The Big Book Meeting That Was Taboo in Richmond – Valerie D.

About This Speaker Tape

Florida, 1982. A fifteen-year-old girl is labeled "ungovernable" by the state, drifting through juvenile detention centers and psychiatric wards. Valerie D. describes herself as a "neighborhood pariah" and a "habitual chronic liar" who viewed the first drink as absolute magic—a spiritual awakening that filled the hole in her gut. She recalls the grit of early AA: stealing keys to the clubhouse to host parties and using a coat hanger to fish money out of coke machines for drinking funds.

Even sober, she lived a "very ugly life," becoming a "Big Book Nazi" who went to war with anyone who questioned her. She recounts a psychic shitstorm in a Richmond meeting where she screamed at a newcomer, only to realize she was terrified of being wrong. Through the guidance of a "mad dog" sponsor and a Higher Power, Valerie stopped trying to steal other people's experience and learned to stop fighting.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and lighthearted banter about spending too much money at the Taj Mahal.
• 4:30 Childhood trauma: Growing up in a violent home with an alcoholic father.
• 10:15 Early drinking and the 'magic' of alcohol at age 14.
• 16:40 The 'AA Clubhouse' thief: Stealing money from the coke machine with a hanger.
• 25:10 The 'sheep experiment' in Atlanta and the dangers of being a 'sheep drunk'.
• 34:20 Laughter: Discussing the 'psychic shitstorm' and the struggle with suicidal depression.
• 42:15 The 'Big Book Nazi' incident: A loud, cussing confrontation in a closed meeting.
• 55:30 The encounter with Camille F. and the demand for rigorous adherence to the Big Book.
• 1:10:15 Discussion on the 'Doctor's Opinion' and the physical allergy of alcoholism.
• 1:22:40 The 'altruistic plane': Reflections on service and the 'Jaywalkers' home group.