeking. I need my older brother in my life to give me guidance, to teach me, to support me, to be a father to his children. And I'm dishonest because I'm saying you have every reason to live. What do I know? what reasons you have to live. Who am I to say these are the reasons? I don't know your reasons and even not want to live, let alone tell you why you should live. And I'm afraid. I'm afraid you're going to die on my watch. I am afraid that I'm going to have to watch these boys look at me for the rest of their lives thinking I could have stopped you. I terrified. And because I can say yes to all those things, I am running on self. And he was like, and that's why you can't help me. But the good news is, Tony, you asked me and now I get to ask this power to do with me however this power needs to remove whatever needs to be removed so I can be useful to you. Give me a minute. I said, what can I do for you? I need you to do what I asked you to do. Make sure that my children get to school on time and leave me alone. No problem. Am I selfish? I don't want him to die. He ended up going to see a pastor, talking to him. I had to speak in Mayflower, at the Mayflower something in, I don' know, Canada or something. And I went, I got the boys to school, went home, packed the bag, got on a plane and went to be of service. These are, you know what I mean? These are examples that I'm trying to give you of where I've had to surrender these things. I have to live this. I can't just put a list on paper. They become 3D. I have the ability to live it. I have been able to live it and be in it. And then there have been times where I did it anyway and then it just didn't turn out so well. I've hurt feelings. People got offended. Do you know what I'm saying? And then I remembered something when my nephew was suicidal after my brother died. And I remembered that moment with my brother. You know what I'm saying? I didn't want to spend all that time and after we did the 51-50 and I had to come back for visitation I called my grand sponsor and said, I got a half hour. I'm about to go in the house do an inventory I need to do a fifth because I got to clean house before I walk back up in there. How can I be of service here without being in collision with something or somebody? And the only way I know how to do that is to clean house. So I can show up there for my nephew and be, how can I be of surface to you? Not how can i impose what I think you should do in your life. But do I want them to live? Absolutely. Is that taken completely away from me? No. Sometimes it's the drive, believe it or not, the selfishness of the desire to want them to live is the drive that propels me to clean house. Isn't that something? Do you know what I'm saying? It's what propels me to a clean house I love you that much, I need a clean house I want you so much, I need to clean house so I don't mess it up. I have a disease that is centered in my thinking. My disease takes advantage of real-life situations. I've been saying lately my disease is like pulling up with a 65-inch television, a remote control, 3D glasses, one of those big old gaming chairs, and I'm the avatar. and I need the grace of God to come in and pull the plug get me out you know what I'm saying and immediately my what we call defects of character want to say how my life is terrible everything is horrible what's the point of living there's no reason leave me alone they told me about you stinking thinking shut up you're not useful you're not proactive clean house, trust in God be of service, clean house trust in god, be of service that's the brainwashing they did and then I've watched something happen I watch me make different choices and decisions the answer to seven is an eight I love the rhythm of the steps the answer to each one is in the very next one I like good orderly direction I love the simplicity of this program if you knew I learned to put down the drink and I picked up the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous I got no in between how do I live these to the best of my ability thank God we're not all crazy on the same day So today my spiritual muscles continue to be stretched. The only answer is to get out of self. There's another thing I want to share. There's a lot of stuff that's been coming to me. Mommy's death has really brought some stuff up for me. Mommy's a huge part of my story. I was telling her before Mommy died, I kept saying, who will I blame for my misery? anybody who doesn't know my mother died with 38 years she's 4 years more than me of sobriety and I remember one time her and I went to share together it was a 10 minute and she was the main speaker and I got up and I said my name's Cerise, I'm an alcoholic. And when you get done listening to her, you'll know why I'm here. And I sat down. My mother was a mess. Talk about defects of character. I always said my mother did stretch my spiritual muscles and show me defects of characters that weren't resolved with a rose all the time. I saw that as an opportunity to grow around her. And I really believe that when she passed away, my cousin said it looked like I told her a bedtime story as she passed way. But I do believe that where mommy finally left, it was like poltergeist. This house is clean. Ha ha ha! I swear. Because I was always cleaning house around her, you know what I'm saying? Like, oh boy, mommy, man, wow. I used to be like, oh. I remember one time I was like, can somebody pray for me for a change? I do it all the time. Perhaps I'm spiritually sick. Have you ever considered that? Oh, Lord. And so today I just... I'm still cleaning house. A lot of new things have come up. I've been saying it feels like I've been in a tsunami for many years, fighting, holding on to everything we can to stay above water. I've lost some along the way and now everybody's dead and I've reached the shore the water has receded and there's nothing but broken rubble everywhere and I'm looking at all these pieces and going okay God, now what? i continue to clean house and just recently i again i looked at what's coming up for me a lot of things are hidden sometimes more and more will be revealed we never arrive i never finally get to that place and it's interesting recently in some writing i realized all this stretching of my spiritual muscles and my willingness to clean house and trust in God and be in service in particular with my family was hoping that we would heal and be healthy and learn how to have a loving relationship and I get to be a daughter and a sister. You know what I mean? And then they died. I wanted to experience that. Like I see most of you do. But instead our soul contract ended. I'm not worried about where they are, so if somebody don't tell me please that they're in a better place, I'm no worry that they are in a bad place. I'm left here and I'm jealous. I'm grateful for what Alcoholics Anonymous has done for me. you've taken away this elixir you've given me the solution to take away from this puppet master that I came here with didn't know how to cut the strings this thing called alcoholism that had me engulfed tied up in the insanity of living this way of life that I thought made sense but yet it didn't make any sense and by the grace of God you gave me tools designed for living and living just might not be so bad and all I got to contribute is the surrender of self I'm willing to do it I don't fight it, I don' t judge it bring it on I do the uncomfortable until it becomes comfortable I don''t remember any of the 12 steps I was told that they were easy, easy breezy, beautiful cover girl. So, I hope that that, I always feel like again, you guys are going to miss like the most important share ever and that's the one I'm going to have with myself in the room tonight. About what I didn't tell you on six and seven. It's going to keep me up all night. I'm like, damn it, I should have talked about that. I'm going through it. But anyway, I'm here. I remain willing. There was a couple things I wanted to mention that came to me. I've been hearing without my permission, without my permission, I believe that you guys introduced me to a power that needs my permission. And I've had a lot of higher powers that's taken a lot of things from me without my permission but I really fell in love with the power that you discovered because it needed your permission on three and without you making that decision on three this power can't do nothing for me. I fell in Love with that power that needs my permission to say take this away please Until I do that, it will not. I love this power. I'm willing to surrender everything and anything because this power, to me, is legit. I love the woman that I've become. I'm excited to see what my life will bring. I don't know what it's going to look like. I'm not quite sure what I am and who I am right now. But there's one thing that I'm always sure of, is that I am an alcoholic. Highlight, highlight, underline, underlines. That's the mission. And since I can't figure nothing else out, what I can do is I could treat my alcoholism. And somehow that empowers me. And so I thank you all for loving me. You've done a 12-step call on me. I hate being so broken. You know what I mean? Ugh! I do. It's like, ugh! Let me do this by myself. that's why I'm like there's too many people I want to thank you all for doing a 12 step call on me I look forward to I'll listen to the audio of the previous and I hope whoever is coming next please clean up anything I didn't quite get if nobody told you they love you today Yeah, that's you. I know it's you, you're going to clean that up, I know. If nobody told you they love you today, I truly, truly do. I want to thank you for allowing the God in you to help discover the God and me so that I can do the same for others. I'm going to keep coming back and continue to clean house, trust in God and be of service. Thank you. Hi, I'm Ellen again, Griggs Ball Alcoholic.